Post by Scarlet on Dec 27, 2007 11:23:51 GMT
How did Xmas go Smiley.
First day of hubby and mine hols together and he logged onto my laptop and found a pni article saved on my desktop! Oops! I told him to delete it and made out it had been there awhile - I hadnt even read it yet! GRRRREAT start to our hols! Why is it sooo taboooo..?? I know I told him some months ago that I was totally well but why should I feel I had to do that because I wasnt getting well enough quick enough?? Because I didnt want to look like a failure or cause him worry?? Because I was letting our family down by being miserable??
I'm exactly the same, I don't want to be deceitful, but my hubby just doesn't understand. He asked me on Xmas day if I was still depressed and I found myself explaining to him that depression is when you feel vulnerable and insecure and not just that you are bored with your life. Wish I'd never bothered though and just kept it to myself which I tend to do normally, as it proved fruitless and got me nowhere.
Scarlett, afew months ago I asked you how you felt when you recovered and whether you felt traumatised etc You said you feel like you have more depth and more compassion for human life after you have accepted what happened to you. I am beginning to realise what you meant as it is happening to me slowly.
Yes Smiley, it's like I can truly feel others pain and don't just dismiss them as being nutty and mental, which is what my hubby tends to do, and I get into long arguments with him about how ignorant he is. I think I am a much more understanding person and don't take things lightly and I am more aware of the way my actions affect others. I tend to look at relationships in more depth now and it's definitely made me a more compassionate person.
Yes I am starting to accept that I had a emotional breakdown caused by huge stresses during and after the birth of my baby. I am beginning to realise how my body and mind tried to cope with this breakdown and how my inner strength pulled me through it. By god, I am proud of myself and in awe of my own bravery in the face of what I can only describe as torturous feelings and thoughts. Yes I still wonder how something like that can happen and how it make your whole self crumble into a thousand pieces right in front of your eyes but I am not obsessed by these thoughts!
Sure sign of recovery hun, you are well on the way to the light at the end when you can say this. I feel like this as well. No longer do I sit and dwell on the whys and hows (well not often anyway ), but I tend to look to the future and wonder how I can make my life better and beat this illness myself. I remember speaking to my psychiatrist when I was at my worst and telling him that no-one could help me, and he told me this was in fact correct, because the secret to my own recovery was within myself.. and I relied too heavily on others to make me better.
And... trying sleep training with littlen ie leaving him in cot to fall asleep since yesterday and its hard!!! He cries for about 5 mins then drops off bless him! Love him so much!!! But for my own sanity I cant be rocking him to sleep four times a day!! Selfish mum!!! Anyone tried this? How long before they get the hang of it instead of being traumatised by it all!!?? God I remember when I couldnt bear to hear his cries and they used to go right thr me causing a physical reaction_I must be getting better!
I tried the controlled crying with my LO, and it worked after about 3 weeks, although I have to say that now his back teeth are coming through he's waking up about 5 times a night, but I know it's short lived. I've stopped rocking him as well and am going to percevere if it kills me...I need a good night sleep.
On the whole I am feeling alot better almost better___ oh er watch out for blips!!!!! None on christmas day ppppplease!!!!
Am looking forward to 2008 as it will be 100 times better than 2007 was and cant wait to say goodbye to it!!! ;D
New job, new start sound good hun and I wish you all the best for the coming year and I hope you get all you dream for. 2008 is going to be the year when you say adios PNI, you mark my words...
Love and hugs
Scarlet
X
First day of hubby and mine hols together and he logged onto my laptop and found a pni article saved on my desktop! Oops! I told him to delete it and made out it had been there awhile - I hadnt even read it yet! GRRRREAT start to our hols! Why is it sooo taboooo..?? I know I told him some months ago that I was totally well but why should I feel I had to do that because I wasnt getting well enough quick enough?? Because I didnt want to look like a failure or cause him worry?? Because I was letting our family down by being miserable??
I'm exactly the same, I don't want to be deceitful, but my hubby just doesn't understand. He asked me on Xmas day if I was still depressed and I found myself explaining to him that depression is when you feel vulnerable and insecure and not just that you are bored with your life. Wish I'd never bothered though and just kept it to myself which I tend to do normally, as it proved fruitless and got me nowhere.
Scarlett, afew months ago I asked you how you felt when you recovered and whether you felt traumatised etc You said you feel like you have more depth and more compassion for human life after you have accepted what happened to you. I am beginning to realise what you meant as it is happening to me slowly.
Yes Smiley, it's like I can truly feel others pain and don't just dismiss them as being nutty and mental, which is what my hubby tends to do, and I get into long arguments with him about how ignorant he is. I think I am a much more understanding person and don't take things lightly and I am more aware of the way my actions affect others. I tend to look at relationships in more depth now and it's definitely made me a more compassionate person.
Yes I am starting to accept that I had a emotional breakdown caused by huge stresses during and after the birth of my baby. I am beginning to realise how my body and mind tried to cope with this breakdown and how my inner strength pulled me through it. By god, I am proud of myself and in awe of my own bravery in the face of what I can only describe as torturous feelings and thoughts. Yes I still wonder how something like that can happen and how it make your whole self crumble into a thousand pieces right in front of your eyes but I am not obsessed by these thoughts!
Sure sign of recovery hun, you are well on the way to the light at the end when you can say this. I feel like this as well. No longer do I sit and dwell on the whys and hows (well not often anyway ), but I tend to look to the future and wonder how I can make my life better and beat this illness myself. I remember speaking to my psychiatrist when I was at my worst and telling him that no-one could help me, and he told me this was in fact correct, because the secret to my own recovery was within myself.. and I relied too heavily on others to make me better.
And... trying sleep training with littlen ie leaving him in cot to fall asleep since yesterday and its hard!!! He cries for about 5 mins then drops off bless him! Love him so much!!! But for my own sanity I cant be rocking him to sleep four times a day!! Selfish mum!!! Anyone tried this? How long before they get the hang of it instead of being traumatised by it all!!?? God I remember when I couldnt bear to hear his cries and they used to go right thr me causing a physical reaction_I must be getting better!
I tried the controlled crying with my LO, and it worked after about 3 weeks, although I have to say that now his back teeth are coming through he's waking up about 5 times a night, but I know it's short lived. I've stopped rocking him as well and am going to percevere if it kills me...I need a good night sleep.
On the whole I am feeling alot better almost better___ oh er watch out for blips!!!!! None on christmas day ppppplease!!!!
Am looking forward to 2008 as it will be 100 times better than 2007 was and cant wait to say goodbye to it!!! ;D
New job, new start sound good hun and I wish you all the best for the coming year and I hope you get all you dream for. 2008 is going to be the year when you say adios PNI, you mark my words...
Love and hugs
Scarlet
X