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Post by juppster on Aug 10, 2010 15:33:52 GMT
Hey Lucyb How has today been for you? On the hair falling out thing! I had this alot after having Jack. It fell out in clumps and i was convinced i was going bald! but it did stop after a while but if its something that is really concerning you i would mention it to your GP next time you are there. Im not sure if its down to the meds but more a hormonal thing after having a baby...i think?!?! I hope today has been a productive day again for you but if it hasn't, dont be too hard on yourself xx
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Post by Weeble on Aug 10, 2010 19:11:57 GMT
Oh yes, after both my children my hair dropped out as I stopped breast feeding and last time it grew back grey aghhhhhhhhhh. Yep it is hormonal and pregnancy just increases the blood flow to the body as a whole so the hair follicles get more nutrients - I think
How has today been, yesterday sounded great.
Love Kat
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Post by Weeble on Aug 10, 2010 19:18:45 GMT
Forgot to say loved what you said on FSG's diary about the box. I need to come to terms with quite what I have put my baby son through over the past year, the guilt is extraordinary. So thought I might nick you idea and make a box for him.
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butterfly
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Post by butterfly on Aug 10, 2010 19:33:25 GMT
I am having a total drama! Knipped into town and parked in the multistory car park. Tried to start the car and smoke started pouring out from under the bonnet! Jumped out car and grabbed kids as it looked like the whole thing was gonna blow up. So pissed off.. I just knwo I can't afford to fix my car, and without it I am totally isolated as live in the sticks. My oh has come to an arrangement with the garage and got a car on loan too thank god. I am so skint had to borrow money from my mum as the cuboards are empty and had nothing in for dinner. We don't get paid for two weeks. All because our money has been going on debts and we've not managed it properly. Just took my lo to the drs to have her jabs. So that wasn't fun I have had several momennts when I just nearly burst into tears. I coulldn't cope when I was out earlier with my 2 year old, he was really cheeky. I hope my baby is ok and doesn't get a high temp or anything. I don't know how I have got through today. I think I won't beable to sleep tonight. Tempted to take a extra tablet cos they'll be increased soon anyway. Might write later when I'm in bed and unable to sleep. Looby x
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butterfly
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Post by butterfly on Aug 10, 2010 19:43:50 GMT
Good idea kat about the box! I am trying to do something simular about the events my baby went through being ill. I took quite a few photos and they are chilling to look at. I have started reflecting and making a diary of events which I am journaling/scrap booking its taking me ages cos I don't get the time but I intend to for 2 reasons 1 for jasmine to read when she's older so she appriciates life. 2 to put on the shelf at the back of the room. Llook at when I need to but gradually move it futher away a bit like the box.
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Post by Victoria on Aug 10, 2010 20:15:58 GMT
Hi sorry to hear you had a bad day it sounds like you are not having much luck at the moment. Re taking an extra tablet though i wouldnt without speaking to your GP hun, it may just be me being a worrier lol but I would worry that taking a larger dose as a random thing might have a negative effect rather than anything else. Although I have no idea what I am talking about lol so might be completely wrong. The idea for the box for my dad was lovely.........I have been thinking about it since you mentioned it but am struggling for what to put in it. I know I would put a few pics in there and maybe write up some memories........but what else? I know if i can think of some nice things to put in there then it will be lovely to look at when I need to. Thank you so much for the idea. xxx
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butterfly
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Post by butterfly on Aug 10, 2010 21:44:03 GMT
Hey feathersnowglitter sounds crazy but I wrote my baby several letters with all the things I never got the chance to say, also photos, foot prints pictures of flowers at his grave side. I think if I was doing a "box" for a loved one who I actually had spent time with, a piece of material from their jumper or even the whole thing, photos, a cd with special songs on. Hope this helps give you some ideas, let your little collections build up naturally. I did,t take anb extra tablet being good and doing what the dr says (although I don't think their working) ! Finding it hard to get close to my husband physically at the moment. Don't know why cos despite his faults I truely love him we were so close befor in every way hope I have a better day tomorrow the nursery nurse is coming out tomorrow. I have no friends anymore and this may sound wierd but I actually enjoy seeing people to talk to. My poor old mum is great but there is a limit to how many times you can talk about the same thing. I also had a phonecall from my brother but I had to cut it short cos my baby was crying,n probably pissed him off. I text a old friend, a really friendly text but she hasn't replied. In my crazy loon episode I have behaved differently towards my friends and said things done things I should,t have ( long story involving a wedding, a big house in the country, a drinking game and a shopping list, oh plus my baby). I was nt the only pperson who acted in an unforgivable way, I am not going to be the first one to pick up the phone in this sceniro. What some so called old friends did to me and my daughter was unforgivable and will never be forgot. Maybe I am less tolerant in my depressed state, maybe its just shown me what people are really like. I don't need friends like that I'd rather be alone. Although I'll never be alone as I have my family. I am going to give myself a "status update" in my diary like on facebook, mainly cos I say too much on facebook and work collegues and neighbours are beginning to hear a little too much info. On here its anoneymous (can't spell) and we'ree all in the same kind of boat. So today : lucyb is pissed off with cars, absolutely skint, depressed and in need of therapy! All comments greatfully received! Love to you all x x
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Post by Victoria on Aug 11, 2010 8:12:10 GMT
Firstly thank you for the ideas for the box........once I decide what to do about the puppy and stop panicking I will give it some thoughts and get it started even if it is just finding a box to start with. Thank you I think it will be a help to me.
Secondly, I sooo know what you mean about Facebook. I put too much on there and then regret it as then someone that i hardly speak to makes a comment or starts asking questions and gets my back up. Friends have let me down too in a big way recently. Knowing my dad had terminal cancer, hardly any of them ever asked how he was doing and now he has gone, I havnt seen one of them since!! Also, they know I have depression etc. but they dont contact me from one week to the next. I dont think that is very good friends. I also have my family, but they live an hour and a half away. Its a good job hubby is so brilliant.
Its the same here physical wise with hubby, I have no inclination to get close to him even though I love him to bits and I know he is finding that hard not to think I am regjecting him.
Re your status today - dump the car somewhere, rob a bank, and go shopping. Hope that helps lol.
Take care hun. xxx
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Post by Weeble on Aug 11, 2010 19:44:30 GMT
Hi Lucy
Agree your box idea is great become quite obsessed with it today, even talked to T my little boy about it.
On your friends, I discovered who my real friends were through this illness people can be so cruel and heartless, I think lots of us have been affected that way.
On the sex thing, its a really common issue, and many of the girls here say it is the last thing to come back. Perhaps you should explain to your OH that you cant cope at the moment, but make sure you spend time together having cuddles and other non sexual intimacy. In time I think it comes back. For me it was the other way round, I was really interested when my PNI was worse because it was the only way I could feel something, hence how I got pregnant again!!!!
Lucy, i hope you dont mind me asking but would love to hear more about what happened to you little girl, if you would like to share
Love
Kat
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Post by butterfly on Aug 11, 2010 23:02:31 GMT
Hi kat thanks for the message. Not a brilliant evening, had a arguemnt over a yougart and a packet of mince lol. All has settled now. Made up sleeping in sperate beds as usual though. The story behing my baby (j) basically she was a healthy baby when born and was doing fine. At 3 weeks 4 days I noticed she was a bit off her feeds but thought breast fed babies sometimes do that. Within 12 hours I noticed she had a slight temp (it was the middle of the night) without going into too much detail, I took her up to a and e in the morning after not having much luck with the oncall GP. Duing the journey I knew things were'nt right as she was breathing really fast. Withing seconds of walking in the door she was in resus having needles stuck in her, turning blue. They were'nt sure what was wrong. But thought it was meningitus. Great ormond street wanted her transferred up there that eveing but the consultant thought she woukd improve. The promise me she'd get transferred if they could'nt manage her care safely at the local hospital. This was not done she gradually got worse. In the end she crashed on the ward and was rushed to the adult ITU put on a ventilator etc. In the mean time the london amubulance from the childrens hospital had a blow out tyre!! Delaying the specialist drs and nurses getting to her. Not helped by the ambulance service not having a free ambulance to collect them! f**king crazy a dying baby and there was no ambulance - I am making a formal complaint about this. They took 2 hours getting her stable enough for the journey. I went in the back of the ambulance. They had to pull over twice and resusitate her which was the most terrifying moments of my life. I swear I saw her little soul come out of that little pod and ponder about which way to turn. I pleaded wth god to let her live. When we got to london it was still constanly touch and go. She had so many lines in, they always used to go wrong and stop working she had 17 needle marks on one wrist alone where they fought to get a arterial line in, in the end they put it directly under her armpit. One of the lines that should have gone into a femeral line acidently went into an artery, they didn't relise until they had infused a vasoconstricking drug which instantly cut off the blood supply to her leg. I asked what was going tot happen but no one had seen it befor. All we could do was watch her dead leg, pale with no pulses and pray. Thank god she had a angel with her because gradually it got better. She was on life support for a few days we were given a diagnosis of a particular virus isolated in her spinal fluid very rare. But all the antibiotics were ppointless her own immune system needed to fight. And it did. She gradually got better. she now is thriving. There's more too the story but I have Got to go night
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Post by butterfly on Aug 12, 2010 8:25:41 GMT
it was wierd writing about what happend to j. i think i mainly focus on what happen as aposed to how i felt, how my husband and family felt. i was so scared i felt constantly physically sick, in fact the stress had a physical effect on me i lost over a stone in weight, had diarhoea all the time, didn;t eat, didn't sleep for days, cried constantly, became paranoid about people talking about me, thinking they were thinking i had done something to hurt J. was still bleeding from having J and it was soooo heavy i always felt faint...... back soon
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Post by Victoria on Aug 12, 2010 8:40:06 GMT
Wow that was some awful experience to go through I dont really know what to say. Am just so pleased she is now thriving. I couldnt imagine having to watch them fight to save my babys life. My heart goes out to you. xxx
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Post by butterfly on Aug 12, 2010 10:28:35 GMT
thanks fsg, today i am hoping is good. its our wedding aniversary, cards from lots of people but not actually my husband!! i am sure he has something uphis sleeve though! we are going for a picnic soon. hopefully it wont rain. been thinking about the complaint i have had to make to the ambulance service, scared i might have overreacted and am wasting thier time. which i dont want to do, equally i dont want the same thing to happen again and there not be any police cars available to help. no one can tell me what to do its my choice, i hate that i wish someone else could tell me what to do. but in a way i want to forget and move on now. someone is coming out to our home for a meeting (i am having a panic attack just thinking about it). i dont know how i am going to cope with it. j seems to have slept a lot today and not fed since 7 am i hope she is ok she looks fine and is all happy and smiley. I hope its not the meds doing it to her. i dont really feel they are doing much they need to be increased i am on a dose that is so low, whats the point in taking it. my hair is falling out in clumps today cos i have washed it. :(i am going to try and put on a pretend "i am ok" face today for the sake of my family and husband. i am such a div i tried to make my hubby a cold sausage baguette for his breakfast to take to work with a card in the bag ..... i burnt the sausage so i dont suppose it was very tasty, poor bloke, married to miserable me, miserable, unable to cope and cant cook a sausage over and out
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Post by juppster on Aug 12, 2010 11:14:18 GMT
Morning Lucyb Sorry you're feeling a bit sad this morning....but Happy Annniversary! Can't offer you much support today honey as im struggling myself, just wanted to say im thinking of you..hope you get to enjoy your picninc x
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Post by Weeble on Aug 12, 2010 20:08:17 GMT
Read your post about your daughter this morning and have been thinking what to say since. I am not a mental health professional just another woman with PNI, but firstly thank you for sharing, my experiences are different but it was such a relief to read what had happened to you, suddenly I dont feel so alone about what happened to me and my son last August.
My instant reaction was I am so not surprised that you feel the way you do, an experience like that is so horrific at such a vunerable point in you and your babies life.
This is only my experience but I am trying to deal with a load of traumatic memories, starting when my little sisters died as babies when I was 2 and 3. I am just starting to talk to my psychologist about them, but I have learned that when these things happened I went in to a sort of locked down rationale brain and did not manage my emotions, I am slowly getting better, but talking about them and being really honest about how I felt and feel is the only way I am slowly sorting myself out. I cant remember if you said you are waiting therapy I hope you are.
You are absolutely right to complain, because the next family it happens too their child may not have an angel on its shoulder like your daughter. I tried to complain but still have not about the missed complication in my last pregnancy which led to a lot of my trouble, because I have not had the courage - so well done. They are doing the right thing coming to talk to you at home, right everything down in advance and make sure you have someone you trust with you there to speak for you if it is too much.
Lucy, i think you mentioned on another stream you are a nurse and planning to go back to work in a few weeks. I would contact you occupational health department in the next few weeks if I was you, firstly because they will be very supportive in helping you return to work in a safe and manageable way, but also they may be able to get you fast track talking therapy support.
Finally, I just want to say, you have been through so much with the loss of one baby and then your tiny perfect daughters horrible illness, you are amazing to be doing so well. If anyone of us all demonstrates it - that PNI is an illness of strong women you are an example.
Please keep talking, sharing really helps and we are all hear to listen and understand.
Love Kat
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