Bobyn
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Post by Bobyn on Aug 20, 2008 10:01:08 GMT
Ditto what WG the great says Smiley. And keep in mind that after each blip you get a bit better than you were before and a little bit more of the 'real' you returns. I've found that's helped in the last one and I'm definately feeling happier now than I was before the last bad blip a few weeks back. It's like comin out of each one makes you stronger again. And you know (and we all definately know) that you can get through this one as you've got through everything so brilliantly so far. Come on Smiley, find your smiles again, you can do it We're all cheering for you to beat this blip. Lots of love, Bobbity Bobyn xx
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smiley
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Post by smiley on Aug 21, 2008 9:06:15 GMT
Hey bobyn and WG
Thanks for your replies, again they answered my secret fears. As I was thinking whats the point trying to beat this blip if its gonna happen again and again. I might aswell stay in blip city and accept it rather than use my energy to get over it everytime. But I suppose what you say is true Bobs, you do come out alittle bit stronger each time even if it doesnt seem like it at the time. I just so fed up having blips as it feels neverending and seems to have taken a huge control of my life. I dont want to be scared, tense and frightened anymore.
Re: asking for help. I just think there is no help out there for me now. I have completed counselling and never took the drugs option. I went to see the new HV yesterday and told them I am recovering from PNI and wanted some infor about local support. I didnt have time to wait to talk to someone so I left. I felt like such a loser in the waiting room and was near tears. I also rung APNI yesterday and they are going to call me back. I read on their website that if you have had PNI with your first expect to have it again with a second so you are prepared. Great! That really annoyed me and I suppose frightened me.
Lo isnt well so been full on with him all week. I am so tired and exhausted but I suppose feeling abit more normal. Not down or tense. Godd sign.
I just wish someone could say Smiley this is your last blip.
Smiley xx
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Post by winegirl on Aug 21, 2008 9:36:16 GMT
Hi Smiley
Glad you are feeling a bit better emotionally, eben though you are exhausted = you poor thing.
APNI were great for me when I needed them and I am glad you have rang them - they may have some more advice for you and if nothing else they are always of great comfort!
I hope this is the last blip hun, but if not, you know that you will get through it.
Sending you hugs (())
WG x
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smiley
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Posts: 268
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Post by smiley on Aug 21, 2008 14:12:32 GMT
Thanks WG.. I rung APNI again and your right they are huge comfort! I feel alot better just knowing I have someone to talk to anytime I want to, as one of the biggest thing that gets to me is not having anyone to talk to. The lady was really nice and assured me that I have making really good progress and shouldn't be so hard on myself. Just what I needed to hear! I am feeling alot better! Smiley xx
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Post by winegirl on Aug 21, 2008 15:10:47 GMT
Awww thats great Smiley x The lady from APNI is so right, you have done soooo well - just looking through yor diary proves that, you should be so proud of yourself for how far you have come x
WG xx
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Bobyn
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Posts: 454
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Post by Bobyn on Aug 21, 2008 17:15:42 GMT
Hey Smiley, You HAVE done so well to get through PNI without drugs and with a house move thrown in. It will go away completely one day and there's nothing to say it'll definitely come back a second time. For me it's did return but we are all different and I have to say that it has been easier to get through this time round and having had PNI it's changed my life for the better with hindsight. I'm a much more compassionate and less judgemental person and it's even changed my career choice. And I've got to 'meet' all the lovely ladies on this forum. This will all pass and one day it'll be a distant memory. You're a strong and happy person inside Smiley so just keep going knowing that one day the cloud will life completely. Talking of cloud I bet this 'summer' hasn't helped your mood much? Off on my hols to 'sunny' Cornwall tomorrow so if you have a bad day next week just sit of me sitting on a rainy beach with a crawling baby and a 4 year old to entertain and know that someone else is suffering too ! xxxx
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smiley
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Posts: 268
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Post by smiley on Aug 22, 2008 11:55:06 GMT
Thanks guys you are so sweet! I feel the cloud lifting alittle and not feeling as tense and anxious. Enjoyed this morning too just chilling with LO. Yes, I think just having someone to talk to helps immensely and I know APNI are just a call away when things get on top of me. I have also contacted the local support group and will be allocated a support mum who calls every week and will go to their monthly group. Now I dont feel so alone and terrified. I know I have people who totally understand and support me. I did discuss second time PNI with APNI and she was really supportive saying i may or may not get it. If I dont great! but if I do atleast I will know what im dealing with. Bobs I think your brill to be handling it all again. I may need some super support from your in the future. Glad to hear its easier a second time. Enjoy your break and hope the sun shines down on you! Hope your words are true that all this will be distant memory soon.. Smiley XX
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smiley
Senior Member
Posts: 268
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Post by smiley on Aug 27, 2008 17:30:50 GMT
Hey
Having abit of a wobbly few days after the weekend. It is my time of the month so thats not helping. Spent all day yesterday feeling tense and tingly but today is better. Visited DH's family on weekend (dont really get on with them) but survived it and did really well. Didnt feel too possessive oover LO. Let them take him to park without me and feed him etc so progress there. Found myself being secretly pleased when LO was rejecting them for me (how evil am i?)
Still feel pretty insecure and anxious about things but geting on with things now.
Health Visitor is visiting me tomorrow and am really nervous. I just know I will burst out crying in front of her. What am I supposed to say to her?
I keep feeling ok and then not so ok..
Sorry to keep on moaning.
Smiley xx
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Post by winegirl on Aug 28, 2008 7:37:11 GMT
Hi Smiley
Tell her exactly that. That you are up and down! Obviously you will be struggling a bit at the mo with it being that time of the month too, just tell her how you have been feeling.
What time are you seeing her today?? Thinking of you x
WG x
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smiley
Senior Member
Posts: 268
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Post by smiley on Aug 28, 2008 17:05:05 GMT
Hello Had a chat with the HV who was very supportive and promised that pni does go away! I told her everything and how I had felt better then with the house move had a wobbly. The funny thing was as I was explaining certain things to her it felt like I telling her normal stuff a mum without pni would be telling her. For example, the house move was stressful and its strange to be in a new area. Wouldnt a non pni mum feel the same. I feel lonely sometimes - isnt motherhood lonely for mums with young babies? I get irritated sometimes more so around pmt time - dont women without pni do this? I felt down because I thought the pni had returned - isnt that a normal emotion? I have felt down before having pni and accepted it and knew I would feel happy again. Not freaked out and start to have irrational thoughts.. Is it because I fear I will hit a big low, be out of control, get pni again that its so frightening for me to feel low? It got me thinking about whether I am confusing normal life stresses and feelings with having pni. This is something my therapist had raised with me afew months ago. I know because I have had it I will also think I will get again and maybe that fear is driving my anxiety again. Some of the thoughts I have may just be part of my personality as a mum?? God, everything is so confusing?!! What I cant understand is that if I accept the above and say its not pni but normal feelings then how can I explain the intensity of my emotions and physical symptoms. The health visitor said maybe because I am more intune to anxiety, stress, fear etc I feel it more.. She could be right.. I will need to think about this some more. All in all feeling great esp if the above is true. Smiley smiling again.. xx
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Post by winegirl on Aug 28, 2008 19:14:28 GMT
Hi Mate
So please you are smiling again! I think she has a good point, I know that since suffering anxiety with PNI I am far more sensitive to stress and anxiety then I ever was before - makes alot of sense really.
So pleased you are feeling good after the chat with the HV hun xxx
WG x
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smiley
Senior Member
Posts: 268
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Post by smiley on Aug 29, 2008 11:43:29 GMT
Hey
Have been feeling alot happier since chewing over my last post. The anxiety seems to have lessened and feeling more normal and relaxed. Its good to stop thinking I am behaving a certain way because I have pni and start to think it maybe just 'me' being 'me'! I am ready to put it all behind me so that time can heal, rather than hold on to it any longer. I also realise that alot of the anxiety and stress is related to the fear of feeling like I did when I had pni and of course I wont ever feel like that again any time soon! I have just got to have more faith and confidence moving on - which is hard because my confidence is shot. Its hard to replace to replace the fear with confidence... but I will try.
Smiley
xx
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Post by winegirl on Aug 29, 2008 21:13:28 GMT
Yeah Smiley!!
You really have said everything I wanted to hear you say, about letting go of the anger and accepting that time will heal..
You have done so amazingly hun, so happy for you that you are smiling again xx
Love
WG xx
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smiley
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Posts: 268
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Post by smiley on Sept 1, 2008 18:53:28 GMT
Hey WG Thanks for your kind words. Had a lovely weekend using my new approach and thinking and the anxiety and anger has definately lessened. Though I did have afew moments where I felt I was slipping but I regained control of my mood pretty soon. Mood has been on the up and been feeling a big burden has lifted. But today im feeling abit stressed. LO has just recovered froma virus but now I think he has got the pox! I have just took time off work and would look like a fool asking for more time off! I can feel my mood dipping because I know I have a hard week of nursing, juggling work etc in front of me. Also I had a lovely weekend away planned which will need to be cancelled! It is quite stressful but I am clinging onto the thought that this is normal mummy stress and not pni stress! Help! Smiley xx
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Post by winegirl on Sept 1, 2008 21:56:27 GMT
Hi Smiley
Definately normal mummy stress! Its a nghtmare for any mummy facing a job an ill child and the one thing you were looking forward to up the creek!! Try not to analyse it hun, being a mum is bloody stressful with or without PNI!
You are doing great babes. Hope your LO doesnt have the pox hun, though they do say the earlier they get it the better? I know when it has been going round my LO;s nursery in the past I have freaked out about the possibility of how i would be able to take more time off work too...
Here for you chuck. x
WG xx
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