|
Post by justme31 on Jun 6, 2008 10:12:52 GMT
thanks mummydonna and of course i dont mind u replyin in the thread... am grateful makes me feel like am not so alone and am not the only one with these daft annoying bloody thoughts!! Have come on here to ramble lol like always!! Well i went to the shrink yeasterday which probably wasnt a great day to see him as am in the midst of a major blip! The appointment didnt go too bad though... i usuaully just sit and nod my head and accept everything he says but yesterday i actually spoke to him... told him i was having some better days but am having weeks of still feelin shitty cos of the thoughts/anxiety etc. I asked him what was wrong with me... because am scared am schizo!! Anyways he said am sufferin from OCD and anxiety and that depression is secondary to that... he has put my name on the nhs waitin list for CBT as we are strugglin a bit financially and affording the private therapist is a bit of a nightmare at the mo. Also he upped my meds from 10mg to 20mg which am not happy about cos am so anxious... I have to go back in 3 weeks and if i aint better then i am now he wants to change the meds to Venlafaxine... i aint happy about that either cos I know that will send my anxiety level through the roof but am just gunna have to c how the next few weeks go. Went to c the therapist as well told her am cuttin back on the sessions as we cant afford it... she peed me off a bit cos on her website advertisement it says if u r on a low income she can discuss a discounted price for the sesssions...... anyways she didnt offer me no damn discount!! So have reduced the sessions to fortnightly now instead of weekly and am gunna see how that goes. Was feeling a bit better last night and had a few hours of respite from the thoughts.... This morning is a different story the thoughts are terrible, i feel really spaced out and detatched and i cant think straight...its awful. Am hopin this blip will bog off soon cos am startin to despair a bit. Anyways hope u all r ok Claire xx
|
|
|
Post by sianyc on Jun 6, 2008 13:06:36 GMT
Hey Claire
Hope the increased meds work for you lovely and you can kick this blip in the backside x
|
|
|
Post by winegirl on Jun 6, 2008 19:42:30 GMT
Hi Babes
I hate that spaced out/not really here feeling. I suffered every day for a year with it before starting on the meds...
Believe me hun, I was just like you and thought it would never end, but slowly and surely it did, and it will for you too babes xx
I had to up my dose 4 times before i was right again, I am on 20mg of cipralex which is equivalent to 40mg of citalopram, prozac and other SSRI's but started off on 5mg!
I really hope you get a bit of a break from it this weekend hun xx
Take Care
WG x
|
|
|
Post by justme31 on Jun 7, 2008 8:55:50 GMT
me 2 Sianyc.... its horrid when u think u r gettin a bit better then bang it comes back again. Aint managed to take the increased meds yet as am scared in case i feel worse.... i know have just gotta take them and not think about...easier said then done!! Am glad u mentioned about the dose u are on WG cos was gunna ask u. I have been on 10mg now for about 2 months and although am better then i was most days i still dont feel right. When u increased ya meds WG did u get any side effects from the increase?
|
|
|
Post by winegirl on Jun 7, 2008 10:47:31 GMT
Hi JM
Yes I have increased from 5mg (which is 10mg of what you are on) to 10, 15 and the 20 (which is the equivalent of 40mg of your meds). each time I have had a couple of weeks of feeling worse before feeling better but it has been worth it. The dose I am on now has been magic, its just about finding the right level for you.
How you doing today hun??
WG xx
|
|
|
Post by justme31 on Jun 7, 2008 15:15:54 GMT
Am on the same meds as u WG... Cipralex/Escitalapram... thats y am a bit worried about upping the dose cos was told that 20mg is the same as 40 or 50 of Prozac/Seroxat etc.... which seems a bit high lol might send me mad!!
|
|
|
Post by winegirl on Jun 7, 2008 16:15:03 GMT
I found 20 mg has been a break through for me, but have had to do it gradually. i.e Mon - 10mg. Tue 15mg, Wed 10mg etc.. Then a whole 2 weeks at 15 mg then alternating 15 and 20 mg a month later etc.. It worked for me in easing the side effects...
|
|
|
Post by justme31 on Jun 9, 2008 10:06:54 GMT
This blip dont seem to be easing off and am peed off dunno how much more of this i can handle....... The obssessive thoughts r 24/7 at the moment and am having a hard time coping. I feel so exhausted, spaced out cant think straight and i feel like the world is going on around and am in my own little bubble if that makes sense. The obssessive thinkin today and all weekend is mainly about the fact that i am either psychotic already or that thats what is gunna happen soon and this is just the start of it all. My Therapist a few weeks ago gave me a sheet on the symptoms of psychosis and told me to read it when i got a thought to reassure myself that i didnt have it......... well lol it aint reassurin me if anything it has made me worse. (Might trigger OCD thoughts just a warning before i write on)...On the sheet she gave me it says about hearin voices and i always thought that if u were psychotic u heard voices like as in someone talkin to u but on this sheet it says about voices in ya head..... anyways this has made me convince myself that my own inner voice are a voice in my head.......... how mad do i sound lol. Am terrified now am thinkin that am deffo schizophenic or something like that. I keep crying and feel like i dont wana live cos am so mad. This morning on the way to the shops we drove past the local mental hospital.... i started panicking and crying thinkin that where i am gunna b soon... am so scared. The harming thoughts r also troubling me a bit at the moment am scared to go out...we were in a shopping centre yesterday and i had to leave cos i was scared i was gunna jump from the roof top car park.... i dont wana die but i dont know how to control these thoughts at the moment. Anyways enough of my rattling on. Hope u r all ok. Thinking of u Cokey and hope ya weekend was good and that u r ok xxx
|
|
|
Post by Scarlet on Jun 9, 2008 11:10:42 GMT
Awww JM, Throw that blooming psychotic symptom sheet away. What you are experiencing is 'mind chatter' (albeit excessive at the moment), that is your own internal voice/thoughts..this is nothing to do with being psychotic hun. I shared a room in hospital with a lovely lady who was psychotic (and she recovered fully btw). She heard voices in her head, and they were not her own. The voices were of a frenchman and frenchwoman arguing, weird really when she told me about it and of course I freaked thinking some mad frenchman was gonna speak to me as well, but no matter how much I worried about it (and I worried a hell of a lot I can tell you ), it didn't happen, same for you hun. You are NOT PSYCHOTIC, so please get rid of that symptom list. Sounds like you had a panic attack in the shopping centre hun, when you feel up to it, please get yourself back there with some moral support (perhaps hubby or family/friend), and face the car park because you aren't going to jump off, it's only a thought.. xxx
|
|
|
Post by tabbysmum on Jun 9, 2008 11:40:51 GMT
Hi Justme,
Hope you don't mind me writing in your diary. I completely understand what you say about the voices in your head and worrying whether it's your own voice or if you're psychotic, I've questioned myself on this so many times when I've been at the peak of my thoughts/ocd but now I'm feeling better and calmer I know, like Scarlet says that it's just mind chatter. I too have the thoughts about high places and still can't park in a multi storey car park, I still find driving difficult too cos of all the bridges but it's easing off a little bit. I definately agree about throwing away that bloody sheet, when you're in a mind set like this, as so many of us are, the slightest thing can trigger us and if there's any interpretation to be had, we'll interpret it the wrong way. Only a 4 or 5 weeks ago I was as bad as you are, the thoughts/analysing/ruminations were 24/7 but at the minute I'm feeling great, I'm not saying it will last, the thoughts are still there, not as persistent and I'm not reacting to them as I was, as Scarlet instructed me to do, I'm just telling them to piss off and at the minute I'm doing ok. It's just such bloody hard work all the time when all you want to do is get on with each day, be it good or bad and accept it for what it is - as everybody else does, but you'll get there. You're not psychotic or anything else, you're unlucky enought to be suffering with severe anxiety/ocd - and it's hell, but we get through, all of us and you will too.
Take care
TM x
|
|
|
Post by mummydonna on Jun 9, 2008 12:37:35 GMT
hang in there hun...i, like so many other women on this website, experience this "mind chatter"...and i freak out that i'm insane or going that way. It's so intense but i never actually jump off the building or hurt my Lo or stab anyone, but it's hard to remember they are only thoughts when ur experiencing them..they can be totally overwhelming. Last w/e i was just rocking too and forth until they calmed down to a managable level and i could start using coping strategies, such a distraction and the valium i've been prescribed. Please try and take some reassurance from us that ur not going mad...it's pni and it will pass your doing so well keep talking.. hugs MD
|
|
|
Post by Scarlet on Jun 9, 2008 14:33:38 GMT
Did any of you ladies see the thread on eye patching to stop mind chatter/negative thinking. I actually thought it was a load of cods to start off with, but I actually spent 10 mins with my hand over my eye and did notice a bit of a difference I have to say. If I was plagued by these thoughts again I would definitely try it (not whilst anyone was a round mind, else they would think I'm ready for the loony bin ).. What do you reckon? Actually I just want someone to try to see if it works, or if it's just one of those daft ideas that someone comes up with as an April fool etc.... ;D veritee.proboards7.com/index.cgi?board=meds&action=display&thread=5653
|
|
|
Post by winegirl on Jun 9, 2008 19:34:43 GMT
Hi JM
How has the rest of the day been for you?
Is it near that time of the month at all, or have you had any stressful triggers?? It definately sounds like blip material, initially blips can be pretty intense and go on for sometime, but it will ease off again. I know how hard it is in the meantime though.
I can tell you all day that you are not psychotic, but the the thoughts will always make you think differently. Just keep coming here and reading your diary and peoples experiences of psychosis to try and train your brain in to believing that you are not.
Thinking of you x
WG x
|
|
|
Post by cokey on Jun 9, 2008 19:51:22 GMT
Hi JM
Gosh we are having a bad time eh? WG so hit the nail on the head about telling u u arent psychotic but the thoughts tell you otherwise. I have major mind chatter at the moment and all I do is tell myself its OCD and I am not going to go mad, kill anyone, kill myself but it just doesnt help. In fact the arguing with the thoughts makes it worse for me.
Please let our blip be over soon. I am thinking of u but when u feel bad remember you are so not alone.
Cokey xxx
|
|
|
Post by winegirl on Jun 10, 2008 7:33:12 GMT
Hi JM
How are things this morning for you? I know the mornings can usually be the worse. Hope the blip might be easing off??
WG x
|
|