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Post by cokey on May 20, 2008 16:39:20 GMT
Hi TM
So sorry your son didnt pass. Never mind, I am sure he will next time, its just disappointing for him.
You are doing so well, I think we were at our worst together and have consistently felt about the same all the way through. I don't know about you but even though I have downs, the ups are so appreciated and you think back to how we were eh?
Cokey xxx
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Post by winegirl on May 21, 2008 19:38:57 GMT
Hi TM
Tell your son I am a VERY good driver but it took me 5 tests! I had the same examiner for the first 4 and he frightened the like out of me (ex army guy) and I used to go to pieces. On the 5th test I had a different chap who was lovely and I passed without one minor! Spooky.
Glad you have been keeping on top of the thoughts. You have hit the nail on the head when you have said that some of it is habit. I found I would have freaky thoughts at the same time every day when doing something specific and I now think it was just because I believed I should be having those thoughts then.
Hope teh Christening goes well on Sunday! Managed to get yourself a nice outfit??
WG x
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Post by tabbysmum on May 22, 2008 9:45:47 GMT
Hi all,
Had quite an anxious couple of days. After I saw my counsellor I went into Coventry to try and find a new dress for the christening, had to park in the multi storey above Debenhams and felt quite nervous about being up high. When I walked out the car park into the shopping area I was even worse. Managed to get down onto the level I needed but then started having palpitations and went very dizzy, thought I was going to die. Recovered and carried on shopping but when I tried to go down the escalator I was just frozen with fear and couldn't move and had to use the lift. When it came to going back to my car it was just awful, I kept thinking I was going to throw myself over the railings - I always have thoughts about throwing myself off high places and always have, it's just worse at the minute. Drove home in a bit of a panic, had to go over a couple of motorway bridges and by then the thoughts had gone into overdrive. Yesterday I had my lo with me all day and I thought I felt ok until my son told me about of couple of his friend mums who had died, then I starting thinking I was going to die. Have still got the remnants of this cold which I've had for about 5 weeks now and a persistent cough, so decided that I had a heart problem and I was going to drop down dead, came straight home and googled symptons of an enlarged heart, which I know was stupid. Then I started reading a book about OCD which had just come from Amazon and that triggered me a bit more. Bathed my lo and started have thoughts about pushing her head under the water, opened the freezer this morning and had a thought about putting her in there, the list just goes on and on. Am going to a wedding in Scotland in 3 weeks time and I'm already starting to panic about the windows in the hotel where we're staying, I'm scared to death they're not going to be safety windows and will open completely leaving me scared witless that I'm going to throw her out, have already decided I'm taking a roll of gaffer tape with me to tape them shut. And after all that - I didn't manage to find a dress I liked so have to wear something old!
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Post by cokey on May 22, 2008 14:22:30 GMT
Hey TM First of all, pat yourself massively on the back because to carry on shopping after your panic attack is such an achievement and not to be underestimated. I know its hard but try not to google (I am a culprit too but its not good). You are not ill. Remember what Mr Linden said in his stuff, maybe re-reading that will help. The jumping off things high up is so common. I have had that one since I was about 18. I haven't done it yet, so its just a thought. Strangely as my husband was put last night, I decided to bath the kids and felt a pang on anxiety just the same as you. I have had that thought both times about putting their heads under but actually once I got them in the bath I was fine. You know you are anxious at the moment because you have so much going on. Thats all. You would be anxious even if you didnt have PNI. I was the same last week. Accept you will be like this until next week and let is happen. Nothing bad will come of it. As for Scotland, they will have to have safety windows. Don't worry. Its silly because you know it all yourself, but when we get anxious, we can't stop ourselves from performing our safety behaviour. Do you carry recsue remedy in case you panic? Its quick and easy to carry and I feel better knowing I have it but rarely use it. Or you can ring or text me Try and take an hour each night to have a bath or do something for you, just to relax and refocus. Hope you are okay today. Cokey xxx
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Post by winegirl on May 22, 2008 18:53:34 GMT
Hi TM
You did briliantly to stick with the shopping after having all the thoughts! When I was at that point of my illness I would have legged it! Well done you!
I am sorry it has been so tough for you with the thoughts hun, and I really hope today has been better for you. I know that you will manage ok at the hotel in Scotland, you husband will be with you won't he? Can you let him know when you get there how you feel about the windows??
How have things been today?
WG x
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Post by tabbysmum on May 22, 2008 19:53:57 GMT
Hi WG, my husband wont be with me no, he's racing and being a man knows his priorities! I'm going with my cousin, her husband and her mum, I've asked for inter connecting rooms and they all know about my fears and phobias so will have support. Just a shame as we've been looking forward to having a nice weekend away together for so long and now I'm starting to panic.
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Post by winegirl on May 23, 2008 7:28:07 GMT
Hi TM
You may still have a nice time hun. When I was ill I always struggled with these things and never looked forward to them but dreaded them. But when it actually came to it I would actually be ok and 9 times out of 10 would enjoy it!
These are just horrid thoughts hun, they are not real, keep telling yourself that. And if you get them while you are there tell your family immediately so they can help you through it.
How are you doing this morning? You up to much today??
WG x
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Post by Scarlet on May 23, 2008 7:58:27 GMT
Hiya Tabbysmum,
How are you feeling today hun?
I used to live in Coventry. Know what you mean about the feeling you got in the multi-story car park and the fear of jumping off. It's the reaction to the thought that causes the panic. I always used to get a pain in my heart or in my stomach before I panicked, and I had many thoughts just like you described..
Please try not to worry about your holiday. I live in an apt block (5th floor) over here, and I don't have any safety catches on my windows, they open right out onto a busy road, and even though I had the feeling a few times like you, that either I would jump or push my child out, I never did. We have now bought an apt on 25th floor, and when I went to see it last year, I remember standing on the balcony and panicking, I had to force myself about 20-30 times just to go outside. When we move there, I know I will have no problems because I faced my fear, and will continue to do so, it doesn't even enter my thoughts these days and I am looking forward to sitting on my balcony with a glass of wine.
Please don't take the tape to Scotland hun, you won't need it... If the thought comes in your head, distract yourself from it. You can do it.
Did you see my thread on Mindfulness mediation. perhaps do it for a week or two and see if it makes a difference.
Hugs
xx
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Post by winegirl on May 26, 2008 9:16:59 GMT
Hi TM
How did the christening go hun? Did everyone have a nice time? How are you feeling?
Hope you are ok and thinking of you x
WG xx
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Post by tabbysmum on May 27, 2008 20:29:20 GMT
Well had a busy few days. My daughters christening was lovely, she was very well behaved and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves, was worried there wasn't going to be enough to eat but there was tons - we're still eating the left overs, I had Manchester tart and stilton for my breakfast today! It's that dreaded time for me again - my husband is on his late shift so I've felt a bit wobbly since last night and my thoughts have increased compared to the past few days but not as bad as they were a few weeks ago so things are obviously on the up. I have made sure I've kept busy and have been on my laptop working since my lo went to bed, if I can work in the evenings it keeps me distracted and frees up my time in the day to do anything that I can't do when my daughters about (like sleeping!). I know I keep saying this but please let this be the start of things getting better!
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Post by winegirl on May 27, 2008 20:34:33 GMT
Hi Hun Glad the christening was lovely hun xx Just give us a shout if you have any problems shifting those left overs Distraction is a good idea babes. I find I keep myself busy doing stuff at nights too as thats when I start to struggle a bit. What time will hubby me home? I will be around most of the night if you need a bit of back up, but am confident you will be fine xx Love WG xx
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Post by tabbysmum on May 28, 2008 20:05:04 GMT
Another day, another battle. I'm so fed up with this. I'm finding this week hard as I'm on my own during the evenings and my thoughts have gone into overdrive. I'm very tense and starting to feel a bit freaked out. I am keeping myself busy but i'm really struggling to distract myself. I actually think that going back to work has hindered my recovery to a degree. I was used to spending a lot of time alone but now I'm not. I spend all day working which is obviously distracting me but then when the times comes to collect her from nursery I start panicking about being on my own with her. Even though I'm starting to accept the thoughts for just thoughts, they're so vile I'm struggling to cope with them. I do need to expose myself to my thoughts and fears to overcome them but it's just such hard work all the time and I'm weary.
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Post by winegirl on May 29, 2008 7:33:07 GMT
Hi TM
You could do with a break hun. Acouple of days of no work, no hubby. no LO. The thoughts wont bother you so much then and it should give your brain a rest, I know how tiring it is.
How did last night go for you babes?
WG x
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Post by tabbysmum on May 29, 2008 8:20:29 GMT
Hi WG, I coped ok, didn't phone or text anyone, just tried to brave it out and felt very pleased with myself by the time my hubby came home. The thoughts calmed down almost instantly once he was back which just proves they are all anxiety based - doesn't make them any easier to deal with thought when you're in the thick of it though.
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Post by cokey on May 29, 2008 18:47:41 GMT
Just think TM, a month ago you were so desperate, now you can cope all evening, thoughts and all, without help. You might need help another time but each time you do it, is a step closer.
I think you did so well.
C xxx
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