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Post by juppster on Nov 30, 2011 20:12:30 GMT
Hey NZmum So glad you got some pleasure from your art class again. Can soooo empathise with you on the anxiety as this was my main symptom. CBT is brilliant for this, so hoping you hear something back soon. I never thought I would be able to break the cycle of thoughts relating to anxiety but with time, patience and a lot of perseverance I did and so will you x
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Post by Weeble on Nov 30, 2011 21:42:08 GMT
What a brave post you are doing so well understanding your illness and triggers. Lots of empathy on the hot milk, i constantly judge myself too. A big bit of pni recovery will be accepting yourself for what you are ; an amazing mum who once in a while heats the milk too hot.
Pleased the art class went well.
Keep strong
Kat
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Post by monica on Dec 2, 2011 8:51:53 GMT
So agree with Kat. The confidence will come! Everybody does things like make milk thats bit too hot. No one is perfect. Glad the art class went well spuds as if youre really getting into that and it's giving you pleasure..
Monica
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nzmum
New Member
Posts: 27
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Post by nzmum on Dec 5, 2011 11:26:39 GMT
Thanks everyone for your comments. I could do with being a more confident Mum! Juppster it's good to hear the CBT helped with anxiety, it's certainly my main symptom too, although I've been feeling more of the depression as time goes on. Did you find it meant you stopped constantly thinking about the things that were causing the anxiety as well as stopping the anxiety itself? Maybe that's a silly question, but it does bother me that I just keep dwelling on this stuff, and I worry that I'll still keep thinking it even if the anxiety goes.
I had a few good days last week, but am now feeling pretty horrible again - urrhhhggg! My daughter has a cold so and hasn't been sleep well. Poor little thing, she sounds like Darth Vedar. She can't sleep without a dummy in her mouth and she can't breath with one in because her nose is blocked - looks like I've created a rod for my own back with that dummy! She screams blue murder because she's so tired but can't sleep.
I left her with my husband on Saturday to go to an NCT sale. I haven't left her with him for months. I think he saw this as a positive sign, but it's hard to tell. It was quite hard for me but I made myself do it. I think maybe it is a step forward.
Have been teary this morning, been getting more and more like that recently, just so tired and feel like things aren't getting better. Has anyone had support from the Association for Postnatal Illness? Any use? I feel like I'm in limbo while I wait for the CBT to come through, with not much to keep me going in the mean time. I must get out and do something today, even though my daughter has a cold or I'll go round the bend.
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Post by juppster on Dec 5, 2011 14:09:51 GMT
Hey Nzmum Great to hear you've had some positive days. Somehow the bad days seem so much worse after you've had a good run of days. I wouldn't say it stops me thinking about the things that make me anxious but it enables me to think about them and not to get too worked up, to be able to put them into perspective and over time, they just don't bother me so much. I hope you manage to get out for a breath of fresh air this afternoon....often any type of exercise can have a positive impact on your mood. Hoping your little girl gets better soon hun x
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nzmum
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Posts: 27
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Post by nzmum on Dec 10, 2011 17:47:42 GMT
Been quite bad since I last wrote. Had my monthly appointment with the psychiatrist and they've put me on new meds - venlafaxine, so have been weaning off the sertraline and starting that. Hopefully the new drug has more effect and helps me see things clearly.
The last couple of days my thinking has become so obsessive it's frightening. My oh had a day off yesterday and I think I managed to hide it from him. We had a talk last weekend where he said he was very close to not coping, he needed a break from my darkness. He said he just couldn't give any more. This was the night before my appointment with the psychiatrist, and I was an awful mess at the appointment. I guess that's good as hopefully they take it more seriously. I have to say I don't find those appointments all that helpful - all that ever happens is I bleed my heart out there, then they up my drug dose or in this case put me on a new drug. Don't know if I should expect anything else other than a sympathetic ear.
I'm feeling so horrible, I'm crying most days. I'm so tired, I hope little one starts sleeping through soon, maybe that would help. Or maybe it would be just the same. I just have this dreadful compulsion to know exactly what is happening to her every second of the day and night. I wonder if anything happens to her when I'm asleep, when I'm in another room, when he looks after her so I can have a shower. My latest horror is when I change her and find her clothing has a button or two undone. I tell myself this is because she's been kicking, or I didn't do it up properly to start with, but it sticks in my mind and I wonder, and wonder, and wonder...
I am so afraid I'm never going to feel normal again, so afraid I will always and forever more be reading the worst into my oh's every action. The little one loves him, she gets so excited just by the sight of him. Much more exciting than Mum! He gets far more giggles and smiles out of her than I do. Surely she wouldn't act like that if he was hurting her? But then, as always, a little voice says, what would she know? I'm so afraid my paranoia will ruin my relationship which has always been strong, and also so afraid it's all true. Will this doubt ever end?
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Post by Weeble on Dec 10, 2011 18:45:58 GMT
Hi Hun
Changes drugs is always hard. I have done it three times and it was bloody tough. You and your partner are doing brilliantly communication is the key, it's great he can talk about it to you. It's important that he gets some time off to relax too, so perhaps you could get a mate over.
The thing is you will get better, you won't be like this for ever. Two years ago this weekend I was so ill I was technically an inpatient tried to kill myself by walking in front of a large 4x4 couldn't get out the house, slept 18 hours a day, hardly ate and hid under the table in our dining room because I was so frightened. One year ago they cracked my drugs and I finally found one that works and now I am back at work full time in a high pressure job, I look after my kids fine and I have days like today which are normal. You will be like this soon, it just takes time to get better.
Keep writing here and maybe suggest to your partner he comes on writes here too
Keep writing
Kat
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Post by juppster on Dec 10, 2011 21:47:08 GMT
Completely agree with Kat hun, you will feel better and this won't last forever, as much as it seems like that now. I too went through quite a few drug changes to find the correct combination and its bloody hard but you will get through it and things will start to become much easier for you with time. Forgive me but i can't remember if you're having any type of therapy as well as the medication. For me, this was a big turning point. Extensive cbt coupled with the correct medication really really helped me. Like you, whenever i used to see the psychiatrist all that ever seemed to happen was for them to either increase my drugs or change them. Eventually though they did listen and i got the therapy i so desperately needed. Could this be something you can discuss next time? xx
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