butterfly
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Post by butterfly on Aug 31, 2010 11:33:17 GMT
thanks fsg - i'll be taken loads of snapsx
Today is not going well at all I feel really out of control and have an urdge to clean and tidy this tip. Unfortuneatly the kids have other plans and are demanding my attention. I am getting quite cross and really want my husband to take them away from me so i can do what i want to do and make this place clean. Although we have had a nice weekend it has not included any housework so as usual its all left to me.
I am a bit anxious about this lady coming this afternoon, i think she is going to be judgmental or something - she phoned to confirm the appointment and she didn;t sound very friendly. If she is going to be unfriendly and that is what the support group is then i cant go.
I called oh and asked what time he'd be home he instantly knew i was down and instantly got pissed off with me. Great now he is going to be in a bad mood maybe i should just cover the way i feel up to keep him happy
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Post by Victoria on Aug 31, 2010 11:40:15 GMT
Dont cover up how you feel hun, whether they like it or not they need to know what you are going through and this is about helping you get better not making them feel ok. I know what you mean about housework, doing something nice is all well and good but the usual chores are still there waiting for you. That is what I find difficult. Some people dont sound great on the phone, just reserve judgement until this afternoon. You might find she is lovely. Thinking of you. xxx
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Post by Weeble on Aug 31, 2010 20:48:23 GMT
B/f
hope the appointment went well, lots of people make me feel the way people make you feel, however I am relearning to think through why they might be behaving the way they are. That helps so for instance my midwife was stressed over worked and worried about getting everything done - I think yesterday although she made me feel like I was odd and difficult and she did not want to see me again.
I got my homestart person last week, she seems lovely, me, her and S are going out next week to do something together, I have an afternoon with my little boy which does not seem insurmountable - really reduced my stress. But I have rung them up on so many occasions over the past six month and cancelled.
Thinking of you
Kat
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butterfly
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Post by butterfly on Aug 31, 2010 21:45:10 GMT
Hi girls, I have been low all day. The lady from homestart was nice, shge brought along the lady that runs the support group who was really friendly and chatty. I am not going to have a volunteer because there are none in my area so I'm just going to the group. Half of me is pleased I'm getting help, the other half can't believe I have got to go to a group whiCh I fear will be full of junkies and crazy wierd people. To sit around having "theraputic time" banging a drum- I can't believe it, I'm an offical lunatic. I will do anything to get better, I love my children so much they deserve a good mum and I will be that, I will get better I can't stand being like this. Counselling tomorrow. God help me. Xx
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Post by Victoria on Sept 1, 2010 9:56:08 GMT
Hi, if you are are lunatic, then so am I. Hope your counselling goes well. I am low at the moment so cant say much but I feel the same as you. I cant stand being like this. xxx
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Post by juppster on Sept 1, 2010 11:28:24 GMT
Hi Butterfly Just wanteed to wish you luck with the counselling today. Well done on having the meeting yesterday afternoon, you are certainly trying to do everything you can to get yourself better....this will happen but remember it sometimes is a slow process. Let us know how you get on today, will be thinking about you xx
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Post by Weeble on Sept 1, 2010 18:48:49 GMT
How did it go today with the talking, It is a really slow process, but I know it makes a difference and is worth the effort. I understand how you feel about being a good/bad mum. But bad mums dont get PNI its strong good mums who do.
Keep well
Kat
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butterfly
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Post by butterfly on Sept 2, 2010 7:08:48 GMT
Hi girls Thankyou for all your messages, yesterday was ok. I cant see how the counselling will help as I just randomly go on about stuff with no direction. The cousellor has a person centered approached and as far as i can see she just comments to confirm she has listened to ewhat I have said. She never gives an opinion she doesn;t guide me. Or suggest thing to me. I thought it would be more focused on changing my thoughts or getting them better so I can function. But I will still go and I will still sit there and talk because I am desperate. I do feel the meds are working a bit, I am definatly not crying as much. I went to the opticians yesterday and she said she thinks I am getting migranes because of the blurred vision I am getting. But i only rarely get a headache?! I am tired today might go out with my mum because I cant take the kids both out on my own, but i feel i want to give mum some space, she has just come back from a weekend away and i know she has loads of stuff to do at home. Hubby said he will be home early from work and said he wants to take our son to et a hair cut. My son has got a really bad cough and cold, I dont know if i should take him to the GP for a check up or not. I am getting paraniod about going there, I will write more about this on the other section. I will ask my mum for her opinion about him.
Got to go baby is crying. Hope my mood stays ok and doesn't swing down to low again.
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Post by juppster on Sept 2, 2010 7:38:49 GMT
Morning hun Well done on sticking with the counselling. Although i did feel a little like you with the counselling, maybe if you want help changing your thought processes you would be better off with some cbt? Does your councellor do this? I hope today is a good one for you and your mood stays stable xx
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Post by Weeble on Sept 2, 2010 15:20:57 GMT
Well done on keep sticking with the counselling, one of my friends did CBT and then did person centered she found the person centered was much for effective for her PNI. I am not sure what type I am doing, it seems to alternate between someone standing in front of me encouraging me to hit myself with a smelly wet fish to the sessions where a crane with a large metal ball on a chain comes through the room and leaves me flattened on the floor like a cartoon character. Problem is cant find either of these types in the books!!!
On the going to the GP thing, your GP knows you are not at your best and will understand your need to check, he is probably fine but everyone would expect you to be a cautious at the moment. I hope you laugh when you read my post about today, I am so paranoid about my GP surgery it took me four weeks to get there and I only went when I had prepared for days today - so know you are not alone.
Hope today has been ok and you are coping with your children
Kat
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butterfly
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Post by butterfly on Sept 3, 2010 8:34:31 GMT
Oh god, today I feel lazy, my sons not dressed, I've got no makeup on (that's a horrible sight), the house is a tip, and the HV is on her way. f**king ballocks! Why can I not get a shift on and be a mum why am I doing everything to avoid houswork?!? Actually I think its just me not pni!
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Post by Victoria on Sept 3, 2010 10:32:00 GMT
You are not lazy hun it is only 8.34am. Now if it gets to tea time and your son isnt dressed............only joking. My house is a tip too, I am slowly learning that it is important just to do what you can. I set myself a goal to do every day, one house chore. I know I am lucky in that hubby is here and is doing the washing and ironing which is like a mountain range all of its own. But I try and do the hoovering one day, something else the next day........it never looks like I do anything though as the kids are quick to put it back how it was. HV will understand hun dont worry about it. At the end of the day, the house being a mess isnt life and death and nobody will be the worse off if you just manage to do it little by little.
Well done on sticking with the counselling. I am on the waiting list for CBT with the NHS. The private counselling sessions I have had were the same as you described. Person centred. Basically I have paid £40 for 50 minutes, to sit there and waffle on. The counsellor hardly talks and then I go home. I could talk to myself for cheaper lol. Personally, I dont feel any better for talking. Writing on here does me more good tbh. I am hoping the CBT helps me. I think with counselling it is down to the individual as to which method workds best. Hope you manage to have an ok day. xxx
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Post by Weeble on Sept 3, 2010 20:23:11 GMT
How did the HV go butterfly, I am completely paranoid about the HV coming, but next week we have the school police coming to check up out _ aghhhhhhhhhhhh.
Kat
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Post by juppster on Sept 4, 2010 7:31:48 GMT
I am never dressed by 8.30am in the morning and nor is my son so please don't worry about that!! How did it go with the HV? It has taken me nearly 4 years to try and relax about the housework! My house used to be spotless....not no more!!! Hoping this weekend is a good one for you, do you have any plans? xx
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butterfly
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Post by butterfly on Sept 6, 2010 7:35:38 GMT
hi girls, whats the school police Kat? Or am I being thick?? Well HV visit was ok, couldn't talk much on the account that my son was screaming and shouting but at least she saw how much hard work he is at times. Saturday I was on my own my hubby went to see his poorly grandad miles away so I had the kids to myself all day and also friday night went and saw my friend and didn't get home unitl 2 am! So hence I was knackered! All day baked cakes and sausage rolls for the party on sunday after my LO baptisim. LOL why why why - most people would just out and buy food - not me - i have to set myself a major challenge to prove to myself i am a good mother! Silly cow! Anyway, I was nearly falling asleep standing up by the end of the day then when OH got home at 9pm me and my mum had to go and set up the hall for the morning! Sunday went very smoothly, apart from one of the godmothers being late!!! ARghhhhh - she got thier in the end. My little baby was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good! Just so perfect and lovely all day I felt really proud of her and really felt so much love for her. She looked so pretty in the christening gown Not that many people came, but thats probably good I could'nt have handled too many. In the afternoon we went to a little village fate and it was lovely. Sunday was the best day I have had for months my anxiety was bad only for a very short while until the godmother turned up then soon disapeared. I had hardly any flashbacks and enjoyed myself!!! I enjoyed myself how great is that. I can see a glimer of hope that I'll get better. Today I am absolutely exhausted and could sleep for a week, but i dont feel terribly down or anything. Need to catch up with whats been going on on here....... Hope everyones ok xxx
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