elspeth
Full member
Mum of 4, aged 15,10,3 and 6mths
Posts: 90
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Post by elspeth on Aug 5, 2008 4:54:56 GMT
I know what you mean about being on your own, part of me looks forward to it just being me and the younger ones cos I dont have to 'put on a brave face' but at the same time I just go to pieces cos I am on my own!
XX e
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Post by talkingincircles on Aug 6, 2008 15:35:58 GMT
Thanks Bean and Elspeth.
This morning was very very bad. The anxiety seemed to be at a peak. It was so bad I felt sick and I just wanted to stay in bed and not get up. As Ive said before I think if it wasnt for the Lo's I just wouldnt. So maybe I have to look at it that way, that it would be worse then because Id be in bed all day and then Id feel worse and Id beat myself up for having done that. We weren't dressed til midday and I put on a movie then to buy some time while I psyched myself up to leave the house. I just have to foucus on the feeling after we have been outside. Its SO much worse if we dont go. So I just managed to get them into town and do a small shop and get a drink for me and ds. We wandered through town afterwards and I did feel better for it. I felt so tense though and have to try so hard not to lash out at ds. I got quite cross with him just because I got flustered trying to get a trolley?? I feel better about tommorrow as we have plans in the morning and that gets me out first thing, although Of course I will be anxious about getting us up and ready. I realise the urge to shop is all part of this now as well I think....its almost a compulsion for me. I feel a release whenever I buy something...anything....I guess that and the computer are my distractions from whats happening inside. I feel incredibly tired and by 9 I have to go to bed and in the morning I am still exhausted. I posted on the other thread and winegirl was saying that the anxiety is exhausting me, which makes sense. Thats probably why at the end of each day my back is so painful too.
I just want to feel alive for once and full of positive thoughts, instead of feeling lethargy and impending doom.
Its week 2 so I really hope as I keep writing in a few weeks I can look back and see I am beginning to improve but I know its going to be a long journey. If I could just feel a little better than THIS it would mean a lot.
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Post by winegirl on Aug 6, 2008 17:04:56 GMT
Hi Hun
And you will feel better than this. You are doing really well to get out everyday. I didnt manage it when I was really ill and the less I did it the harder it became to sort the problem, so you are definately doing the right things...
Listen to your body. Rest when you need to.
One thing I have realised with all this and feeling worse in the mornings is that when I am not at work on a weekend I feel so much worse than when i have to get up and go to work. I think it may be because I am getting up and getting straight on with it wheras at the weekends I am taking things slowly and giving in to it so it goes on for ages..
Honestly, everything you describe sounds just like I was, and I can promise yu, you will be happy again.
Hang in their babes x
WG xx
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Post by talkingincircles on Aug 15, 2008 10:17:52 GMT
Ok- I am now week 3 of meds. And I can honestly say the clouds are 'beginning' to lift. I know I still have a long way to go and there will be good and bad days mixed with not so bad, had better days, but its a start. Im writing this as well for anyone reading and thinking Ad's are not the way to go. I dont think they are the 'full story' IYKWIM, but they can help you out of the negative cycle. They are a crutch and with two small children I need all the help I can get, better for them that I get it. I still have some anxiety, well plenty of it, but I am coping better with it and feeling more positive. Today we have a street party here and despite the fact it is 11am I still have not made it outside as I feel nervous and anxious at meeting neighbours, people seeing me and talking to me, but I will force myself as I know I will feel better afterwards. Whereas If I hide in here all day, I will feel lousy and the kids will miss out. I saw the GP again yesterday and she has kept me on the low dose (50mg sertraline) for another 3 weeks. I guess as we are getting some improvement she doesnt want to move me up and I am happy with that. DDs poos are fine but I asked the gp for a 'branded' script this time. I recommend this for anyone bf. Basically if you have a generic script the chemist will give you whatever generic they have on their shelf and it wont always be the same one. So baby may get used to one type then you get another. If you ask for a branded script you will get the original AD every time you fill that script. I have also found a new therapist. I saw her last night and I feel really good about working with her. I know a lot of this (for me) is leftover from my childhood and I need to talk it all out. Its emotional support for me at the same time which I desperately need. So all in all Im feeling more positive about the future and Im sure things will keep getting better from here! Hope this post helps someone else who still feels as I did 3 weeks ago, in a very dark place at the opposite end of a very dark tunnel!
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Post by cheshire on Aug 15, 2008 13:45:08 GMT
Hi
I'm so glad you are feeling the benefits - I did too and it was a relief.
but they can help you out of the negative cycle
Totally agree with you - they give you space to get better.
Hope you have a good weekend x
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Post by winegirl on Aug 15, 2008 14:06:02 GMT
Hi Hun
So glad you are starting to feel the benefits. My GP said the best thing ever about the meds, he described them as a life jacket, they will stop you from drowning but you still have to get yourself out of the water. Oh he was so right and I am glad that I took this on board when I started my meds.
I hope the therapy goes well for you, the first few sessions might be really hard, but well worth it if you persevere.
I am so pleased you are starting to feel more positive, and now you know there are more good days on the horizon.
Hope you enjoy the street party!!
Take Care
WG xx
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