wkmmum
Senior Member
Posts: 225
|
Post by wkmmum on Oct 15, 2009 20:23:55 GMT
I managed to sit for a while sewing name tapes into school uniform with the TV on. But I can't concentrate on anything for long so am back here.
My head's just full of SH thoughts and I'm really scared. I really want to SH xx
|
|
|
Post by winegirl on Oct 15, 2009 20:30:09 GMT
I know it is so hard to fight that urge when it is there. You are doing really well to get this far! What time are you likely to get yourself off to bed? Any chance of hitting the sack early with some relxing music to help you nod off?
Or if not, is there someone you could call for distraction. I know it may not sound a great idea to you, but even if you call the samaritans for a bit it is distraction in talking until you can feel tired anough to go to bed??
|
|
wkmmum
Senior Member
Posts: 225
|
Post by wkmmum on Oct 15, 2009 20:34:42 GMT
I'm sooo tired but not sleepy (if that makes sense?). I'll probably head off to bed about 10 and see if I can get to sleep then.
I can't call the samaritans for 2 reasons. Firstly, I'm rubbish at talking about how I feel. And secondly, because it's an 0845 number it costs a fortune to ring from a mobile, but will show up on the phone bill if I use the landline.
Sorry - I know I'm not being helpful and must seem like I'm being deliberately difficult xx
|
|
|
Post by winegirl on Oct 15, 2009 20:38:19 GMT
Oh not not at all! I am just thinking of distraction techniques, and I know what works for some doesnt always work for others!
If you can think you can get yourself off up to bed for 10 then you only have 20mins to fill with distraction. Make yourself a warm milky drink? Play some daft game online? (thats what i always used to do for distraction). You are nearly there hun, and you are doing great! x
|
|
wkmmum
Senior Member
Posts: 225
|
Post by wkmmum on Oct 15, 2009 20:40:30 GMT
Didn't realise it was that late!
I'm just googling things atm - specifically suicide and SH. Probably not the best thing for me to do but it's what's on my mind xx
|
|
|
Post by cheshire on Oct 15, 2009 20:41:39 GMT
Hi wkmmum,
Just to say that also here for you - sorry so late in the day. Awful to read what you're going through - but we're all here for you and hope that helps just a bit. xx
|
|
wkmmum
Senior Member
Posts: 225
|
Post by wkmmum on Oct 15, 2009 20:42:47 GMT
Thanks Hopeful.
It's good to know there are people who care xx
|
|
|
Post by winegirl on Oct 15, 2009 20:45:41 GMT
Stop googling! I have been known to do that when something is on my mind too, and it is not good. You are just feeding your mind with more of what is already going on in it.
You have done great tonight. Know how strong you are to have got to now and resisted the urge.
|
|
wkmmum
Senior Member
Posts: 225
|
Post by wkmmum on Oct 15, 2009 20:50:11 GMT
OK - I've stopped googling!
You're right - it doesn't help. I think I do it in the hope that one day I'll google and find the miracle cure/answer! I know it sounds silly and I realise it doesn't make sense but I still do it anyway.
Hmm, maybe next time I find myself wanting to google stuff like that I'll set up facebook instead xx
|
|
|
Post by winegirl on Oct 16, 2009 6:38:02 GMT
Hi Hun
I am sorry i dissapeared last night. Think I have a bit of a tummy bug and wasnt feeling hot! I am glad you stopped the googling! And yes, set yourself up on facebook, it is quite addictive and again - always there for a distraction!
How did you get on then? Did you manage to get yourself off to bed ok? Hope you are ok x
Much Love
WG xx
|
|
wkmmum
Senior Member
Posts: 225
|
Post by wkmmum on Oct 16, 2009 18:07:20 GMT
Thanks for keeping me company last night - it's good to know there are people who care.
I went to bed about 10 but it took me a couple of hours to get to sleep. So I'm shattered today but still have to go to choir practice yet.
Today's not been great. Had to eat more than I wanted as my husband finished work early so was home for dinner. And again, all I've thought about for most of the day is SH. I've got to do something about this - and soon - but I don't know what I can do.
WG - Hope your tummy is better xx
|
|
|
Post by bean on Oct 18, 2009 8:46:54 GMT
Hi Wkmmum Just catching up on here, sorry you're struggling so much with these s/h thoughts, but you have done amazingly well by resisting. I do understand how hard it is, when its all you can think about but the last thing you want to do. You did the right thing trying distraction and talking on here. Was wondering, totally understand you not wanting to tell husband or social worker, but how come you cant tell your psychiatrist about wanting to self harm?
You defo need to get your backside on f/book hun, there are endless, mindless games for distraction and thats what I do when im in alone and having thoughts, before you know it, its bed time and another night successfully done without self harming. Also can usually find someone online to have a realtime chat. If you interested in looking us up, im Tina Smith on the Leeds network. Hows the weekend been for you? Hope you're ok, keep talking. Take care luv bean x
|
|
wkmmum
Senior Member
Posts: 225
|
Post by wkmmum on Oct 19, 2009 14:28:42 GMT
I've just seen my social worker. Am so angry. Basically she said that they would refer me to the personality disorder service if I want. Apparently there's a long assessment process (takes a few months) and only then would they make a decision about whether they'd accept me. Fair enough and all sounds good so far. But then it turns out that she still has no info on the service and hasn't even tried to get any. So she's gone away saying (again) that she'll try and get some info.
I told her that I can't even ask for them to refer me if I have no info. She kept asking me what I think I'll get from them that I'm not already getting. Again - can't answer that cos I have no info. I just want to be sure that I'm getting the best help I can. I may well look at the info (if I ever get any!) and decide that what I'm getting now is as good as the PD service, in which case there's no need to be referred.
Will be speaking to the psychologist about it tomorrow. Apparently he'll know more so maybe he'll be able to give me a better idea about it all.
As far as everything else goes - it's all pretty rubbish. SH thoughts are still as strong and eating's getting worse.
Facebook.......I have a plan! My boss is out of the office all day on Thurs so I'm gonna get as much of my work done as poss before then. And then I can spend most of Thurs setting up on facebook!!!! xx
|
|
wkmmum
Senior Member
Posts: 225
|
Post by wkmmum on Oct 19, 2009 16:34:23 GMT
Forgot to say before....I also talked to my social worker about my eating. She really wasn't much help but whilst we were talking she said 'your eating disorder'. I didn't comment on it but I just don't get why people think I have an eating disorder. Ok, I realise that my eating's not normal but I've had friends in the past that have eating disorders and I'm nothing like they were xx
|
|
|
Post by winegirl on Oct 19, 2009 16:56:08 GMT
Hi Hun
I am sorry it didnt go well today. I tried to get some info myself about this sort of service where we live, but apparently we dont offer one! Bizzarre! You would think that they would!
You might have better look with the Psychologist. And dont be fobbed off by the idea of months of waiting, the truth is the more you shout for it the quicker they will get you in. Pants, I know, but I am starting to realise sadly that how these things work!
Yes, would be great to get you up and running on facebook, I warn you though.. it is VERY addicitive x
Much Love
WG x
|
|