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Post by gizmoracer on Feb 15, 2010 13:49:38 GMT
At the request of my wonderful husband I'm starting a pregnancy diary here where he can see and comment in it.
We only found out last week that we are expecting our third. Our children are 7 and 5 with only 17 mths between them and I suffered terribly right from 20 weeks pregnant with my first all through the rest of my pregnancy, His first few years are a complete blurr. I was eventually diagnosed when he was a couple of months old and given Fluxotine which did nothing for me and was then promptly taken off it less than a month later when I found out I was pregnant again. By this time I was in complete denial of a second pregnancy, not coping at all well with my son and generally getting much worse. After finally coming to terms with it and buying a double buggy I miscarried at only 10 weeks. By this time my son was only 4 mths old and I couldn't face him at all, he went to stay with the in-laws for a few days, all I could think about was how I'd failed him.
Anyway. After various unheavles I fell pregnant again a few months later, by this time we were in the process of moving from a very nasty hostle into the flat we are in at the moment. I waited until I was 8 weeks before telling my husband for fear of loosing another one. Obviously I still wasn't at all well and suffered on and off through alot of this pregnancy. All in all I have suffered for years, deep depression, hallucinations, voices, lack of memory, exhaustion and an overall feeling of completly loosing the plot. My husband bless him hardly noticed. I became very distant from him to the point where I would push him away if he showed the slightest concern for me. He didn't know or understand anything about pni and dispite myself having suffered with depression since the age of about 10 it never really meant anything to me and so I was totally unprepared as well. It's really quite amasing how well you can hide something like this from those closest to you. It wasn't until about 2 years ago when I finally managed to open up to him properlly and it all came flooding out. By ths time he had been through viral meningitis and ended up with depression himself. It makes a huge difference to be able to talk to someone who has been there. Now we support each other.
We have wanted another baby for a long time, I'm an only child and he may as well be, so it has always been important to us to have a larger family and that our children have each other to fall back on when the time comes. It's not until recently that I have felt strong enough to have another.
So here we are. Occording to my dates I am 6 weeks today, feeling very tired, very sick a little down since yesterday but all in all excited and positive for now anyway. I have made myself an appointment to see my GP on Wednesday to see what support we can get put in place should the need arise and take it from there. Hubby and I have discussed triggers and warning signs and I really don't think I'm going to have much trouble, or at least if I start to get ill I know help will be on hand quickly this time.
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Post by chica on Feb 15, 2010 19:26:14 GMT
Do you know, even 9 years on now, just on reading your first entry, I soooooo remember that exhaustion and sick feeling, its amazing how you have just transported me immediately back in time. I so can sympathise with you, and sending you loads of cotton wool hugs, and loads of ginger biscuits, (somebody once told me they helped with the sick bit) so munched them throughout my pregnancy, wonder if that is why I ended up with a strawberry blonde young man LOL
Good luck with your GP visit on Wednesday, and its great that as you say, you have the experience behind you now, and will know any triggers or warning signs, and hopefully you can put things in place for the "just in case" worry.
You will also have all of us behind you this time too, so you will not be going through this pregnancy or any problems that you may have to face alone.
Sending you much love
Chica xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Post by juppster on Feb 16, 2010 8:16:30 GMT
Wishing you all the luck in the world gizmoracer.....heres to a happy and stress free pregnancy!!
Lots of love and hugs Jo xx
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Post by gizmoracer on Feb 16, 2010 9:16:49 GMT
Thanks girls. I've come to the conclusion I don't do pregnancy very well. Today I am so exhausted I feel faint, So sick I can't eat (which really helps the feeling faint thing) and my brain has turned to mush. Got growing pains too (least I think and hope thats what it is, nothing major just uncomfortable). I'm sure its all down to having a couple of rough nights. Jason's asthma has been really bad the last 2 nights. It's all down to the damp problem we have in this place and it's worse in the kids room. We are fighting his asthma with his inhalers and oral steriods at the moment coz its not bad enough to take him to GP or hospital but I can see it coming to a head pritty soon. I've got to take Joey up the docs this morning coz she has developed lumps on her neck and I'm supposed to be at college tonight but really don't see it happening. Steve thinks I should call it quits and I know he's right but how stupid do you look to chuck in a college course (and withdraw a job application) just coz I'm pregnant? I know everyone on here would undertsand but this is the outside world we are talking about. Could really do with someone else dealing with it for me, like when you used to get ur Mum to ring in sick for you on ur old saturday job lol. Thing is I know I wont get the point across and will end up sounding like a complete prat.
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Post by Weeble on Feb 16, 2010 17:34:38 GMT
HI Gizmoracer
congratulations, I think we are going to be due the same week. Had my scan today and I am six - seven weeks. I am hoping you have a great pregnancy with this child. Certainly, sympathise with the sickness and the exhaustion, I keep retching at things like baby rice and baby poo can see the next few weeks are going to be fun. Remember to look after yourself - thats ripe coming from me, but if I have learned one thing from all PNI, I need to look after myself a bit.
Will keep reading your posts with interest, good luck with your GP this week, mine nearly fell off his chair.
Kat
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Post by gizmoracer on Feb 16, 2010 18:37:34 GMT
Hi Kat. I've replied in your diary as well. I had a feeling we would be about the same but didn't want to say anything as I knew you were very unsure of alot of things. Good to hear you sounding more positive. I have worked out my due date to be 11th October but you know what HPs are like they are gaurenteed to change it at some point lol. Don't have a clue how I'm gonna make it to the docs for 8.50am tomorrow. I've got to drop the kids off with my mum first and she is on the other side of town then come back again. Though to be fair the traffic should be clear enough at that time especially as its half term. I've had a rotten day feeling wise. Finally started to feel slightly better when I went out to the docs. Turns out Joeys lumps are lymph glands. I didn't know we had 3 different ones in our neck (only the ones under the jaw). So thats good, except the doc can't figue out why they are up coz she is fine other than a red throut. Got to go back next week. Jasons asthma is almost back to normal now too so thats good. I managed to get a few bits at the local shop pick Steve up from work by which time I was really hungry dispite still feeling sick. Had a big lunch and thats about it really. Was back feeling sick again within an hour, still knackered dispite having a sleep this afternoon and a good soak (not a sock lol) in the bath and been feeling very lightheaded. Must make more of an effort to eat, this is always my downfall. I have fainted a couple of times when pregnant with my other 2 and really should know better now. I'm keeping a close eye on what I eat anyway coz I can't afford to put on too much weight I'm already classed as clinically obease and did want to book into the birthing centre for another water birth but I'm being realistic now in knowing thats not going to happen. I also found out today that the midwife at the surgary is the same one I had with Joey ;DShe is brilliant, reminds me of the vicar of dibly and never makes a comment about weight She also took me very seriously when I had Joey and said I felt like I was getting mastitus. So far so good. I should find out tomorrow if it is her and make a booking in appointment oh the joy of blood tests Mind you midwives are generally much gentler. I should be at college but there is no chance I could have done that tonight not with me feeling so faint and lightheaded, rekon I'll be a kip before the kids.
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Post by gizmoracer on Feb 17, 2010 14:55:35 GMT
So far a much better day. Had a really good nights sleep which h.as really helped. Managed to get to the docs with time to spare even though I had to prat about with 2 car parks and walk from the over flow. My GP is very supportive and brilliant with my depression, he said if I feel or seem like I'm going downhill to make an appointment to see him and if I suddenly loose the plot or Hubby is very worried about me, to ring and leave a message for him to call us back, they are good at our surgery and always call back within a couple of hours. He gave me an upto date do's and don'ts list and basically said to use my common sence. The suppliments I'm taking are right and he pointed out to only use pregnancy ones as Vitamin A is not good. I'm taking the pregnacare with extra omega 3 to help with depression they are on offer at the moment in Tesco for anyone who's intersted.
I have to ring up tomorrow to make a booking in appointment with my midwife, who IS the one I had with Joey so I'm well happy about that. He said not to beat myself up about my weight just reduce portion size and eat sensibly and don't go cold turkey on the caffeen like I did last week just to cut it down a bit. My blood pressure is high which is normal for me so he's not too concerned at the moment also because I have had a heart scan recently which came through clear that works in my favour. For my own records and that of anyone who understands this stuff (WG cooee need you) my blood pressure is 151 over 96. He also checked my tummy coz of the pains I've been getting and agreed it is just growing pains coz my body hasn't had such an influx of pregnancy hormone for so long.
Today I'm still feeling a bit sick, but not too bad. Generally a bit yucky but can't quite put my finger on it which is good and got a sore tummy. Been shopping in mothercare. They do really nice underwear now which is cool but I still have trouble finding my size grrrr. Anyway managed to find the only bra and knicker set in my size, pink and blue and it was half price, result.
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Post by Weeble on Feb 17, 2010 15:31:48 GMT
Well done on making it to the GP's sounds like it went well and congratulations on being so sensible with all the planning. I gave up caffeine cold turkey with my last child - T for the first trimester and my morning sickness was terrible, then one day I gave in and drank a diet coke and my morning sickness was better. So this time round I have a can of diet coke before I get out of bed in the morning.
Had not thought about omega three oils, but did by the intelligent eggs recently in the hope they might make my little one bright.
Oh and before I forget, I am "clinically obese" too, so totally understand what you are saying about that. I am really paranoid about it and get very stressed before I go to ANC everytime.
Keep the good work up and well done.
Kat
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Post by gizmoracer on Feb 18, 2010 10:14:24 GMT
Woke up this morning to the sound of a baby crying in bed next to me. It was my daughter with her DS game imagine baby, thanks Joey thought I was loosing the plot. This then progressed onto a conversation of 'I know I was silly getting ready for bed last night but I am growing up and being more sensible so can I have a baby sister now pleeeeeease, I'll dress it and do the smelly nappies'. Think I muttered something along the lines of 'I'll think about it' and she has spent the last couple of hours sat at the table with her twin dolls designing a new range of baby clothes. I'm feeling kinda ok today, still sicky and tired and generally yucky but nowhere near as bad as I have been feeling so hopefully this is the start of me getting back to normal a bit. Boobs are really sore. Going to take it a bit easy again today and hope to be feeling alot better tomorrow, got loads to do round here but there is no point in making myself feel ill by rushing into it. Over did the fizzy drinks yesterday as well so going to drink more water today. I have found a glass of coke at lunch seems to be working well.
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Post by Weeble on Feb 18, 2010 15:57:15 GMT
Children have such funny ideas on babies, my son has asked if I can have two more because he wants to call one baby Jake and one Alex. Pleased to hear I am not the only one coke works for.
Have a great restful day today. When are you seeing your midwife to book?
Kat
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Post by gizmoracer on Feb 18, 2010 18:47:58 GMT
Ooops thanks Kat, I should have rung up today about that oh well never mind. They said 10 weeks and I'm due the day before you (officially lol).
I take back that 'I'm feeling better' comment from this morning. Started feeling rough again about midday, nothing specific just rotten and OMG the headaches are back with a vengance. Just can't shift it. I've been dosing on and off all afternoon, fall asleep on the sofa so hubby ran me a bath, fell asleep in the bath, had to get out coz my head hurt too much then promptly keeled over again on the bed. Managed to get up and do dinner. Thought food might help but no, so have been hidding in the bedroom with the lights off again since and it still hasn't got any better. Starting to get me down now, I'd forgotten just how bad the beginning of pregnancy really is. Started to show as well already, not going to get away with hidding this for much longer.
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Post by Weeble on Feb 19, 2010 8:31:04 GMT
Poor you, your morning sickness seems to be all day and be really yucky. So far not so bad for me, usually seems to be a sign that I need some carbs or coke or sleep. I was up in the middle of the night last night and was playing on the internet and found this toy which tells us what the baby is like. I have added it as a link for you as I thought it was lovely to see what was happening this week. I will not be offended if you have no interest. Hope today is better, I am spending the day trying to ignore the part of my brain that has stupid ideas. www.nhs.uk/Tools/Pages/Pregnancy.aspx?Tag=Kat
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Post by gizmoracer on Feb 19, 2010 18:57:03 GMT
Thats really cool thanks Kat, I've been keeping track on www.babycentre.co.uk/, seems like an ok site. It suddenly hit me today that I have no way of knowing if 'sprog' is actually alive and well. Sorry but these things come to me. Don't read on if you're likely to get upset. Thing is I lost a baby at 10 weeks. I mean lets be fair its not usual and all that and doesn't mean anything (I'm not at high risk or anything like that). But when we went for the scan to confirm ... the lady said I could only have been about 6-7 weeks. So it took a good few weeks for my body to relise what had happened and respond to it. I was worried about the tummy aches last week, I'm not anymore and have been ok for a few days now and if I remember rightly the first sign last time was bleeding then 2 days later excrusiating pain. So I have no need to worry but we all know what our minds are like. I was getting ready to tell the kids and then thought 'I've not actually felt sick for a while' Yes I feel like crap and am exhausted, boobs still hurt etc but the sickness thing is my lifebelt. They say morning sickness is a sign of a healthy pregnancy. I never had any morning sickness at all with the one I lost. So again what am I worried about. I forgot to book my appointment again today The doc said they like us to book in earlier now coz of early scans. Occording to the site above I should be offered a dating scan between 10-13 weeks. I NEED that scan. They say to hear a heartbeat is very difficult before 16 weeks anyway and with me being so fat thats going to make it harder. So I have another 7 weeks approx. before I know for sure that Sprog is ok. ......... However if I was to measure my bump which I now have (dispite 90% of it being fat) that could keep me reasurred, couldn't it
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Post by Weeble on Feb 19, 2010 19:27:40 GMT
Hi Gizmoracer
spooky dededede music playing again such similar experiences we have had. I lost a baby to a suspected ectopic at 9 weeks about twenty months ago, just like you I did not feel sick with that pregnancy and the morning sickness is my guide too. S and T were both very sicky pregnancies for me. I had virtually the same story as you a few days ache and then bleeding. So I totally get you, I get really really anxious about it, if I dont feel sick I think it has gone.
I was lucky cause I have not had a cycle and with the fact that no one knows where that pregnancy went - although I think it may of contributed to the mess that was my last delivery, I get an early scan.
So here is the trick, ring the midwife and make the appointment, make out that you are unsure of dates by a few weeks, they will then arrange a dating scan, because the 11 -13 week scan has to be done within quite a short time frame for downs etc. Then you can see the heart beat on the scan, for women who have not had a history of recurrent miscarriage the success of pregnancy once the heart beat is visualised is over 98%.
On the rest of it you are right you can not hear the heart beat until about 13 - 16 weeks. although you have a bump it wont be much to do with the baby yet as the uterus only leaves the pelvis in the second trimester.
So in summary, totally get you have all the same thinking, if you can manage it game the system a bit and see if you can get an early scan.
Good luck and have a great weekend
Kat
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Post by gizmoracer on Feb 22, 2010 20:45:10 GMT
Wow 98% after the hearbeat has been visualised thats really cool information thanks. So first things first, Panic over and blip over with it. Basically Steve has been brilliant, he has been doing loads round the house, entertaining and generally dealing with the kids and letting me rest. He has even been resisting the urge to kick me in the night when I snore On top of that I have been making a big effort to keep eating, it started with french toast and philidelphia and has progressed to pasta and cottage cheese. I am now battling pritty much anything. The first few mouthfuls are wobbly but after that ok and of course put both these together and you get a huge reduction in morning sickness DUH. I have just read up on my stage. I am 7 weeks today so sprog is the size of a grape but my womb is the size of a grapefruit, Thats my excuse for beeing fat ;D But quite how that makes me look about 6 mths I'll never know. Admittedly I don't really have any stomach muscels and do tend to bloat to looking pregnant when due a period so thats probably it. I have a booking in appointment on Fri 5th March (just under 2 weeks away) and I'm quite happy with that. I will be asking her for an early scan though. Kids back at school today and I had to tell them I won't be attending my job interview I know it seems silly to turn it down just coz I'm pregnant but I know how things are likely to go if I take on too much and this time I'm doing it properlly. Went into town to get some maternity bras, ended up in Marks and Spencers buying total support bras instead coz guess wht there is no such thing as a maternity bra in my size and no maternity bras give any form of support what so ever. So I am now the proud owner of something that looks like it came from the 1940s, no low cut tops for me anymore. But they are comfy and do fit so what the hell they go with my granny knickers.
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