annmarie
New Member
mum to a little boy 20 months and a little girl 5 1/2 months
Posts: 14
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Post by annmarie on Apr 11, 2008 20:53:37 GMT
Hope tomoorrow is a better day for you. You were a great help for me last night thank you. stay strong x
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Post by littlelotty on Apr 12, 2008 9:28:48 GMT
Thanks Annmarie and WG
I still don't feel like writing what even happened yesterday. I am exhausted this morning and even though I had a few hours sleep last night I think yesterday has taken it out of me. I have no energy this morning and thank god my hubby is here this morning to take care of our LO. He is off to football this afternoon but I am meeting up with my best friend for lunch with the children so looking forward to that cause I could not be on my own with my LO at the moment.
I just can't believe I had a day like yesterday, was crying last night as I thought I was back to 'normal' and so angry that I wasn't. My hubby said that it shows I am not ready to go back to work and that upset me cause I am desparate to go back at the moment as it feels like I will be back to normal I guess. I know I am pushing myself too much and trying to do everything I was able to do before and then get really angry and upset that I can't.
I hope I can write what happened yesterday but it just feels at the moment that I don't want to even talk about it and want to move on with another day I guess.
Hope everyone is ok.
LittleLotty xx
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Post by winegirl on Apr 12, 2008 9:55:35 GMT
Hi LL
When you are ready hun - will always be here x
Only you know if you are ready to go back to work hun. I went back in the depths of PNI and it was a bit of a double edged sorwd as it really probably wasnt the best time for me, but at the same time it really has been a turning point in my career.
I hope today is better for you and will be around on and off (in between taking LO swimming and tdying up) if you need to talk xx
Love
WG x
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larsbars
Senior Member
Mummy to Daisy 3 1/2 & Jamie 2.
Posts: 415
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Post by larsbars on Apr 12, 2008 9:59:18 GMT
Hi LL,
I'm so sorry you had a bad day yesterday. It's so disheartening when you have felt so good and then you feel like the complete opposite again and there doesn't seem to be any reason for. The last few days I have felt like you. I was okay for a while then for some reason became all negative again and like what is the point of it all. I have to say though that yesterday I felt a lot better and seem to be ok today so it does show that you will come out again the other side. You mentioned that whatever happened yesterday you didn't want to talk about so is there something that made you feel like crap. The reason I ask is because I think that I may have just ovulated and wondered if it was that time for you as well. I do find this affects me although it is no-where near as bad as it was. I always think that I can't cope and want to run away but have realised that I can actually cope. It's great on days where I feel fine I just find it so hard when I feel bad. You are doing a great job and have made so much progress. This is just a blip and you will feel better again.
I hope you have a lovely day today with your friend and hope your husbnds team wins! Who does he support?
Love and Hugs xx
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Post by littlelotty on Apr 13, 2008 11:14:15 GMT
Feeling slighty better but just don't want to write anymore and I am finding the slightest thing is upsetting me. I want to just switch off and although I keep looking on the site have no energy or enthuasim to respond to anyone or write my diary. Not good I know and I am stressing about everything such as should I be looking at going back to work when I feel like this! Anyway I hope when I feel better I can write again and I pray that I will stop feeling so tired and down. I might take a dizaepam tonight to calm me.
Thanks for all your support though it is helping.
LittleLotty xx
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Post by winegirl on Apr 13, 2008 12:27:31 GMT
Hi LittleLotty
Take your time hun - you dont have to read or wirte anything that you think may upset you. Get as much rest as you can and know that we will be here xx
Take Care
WG x
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larsbars
Senior Member
Mummy to Daisy 3 1/2 & Jamie 2.
Posts: 415
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Post by larsbars on Apr 13, 2008 17:16:52 GMT
Hi LL,
Ditto Winegirl.
You are under no pressure from anyone here to write just do what is best for you at the moment. I know it's hard but do try not to put too much pressure on yourdelf about going back to work. I know it's frustrating and you just want to be back there and for everything to be as it was but it WILL happen whatever so try and relacx for now and go with it until you are feeling a bit better. So much easier said than done I know.
Take care and we''ll speak to you soon.
xxxxx
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Post by cokey on Apr 13, 2008 19:43:18 GMT
Hi Littlelotty
I am sorry you have been feeling so bad.
I just want you to know that we are all here for you and tomorrow is another day. One thing that I find remarkable with this illness is the speed by which we crash again but also the speed by which we pick up again.
Try not to fret about work. My mate had PNI and went back and struggled (she is a teacher of all things)and ended up having more time off but now its all forgotten and no-one even gives it second thought. So what if you do go back and hate it, just get signed off again. It won't matter long term at all.
Big hugs.
Cokey xxx
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Post by littlelotty on Apr 14, 2008 9:44:49 GMT
Hi All
Thanks so much for all of your support over the weekend. I am feeling better this morning and had a good night sleep last night which has made me feel better this morning. My LO slept until 8am this morning which is a miracle but I think she was so tired from yesterday as we did alot! Yesterday we had a slight lie in as my in laws had our LO and we then had to go to my house and a man with a van came and one of my OH mates as he was taking loads of the stuff as he is moving into a flat and has nothing so I got loads of things for him which helped us, they also brought over the last of my furniture back and it is all cleared now which is so good. Just have to clean it!!! We had lunch and then picked up our LO from in laws and went over to see my friend who is having a bad time with her PNI and has been crying alot and is struggling with her three children - 10, 5 and 2, her husband is away with work at the moment and this has made it worse. I took all the children out and our LO to the local soft play area with my Hubby and spent 3.5 hours there!!! She was able to get some things done such as shopping and cleaning in peace! She then cooked us dinner and we then came back and our LO was shattered and went straight to bed and we went on the computer and then went to bed ourselves as we were shattered!!! It has helped me alot to help my best friend and has made myself pick myself up to be strong for her so that has been good. She is feeling a bit better this morning and we are both going to weight watchers tonight as I want to lose at least a stone - would like more but have to be realistic! She has also booked herself a doctors appointment with some nagging from me! I said it is payback for all the nagging she gave me when I was really ill!!!
I have a quiet day today which is good and have done some washing and will go out to get a couple of things that I forgot at shopping! I also will be sorting some drawers out and having a bit of a clean!
Have appointment with occupational health tommorrow so hope that goes ok.
Thanks again to everyone! I don't know what I would do without this site!
LittleLotty xx
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Post by winegirl on Apr 14, 2008 14:06:44 GMT
Oooh LittleLotty you are amazing!! 3 kids plus your own? That was really nice of you - you dont fancy taking mine of my hands for 3.5 hours too do you?! LOL x
Seriously, though look after yourself too, And good luck with Occ Health tomorrow, will be thinking of you xx
WG x
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larsbars
Senior Member
Mummy to Daisy 3 1/2 & Jamie 2.
Posts: 415
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Post by larsbars on Apr 14, 2008 18:50:33 GMT
Hi Littlelottie,
I'm glad you are feeling brighter today. Well done for having all of those kids the other day. You are brave!
I know what you mean about being strong for your friend...it does kind of help you and give you something else to focus on. You feel a sense of achievement for making someone elses life a bit easier but as WG says remeber to look after yourself as well.
I hope tomorrow is a bit better again for you.
xxx
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Post by littlelotty on Apr 15, 2008 13:29:24 GMT
Hi All
Had a quiet day yesterday for a change! Did the washing and got my post re-directed at the post office - not as easy as I thought but all set up. I got the other few bits at the shop and my lunch. Came home and had lunch and read the paper and then fell asleep for an hour and woke up when the phone went off - my hubby calling and checking on me!! I managed though to get back to sleep in the afternoon for another hour - must of been tired!!!! Woke up and tidied a few things and sorted out some stuff. Went to get my LO from nursery and we went over to my friends to go to weight watchers - a bit of a shock on the scales but determined to lose at least a stone or more! It helps going with my best mate as we can encourage each other.
Came home and got LO bathed and in bed and then hubby had cooked dinner - pizza and chips - nice and healthy!!!! Men just don't understand do they!! Did some ironing and then chilled out watching tele! Went to bed and had a fairly good night sleep although still waking up a couple of times.
Got My LO to nursery and then came back and did a work out - one from the video for an hour and felt really good afterwards. Got showered and then had my porridge for breakfast - good start! Then had to go to occupational health and I was quiet anxious about the appointment. The woman I saw was not very good and I was nearly crying during the appointment. She asked about the overdose and asked what I took and how many and she tutted and wrote it down. She asked if it did any damage to my liver and I said no - they did blood test at the hospital and they didn't have to pump me or anything and she said - 'well no damage that you know yet'. She wanted me to talk about the anxiety and depression which I did and was honest about things such as the suicide feelings the other week as I thought I should be honest.
She then asked about my job and what do I do and I had to explain it and she said 'so you take children away' I said that is one aspect of my work and she said that is very difficult considering my childhood! She then wanted me to talk about my childhood and I just said that my mother had/has mental health problems and parents separated at 11year old and sexually abused by mothers partern and my dad died when I was 19 years. She then said that she is concerned that I could do my job when I return due to my past and because I have had a previous episode of depression. I said that I keep my professional hat on when at work and my personal life is mine and it does not impact work. She then talked about diet and I said that I have been comforting eating and I said that I started weight watchers yesterday and she said that I should not be doing that as dieting when you have depression is the worst thing. I thought that if I am eating healthier and feeling good about myself for losing a bit of weight surely that will help my moods. She then said about what I do during the day and I said that I take my LO to nursery and pick her up and go out at least once a day even if it is to the shop which is much better than it was. She said she wants me to do more and go out more - how much more I don't know! She then said that I need to take omega 3 tablets which I agreed with. She said she wanted me to exercise every day and not to mope around the house so much!!! I was so angry whilst I was in the meeting and was about to burst into tears at any point! She said that I need to be off work for another two to three months at least which was not what I wanted to hear as I feel nearly ready to go back.
She has made an appointment to see me in four weeks time. She showed no sympathy and very cold. I came out and was so angry and phoned hubby, my manager and my best friend - off loading to them and having a good old rant and they disagreed with a lot of what she said. They said to put a complaint in if I am so unhappy about it but I don't want to be seen as the trouble maker and cause even more problems. I am now dreading going back to see her and will lie I think and say that I feel fine as she clearly will not get what I am saying! Part of me is missing with not being at work and it is the last thing I need back. I understand that I am not ready yet but in four weeks time I know I will be and will be honest if I am not. It will be a gradual return to work anyway with one day a week then two days etc so it will not be going back four days.
I am still so angry about it but went to get my vitamins and had a healthy lunch as I am keeping going with the diet!
Hope you are all well - we have relate tonight so looking forward to that.
LittleLotty xx
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Post by winegirl on Apr 15, 2008 20:03:07 GMT
Hi LL
My thoughts:
If you feel ready to go back to work the do it. You know if you are up to it or not.
If you are not hapy seeing this woman - put a request in to change. If you explain to your employers that this woman upsets you they will have to act on that.
Remembr this woman is just interested in the facts and makes a judgement on that to protect you and your employer.
I hope relate goes well for you guys tonight and will spk soon xx
WG x
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Post by littlelotty on Apr 17, 2008 8:56:48 GMT
Hi All
Well have managed to calm down from my appointment with occupational health on tuesday. I know she is right that I am not ready to go back just find it so hard to hear it and get very defensive. Still don't like her due to the way she was with me but I will be much more prepared for it for the next appointment and I think I will play her game!
I had a good session with relate and we talked through the last week as we had a few problems on friday and we both talked about my work - so as usual a good session and it is helping us alot and we both look forward to it every week.
Yesterday was such a good day and I was so pleased with myself. I had my LO on my own all day as in laws had builders around. My friend came down to see me in the morning and I had a good morning chatting and my LO was so well behaved for a change! I then took her swimming in the afternoon and it was so good and my LO enjoyed it so much - she kept wanting to jump off the edge which was so funny. I did not get stressed at any point and can't believe that I did it all on my own - especially when you have to get dressed afterwards which I hate! I then came back and my LO was tired so she went down for a sleep for a bit and then I gave her tea and then hubby came home and I couldn't believe that I had lasted all day without shouting at her, getting stressed and wishing my hubby was coming home. I then went to squash and we had a great session with my friend and she said that I seemed full of energy and it was a really close game.
I have started to take multi-vitamins and omega 3 tablets everyday and eating really healthy due to my diet and I feel so much better on it. I have a lot more energy during the day and seem a bit happier which is so good. I came home and showered and then had dinner and watched tele. My hubby took our LO to nursery this morning so I could have lie in which was nice and I am going to do some cleaning today at both houses I think.
I was going to go to the GUM clinic this morning - I haven't told anyone this but I have for years thought I might have an STI which is irrational I think as I would have had some symptoms by now I guess but I just can't get it out of my head and I thought I will be tested for everything but didn't have the courage to do that today so might next week. It all dates back to my younger years when I had a few one night stands and didn't use anything and have ever since then thought I have caught something! I think I am going to die from it and I wished I had acted different when I was younger. I can't even talk to my hubby about this and I tried so much this week to say it but I just couldn't. Do you think I am being irrational???
Hope you all are well and have a good day.
LittleLotty xx
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Post by winegirl on Apr 17, 2008 19:28:30 GMT
Hi LitteLotty
Well done on yesterday! Must have felt like a real acheivement!
Like the idea of the omega 3 tablets. Might check that out myself! Am thinking of starting my new diet on Monday so guess it would be a good time to kick the whole body into action!
Have a lovely day tomorrow hun xx
WG x
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