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Post by Weeble on Sept 6, 2010 18:34:02 GMT
School police are nothing worse than my kids teachers, however, the insist on doing a home visit to see the childs living circumstances. Sort of bucket that with the health visitor police.
Really pleased the weekend went well, glad to know you are ok, your were missed. You must be so pleased the baptism went well and its such a positive thing for you to have managed well done.
HOpe today was not too tiring
Kat
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Post by Victoria on Sept 8, 2010 19:53:08 GMT
Hi, just a quickie as am off for a bath and early bed, just wanted to say am glad the baptism went well and that you got through it. It is a special day to remember.
Take care. xxx
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Post by juppster on Sept 9, 2010 7:27:51 GMT
Morning hun Glad to hear you have been feeling a little better...its great when you have good days like you did on Sunday..it really gives you hope of things to come, and come they will!! I hope this week has been ok for you so far xx
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butterfly
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Post by butterfly on Sept 10, 2010 8:01:20 GMT
hi girls sorry i haven't written on here for ages... here's an update: monday afternoon, left kids with mum while i went to work. I have been told i am not allowed to go back full time as I will end up going sick. Therefor i am going back part time for a month on full pay. which i supppose is a good thing but being told your not going to cope is a bad thing. Got home and baby was grumpy screaming for food. Fed her. Felt fed up, so went to tesco for some fresh air! Got back to a worried looking husband. Baby devloped a non-blanching rash all over her legs, emergency appt made at the drs.....she was fine in herself but the GP wants her to have a blood test! ARGH!! Tuesday=mad ladies group!! actually was good, nice to see others in the same boat (not nice as in they are ill too but you know what i mean). I actually enjoyed the drumming although i have no plans to change my career! I was anxious at the group and couldn;t relax but i think i will grow into it. the lady who runs it is lovely. Tuesday afteroon i still didn;t fell great. Wednesday = day of hell, crying non stop. Counselling didn;t help, felt suicidal all day. My poor mum, must have been awlful seeing me like that, i didn;t want her to leave me or go home. Yesterday, was much more positive. Mum announced she is going to fund my son to go into a lovely nursery on a farm for a long day on a monday and on a thurday another preschool up the road. We'll continue to send/pay for the sessions at the other pre-school. Toddler group was boring, even my son found it boring. I asked an old friend around for a coffee, she was in a good mood she just found out shes expecting. she has a 2 yr old like me. my instant thought was oh you poor thing!!! then i thought no actually she wont get ill like me!! ITs a good thing! Be back online later x
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Post by Victoria on Sept 10, 2010 13:04:10 GMT
Hi Butterfly, this is just a quick post as didnt want to read and run, am off out now but will post on here when I get back. Take care hun. xxx
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butterfly
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Post by butterfly on Sept 12, 2010 20:25:04 GMT
Hi girls Again I had a nice weekend. Baked lots of cakes (have no idea why I am so obsessed with baking at the moment). Scared about tomorrow, have to get both kids out by 8.05!! His bags all packed, with everything apart from the kitchen sink. It will be the longest time i will have left him in a nursery type place i hope he is ok. i am going to miss him in a wierd way. but i suppose he needs it and so do i. gonna have a nosey round now at what others have been up too!
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Post by Victoria on Sept 13, 2010 9:06:27 GMT
Hi butterfly. Dont feel bad about having to go back part time. You are taking steps towards getting yourself better, and if easing in slowly is what you need to do, then so be it. Going back at all is a positive step. Full time might just be too much straight away for you, so take it easy and at a manageable pace.
How is your babys rash now? When does she have to have the blood tests?
Mad ladies group - lol at your description. How did you get into that and who runs it? Maybe I need to do something like that with other like minded mad ppl lol. Drumming tho?? Am not sure I wouldnt be able to stop myself laughing. I have a horrible habit of laughing at inappropriate moments, and especially when I am nervous!
Wednesday - sorry you had such an awful day. It is so hard having ups and downs, I am very scared about counselling seeing how it is putting some ppl back a little bit but then I know it is all for a reason to help with the healing. I guess it must be hard for your mum seeing you like that but she knows you are ill, and she knows the real you, and that you will eventually be that person again.
That is very nice of your mum to fund your son going to the nursery today. My mum did offer a while back for Ruby to go into nursery for a morning a week, but she hasnt mentioned it again, and I hate asking. I bet your son has a great day mixing with the kids.
Toddler group - we have a local one on a wednesday and I just sit there on the odd time I have been wishing I hadnt bothered!! I would like to find a nice structured one that Ruby enjoys but at the moment I have no motivation to bother to look. I feel bad about that. You are doing well, in making the effort to go, even if it was boring.
Your feelings about your friend telling you she is expecting, I can totally empathise with. Everytime I see someone with a bump, or telling me they are gonna try for a baby etc. my immediate reaction is Why? Are you mad? I feel so sorry for you you have no idea what you are doing. Stay childless and free. It sounds awful now I am typing it and seeing it written down. I was ecstatic with my first daughter so I know these feelings are due to the illness, and that it doesnt happen to everyone. We cant help those feelings because of what we are going through. It is very hard when we are feeling so bad, to understand how happy someone can be in the same situation just minus this horrible cruel illness.
Send some of your cakes over here. I love the eating part of baking haha. Did you manage to get the kids out of the house this morning? I am sure your little boy will have a fantastic time and it will do you and him good. Hope you have a good day hun. xxx
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Post by butterfly on Sept 14, 2010 10:56:09 GMT
Thanks for the message fsg, my son had a lovely time yesterday. Was so tired when he got home! He has gone to pre school today, I went to mad ladies group - was really nice had an indian head massage. They are run by homestart, try and refer yourself fsg and get some support of them. They are good. Let's see hoe the day goes !
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Post by Weeble on Sept 14, 2010 16:01:14 GMT
Hi Butterfly
yesterday sounds great, love your mad ladies group, I need one of those - the totally mad womans group for me. Homestart are looking to do one here too. I have to agree with you that Homestart are great we have two hours a week volunteer support to help me go out the house. This week my lady and I are taking Sam out.
How has today been?
Kat
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Post by butterfly on Sept 15, 2010 7:04:37 GMT
Well yesterday was great. Not only did I feel good all day. I coped. The house was in a reasonable state, no actually clean and tidy, I COOKED a yummy dinner for everyone, I did a pile of ironing while was actually the size of a mountain! I worked really hard with my son and he as dry all day just had to have a nappy on to do a poo! I bathed both kids on my own. Made an appointment for me to see the dr - they dont have one till monday!! I have to tell him about my depression i need another presciption also need the letter for work, also noticed in the changing rooms at debanhams I have a wired fungal type looking rash over my back - argh! So i am going to have to show him my body poor bloke! Got an appointment for my son for friday he has a bad eye reaccuring styes - i think he needs some antibiotic eye drops as they never seem to go. My daughters rash has completely gone, I phoned up the surgery on thurday as the dr said as i have not heard anything about the blood test, the shitty receptionist said she'd send him an email reminding him. If i haven;t heard anything when I take my son I will tell them off because even though I doubt there is anything wrong with her it is really distressing me worring about it. ARGGGGH I really get pissed of with that surgery they do my head in. Its not fair my son has to wait until fri for his poor eye. I am angry at myself for not having the balls to argue. I need to be more assertive, I need to find my balls again. I used to be soooooo confident and I wouldn't take crap lik this. At least I am feeling anger today and not anxiety or sadness. I am going to counselling today and i am going to talk about this. I AM going to find my balls and I AM going to be the old me again - dramatic, over the top with a bit of a temper but so be that - as long as I use my personality in a productive way for me and my family!
Today my friends mum is going to come over to watch the kids while I go to counselling, I might need to ask her if she's free next week too as i think my mum is on holiday in the caravan. I have nothing else planned but i seriously need some shopping my OH told me to go on my own bu I am not brave enough - that could turn a stable day into the worst day ever if things went wrong. Kat - its great you have a homestart volunteer - they are a great organistation, there are non in the rural area where I live but the group is very good. It must be quite costly with the creche and stuff. When I am better and when my kids are grown up I will return the favour and help them back.
Well I hope today is a smooth one but I will just take what god gives me,
BFX
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Post by juppster on Sept 15, 2010 7:19:09 GMT
Wow Butterfly, you sound so much more positive and im soooo pleased for you. I truely hope this is a sign of things to come, take care xx
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Post by Weeble on Sept 15, 2010 19:43:08 GMT
Aghhhh with you Butterfly I totally agree with you its not acceptable that your daughter particularly in light of her previous history should wait so long what if her platelets really are low - give them hell girl!!! I also agree with you on making your son wait, I would take him with you to your appointment and say that you are not waiting any longer or alternatively take him to the pharmacist, you can get the antibiotics over the counter.
Juppster is spot on you do sound great, I am really pleased perhaps the Ambulance stuff was cathartic.
Anyway fingers crossed on onwards and upwards for you
Kat
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Post by butterfly on Sept 15, 2010 21:18:27 GMT
Hi ladies thanks for your messages! I am definatly feeling angry about this blood test, its a positive thing sometimes anger - it shows a bit of passion. Where as befor I have been down and flat. Oh kat I am going to given them grief on friday. I want to end this, if he is not that bothered then she doesn't really need it. And I don't want to put her through unessesary tests. Poor thing. Xx
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Post by butterfly on Sept 16, 2010 9:02:59 GMT
Funny how things quickly change. Today I am feeling unbelieveably anxious and panicky I have just had the worst experience. Dropped my son off at new pre school was inside trying to settle him in. My daughter started crying she was in her buggy. Went to get her out, there were bags on the back and thethe buggy went to topple back. Automatically went to grab the buggy, in the process I lost balance of my daughter and dropped her head first onto the metal sside of the buggy, complete accident but I have never felt so dreeadful. Her head instantly came up in a lump and she started screaming. Omg omg, I shortly left to ny son grabbing my leg begging me not to leave him screaming and crying. I called OH who told me off for putting bags on the back of the buggy. I started crying and told him to f**k off. Its just a total f**king drama. Now I'm thinkin- what if her platlets are low and she is going to get an internal bleed because she's not clotting. Shall I take her to a and e - then I am going to get seriously questioned. I am so pissed of why do these things happen to me? Everyone else seems so happy calm and in control. I better go and take my coat and shoes of and try and tidy up. I know today is going to be a shit one.
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butterfly
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Post by butterfly on Sept 16, 2010 10:29:30 GMT
I can't stop crying, everthing is making me cry. Why do I have this depression. Its not fair. Why can't I just enjoy a morning with beauitful lovely daughter. What is stopping me? I can't live like this for much longer, when is this sadness going to lift. I want a happy day again. Again I feel the kids would be better of without me. Maybe it would be a good thing for them if they were taken away. Maybe I should give them up so someone could play and smile at them like they deserve. I want to tell a HCP how I feel but I know then they are not going to let me back to work and I need the money. My poor little baby getting a little bump on her head, my poor little boy feeling lost at a new pre school. Poor oh having me as a wife, my poor mum worring about me. I am so fed up I just wish a fairy god mother would come and wave a magic wand and make all the pain go away.
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