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Post by Scarlet on Dec 18, 2007 17:24:36 GMT
Hi Smiley,
Sorry to hear your bubs has caught a bit of a cold. I have a sore throat and cough myself which I caught from my eldest and no doubt my baby will catch it as well...but hey! so is life, just hope he's over it before Xmas.
The nursery is a good idea I think and it will give you a much earned break. All mums should have a break now and again, and NO it is not selfish.
I know exactly what you mean about the thought you have become needy and dependent, even though I am almost recovered, I still feel a bit vulnerable whereas before I had my baby, I loved being alone and was very independent...nowadays I dread hubby going off on his business trips, before I would have quite happily sent him packing.
When are you due back at work hun?
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Post by winegirl on Dec 18, 2007 17:55:59 GMT
Hi Smiley
Nursery is a great idea! My LO has to go 3 days a week as I work 4 days and my OH has her one of those days and she loves it. But the best bit is a day like yesterday when i am off work on annual leave, LO goes to nursery, and I have the day all to me me me! It was fab! It is wierd at first but you soon get used to it and it is good for both you and your LO.
Go for it girl! xx
WG x
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Bobyn
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Post by Bobyn on Dec 18, 2007 19:11:24 GMT
It might be hard the first few times Smiley but you'll both benefit in the long run from having that one nursery day if you can find somewhere you feel comfortable leaving your lovely little one. I looked at a few before I found one that I liked. Freya finishes there tomorrow after 3 and a half very happy years and my littlest will start in April when I return to work. The staff there are fantastic and Freya has made so many friends. It'll give your son time to socialise in a different environment and it'll give you a day to be yourself, not a Mummy. Let us know what's available in your area, and don't settle for one until you're ready. It sounds like the therapy is really helping and with the nursery giving you a day off you're making real progress on your road to recovery. Hurrah for you! Lots of love, Bobyn xxx
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Post by sianyc on Dec 19, 2007 15:16:26 GMT
My elsest was devastated leaving her day nursery for school. She truly enjoyed it and made some really good friends there who I still take her to see.
LO will love it and it'll be nice for you to have some time free of babies for yourself. As WG says, it's fantastic once you get used to it x
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smiley
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Post by smiley on Dec 19, 2007 20:33:11 GMT
Hi guys
I am sure that littlen will love it as he loves creche but its me thats the problem! I am so scared that he might not need me anymore and of taking such a big step. I know that this is silly and loads of mums do it but I cant help my feelings. I also feel abit afraid of what people will think - I mean I'm not due back to work til either March, if I take 9 months or May, if I take the full year. When I was pregnant I thought I would want the full year and kind of promised myself that I would that and now I am finding it so hard I feel like a failure for breaking that promise. I just didnt expect my hubby not to be here at all and get no help at all. I mean I dont get a break at all in the working week not even in the evening! Today littlen got up at 5am and hubby is away today so it was a very very long draining day.
I feel heartened to hear all the positives about nursery and I have already visited one afew months ago so I know I want him placed there. I dont know if pni is making have negative thoughts about it all or these are just normal mummy thoughts. Pni is making me feel I am not ready for this change when physically and emotionally i so need it. I want my baby to be independant and secure but I am soooo scared of letting go aswell. That sounds sad doesnt it? I cant believe that I 'need' my baby so much. I know this way of thinking is unhelpful and I need to change it. God!!! Such dilemas!
I have also been thinking about getting back to work earlier - another pang of guilt about being a failure and not being able to hack it. But I will need to actually look for a new job which could take months or happen soon. I feel quite lonely and think atleast work will give me some company and less time to think about pni.
I have started to feel so obsessed with pni that I have started thinking its all in my head and I am making things worse by thinking about it and mulling it over. Thats why I have deliberately stayed away from the forums today. I just dont know what to do for the best.
Scarlett - I know what you mean about being dependent on hubby n baby when your so used to being independant - its horrible. But I hope this will get better with time.
WG- Yes I am sure I will feel strange initially but I will get used to it and it will prepare me for the 3 day seperation.
Bobyn - Thanks! I still dont know if therapy is working I suppose pni makes you feel nothing is working but once the black cloud lifts you see things for what they are. Your littlens sound like delights!
sianyc - thanks for yours support
Some times I have really positives thoughts and feel like I am really getting over it all and enjoying motherhood and sometimes I become negative again and lose hope.
Its really hard but thanks for all your support and time.
Smiley xx
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Post by cheshire on Dec 19, 2007 20:54:30 GMT
Hi Smiley, In the end, when I felt really ill, my 2 went in for one and then two days a week to Nursery (they were pre-school then). This was a god send and they seem to really enjoy it - now they're older they can tell me this The guilt thing around Nursery and work is hard - please just try it though, as we are all different and for some of us it is a life saver, for others they re-evaluate their careers. My personal view is you just need to do right for you and your family - there is no set way of doing this, and whatever makes you happy is bound to rub off on themx Hopefulx
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Post by Scarlet on Dec 20, 2007 8:27:12 GMT
Hi Smiley, I know you feel guilty about placing your bubs in a nursery and that you don't want to let go and your feelings are all mixed up (yep I understand totally what you are gong through with this dilemma). I suppose you could look at it like this. You are going to have to let go when you eventually go back to work in March or May, so what you could do it break him in gently andmaybe start in the new year with a half day a week and then build it up. Half day a week is not a long time and perhaps you would only be able to get a bit of shopping/housework/hair done( ) in, but it's a start and will ease YOU in gently as well, and you won't feel so guilty. I remember when my eldest started school over here when he was 2.5 (a bit bigger than your LO). I knew it was necessary that he had to mix with other children, and not stay with me all day. I didn't have PNI back then, but I felt so guilty because it was full-time, and for the first week I twiddled my thumbs, didn't know what to do with myself...but after about a month, I started to get out and about, met up with other mums and I re-built a life without him being with me 24/7/..... and I LOVED it if I'm honest. Some times I have really positives thoughts and feel like I am really getting over it all and enjoying motherhood and sometimes I become negative again and lose hope.Yep that's why they are called the ups and downs, bloody crappy aren't they.. but you are doing very well hun. Love and hugs Scarlet X
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smiley
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Post by smiley on Dec 20, 2007 18:35:15 GMT
Hi girls
Everything you say makes sense and I know its for the best. Scarlett I like th idea of breaking baby and myself in gently in respect of seperation. I think I ahve made my decision now..
I again having a very tough evening teething wise but I am coping. I just feel like killing hubby! Everything he says gets on my nerves recently!
Smiley
xx
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smiley
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Posts: 268
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Post by smiley on Dec 20, 2007 19:16:01 GMT
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Bobyn
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Post by Bobyn on Dec 21, 2007 14:50:10 GMT
Your last post made me say ahhhh out loud. Glad you've had a lovely evening xx
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Post by Scarlet on Dec 21, 2007 15:43:20 GMT
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smiley
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Post by smiley on Dec 22, 2007 14:41:22 GMT
Ha ha poor things get the brunt of our frustrations dont they! ;D Yes managed to have a really nice evening and found myself quite relaxed! Although 2 glasses of wine did help! Cheers to that!! First day of hubby and mine hols together and he logged onto my laptop and found a pni article saved on my desktop! Oops! I told him to delete it and made out it had been there awhile - I hadnt even read it yet! GRRRREAT start to our hols! Why is it sooo taboooo..?? I know I told him some months ago that I was totally well but why should I feel I had to do that because I wasnt getting well enough quick enough?? Because I didnt want to look like a failure or cause him worry?? Because I was letting our family down by being miserable?? Anyway I have done quite well on my own and now I am starting to get my confidence back.. I feel like I am getting fixed now but I feel brand new from the outside and inside with some slight cracks. Scarlett, afew months ago I asked you how you felt when you recovered and whether you felt traumatised etc You said you feel like you have more depth and more compassion for human life after you have accepted what happened to you. I am beginning to realise what you meant as it is happening to me slowly. Yes I am starting to accept that I had a emotional breakdown caused by huge stresses during and after the birth of my baby. I am beginning to realise how my body and mind tried to cope with this breakdown and how my inner strength pulled me through it. By god, I am proud of myself and in awe of my own bravery in the face of what I can only describe as torturous feelings and thoughts. Yes I still wonder how something like that can happen and how it make your whole self crumble into a thousand pieces right in front of your eyes but I am not obsessed by these thoughts! I think depresssion, hormonal fluctuations, sleep deprievation can make you feel things you dont want to feel and think things you would never even dream of thinking. I think therapy has made me realise how hard I am on myself and that instead I should accept myself and believe that I am good enough and I need to keep working on this solid grounding. On a less deeper front work have refused my appeal for flexy time i now have to decide whether I pursue a grievance or just leave it alone_ stress wise second option is probably better. I am now looking for a new job. NEW JOB NEW START NEW ME???!!! Also outlaws are here for xmas so that should be fun!! I need plenty of wine to get thr this!! And... trying sleep training with littlen ie leaving him in cot to fall asleep since yesterday and its hard!!! He cries for about 5 mins then drops off bless him! Love him so much!!! But for my own sanity I cant be rocking him to sleep four times a day!! Selfish mum!!! Anyone tried this? How long before they get the hang of it instead of being traumatised by it all!!?? God I remember when I couldnt bear to hear his cries and they used to go right thr me causing a physical reaction_I must be getting better! On the whole I am feeling alot better almost better___ oh er watch out for blips!!!!! None on christmas day ppppplease!!!! Am looking forward to 2008 as it will be 100 times better than 2007 was and cant wait to say goodbye to it!!! ;D Smiley xx
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Bobyn
Senior Member
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Post by Bobyn on Dec 22, 2007 17:54:54 GMT
Hey Smiley, Wonderful to hear you sounding so positive and lookign forward. Your work thing is pants. They're such gits and you'd probably win if you fought them, but like you said it might be more stress than you need at the moment. I had that dilemma after my first one. If you want to know more about it and see if anyone else has had similar experiences then you could start a thread in the working with PNI section rather than me waffle in your diary. Maybe leaving will give you closure and enable you to find a brilliant new job, I'm so much happier now in the job I'm doing so it was meant to be! As for the controlled crying, you must be getting better to be able to face that. It does work though and it does improve after only a week or so, now my little ones don't cry (normally anyway) when I put them down for their naps. You're doing brilliantly. Stay happy Smiley! xxx
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smiley
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Post by smiley on Dec 23, 2007 18:26:22 GMT
Thanks Bobyn! Yes I do feel like starting afresh somewhere else and leaving those miserable gits behind. To be honest although I enjoyed the work the people are horrible so I would have left in time anyway. Now I am obssessed with finding a job! ;D
Oh yeah the controlled crying is rrrrrrreaaaaallly though.. Littlen started off ok on it and only did sleepy cries and then 2 days later he has become hysterical. Will perserve thu
Have a fantastic christmas everybody!!!!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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smiley
Senior Member
Posts: 268
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Post by smiley on Dec 23, 2007 19:26:35 GMT
Phew! Just sleepy cries tonight...! ;D
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