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Post by bam02 on Aug 19, 2008 21:21:39 GMT
That is great! Its so difficult to do. But the best thing to talk to people who can see you through this....
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Post by cazfletcher on Aug 19, 2008 21:23:28 GMT
did you call them hun? how are you feeling now?
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Post by bam02 on Aug 19, 2008 21:41:58 GMT
I hope you did call them as Caz said. Let us know how it went even its tomorrow.....Any time really.
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Aug 19, 2008 21:45:28 GMT
i didnt call them - i ended up cutting anyway not too bad though - not deep enough to need treatment. I had to do it. Sorry guys. I feel like i failed you all because you tried to help me. But i think i am beyond help. I cant even help myself.
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Post by cazfletcher on Aug 20, 2008 7:21:38 GMT
you havent failed us at all hun dont worry. we are all still here for you. are you ok this morning? call someone if you need to, please let us know how you are
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Post by winegirl on Aug 20, 2008 7:26:35 GMT
Of course you havent failed us Shell! I felt like I had failed you by nodding off at 11.00pm!
I am glad it is not so bad as to need to treatment, but you will keep an eye on it wont you?
Do you have any plans for today? Anything to keep you busy? You never said how you were getting on with your rug??
WG xx
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Post by cheshire on Aug 20, 2008 11:10:02 GMT
Hi Shell,
I understand the urge to s/h - and am sorry you felt so bad last night, but am glad the cuts are not too bad. How are you feeling today? Hopefulx
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Aug 20, 2008 19:40:24 GMT
had to cut today - voices inmy head telling me to so much and i had to do it badly so i did it bad and had to go back to a & e to have stitches again. Same nurse and same doctor as last time - they remembering me all the time and they probably think i am the worlds greatest ever waste of space and no hoper.
Got psychology assessment again tomorrow - be the third session. They assess anywhere between 1 and 4 sessions before deciding whether they can offer me cbt. Hoping it goes ok and hoping that they will offer me it. The reason i want it is to help me with the self harm as she is my last hope and if she cant help me and i cant help myself it means i am never going to stop this.
Keep thinking of cutting again real bad - but think if i end up back in a & e again tonight they will not be happy and prob end up sectioning me as its been threatened by my cpn last week.
I am such a mess and i cant be bothered to fight anymore. I want to be a good mum to jack but never will be so dont see the point in trying to be something i will never be
Shell
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Post by winegirl on Aug 20, 2008 20:03:26 GMT
Hi Shell
You dont know what the furture holds. There was a time in my life where I felt there was no point and I could not be the things i wanted/was meant to be. But now here I am with everything back in play. It hasnt been easy but I am here to tell the story.
I am sorry you ended up back in a&e. How were things left with them at the hospital?
WG xx
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Post by bean on Aug 20, 2008 20:09:04 GMT
Hi Shell I wish there was some way i couldhelp you, you are so caring of others, I can tell the way you talk to me, i feel the same about not wanting you to hurt too. Have you thought about ringing your mum tonight so youre not alone I know you dont like to - i know where youre coming from there too, but im sure she would want you to.
Please look after yourself - who else is going to talkme into going to bed safely, YOU DO MATTER - BELIEVE ME. take care hun x beany x
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Aug 20, 2008 20:29:27 GMT
thanks wg and bean
your words mean so much but i just feel like giving in again. I am so unhappy and so messed up and dont know what i am doing anymore.
Bean I want to be there for you too as i hate seeing you going through it all too hun but im sorry that tonight i cant do it. I cant even look after myself tonight
Shell
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Post by winegirl on Aug 20, 2008 20:37:32 GMT
If you do this tonight and end up back in a&e twice in 24 hours it wont look great mate. Got anyone around for distraction? How about your mate that lives across the road??
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Post by cheshire on Aug 20, 2008 20:42:00 GMT
Hi Shell,
Try to do as you said last night - let sleep overcome and tomorrow is better.
It's so hard for us as we know, and as a team, that self harm, one would do it anyway - -so we don't expect that we can stop you doing it. You know that. We are just here to chatx
R U ok
Hopefulx
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michelle79
Senior Member
mummy to Jack born 2004 and had pni since his birth
Posts: 471
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Post by michelle79 on Aug 20, 2008 20:47:17 GMT
my mate doesnt live over the road anymore - she has moved acrooss town and takes 30 mins to get there. Plus she doesnt want to be involved with me when i s/h she cant cope.
I really want to just give up on life and keep thinking of ways to end it. But i dont know if i would succeed and cant try again as was only 2 1/2 weeks ago since i took overdose and ended up in hospital for 3 days and if i did it again and failed they wont let me go home.
I hate being the person i am. I hate the fact i have messed up mine and phils and jacks lives and that i am hurting everyone but i cant stop it
Shell
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Post by winegirl on Aug 20, 2008 20:50:05 GMT
I know its not the greatest advice and not the way to fix all this, but do you think you could get yourself off to bed. I know its just a temporary solution, but if it means you can get through tonight...
You need to lwarn not to beat yourself up with how things have turned out for you and your family. You are not to blame for being ill and need to learn to try amd move on from it. Hopefully, therapy will help you do that.
I know you dont really want to end it, and I know that you are fighting for distraction tonight. Do you think you could nod off if you went to bed?
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