butterfly
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Post by butterfly on Aug 16, 2010 21:53:04 GMT
Hi girl, I am pleased to report I have cheered up dramatically since this morning. Its really wierd how I go up and down so fast. My mum came over saw what I was like and has made an appoinment with my gp tomorrow. Thankyou fsg and kat for your support. It does help knowing there are others (sadly) in the same boat. Fsg I am really sorry your down to, its really sad that your regreting having ruby. All I am going to say is when you have a good moment try and really enjoy her and think of everythiing lovely about having her, try writing it down. She will grow up soon enough and won't be hard to look after. I am finding my illness complicated, I don't gget why I go up and down. I seem to get lower each time I go down. I will tell the dr as best I can what's going on - I always feel rushed and like they don't want to listen. The dr I am seeing I have never seen befor. Which could be a good or a bad thing. I hate going to the drs when I was akid I had a really bad dr, he was struck off. Never did anything terrible to me apart from making me feel like a piece of shit when I walked in the door! For years I lived with the syptoms of PCOS and he didn't refer me to a specialist. Put me on the pill when I was 11 without getting a specialist opinion! Anyway, I am going. It really cheered me up cos a friend from work is coming round with her kids tomorrow. Last time she came it didn't go well I was really low and my 2 year old was a cheeky little monkey! I really hope it is nice and relaxed. My mind is buzzing with stuff I need to do. I hope my tablet kicks in and makes me feel sleepy soon. Praying I have a good day tomorrow. Thinking of everyone else who's had a bad day and really hope everyone feels better
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Post by Victoria on Aug 17, 2010 8:24:23 GMT
Hi Lucy hope you have a good day today with your friend, and your little cheeky monkey behaves for you. My doc is the same, always in a rush and doesnt seem to actually be listening when you rant on about how bad you feel. There doesnt seem to be any empathy there. Anyway, have a good day and catch up later. xxx
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Post by juppster on Aug 17, 2010 18:37:50 GMT
Hey Lucy How has today been for you? Did you have fun with your friend? My little one constantly seems to be cheeky when we have other people round at the moment and its so embarrassing...just part of growing up I suppose! I get your thing with doctors too, I don't know what it is about feeling as though you're wasting their time but it happens to me all the time, they can make you feel very small good GP's seem to be very far and few between. Im hoping the new doc you see is a good one for you hun x
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Post by Victoria on Aug 17, 2010 19:18:19 GMT
Hope your day went well. xxx
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Post by Weeble on Aug 17, 2010 19:43:32 GMT
Hi Lucy,
How did it go with the GP, hope you told them everything including those suicidal thoughts. have been thinking of you.
Kat
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butterfly
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Post by butterfly on Aug 17, 2010 19:46:59 GMT
Hi girls pleased to report although horrible going to the dr, he was very professional and seemed to take me seriously. He has increased my anti d's. Thankfully he asked me if I felt suicidal, so I didn't have to bring him up. In the grand scheme of things there is still no instant cure. On a positive note my cheeky monkey was fairly well behaved! As well as he can be- my baby was good as always. I am really anxious about tom I have to take my baby to the hospital for her outpatients appt. There r several reasons why I'm anxious. 1 I have no one to look after my 2 year old son so he is coming to. And I doubt I can control him there or have any kind of sensiible conversation. 2. I haven't been out of the house with both kids for ages. The last time I drove up the road had a ppanic attack and had to come back. 3. I going to the place where she was really ill, flash backs will be a plenty. 3. I am just scared anxious the dr will judge me etc think I'm paranoid (which I am). I also am in worry thinking should I tell him I have pni and am taking medication or will he just then think I am a bad mother 4. Its going back to work - I don't want to see or speak to anyone, trouble is ii know everyone. Hopefully this will be the last time she has to go back. Hopefully they'll say she doesn't need to go to the other app in london I can't handle or afford the train journey in rush hour on my own with two kids (and that's nothing to do with pni would,kt want to do it anyway.
Overall I'm not too bad today, more anxious and panicky than depressed. But still depressed a bit just not suicidal - over analyising! Lack of ability to spell words longer than 3 letters lol.
I felt like a right donkey at the doctors as I didn't know the date and had to ask. Then had to feel out another form and forgot the date and had to ask again. My brain doesn't function any more!
Anyways that's my day Oh I had a call from the councilling people and I have an app I wonder if my hv has speeded it up or something. I don't know I said I could go and then relised I had no childcare!! But I am so desperate I have asked a neighbour to help - said I had an appoinment.
Over and out!
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Post by Weeble on Aug 17, 2010 19:51:17 GMT
Well done Lucy
So get the appointment thing I have all the same problems, paeds drs are really good as a general rule so I would be honest about your PNI and tell them it is extremely difficult for you. I am sure they will be empathic, I have been amazed how good people have been about mine at the hospital, but as a general rule everyone has been very empathic. Thats great news on the councilling.
love Kat
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butterfly
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Post by butterfly on Aug 17, 2010 20:56:06 GMT
Thankyoy kat, thankyou juppster and fsg for all thinking about me (I didn't read the earlier posts earlier)! Doh! Posting on here is really helping I think. You are right kat the paed dr is lovely who my daughter sees. To be honestt even me who is the most parniod mother in britain can see she is now as fit as a butchers dog lol. She had a echo of her heart last time and it was all tickerdyboo so to speak. Unless he suprises me by pulling something out the bag I'm sure she'll get the all clear. 3 months ago I never thought she'd be here. I feel a bit dizzy and wierd tonight, jumpy, my phone bleeped earlier I jumped a foot in the air then stubbed my toe!! It must be the happy pills doin it. Anyways take care ladies xxx
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Post by juppster on Aug 18, 2010 7:45:37 GMT
Morning hun Glad your GP app went well yesterday....brain function goes completely out the window after having children in my opinion!! Hoping your app goes well at the hospital today and you manage to cope...will be thinking of you xxx
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Post by Victoria on Aug 18, 2010 8:08:27 GMT
Thats great news on getting a counselling app. I dont have a HV as such, I got an app with one a while back but she was from a diff area and was no help, and didnt even sayh she would come back and see me, it was that one appointment and that was that. She did Rubys 2 yr check at 20 months as she said if she didnt, they are so short staffed she might not get a check at all.
Good luck today at the hospital i hope you manage to cope ok and get through it. Take care. xxxx
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butterfly
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Post by butterfly on Aug 18, 2010 14:00:29 GMT
Thanks girls, good news my baby has the all clear and does'nt need to go back. I am feeling really ill today. Have had the runs and nausea, real bad. Luckily my hubby started work early so he could take us to the appt. I managed to get there (don't know if I could have done on my own). My hubby does'nt believe I am ill thinks its stress related. Its not its either the meds or a bug. My HV was supposed to come out today but my hubby suggested I cancelled it because in his opinion I don't really need to see her and it would be a step to recovery!! He wanted to go shopping for food after the app. He knows I can't do that on my own so I gave in and cancelled her coming. I am so weak for not standing up to my hubby, he just wanted to pretend everything was ok. And its not. But anway prob good she didn't come out and catch what I've got. Got to go x
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butterfly
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Post by butterfly on Aug 18, 2010 18:10:50 GMT
Hi. Feeling like crap - still got the runs and feel sick. My tummy hurts like hell. Feel stupid i cancelled the HV jusst to make hubby happy. I keep feeling wierd and mussie headed, dizzy prob due to meds. Keep getting muddled and forgeting stuff just laying down and having a rest now. Hope I feel better soon. There about a million side effect to dosulepin but diarreoh is not one. Soo it must be a bug. I keep thinking I am dying and
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butterfly
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Post by butterfly on Aug 18, 2010 18:12:40 GMT
Wierd thoughts about me not being able to feed baby. Feel like I am actually going mad today.
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Post by juppster on Aug 18, 2010 18:26:41 GMT
Trust me Lucy, you are not going mad...I have thought this many many times myself so it is not a silly thing to feel. Sorry you are ill...my symptoms are always 100 times worse when Im feeling poorly, especially if I have a bug which it sounds as though you have. did you manage to rearrange the appt with the Hv. Don't feel weak about cancelling today, you are ill at the moment and it probably felt like the easiest thing to do today. Don't beat yourself up about it, try to rearrange it if you can hun. Did you feel any better for having a rest? xx
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Post by Victoria on Aug 18, 2010 19:16:56 GMT
Hi Lucy, glad to hear your baby has the all clear and that you got through the appointment. Dont feel weak for just doing what hubby said, you have to live with him and at your low points, doing what keeps the peace is the easiest option, I know. It is hard to remember that you are ill and shouldnt have to try and keep everyone else happy but I know we all do it. You are not weak, you are just vulnerable when at your lowest and sometimes people we love who dont know how to help and dont know how to understand, do and say things that are wrong, but they dont know what else to do and are trying to do what they think is the right thing. I am waffling now, but I agree with Jo, try and rearrange your HV she sounds more supportive than mine. Take it easy hun. xxx
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