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Post by justme31 on Mar 17, 2009 19:54:08 GMT
Hi all, Thanks for all you messages of support and hope u are all ok....sorry I havent been around...my computer broke and So many things have been going on that I havent had a chance to come on here. Well onto updating my diary lol its gunna be long! I am still suffering from the PNI...not as bad I dont think although it doesnt feel like that sometimes! Am reduced to being a panicky, obsessive angry person for one week of the month at the moment......the other 3 weeks am not great but am gettin there. One good thing was that after having the miscarriage a few months ago I didnt go back to being really ill again which was a relief. I knowI am gettin better cos I have days at a time when I dont think about being depressed etc i just get on with life so that a sure sign am on the way up. Its just hard when I have that week where I feel like its all come back and I wana give up. Still dont get no support from OH..... he keeps tellin me the pni is an excuse to act the way i want lol I wish it was!! Anyways will b back later to write some more. I havent forgotten about u all and all the help u guys gave me when I was at my worse. Thanks so much especially Cokey, WG and Scarlett. Claire xx
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Post by cokey on Mar 17, 2009 20:38:23 GMT
Hey Claire Its so good to hear from you and that you are doing so well. I must admit I was a bit worrie dbecause we didnt hear from much after your mc but I am reloeved to know you are well (ish).
Keep coming here,even if its only that one week a month when you feel crap.
Speak soon
Candice xx (Cokey)
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Post by winegirl on Mar 18, 2009 9:58:50 GMT
Hey Claire
BRILLIANT to hear from you!!! So glad things have been picking up for you, you really are doing sooo well!!
The PMT is a git, but that will ease off in time too.. Have you been taking anything extra to help ease it at that time of the month??
Anyway, fab to hear from you, hope to speak more really soon!!
Love
WG xxx
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Post by cokey on Mar 21, 2009 8:15:07 GMT
Happy Mothers Day for tomorrow Claire! I hope you are well and its nice to see you on facebook xx Cokey
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Post by justme31 on Jun 4, 2009 7:34:11 GMT
Hi all long time no see again!! Hope u r all ok. Have just come on here to rant!!! Things havent been going too great for me the past few months am so disappointed cos I thought i was getting better. IN the last few months the panic attacks have all returned, the thoughts are absolutely awful and am scared to go out through fear that I Will harm myself or have a mass freak out so am confined to the house at the moment and am feelin terrible and pretty hopeless. Have spoken to my doctor(which has took weeks as I was scared to admit to what was happening as I Think that i might get locked up.) I stopped taking the antids in January as I put on so much weight on them....I didnt feel that bad when I came off them anyways the doctor has put me back on them and increased the dose and gave me more tranquilisers...... I dont really wana take them but i dont know what else to do. Also and I dunno if anyone can give me advise on this but due to my OH not being here anymore( we still together just living apart due to whats going on with me and him making it worse).....because of this i have had to claim benefits and the benefits office are giving me so much shit. They want me to go to interviews at the jobcentre( hard when u cant leave the house!) Anyways i spoke to a lady there on the phone and she said "Oh depression and anxiety lots of people suffer from that.... proceeded to tell me it wasnt a real illness and said they were gunna stop my payin me any money unless i was prepared to work!! This is stressing me out cos am thinkin what do i do now. Id love to go back to work but at the moment it is impossible. Anyways thanks for listening to me rant!! Take care all Claire xx
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Post by cokey on Jun 4, 2009 10:58:22 GMT
Hi Claire
I'm sorry you are having a major blip. Don't try to worry about it too much though, we all have them and it isn't a step back, just part of the process. Don't forget you have had a lot of trauma whilst having PNI inc your loss, so it natural you may feel rough at times.
I am not sure how depression/anxiety stand with the benefits office but I am sure if your GP signs you off (which he/she will) then they cannot force you into work but you may need to claim an alternative benefit. Have you cosidered ringing MIND or another mental health charity because I am sure they will have a helpline with all the answers and even someone who can help you.
Anyway just keep coming back and talking to us, we are all still here and still blipping.
Candice xx
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Post by justme31 on Jun 4, 2009 13:24:58 GMT
Thanks Cokey it always makes me feel better coming on here......am sorry that u r still blippin too its shit innit? Feels like comin on here is the only place that I can be honest about how i feel. Too be honest think I have been going downhill for months but havent wanted to admit it until now... i kept thinkin ill pick up and i didnt ... and only now am i admittin it cos i feel i cant cope no more. In regards to what u said about the doc.... my docs a bit of an arse about signing people off sick(unless u dying that is!)....And i feel like i am admittin that this illness has defeated me if i go on the sick. Stupid eh?! Anyways have rambled enough!! How r things with u? OH and also Cokey sorry I aint been on facebook and got in touch i had to get rid of it(caused a whole host of problems with the OH).....apparently according to OH i was gunna run off with men from there lol I wish(if they were fit that is!!!) catch ya later take care C
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Post by winegirl on Jun 6, 2009 7:18:40 GMT
Hey C!
I am glad you have come back to us hun, but so sorry you have been struggling...
The woman at the job centre/benefits office sounds like a t***. But you will have to get a sick note to show them in order that they stop hounding you for a bit. Just lay it on the line for your GP that you cant get out of the house let alone go for job interviews right now but cant live off nothing!
Being signed off sick is not defeating, its temporary. I got signed of for just a few weeks in my old job with the anxiety and it really was the best thing for me at that time...
How have things been for you last couple of days??
Thinking of you
WG xx
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Post by justme31 on Jun 9, 2009 17:10:47 GMT
Hey wg good to c ya!! The woman at the jobcentre was an arse.... but many people are of the same opinion as her.... that depression/ anxiety isnt that bigger deal. (I think they mistake it for being pissed off) and we all know it isnt like that. Anyways the last few days i have improved a bit and decided I Am gunna be honest and stop tryin to hide how bad things are. My doctor was meant to come and c me tomorrow but he rang and said he cant make it but i had a long chat with him and for once I was completely honest about what was going on in my head. I told him about being frightened to go out and gettin the panic attacks and also told him y...... mainly because of the thoughts( my obssessive thoughts are back in a bad way)... I know i sound so daft but when am out i keep thinking am gunna kill myself(walk in front of a bus, jump off a bridge etc)or I have thoughts about harming someone else. I know its the ocd part of the illness but i am really struggling with it. Also am feeling so bad about all the weight ive put on(dunno if this is due to the drugs i was taking( but i dont seem, to have any motivation to do anything about it at the moment and half the time i feel like i dont even care. Anyways the doctor said he is gunna refer me to the shrink again and c where we go from there. In regards to the benefits office i contacted them again and have now been told to apply for disablity in the short term... have done so but dunno where i am gunna stand with that. Will be back on later to catch up with everyone and read everyones diarys. Hope u r all ok Claire ps where is Scarlett...aint seen her on here in ages?
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Post by cokey on Jun 9, 2009 20:37:15 GMT
Hi Claire
Scarlet moved to Dubai and has been really busy. She pops in now and then but not as much as before.
Those thoughts you get are identical to the ones I have had throughout my PNI. When I was really bad I couldnt go out in case I drove to a bridge, or if I went near a motorway/railway I would panic. It is all OCD, remmeber that. Its no different to the harm thoughts. It doesnt mean you are suicidal. You know that anyway. The only way to get past them is to go out, no matter how bad it makes you feel. Easier said than done.
Anyway I'm glad you talked to your GP. I hope they can help you out.
Cokey xx
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Post by justme31 on Jul 21, 2009 13:47:23 GMT
Just come on for my normal monthly rant(theres a pattern here isn't there!) I am not feeling to good the thoughts are awful at the moment( am obssessed with going mad again). Also I feel so spaced out like i am in a dream........... i know its common symptom of anxiety but it scares the shit outta me which makes me feel worse cos i worry about it so much. Its that time of the month so am presuming thats why I feel awful at the moment( happens every month). I didnt go back on the antids as they made me put on so much weight(have lost a stone since i havent taken them), dunno if this is the right decision as am still struggling quite bad some of the time but am gunna stick to not taking them as putin on so much weight has made me feel worse about myself. Hope u are all ok Claire xx
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Post by winegirl on Jul 21, 2009 13:53:30 GMT
Hey Claire,
Well, I can see from your post that you are actually very aware of why you are feeling like this, and because of that you do seem pretty calm about it. You know once you have come on it will all die off again.
I like you chucked my antid's in the bin when i realised how much weight they had put on me. But to be fair I knoew i was well enough to also. Its catch 22 really, as teh drugs are suppose to help you be happier and yet the weight gain makes you unhappy!
Hope it passes soon hun x Always listening.
Love
WG xx
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Post by cokey on Jul 22, 2009 8:42:42 GMT
Hi Claire
Sadly for women we will always have fluctuations in our moods once a month but its worse after PNI. Bear with it, keep talking on here if it helps and try to keep busy. Easier said than done eh?
Take care and let us know how u r xx
Cokey
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Post by justme31 on Apr 1, 2010 16:24:00 GMT
Just wanted to come on and say Hi really to all the people that helped me when i was really ill and update me diary(god nearly a whole year since have written in it!). Also wanted to leave a positive message to other people that use this site in the future. PNI does get better.....jeez who would have thought id b saying that eh?! The last year have been far from easy but am so much better then i was. I am still suffering a bit around that time of the month but I can finally cope and u knw what I feel ok. PNI is a horrible illness and there have been times when i was suffering badly that I debated taking my life..... now am so glad i never because I have nearly come out the other side of it. So just wanted to say really that it does get better and there is a end to it even though it doesnt feel like that at the time. Anyways am doing my waffling bit now lol so am off. A big Hi to Cokey, Winegirl and Tabbysmum i hope u r all ok. Speak soon Claire
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Post by tabbysmum on Apr 1, 2010 18:18:38 GMT
Hi Claire
So pleased you're doing well, I know it's been a hard slog but you've come out of the other side, like you i'm a million miles away from where I was but i'm not quite there yet. It's a good sign when people don't come on here much - it says it all.
Take care you
Love TM x
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