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Post by sunflower2007 on Oct 8, 2007 10:25:44 GMT
Thanks Winegirl. I hope there are more lovely days like that on the horizon too.
Busy day today. Boiler not working properly so am having to find a plumber who are like gold dust! £67.50 for 1/2 hr plus VAT and minimum charge is 90min call out. So tht'll be about £240 before he lays a hand on the boiler! Phew! I wish I could earn £180 and hour!Think I will give up the day job.
Relate phoned, have an appointment for Sunday 21st October at 3pm, and we can bring baby to this counseller. The other one wouldn't take us if we brought the baby. So that's £45 for an hours session.
Need to go to the post office now and post some leters. This postal strike is so confusing.
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Post by winegirl on Oct 8, 2007 11:31:22 GMT
Hi Sunflower
Well keeping busy helps a bit i think. Sorry about your boiler, makes me want to retrain as a plumber!
I hope the counselling goes well for you, great that you can take your baby, I am not allowed to take bambino to me appts with mental health lady which is a bit of a problem considering i have noone else to look after her! These people should offer a creche service!
Hope today goes well for you x
Winegirl x
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Post by sunflower2007 on Oct 8, 2007 21:41:25 GMT
Boiler guy came and I was right about the pressure. But the boiler has been incorrectly installed and is too small for the size of house to cope with the hot water demand. A common problem in new houses, he told us. Only cost £44 in the end I think they were here for 20mins! Well they are on a promise to come back and make the pipe safe so it is not dripping water down the outside of the house. I must check our insurance and NHBC guarantee. The old lady didn't leave us anything but I imagine the house has been registered by Bellway.
Baby's bag ready for the morning. My clothes all clean and ready for work. Hubby on 12 hour shift tomorrow 0700-1900 so I will drop off and pick up baby. I think I am organised. I didn't manage to wash the outside windows, clean the bathroom or wash the floors but I can try and do those chores through the week.
Baby still not eating or drinking as much, has a runny nose. That is 3 days now. Sicked up all his dinner tonight. And his stools are a wee bit runny. He has a bit of a cough and a rash on his back. But it disappears when I press it. Will see how he is in the morning. I think he has a virus, nothing too serious, he is still alert and active. I will tell the nursery and they can decide if they will take him or not.
I have a funny discomfort in my chest and throat. Feels like one of my tablets is stuck and anything I swallow cant get past it. Maybe I am coming down with baby's cold. Hubby said I am being a typical first time mother. Reading the nursery ailments page and seeing my baby's symptoms on it. But he wasn't having a go at me. He has just come up to check on me writing this.
Need to go to bed I have an early start in the morning, hope I can get up. I have been finding it harder as the mornings are darker. Sort of looking forward to work tomorrow. Will be good to get into a routine.
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Post by winegirl on Oct 9, 2007 7:39:41 GMT
Hi Sunflower
I hope work goes ok for you today. It does sound like your baby has a bit of a virus, por thing. Hope he is better really soon.
Let us know how you get on at work hun thinking of you x
Winegirl x
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Post by monica on Oct 9, 2007 15:28:28 GMT
Hi
Hope your baby is feeling better and you too! You sound so organised - you must give me some tips! Stuff the floors etc - they willg et done in the end.
I've noticed it's becoming harder for me to get up in the mornings now autumn is here. I also do some nightshifts andit's harder going to work as my body it saying 'bed time'. Roll on spring!
Monica
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Post by sunflower2007 on Oct 9, 2007 22:20:44 GMT
Definitely roll on spring! I am not a Summer, winter or Autumn person. I used to like winter but as I get older the darkness seems to affect me more. Particularly as I have to drive about in it.
Feel tired tonight. Work OK. Loads of office politics to catch up on but I don't want to get too involved yet. My throat is sore talking and my forehead feels a bit tense.
Baby had a good full day at nursery, ate and drank everything I had put in his bag. Bag is ready tonight. Didn't get round to making soup and freezing it for his lunch in ice cube trays. Will do it tomorrow as I should get home earlier. Still have some sausage casserole I made on Sunday frozen in ice cube trays, he can have that for his lunch.
Feel sad today. Phoned mum in my lunch break, that's the first I have spoken to her since last Sunday the big family fight. It was not a good conversation. She said she is not going to set foot in my house again since I asked her to leave. She said I have made my bed so I must lie in it. She said that all she has been trying to do is make me see that my situation is a disaster and that in the 33 years she has known me I used to be so well balanced and accomplished and now four years with OH has turned me into a screaming maniac. She said he is hugely manipulative, and has cut me off from family and friends. She said he has me believing that everything is all my fault and that he will not change his drinking or smoking. She said that in this day and age I had options and should not put up with someone treating me or speaking to me the way he does. She said that while they were married Dad had never sworn at her the way he swears at me. She said that right from the beginning I had kept him at arms length away from her.
She said a lot more but I can't remember it all. I think she said things like she didn't see me and he had me 24 -7, and that she had never interfered, she wasn't getting a chance to be involved, and had had to hold her tongue so many times. That she had driven across country to help out and help me sort the house after moving in and had been asked to leave after the big fight. The reason I had told her was because OH and I had to talk things over, she couldn't understand why she had been asked to leave.
I tried to tell her how caught in the middle I feel, e.g. that she doesn't believe a word that comes out of my mouth is mine and not OH's opinion and he is the same in reverse. I tried to say that she and OH both made me feel inadequate and she had said many many hurtful personal things to me since the baby was born. particularly what is the point having babies if you miss their babyhood putting them in nursery. I tried to say that not everything in my marriage was bad, that there were good times. I said that the only way to prove her wrong would be through time.She asked me to tell her truthfully if he made me happy and I said yes. But I don't think she believed me.
Upshot is, although she said I was still welcome in her house, I said that if I was going to get such a torrent of emotional stress then I didn't feel I was able to come to her house anymore. That we should maybe just leave things just now and see how we go. She didn't say "I love you" as she hung up she only said "bye" and I said "bye" as well. I think I'll text her to say I love her cos I don't want that to be the last thing I said to her if anything happens. (superstition I know)
As I was driving home in the car, I remembered what the priest said. He said I could only do my best. I also remembered what my GP said a while ago that when you can't please anybody, then please yourself and let them deal with it.
I feel really sad about Mum, especially now that she seems so closed and against my OH. She sees what she wants to see, I feel it is my fault she has this opinion of him. I should have been more positive, less moaning, told her less of what goes on that she wouldn't approve of over the years. Maybe it is Mum I should be going to Relate with for counselling.
God I wish I could just take the baby away and live on a little croft in the middle of a remote island up north somewhere with no phone or contact with the outside world! But that is crazy talk. I know I can't run away from life's problems.
Finished now. Feel better that I have discharged all that negative energy out into the computer. I have found this diary a real help. The act of typing seems to clear my head.
It has not been a bad day today, just really emotionally tiring. A few weeks ago I would have been in bits for days after the conversation with Mum, now I feel more objective about it. Maybe I am getting better?
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Post by cheshire on Oct 9, 2007 23:14:00 GMT
Hi Sunflower,
I hate driving, let alone in the dark...you are braver than me!
I am so sorry that you feel so sad about the conversation wth your mum - I think marriage, birth etc, brings a huge change in dynamics to any immediate and extended family...do you mind me saying that? I am just empathising xx
I think your GP gave you good advice by the way - 2 & 1/2 years ago my GP told me and OH - but directed at me - if it's too much 'say no' (she then turned to OH to explain why...).
I hope talking here helps and that you don't mind me butting into your diary?
Hopefulx
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Post by sunflower2007 on Oct 10, 2007 19:14:23 GMT
Hi Hopeful, I dont mind anybody posting on my diary, I like it when people respond to what I have written. It makes me feel less alone.
Tired today. Had to get the car sorted, needs three new tyres and new brake pads. So I have to take it back tomorrow.
Went to the GP talked over my concerns about the meds. He is fine with me staying on 50mg but says that if the counselling and living life to the full website dont work then the medication can still be upped. I am determined that will be my last appointment for a long time and that I will not need any more prescriptions. It is going to be too expensive anyway, come January when my maternity certificate runs out for free prescriptions.
I AM going to get better. I AM going to maintain control of my body.
After the Doctors I had some spare time till I had to pick up baby from nursery, so I went to the holistic centre for a cup of tea and a slice of carrot cake and to read a book about the five languages of love that my sister sent me from Barcelona. Signed up for the African drumming workshop on Sunday morning £20 including lunch. Hubby is on call and his mum might be coming round so he might look after baby for me. If not they said its not a problem for the baby to sit in as long as he doesn't get upset at the noise.
Hubby phoned and said he was coming home from work early and was going to the pub. I didn't tell him I was on my way back from the GP. Dunno why I lied and said I was still at work. I think its because I felt I needed to keep something of myself to myself. On a deeply personal level.
I have told him that Mum won't be phoning or coming round and I wont be going through to hers for the time being. He was quite upset, said he wanted her to accept some responsibilty that she had been wrong and that this was not what he had wanted. He said all he wanted was some balance.
It makes me tired thinking about it, I have so much on at work and organising baby and the house. And I am enjoying doing these things, work , baby and the house. Actually, going to go swimming now. Probably finish this post later.
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Post by sunflower2007 on Oct 11, 2007 18:49:09 GMT
Really tired. Went swimming last night. Had the pool all to myself!
Slept in this morning though. Woke up at 0630! Got baby organised and took him to nursery. A lorry full of chickens overturned at 0400 this morning so traffic was chaos. So it took a bit longer to get into work.
Meeting with my boss went ok. I have to check in with her each week for another three weeks then fortnightly. Then it was meetings and patients. I travelled 63 business miles today. And the brakes on the car still haven't been fixed. But it is booked in tomorrow. I have to be at a wedding at 1.30pm! So I am getting a courtesy car for the weekend.
Feel shattered. was a really busy day, but good. It is nice to have people pleased to see me and take me seriously and listen to my opinion and act on it. A family member started off the meeting quite upset but by the end of it she was all smiles and we had made a decision and agreed what actions we all were going to take. Why can't I do that in my home life?
Baby is knackered too. Went to bed at 7pm. I think nursery is tiring him out!
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Post by cheshire on Oct 11, 2007 18:59:59 GMT
I sometimes dread being busy at work - but it does seem to help, if I get through it ok without feeling too ill Hope the wedding goes okx
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Post by monica on Oct 12, 2007 17:10:57 GMT
Hi
How was your day today? It' sounds as if you're settling into it well. What do you do if you don't mind me asking.
I'm sorry about the disagreement with your mum. It's so hard being caught in the middle. I used to be like that sometimes, my mum used to moan about bf and he'd moan about her and I felt damned if I did something one way and damneed if I did it the other. With regards to your mum's opinion about nursery, I guess it's a generational thing. In her day it was the woman's duty to stay at home. Nowadays women have other options and many want to work also have to.
Have a great time at the wedding.
Love
Monica
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Post by sunflower2007 on Oct 13, 2007 9:01:42 GMT
Thanks Monica How did you manage to get a balance with your mum and bf? I have always found it really difficult and I know I must be handling the situation wrong.
Relly busy day yesterday. Up early, had to drive to the garage and get the brakes fixed on the car it only took an hour so then baby and I went to the wedding.
It was fantastic. Really beautiful. There was a string quartet in the church.I felt really emotional watching my friend getting married. She looked absolutely beautiful.It brought a lot of memories back about my own really happy day. Baby was a wee star as usual. Everybody loved him. I met up with another old friend and met his new fiancee. They are hopefully going to come and see us in the new house. Which would be lovely. I really hope they come although you know what it is like when people have had a drink etc.I stayed for the first dance but by then it was 8.30pm and baby was really tired and so was I so I left. And felt good that I had done all I could manage and had made the quite huge effort and gone. I would definately have regretted it if I had said no.
Quiet day today, recharging my batteries after a long week and tidying up the house. Hubby working so it should be quite peaceful.
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Post by cheshire on Oct 13, 2007 13:25:27 GMT
Glad you had a lovely dayx
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Post by monica on Oct 14, 2007 19:56:59 GMT
Hi
So pleased the wedding went well for you. It is a huge achievment doing something liek that as with PNi it can be extremely hard so well done again.
You asked how I managed my mum and bf. To be honest, in my case the problem lay mainly with my bf. My mum had him sussed and I'd defend him eg. if he were rude (it's because he's tired - woudl be my reply) etc. My bf is quite a difficult person and I think my mum felt he was making mylife hard. My mum is very forthcoming and not afraid to say what she thinks and that would piss bf off. They dont' see each other much which obviously minimises any room for conflict and I don't try and stick up for him as 9 times out of 10 he is in the wrong.
Maybe if one starts complaining to you abot the other, jsut say you're not going to talk about it; you'll talk about anything else? Could that work.
How has today been?
Monica
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Post by sunflower2007 on Oct 14, 2007 22:05:59 GMT
Thanks Monica, that helps alot. I have found the same, I agree with my Mum quite alot of the time with her complaints about my husband but I still defend him. Plus I think she thinks the same as your Mum that he is not making my life any easier. So she ends up complaining that she is being pushed away and can't speak her mind.
Alright day today. Hubby in a foul mood and didn't say a single pleasant thing to me from the moment he woke up til I went out the door to the african drumming workshop. Everything that cam out of his mouth was poisonous, sarcastic and nasty put downs. Calling the people from the drumming ageing hippies. And saying that I would never be able to make the whole 2.5hr session.etc.I could see it building up from when he got home yesterday after being to see both of his sisters at their homes.
He was on call so I had to take the baby, who was his usual sociable smiling self. How can we have produced such a good natured kid when his parents are so moody?? I did manage the whole session, fair enough I couldn't drum all the time cos I needed to see to the baby, but I got a good few tries in while the LO rolled around the floor and grabbed on all our legs. It really energised me and I felt really good afterwards, the others were all so nice and friendly and enthusastic.
Hubby phoned said his mum was coming over so could I drop off the baby on my way to get the new tyre from Kwik fit. Which I did. Had a cup of tea and sat in silence with hubby in front of the tv for 15mins before I left. Got tyre fixed and went home. Saw his mum's car was there so turned around and went to the park and finished my book, the 5 languages of Love by Graham Chapman.
I was going to go into the house while she was there but then I thought "why should I? When what I really want to do is go to the park and finish my book and leave the baby with hubby for another hour." I know that as soon as I step through the door, looking after the baby becomes my job and OH doesn't let me have a minutes rest. If the baby is crying he brings the baby to me after a few minutes. Even if I am trying to have a lie down with a migraine.
She had gone when I came back. OH says I couldn't face her and could not avoid her forever. He then went to the pub and came back in a reasonable state but he just can't stop drinking once he starts. He has been having brandies, guiness and coronas since he got home. He drinks till he is insensible and crashes out on the couch. Although it is not often because he works such a lot.
So now he wants to talk and have another go at my family and what a shit time he has been having, he is bored and has been brooding over the family hassles. Saying that his mum thinks there is a class war going on. He apologised for the way he treated me this morning. That was before he went to the pub so I know it was genuine.
He was drunk when he accused me of not telling him that mine or the baby's passports had arrived. I was speechless. I only sent them last week, there has been postal strikes galore and it takes at least three weeks for them to come back. I wonder why he stays if he thinks that is the kind of person I am. What chance do I have of proving myself getting better when his attitude is that?
Today has been a good day. I could have let his moodiness really spoil it for me but luckily I have the baby and am feeling well enough to go out the house and do more for myself with the baby. I have talked to people who didn't judge me and who gave me praise for doing a good job drumming. And that made me feel good about myself. I think hubby is going through something right now that I can't help him with but he won't see a doctor.
Don't make any promises and take one day at a time. That's what I keep telling myself.
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