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Post by winegirl on Apr 29, 2009 20:42:43 GMT
Hey Cokey
Keeping everything crossed for you that this is a PMT free month for you ...
Swine flu. Well interestingle i have been researching it today and watching alot on the news about it. The good news is that it is no more dangerous than the regular flu virus. That is to most of us it just lays you up for a bit, but for those who are elderly, suffer respiratory illnesses, immune deficiancies etc..it is more serious. Just as regular flu.
I personally think the media are hyping it up and scaring the crap out of people unnecessarily. Not to say we shouldnt follow proper advice about it, but 15000 people die with every flu pandemic and it is not reported anywhere near the amount of coverage that 8 people dying of swine flu have...
The advice given is wash hands, dont sneeze on people, keep away from anyone with flu type symptoms etc...I have to say i have had flu symptoms today and my husband has been winding me up saying oink oink.. (funny git) But seriously, as it stands at the moment i dont think we need to worry just yet xxx
WG xx
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beckah
Senior Member
Posts: 350
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Post by beckah on Apr 29, 2009 23:28:25 GMT
Hi Cokey
I'm so much like you, this swine flu thing is scaring me if i let myself think about it. I am just trying to tell myself that like WG said the media do hype everything up. Bunch of tossers LOL!
If you feel shit or just bored i'm always up for a catch up on FB if you feel lonely or whatever tomorrow.
xxxxxxxxxxx
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Post by cokey on May 4, 2009 8:51:27 GMT
Hi Ladies
Having a crappy few days at the moment. Paul went on his bender last week and is now so tired he's being cold and funny again. he does this and I know its coming and he just balems work but I then say well if work is so bad then how can youspend three days off going on jollies rather than trying to sort stuff out. I know he needs a break but he just wallows in it at times. He means well but he just always takes it out on me and when he does that it makes me anxious.
So now I am anxious again because we have spent the past 2 days rowing and also I am a bit down today which then triggers my suicide/flipping ocd.
When paul is ok, my pni is ok but he makes me feel rough again.
Cant remmeber if I said but his mum has asked us to go to Florida with Pauls family next year and she will pay. Well Paul has said we are going but I have always said I wouldnt go with them because they gang up on me and in a foreigh country that isnt good. But I have relented and said I will go even though it truly will be hard work and I will get upset, I just know it. But I have to say yes for the kids and Paul. But then yesterday was my sisters birthday, so she, her kids and my parents came to my house and he couldnt even be bothered to come out the garage and say hello to my parents. I know he sees them all the time and he is the same with his own parents but he just wont reciprocate the efforts I put in for him and I lost my rag yesterday and just wanted him to leave. I am sick of the way he treats me and indulges in his moods/wallows. he has it so so hard with work and stuff thats gone on but he wont even try to help himself and that I can't do anything with.
Today I am trying to be nice and affectionate, even though we have to go for a florida meeting which I am dreading because they will bully me into doing everything they want but he still can't be nice back because he says he's busy. He is busy and I understand all he says about his work and the pressure he is under but it takes 30 seconds to smile, ask how I am and give me a hug. Rather than it being a chore.
Men!!!
Glad I got that off my chest.
Hope u all ok.
Cokey xx
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beckah
Senior Member
Posts: 350
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Post by beckah on May 4, 2009 9:12:52 GMT
There must be something in the water in this country as i am ready to hit matt over the head with something heavy and one of my friends called me this morning moaning about her other half!
Just wanted to back you up... men are crap! Grrrrr
Love your manhating friend xxxx
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Post by winegirl on May 4, 2009 9:34:14 GMT
Right miss Cokey - time to get tough.. Stand up for yourself and start laying down some ground rules! Make sure it is known what YOU want on this trip and get a bit assertive with them. They will prob be shocked but bloody hell its time you started getting treated with some respect lady!
As for Paul, does he realise how his actions impact on your OCD??
WG xx
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Post by cokey on May 5, 2009 9:43:32 GMT
Hi Ladies
Still feeling rough today. I don't know if its anxiety or if I am slightly depressed (not that it matters either way) but I feel so low and tearful. Pauls behaviour has really gotten me down and I just feel its sucha slog all the time. Although really life isnt so bad compared to a lot of peoples and Paul isnt bad really, he just has his own problems. I think in reality he has his own depression but I find it hard to deal with because I am not 100% myself and it triggers me and my OCD which has gone crazy again. Also I find it hard because he seemingly doesnt do anything to help himself. He wallows somewhat and whilst I totally 1000000% appreciate just how hard things have been for him, I also know how hard things have been for me yet he never seems to acknowledge that. I would be more compassionate towards him if he showed some compassion towards me but he is so cold when he gets like this. When he is ok, he's great.
To be honest I just feel life has been so hard in this house for so long now with other stuff thats gone on that we need a fresh start. We are working towards that, so I guess its just patience but sadly my OCD is telling me otherwise.
Well the Florida meeting was a washout. Paul wasnt talking, no-one mentioned Florida until it was time to go home and my brother-in-law who is organising it had gone out by that time. However we briefly discussed villas and my sis-in-law was like a dog with a bone and just went on and on about how it would be better and cheaper to share one big villa. Thats not going to happen, we wont go, even Paul would say no to that but he said nothing to her and in the end I had to say 'I am not wishing to offend but I want separate villas on the basis it will be a madhouse with 6 kids and 6 adults' but she still wouldnt let it drop so I left it. paul has agreed that won't happen, we just wont go. Seriously though if someone told me they didnt wish to share point blank, I would back off and be embarrassed. Jesus christ!!!
Today I am ironing, its raining and I'm feeling low but I just need to do something constructive. At least when the ironings done, its a mini achievemnt.
Fingers crossed this is a mini-blip that will soon pass.
Candice xx
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Post by winegirl on May 5, 2009 18:04:54 GMT
Hey Cokey Sorry you are having a blippy day Has it picked up at all? Probably a good idea that the crazy sister was banging on about sharing a villa to put Paul off! Hopefully now that is one less chore off your mind?? How you doing this evening mate? WG xx ps. book went in post today x
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Post by cokey on May 5, 2009 18:45:10 GMT
Hi WG
Your book in post today too! How exciting lol
Well today has just got worse and worse. Nothing has mad eit worse but this mood I am in is getting darker. Its weird, its almost hormonal, like I just feel such a heavy sadness but in actual fact I am not sad. Its weird. I just don't know what to make of it but naturally its made my suicide thoughts go crazy and I am trying really hard to label it as OCD but they are scaring me a bit to be honest.
Having said all that, I had this feeling a few months ago and it passed so I will just hang on in there. Time is the best healer etc etc
Wish me luck.
Cokey xx
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Post by cheshire on May 6, 2009 12:41:18 GMT
Big hugs Cokey xx
It will pass - here's hoping the next few days get better and better x
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Post by winegirl on May 6, 2009 16:53:23 GMT
Hey Cokey
Sorry to hear you are struggling still mate. Hang in there and wait for it to pass and know you can talk to us anytime...
How has this afternoon been for you mate??
WG xx
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Post by cokey on May 7, 2009 10:57:02 GMT
|Hello Ladies
Feeling a bit better today. Felt very anxious in bed last night but actually the anxiety is reassuring. Today I know its OCD and I ma keeping distracted to stop the self questioning.
I'm a bit upset about something. Its all too personal to go into but if you remember Paul had something happen to him well over a year ago. Even though it got sorted totally its left a real bag of issues behind for no reason and today it came back to bite us on the behind. Its a very unfair situation and one no-one should ever have to go through. To be honest I feel I could talk about it here but I cant because that is not fair on Paul. But it would explain a lot of things and our relationship. (He didnt have an affair or anything like that - this was far worse). Anyway basically I know it will make Paul down again. Sometimes in life horrific things happen to good people in the wrong place at the wrong time and its just so shit.
Anyway I am keeping upbeat and looking at the positives of the day.
Good news is post just turned up and your book is here WG. With a really nice card, you are very thoughtful. Thank u so much, will read and return.
Cokey xx
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Post by winegirl on May 7, 2009 19:37:00 GMT
Hey no worries mate x
Look, if you want to discuss what happened but feel it unfair on Paul to publicise it hear you can either PM myself or any other Mod, or you could use the relationship section which is passworded for privacy?
Its totall up to you hun, but its there if you want to get it off your chest.
Sending you huge hugs ((()))
WG x
p.s I had card through my letterbox to say yours is at post office so collecting in the morning x Thank you xxxx
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Post by cokey on May 8, 2009 18:45:02 GMT
Hello Ladies
Well today has been a funny one. Woke feeling anxious but quite bright in mood. I took Evie to town alone (which I could never have done a while back) and got her new shoes. She kicked off big time and wouldnt let us measure her feet or anything but I was calm and it didnt bother me. I pottered about the shops a bit. Came home - didnt do much constructive except get tea ready, order stuff from next, etc etc but the day was okay. Took Michael to swimming lesson, again okay. But now I feel low again. I am wondering if actually I am just tired. We all get mental fatigue (ha ha! got that from WG's book which is fab by the way, really helpful) but I think I just associate any negative feeling with depression because I have such a huge fear of it. I know I'm not depressed because the best way I can describe this is I am ina large bubble, feeling shit but I can see my happy life outside of it. If I was depressed I am guessing the bubble would have no windows. Does that make sense?
So early night, keep busy tomorrow and hopefully this blip will pass.
The thing I found interesting in the Claire Weekes book WG sent me is her theories on blips. That you can feel recovered for so long before a blip and thats a normal part of recovery. Also, she mentions fear-flashes, never knew what they were, whereby you have moments of feeling 'normal' and happy and then suddenly the thoughts/feelings hit you again. V interesting.
Just want to come out of this now but I have to accept its a blip and it'll pass when its ready if I keep busy and active.
How is everyone else today?
Cokey xx
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Post by winegirl on May 8, 2009 21:03:42 GMT
Keep reading that book Cokey - she has some GREAT tips on how to get through it and is the only Dr ever to claim to cure anxiety... I know her tips REALLy helped me xx
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Post by cokey on May 11, 2009 10:59:34 GMT
Hi Ladies
Still a bit blippy, all the usual OCds haunting me but not that I cant cope with. I still feel like I am down, although I can never be sure if the OCD is telling me to feel that way or what. I permanently feel like I am about to burst into tears but I think thats built up anxiety trapped.
I am keeping busy but even though I have tons to do I am bored bored bored!
How was everyone's weekend?
Cokey xx
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