jemma
Senior Member
Posts: 160
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Post by jemma on Jan 11, 2011 14:25:19 GMT
hi sorry not been in touch since you came back .
listen do you remeber befor you went in to the house how you felt ? and i have just been reading your earlyer posts in your diary , you are making improvments you went out and on a train ! well done this illness is very up and down and its still early days on your meds yet between 6 and 12 weeks to reach full effect. just take it day by day or hour by hour and as each hour passes its another hour that you have won the battle of pni and hopefuly there will be a whole good day in a week soon than a whole 2 days in a week and so on its not easy and im feelinging for you been there and done it twice its the hardest thing to ever have to do . but im coming over the other side of this blip now and you WILL do soon just keep strong ill keep bobing back on here if you need to talk
all my love jemma x
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Post by Victoria on Jan 11, 2011 14:26:00 GMT
Awww sorry to hear you are struggling hun. Get yourself a drink, and try and sit quiet and do some slow deep breathing. Give your HV a call if you are really not coping. You dont have to suffer alone. Even just having them to talk to could help. Could you go for a little walk and get some fresh air? xxx
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Post by kelly30staples on Jan 11, 2011 20:40:38 GMT
hi guys thanks so much for your messages
i'm really struggling tonight cant stop crying think its time of the month i dont feel myself at all not in my own body sort of thing like the worlds passing me by if any of that makes any sense i'm struggling with my feeling towards my kids and my partner , i really want to start from the beginning about why allthis started but dont know how
well thanks for kistening and giving me your advice i really does help
take care
kelly xxx
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Post by Weeble on Jan 11, 2011 21:50:23 GMT
Lots of us have problems at this time, the hormone swings seem to worsen it, if it's any consolation I have three beautiful lovely adoring boys including two babies and I hate the way this illness has stolen my love for them and replaced it with pain or emptiness. However, very slowly it is coming back, I keep in my head it is the illness and the consequence of a life that has left me damaged not how I really feel for my family.
Keep talking, hearing from you helps us too.
Kat
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Post by kelly30staples on Jan 12, 2011 8:37:58 GMT
hi kat
hanks for your message
i've been through this once before and i know i can do it but it seems harder this time round i'm with a different partner who has 2 of his own kids full time so i have 4 kids to think about
i'm just not sure i can do it anymore kelly x
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Post by Victoria on Jan 12, 2011 10:17:11 GMT
Hi Kelly, your situation sounds very similar to mine, children wise. We have 4 here too. We have the youngest, who was 2 in November and is mine and hubbys only child together. We then have R who is hubbys from his previous marriage. His mum passed away in 2005 when R was only 3. He is now almost 9. We also have A, who is my daughter from my first marriage. Her dad took his own life in 2006. The oldest is K who is 12 and is my husbands step son. He and R had the same mum, hubbys previous wife so K is not either of ours but hubby kept him when his mum died. He sees his real dad every 2 weeks but he is a waste of space. Its so hard bringing up other ppls kids, as well as your own. I so know that. You are strong. You have got through this before, so you can do it again. It just seems harder this time cos you know what you are facing, and getting through it once took all your energy, it is hard to believe you have the energy to get through it again. But you can. How old are your kids? I know you must have said before but I cant remember? Talk about whatever you need to on here, we are here to listen and help where we can. We all keep each other going and you writing about your experience on here, is helping us too. xxx
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Post by Weeble on Jan 12, 2011 10:28:56 GMT
Hi Kelly
Read what you wrote, I really understand that feeling, I remember this time last year saying the same thing and again last summer when I relapsed. But I can see the days get easier and better. I think four kids must be really hard and demanding, I have three and have never been well enough to look after all three on my own for more than an hour. So once again I am very impressed. Remember to be kind to yourself, this illness is as serious as cancer or pneumonia and requires the same sort of self care.
As fsg suggests write more here if you like read some of our entries it might make you feel less alone? But absolutely no pressur just some thoughts.
Kat
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Post by kelly30staples on Jan 12, 2011 16:54:53 GMT
thanks guys fsg sounds like u and your family been through a really bad patch u seem like a really strong person to cope with all that , my kids are 10, 6, and oh are 4,and 5
its so good to feel not alone and kat thank you to
well my days been a lil hit and miss today cpn came out and i have to do something called wrap with a worker an hour a week dont know if any of u k ow what it is i'm still struggling with concentration at the mo , i got ready went into skeg had a walk round but i did'nt feel myself like i was in someone elses body weird i know sorry just cant write anymore just yet
take care kelly xxx
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Post by Victoria on Jan 12, 2011 20:38:56 GMT
I havnt heard of wrap? what is it? I understand about feeling like you are in someone elses body, it can be kinda like looking through someone elses eyes and you are trapped inside. Hope you are ok hun. Did you feel like you achieved something after seeing the cpn? Talk whenever you can. xxx
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Post by Weeble on Jan 12, 2011 21:01:26 GMT
Hi Kelly I describe it as being John malkovich if you have ever seen the film, Pleased to hear you had a walk in skeggie. Do you have anything planned for tomorrow
Kat
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Post by kelly30staples on Jan 13, 2011 8:40:11 GMT
hi
the wrap is wellness recovery action plan its kinda scary the cpn has told thecrsis team i dont need them anymore with out telling they rang me last night to tell me i was so angry
hi kat never watched the film if i'm honest lol
not sure what doing today done a bit of cleaning might go for a walk cpn said i'll get more out of it if i go when i'm scared of going out if that makes sense
hope ur both ok and have a nice day
kelly xxx
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Post by Weeble on Jan 13, 2011 9:31:05 GMT
Hi Kelly
Yes that makes total sense, my psychologist gives the same advice she says push yourself and things start to get easier. I am not surprised you are so angry with your cpn, I would be. I had a lovely decent thoughtful psychiatrist last year, but her staff compromised my confidentiality in a really difficult way. They were really apologetic but I could never trust her again, another psychiatrist joined our local services and I was moved to her and it has been a big relief, I did not know how badly it affected my recovery until now. So I can imagine how pissed off and angry you are with your cpn. I know it is really difficult but have you thought anymore about communicating how you feel and asking for a change? In the film people find themselves sitting inside John malkovich's head looking through his eyes and controlling him, but still being themselves sitting in his head. I know it sounds weird but it is exactly how I feel sometimes.
Here is another idea for you, you can ignore it if you like, but this time last year when I was at the very bottom I used to writ on here a positive everyday and it really helped.
Kat
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Post by juppster on Jan 13, 2011 13:16:54 GMT
Hey Kelly I hope you managed to get out and do something today. I do so understand feeling scared about going out, i used to be the same, and still have days like that now, but as Kat said, the more you push yourself the easier it gets. I know its hard though i truely do. Sorry you were let down by your CPN, that is really unprofessional. A positives list is something i have started doing too. I write down all the things I am grateful for that day and anything i have achieved, no matter how small..it really does help. Speak to you later x
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Post by lizcreed on Jan 13, 2011 14:56:44 GMT
Hi Kelly, just popping in to send some extra hugs. I do understand how hard it is looking after lots of kids, have my 4 youngest at home and also have my grandson full time. I missed out on lots of my youngest first year, this damn illness has a lot to answer for You do sound so much more postivie than before and it will be a few hours you feel OK, then a few more hours and before you know it you will be having days where you feel great. The bad days do come back to hit you when you least expect it but as long as you are prepared and know things will pick up again then thats the main thing. I really understand the lack of concentration, I just couldnt settle to anything as would end up doing something different and not realising how I got to doing it !! Keep talking xx
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Post by kelly30staples on Jan 13, 2011 15:37:54 GMT
u guys really cheer me up
thank you so much
i've been out today twice went libuary then doctors then to a cafe for a drink and something to eat came home tried looking through the wrap thingy could'nt do it so left and it got to the time to pick kids up so i pushed myself to go with oh to pick them up but i think now i've over done it i feel like poo kids need feeding bathing and i cant do it i'm gonna ask oh
i've asked about another cpn but theres not one available in my area i've not yet seen the phycatrist dont even know when i m going to everything is so different where i am now to where i was in nottingham i just want the stupid ilness to go away
i will start my story from the beginning soon then u all will understand me a bit more i'm no good with words
thanks again guys kelly xxx
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