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Post by tabbysmum on Apr 6, 2009 19:56:10 GMT
It's a lovely compliment but that photo is 4 years old and my word have those 4 years taken their toll, even my cousin had a dig at it tonight and asked if it was taken 20 years ago - charming, with friends like that eh!
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Post by winegirl on Apr 6, 2009 21:20:17 GMT
Hey Cokey
There are always gonna be times from now until eternity when Sarah hears something that will upset her.. dont worry about it! One day you will only have to mention Simon's name and it will upset her others she will be able to talk about anything, but that is nothing to do with you so you really shouldnt feel bad about it!!
How has today been hun??
WG x
p.s. I agree about TM - my hubby saw her picture on fb and said 'ooooooh who is that then!' lol x
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Post by cokey on Apr 10, 2009 18:42:10 GMT
Hi ladies Am off on hols to St Ives tomorrow, so won't be about much. Becka, text me anytime, will be happy to hear from you I am of course, as is par for the course when going away with just Paul and the kids, packinga little OCD in my case. Would be rude not to. This little gem is the one about Paul having an affair. I will get it to send you a postcard lol Take care and have a gr8 easter everyone Cokey xx
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beckah
Senior Member
Posts: 350
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Post by beckah on Apr 10, 2009 20:07:57 GMT
Hi Cokey
You do make me laugh! Don't know if you'll check here before you go but i hope you have a lovely time, you deserve it.
xxxxx
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Post by winegirl on Apr 12, 2009 15:06:27 GMT
LOL! Hope you are having a LOVELY time hun! Look forward to having you back though! Love WG xx
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Post by cokey on Apr 18, 2009 19:09:47 GMT
Hello ladies
Am back. Had a lovely week. I just love St Ives and Paul and I got to do a lot of talking which helped me a great deal and I managed to tell him stuff I havent before about how his life has caused me a lot of pain and when he makes choices he needs to remember the consequences don't just affect him. Deep eh? Easier all said sat ona sunny beach looking into turquoise waters though.
As I thought, my OCD mates came along for the holiday, they particularly liked being with me at night. Mostly they revolved around Paul (poor guy) and I got very anxious at times thinking 'what if he kills me, what if he is having affair? etc etc but considering i was 400 miles from my family and friends and I stuck it out, I am pleased.
I got a bit worked up reading a book, this girl in it has OCd (although its not labelled) but also she get depressed and is alcoholic but some of the way her character is described touched a nerve and made me get a bit deep thinking 'what if I am depressed really etc etc and this is my life'?' I know thats silly and this PNI will go totally eventually but its a scary thought that my nerves will be this raw forever.
Okay, deep and meaningful over, am soooo tired after 8 he journey and unpacking, am off to bed.
Take acre
Cokey xx
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beckah
Senior Member
Posts: 350
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Post by beckah on Apr 18, 2009 20:54:28 GMT
Hi Cokey
Glad to have you back.
I know what you mean about being scared that your nerves will be this raw forever. I feel exactly the same. I've always been a bit of a worry wart but never overly anxious, i mean, i've abseiled, got drunk to the point of passing out in public and many other extremely dangerous things and yet now, i am scared of taking antibiotics! LOL. It does scare me that i will always be this way, i don't think i could live like that. But i also know i have only been this anxious since PNI and it has to get better, it just has to.
Glad you got the chance to have a good talk with Paul, helps to get things out in the open and sometimes home just isn't the place to do that.
Hope you have a restful night and speak to you soon. xxxxxxxx
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Post by winegirl on Apr 19, 2009 8:16:51 GMT
Hi Cokey
Lovely to have you back and so pleased you had a nice time x
Do you know the title of this book? Sounds like something I want to read...
I believe that whilst I am ok my nerves are still raw these days.. but getting better. I read an interesting book by Dr Claire Weeks called Self Help For Your Nerves, and have ound that it really helped, she has some interesting ideas that make alot of sense!
Anyway, good to have you back. Wont be around myself thsi week as I am on my jollies in Cromer, but hope to catch up when i get back x
Take Care
WG xx
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Post by cokey on Apr 19, 2009 8:28:22 GMT
Hey ladies
Nerves and hormones eh, who invented them....
That book is the latest by Marian Keyes, this charming man. Its the stories of 4 women, but one woman has this problem it seems since she was a teen but Marian Keyes has written it so well, she must have some personal experience or done damn good research. Actually I think her dad was an alcoholic. I will be finished in about a week, do you want me to send it to you when I'm done? I would be happy to.
Cokey xxx
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Post by winegirl on Apr 19, 2009 9:38:21 GMT
Oh Cokey that would be great! In fact how about a book swap? If your interested I will send you teh Claire Weeks book - or any other book that might interest you for that matter?? I have a stack (hundreds - need to sell them really) So if there is anything you may particularly want to read that I have you can have with pleasure x
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Post by cokey on Apr 21, 2009 19:59:03 GMT
Ooh WG that sounds great, a book swap, would love the Claire Weekes one, have heard great stuff about her. I know you are away but when you get back we can sort it, I'll send you my address on facebook.
Well this week has been weird. The post holiday anxiety has settled in the day but in the evening I get really bad OCd still. Usually the Paul affair one. I read something into his every action yet he really has done nothing to make me suspect, at all. Its driving me absolutely nuts. I have asked him not to tell me every time I ask who his text was from. He spends most of his day on his phone. But he still does. My mum had this partucular OCD when she went through the menopause. It was really bad with her. But today my thought went, well if he does have an affair I am a strong woamn and can make him suffer (not in a nasty way, just by suceeding in life) but then my thought twisted to think like some men who kill their kids because they have been hurt that way abnd it made me really anxious. What if I get ridiculous, or what if this is anothe rmnetal illness such as paranoia and then I take it too far. Of course deep within I know its OCD but even though it may seem less scary than some, it twists until it becomes scary.
Anyone else have this one?
Cokey xx
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beckah
Senior Member
Posts: 350
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Post by beckah on Apr 21, 2009 21:16:42 GMT
Hi love
It is definitely OCD. I get quite alot of thoughts when i am angry at matt that i will take revenge in the worst possible ways. I think because we are so scared of becoming irrational, the thoughts we have are of things we would do if we were.
The fact that you get the thought alot shows that it is OCD and not paranoia. It's shit, i know, why can't we have OCD thoughts about us all being happy and everything being grand? Mind you we'd probably over analyse those as well.
You're not on your own xxxxxxx
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larsbars
Senior Member
Mummy to Daisy 3 1/2 & Jamie 2.
Posts: 415
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Post by larsbars on Apr 21, 2009 21:50:58 GMT
Hi Cokey,
I'm glad you have had a nice break and managed to have a good chat with OH. Post holiday stress....WTF is that all about. I get it too. You're supposed to be nice and relaxed when you come back off of holiday but I think for me I have to adjust back into the routine and feel a bit low because I have nothing else to look forward. I have started to try and look into the next thing now as soon as return from a break to try and distract myself. It kind of gives me a new focus. Even if it's just a day out to the zoo!
I get where you are with the thoughts too. My mum came to stay last week with me and she has got a few problems at the moment. She wanted to come and stay for the night but I don't get anything back in return when I need it but would never turn her down. She annoyed me at one stage and I remember thinking that we are not that close and could go a month without seeing her and wouldn't be bothered but then it turned into she could die and I wouldn't be bothered and then it was what if I went and killed her...OMG how morbid is that but it is more of a panic that I will do it if she annoys me. Of course I don't want to but it's the fear. I know how the thoughts can turn when you are stressed. I feel abit that way tonight. I'm coming to the end of my period and am feeling quite knackered. I have laid and watched the tele tonight and could have gone to sleep but I can't relax and keep tensing my jaw and squinting my eyes..when I did get up I had the big what is life all about thought and it has made me feel all jittery although life was fine earlier! Tiredness and stress and hormones....bloody bad mix!
I hope you feel a bit better soon x
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Post by cokey on Apr 22, 2009 11:53:31 GMT
Cheers ladies Its enough to make you crazy even if we aren't though eh? The thing I love about thsi forum, very selfishly, is that you know you are not alone and just when you think you are going nuts you nice ladies come along with your own experiences to make me feel normal again. I know my thought about Paul is my greatest fear because when I imagine he is having an affir, I feel sick. I know it shouldnt be at the forefront of my mind and other OCDs are worse but I think because I have had all the harming ones, suicide ones etc, this is the next on the list lol. Would help actually if someone gave us a list so we knew what to expect next and when it might end Hope you managed to relax Lara, its a buggar isn't it this relaxing lark. As for thought Becka, you are right, why can't we obsess about nice things like me having an affair lol - at least it would be interesting then LOL Cokey xx
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Post by cokey on Apr 29, 2009 18:17:55 GMT
Hello Ladies
Well not much new here. Not been bad emotionally recently. Had a bit of a panic the other day at a car boot but that soon passed. I'm a bit nervy about this swine flu but I think thats normal for any parent.
The next two days will be a test. I am due on on Friday and Paul has chosen to go to see Man Utd play tomight and so am alone all night til midnight, then tomorrow bless him he has also kindly opted to abandon me and go away for the night with mates to watch darts at Sheffield and wont be back til Friday. I'm sure I'll be fine but its not nice. Arse. I wouldnt mind cos we all have a free life but if I ever did that two in a row - not that I'd stay out on a night anyway - he'd pass out in shock and make my life a misery. Plus he claims he is exhausted and ill, not that bad if he can go on a mad bender all week eh? I know he'll be knackered and mardy all weekend which will be great fun for us. Mind you he did pick Michael up from school unprompted today and bought him a guitar.
So depending if PMT kicks in (which it may not - thank god I had that coil out) I may be back tomorrow freaking out lol
PS anyone got any health advice on this swine flu thingy???
Cokey xx
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