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Post by justme31 on Feb 13, 2008 9:20:19 GMT
hope this helps by writing down how i feel.. anyone should feel free to write in my diary hopefully many can identify with my crazy thoughts and ways at the moment!! am sitting here today cant believe i have pni think must b dying or going mad. i worry about everything am confused today like my brain is foggy and in a muddle cant think straight so am convinced i have some incurable mental illness... keep thinkin theres something more wrong with me maybe the shrink and the doctor doesnt realise. had a song going throught my mind this morning just going round and round so convinced myself i must be schizophrenic. last night i couldnt swallow probably just anxiety but then am worried my throats gunna swell up and am gunna die because am gunna get an allergic reaction to the meds the docs gave me. i try telling my partner all this he says i worry to much...erm yeah i bloody know thanks for that darling. my partner says its just anxiety, the docs and shrinks keep tellin me why cant i believe them? i have been through this b4 and come through it so why am i always worrying that this time is different and its just a matter of time till everyone realises how mental i am then ill b locked up for life away from my kids and family. why cant i even do simple things am scared to go to the shop thinking am gunna die along the way. i spend most days trapped in the house got no motivation to go out and besides am too scared.. what the fk is that about?! theres so much more to what goes on in my head feel like at the moment am living inside my own head just wana get away from myself. plz feel free to add to my diary hopefully things are gunna start gettin better for me soon!!
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Post by Scarlet on Feb 13, 2008 10:00:28 GMT
Hi Justme, I think it is a good idea to start a diary, so you can offload your thoughts and feelings. You will also be able to see how far you've come when you look back over what you have written. Iam sitting here today cant believe i have pni think must b dying or going mad. i worry about everything am confused today like my brain is foggy and in a muddle cant think straight so am convinced i have some incurable mental illness...It's anxiety hun. Did you read the thread on anxiety symptoms here veritee.proboards7.com/index.cgi?board=General&action=display&n=1&thread=4213I always find it very useful to check now and again if a few of the symptoms come back keep thinkin theres something more wrong with me maybe the shrink and the doctor doesnt realise. had a song going throught my mind this morning just going round and round so convinced myself i must be schizophrenic. As I told you in your other thread, I was the same, thought I was schizophrenic as well, or it was the beginnings of dementia. I think many women with PNI fear this, but it's anxiety hun. I didn't believe the doctors either, and they spent time trying to convince me it was anxiety. I feared absolutely everything at the beginning, and didn't sleep, couldn't eat, and I was 7 months pregnant at the time. i have been through this b4 and come through it so why am i always worrying that this time is different and its just a matter of time till everyone realises how mental i am then ill b locked up for life away from my kids and family. This is not going to happen JM, becasue you are not mad hun, perhaps you have slightly different symptoms this time. Mind you our thinking during PNI is so distorted it's difficult to remember what you had from one minute to the next (even one second to the next). As you recover and take control of your life back (WHICH YOU WILL), then the symptoms will decrease, and you will see more clearly...promise you. why cant i even do simple things am scared to go to the shop thinking am gunna die along the way. i spend most days trapped in the house got no motivation to go out and besides am too scared.. what the fk is that about?! theres so much more to what goes on in my head feel like at the moment am living inside my own head just wana get away from myself. JM you will recover from this 'again'. Just try and do a bit everyday, get out to the shops, in the garden, for a walk, visit friends. It doesn't matter if you have intrusive thoughts, just making the effort will help with recovery and soon you will be able to distract yourself and the thoughts will become less intense. We understand TOTALLY what you are going through... we have been there. Please keep talking to us and we will support and reassure you. Love and hugs Scarlet xxxxxx
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Post by justme31 on Feb 13, 2008 11:20:23 GMT
just read the anxiety symptoms... oh my god i have all of them nearly. its weird innit to think that anxiety can cause such terrible symptoms. am gunna print off all the list of symptoms. how did u finally get to the stage when u accepted it was anxiety scarlet?
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Post by Scarlet on Feb 13, 2008 12:11:28 GMT
how did u finally get to the stage when u accepted it was anxiety scarlet?
Hi JM,
I accepted it as I started to recover and the symptoms subsided a bit hun, and you will too, although it's a bit of a bumpy ride as you'll probably remember. Also I read loads of anxiety stuff, and this site was a great help because I found that I was not alone, or heading for the looney bin. I have to say that hospital didn't really do much for me and I needn't have actually been in there if I'd had the support at home, as I didn't really start to recover until I came out. I did learn a lot from the experience though, in hindsight.
Ask anything you like hun... you are NOT alone.
Love Scarlet xxxxxx
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Post by winegirl on Feb 13, 2008 19:50:24 GMT
Hi Justme
I had (still have at times) pretty musch all of those anxiety symptoms listed, and I think it took me a good year before I finally started to accept that it was anxiety and not something more sinister! The problem with anxiety is that you think it is something more, so you get more anxious about it, and that makes the anxiety symptoms worse!
Accepting that my problem was anxiety was definately my first step in recovery, and I can promise you it does get better babes x
WG x
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Post by gizmoracer on Feb 14, 2008 1:58:56 GMT
Hi.
Just thought I would pop in and welcome you to the diary club, I quite often miss some of the new members but spotted a new diary so thought I would look in.
I have to agree with what Winegirl has already said anxiety is just like a vicious circle, the worse you feel the worse it gets and so on.
I can also relate to everything you have said in your first post. The strange thing about PNI is alot of people think its just depression, you're just a bit down and will be fine in a couple of days but there is so much more to it than that.
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Post by justme31 on Feb 14, 2008 8:10:40 GMT
i think that what makes it worse gizmoracer is that u go to the docs and he says oh u depressed. i never had depression this time or last time as a main symptom of pni. was always the anxiety. have heard many woman say it was the same for them but many docs dont seem to b aware of this which i think is bad. this is a terrible illness i wouldnt wish it on my worse enemy. xxxx
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Post by gizmoracer on Feb 14, 2008 9:05:53 GMT
I totally agree with you on that one. My main symptom has been depression but never the less most of the other symptoms never seem to be acknolaged. I think thats why we on hee call it postnatal illness as apposed to postnatal depression because there is so much more to it.
There's been alot of awearness work going on recently, a few of us in magazines is probably the most recent. We also have the awearness weekend coming up in May and one of our members who is also a midwife and runs her own support group has been doing alot of work on the proffessional side of things too. Lets hope its all worth while and the newer generation of sufferes start to get the support alot of us lacked.
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Post by justme31 on Feb 18, 2008 17:20:55 GMT
just writing on here cos have actually managed to go out today and clean up.. small things i know but havent managed to do anything for weeks as the anxiety been so bad. still feel crap but feel a bit more positive at the moment. just spoke to my gp he recieved a report from the shrink i payed to see she diagnosed me as having a severe depressive episode and severe obsessional thoughts........ u dont say lol. my gp gunna refer me to an nhs shrink and am also gunna book to see a phychotherapist so hopefully things will get better soon. stay positive ppl..... am tryin too!!
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Post by winegirl on Feb 19, 2008 20:11:05 GMT
Thats great Justme!
Keep up with thise positive vibes! Every small thing you do is a BIG step in recovery, so you should be proud of yourself! Going out is such a big thing, you have done really well!
Take Care
WG x
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Post by justme31 on Mar 3, 2008 11:00:28 GMT
just writing on here so i can read through at a later stage to see if am improvin... think the improvement is so slow that maybe we dont realise we r gettin better. am seein a pyschotherapist this afternoon so hopefully she will give me some advice on how to get through what am feelin at the moment. kids havent been to school all week feel terrible about this but am so scared to b on my own and my patner is workin very long hours for the next week so hopefully when he isnt i wont b so scared. am wonderin at the moment if the meds r workin i do feel a lil bit better but not sure if thats due to bein off prozac rather then the new meds. ill just have to see how it goes. feel very spaced out detached which scares me and makes me wana stop takin the meds but i might just feel like this due to my anxiety. i duno but am tryna ignore it the best i can which is hard as i have a habit of self analysin questionin all the time how i feel!
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Post by Scarlet on Mar 3, 2008 13:01:56 GMT
Hi JM, you are improving slowly hun. At first you won't see this because the down times between your ups are too frequent, and you won't actually be able to pinpoint what you are anxious about, because at this stage it could be absolutely anything, and everything.
I know how hard it is to be alone, my hubby works long hours as well and I was thrown in the deep end becasue I have absolutely no-one as I am living abroad.. but I did it and I love being alone now, so will you, just take it slowly and build up everything, even if it means pushing yourself a wee bit every day.
As for the depersonalisation in your other thread, yes this was one of my first symptoms that made me realise that something was wrong, it's becasue of all the anxiety hun, your brain is tired of all the introspection. But as your anxiety diminishes, so does the depersonalisalisation, so try not to be afraid of feeling like this (easier said than done I know). Keep telling yourself that this is normal when your brain is tired, to feel detached from the world.
It's good that you are noticing slight improvements on the meds, sounds to me as if they are doing their job, so give them a little bit more time.
I know it seems a long way off from now, but there will be a time when you don't analyse every little thing, I never thought I'd reach this stage, but I have and I'm confident you will too. keep talking to us hun
Sending you huge hugs
xxxx
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Post by justme31 on Mar 5, 2008 11:26:31 GMT
just mentioned in my other thread that last night was the first night since ive had the pni that i didnt wake up panickin in the night. hope that this is the antids kickin in cos am on day 13 of them at the mo. got scared last night was tryna have a conversation on the phone and was findin it very hard.. couldnt follow what was bein said and felt so confused so then was thinkin there was something bad wrong with my brain. the obssessive thoughts r real bad this morn i know all they r is silly thoughts but they so realistic it is hard just to dismiss then...am still convinced am schizo or that i have some terrible mental illness that no one has noticed! have decided to go out today and tomoz and try to take me mind off the thoughts even if it is just for a few hours. xx
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Post by winegirl on Mar 5, 2008 11:58:58 GMT
Hi Justme
Yeah at about day 13 I think it is reasonable to start to feel small improvements, these drugs are a gradual process ( i am still on my road to recovery) but it seems right that you should start feeling some benefits about now.
Hope you manage to get out today and have a nice time x
Take Care
WG xx
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Post by justme31 on Mar 6, 2008 11:35:36 GMT
feel like screamin am gettin soooooooo pissed off with the intrusive thoughts/images... am fed up arguin with myself about them now cos just feel like am going round in circles... get irrational thoughts say to myself thats irrational feeel like am permenatly arguin with meself lol i sound mad. dunno if anyone can relate to this. am at the stage today where the thoughts r just gettin on my nerves. felt like shit this mornin when i woke up detached, confused etc this seems to have cleared a bit... for some reasons first thing in the mornin i always feel worse... seem to feel at my best late at night. anyone got any suggestions for dealin with the intrusive thoughts?
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