jade
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Posts: 32
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Post by jade on Jun 4, 2011 9:29:47 GMT
Right here goes i am going to start trying to keep a blog as i dont seem to notice a good day so if i write it down at least i will know. today so far is not a good day feel so tired i could hardly sleep at all last nite OH has had to go to work so that dosnt help i feel like pulling the covers over my head and shutting off but thats not gonna happen when will the days come when i wanna do things not just because i keep making myself. wish i could just accept the way it is at the moment rather than being so hard on myself i feel like if i have a half good day its not good enough as i dont want to feel like this at all i just want to be normal. some people can have the weight of the world on their shouldres and they cope why cant i. Sorry anyone reading this it probably dosnt make much sense but if it could help me i will give anything a go.
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Post by Weeble on Jun 4, 2011 11:46:24 GMT
Hi jade hope you don't mind me writing here. Totally understand where you are coming from could have written those words myself. What help have you had so far with your pni? You might have told us, but I have sieve brain lol.
Kat
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Post by juppster on Jun 4, 2011 17:43:40 GMT
Welcome to the diary section Jade. I do so know that feeling, but you have to try and stop beating yourself up. Things only started getting easier for me when i accepted the bad days for what they were, just bad days, and congratulated myself on the good days, or good half days. Its really hard i know. Are you still taking medication and are you getting any other help and support i.e. counselling? x
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jade
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Posts: 32
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Post by jade on Jun 4, 2011 18:20:42 GMT
Thanks both of u i am on citalapram 20ml it's the highest Does on this tablet i have also Just started taking 10ml Propanol all though i took 20ml today as anxiety was really bad. I got my referall letter today for mental health team at hospital to have a meeting with there triage team i am quite scared as this makes me think i really am a nutter. My gp said this should hopefully Lead to some sort of therapy.
Feeling so crap tonight anxiety is bad have only Just got in from park with the kids i wish i could Just relax and sleep hope tomorrow is a better day.
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Post by Weeble on Jun 4, 2011 20:32:23 GMT
That's great news you are going to see the mental health team and get some proper help. So many of us have only got better when we get the proper help from the mental health teams. Please don't feel bad this is an illness like pneumonia or cancer and needs real help to get better.
Fingers crossed nd let us know how it goes
Kat
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jade
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Posts: 32
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Post by jade on Jun 5, 2011 20:06:37 GMT
another bad day today anxiety is at a high so tired now so hope i will sleep tonight. I got a call today from the PND counseller in guildford she is going to reffer me to the PND support group she runs next one is not till sept but she can see me before then for some 1 on 1 seshs. she is a past suffer so she can totally relate to what i am going through she has really good website cant remeber name but if you google cedar house support group liz wise it should come up and she has posted her story on there
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Post by Weeble on Jun 6, 2011 9:14:09 GMT
Hi Jade
she is supposed to be very good, i have heard of her too. She is a trustee of the APNI and has a very good reputation. Let us know how it goes
Kat
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Post by monica on Jun 6, 2011 19:49:19 GMT
hi
i hope you don't mind me writing in your diary. please try not to despair - thngs will pick up. of course you don't want to feel the way you do - who would? but this is an illness beyond your control - try not to be so hard on yourself.
It's great you're getting support from mental health team - they will specialise in how you feel so hopefully things will start to pick up.I know it can have connotations but really it's like seeing a cardiologist team for heart probs - they will have better knowledge that your gp! how long have you been on meds for? i too was on citalopram and it can take a while for them to kick in.
i also have heard on Liz Wise and that is the guru. Yes , i thnk she suffered from pNi with both her children so she willreally understand how you feel and hopefully will give you tips on how to helpyourself by eg controlling anxiety. I attended a pnd support group in the surrey area (in chertsey) and it was brilliant. a cpn (geordie) ran it and they would discuss the illness, how to manage it and at the end of each session there would be 15 mins on relaxation techniques. if it's anything like that, you will find it hugely beneficial.
monicax
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Post by juppster on Jun 7, 2011 18:04:55 GMT
Good luck with the counselling Jade, im sure it will help you loads x
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Post by Victoria on Jun 9, 2011 10:28:49 GMT
Hi sorry I havnt read your diary through yet but will do later if that is ok? (((())))
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jade
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Posts: 32
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Post by jade on Jun 23, 2011 20:47:33 GMT
have not posted for week or two just dont seem to find five minutes. So have seen liz twice now she is really good and think the sessions are helping had really good 2 weeks then had my monthlys and since monday have been feeling really crap everything turns so negative on a bad day then i just spend half the day crying an thinking what a crap mum i am. I know i should just think about the two good weeks i had but even one bad day out weighs that
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Post by juppster on Jun 24, 2011 10:54:59 GMT
Hi Jade, lovely to hear from you.
I so get the good weeks and then bad...especially around the time of the month...this is me to a T. I can't remember whether you're on any medication but i have found fluoxetine has really helped to ease the symptoms along with fish oil and complete vitamin B supplements. I have also come to expect that this is how i will feel for a week or 2 and somehow that makes it easier. I would say be easier on yourself at this time of the month, don't expect too much and use as much help around you as you can x
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jade
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Posts: 32
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Post by jade on Jun 24, 2011 19:24:41 GMT
thanks juppster i am on citalopram an my gp who was a phychatrict thinks that i dont need to change my meds but need therapy either cbt or cognetive so am just waiting. On my bad days i just feel like i am being sucked into a whirlpool an the negative thoughts take over till i cant think anything else and i cant even relax
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Post by juppster on Jun 24, 2011 20:06:38 GMT
I do know the feeling but found cbt extremely helpful with this..how long will you have to wait for to receive some help? x
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jade
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Posts: 32
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Post by jade on Jun 25, 2011 22:16:38 GMT
well 1 of the waiting lists im on will be about a year but i have an appointment with the mental health team on the 5th july so will see what they say then but my health visitor said be prepared as they may not offer me anything as i dont come under there criteria since the budget cuts
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