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Post by monica on Dec 4, 2016 18:28:54 GMT
Hey
Most importantly be kind to yourself. If you've been up since 4am no wonder you don't know if you're coming nor going . You must be shattered!hope you managed to find a little down time just for you. It's a vicious circle - your emotional because you're tired so you start to thing of yourself in negative terms...I know this cycle well! X
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Post by quantumrose on Dec 7, 2016 16:11:53 GMT
I am just so miserable tonight. I am trying to be positive, trying to be kind to myself, trying to get better.....really just wish this illness would just GO THE HELL AWAY. I've pulled a muscle in my shoulder and chest carrying the baby. I know it's muscular because it hurts when I move it. But still, my anxiety is raging about "What if it's a heart attack". I'm just so utterly fed up, I can't take this anymore. I had two huge panic attacks on monday, full on horribleness. I just want all this to go away. I feel so lonely too-even thougfh my friends are offering to help I feel so alone. Like isolated in my thoughts. Can't feel comforted, can't feel safe. Just miserable. I need sleep. I need to get better. I need for this all to go away.
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frogface
Private Board (R) Member
Posts: 938
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Post by frogface on Dec 7, 2016 17:25:34 GMT
I'm sorry you're having a hard time. It won't be forever but it feels like it. Being in pain probably isn't helping but it's good that you can be logical about the heart attack thoughts. Panic attacks are horrible things.
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Post by monica on Dec 7, 2016 18:38:03 GMT
Big hugs my lovely - you're having a shitty time - exhaustion and pain are the main sources of this horrid blip. Would it be worth seeing dr? X
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Post by quantumrose on Dec 8, 2016 13:59:56 GMT
Thanks for your replies Monica and Frogface xx I feel so much better today. I
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Post by quantumrose on Dec 8, 2016 14:01:36 GMT
had art therapy this morning and then friend round just now. Feel a bit more positive about life again. It's a reminder that blipps can fade as quickly as they arrive. Hopefully I'll have a good few days now. Fingers crossed xxxx
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Post by monica on Dec 8, 2016 16:22:23 GMT
Great news - I know it's hard to remember the blip will pass when you feel so low. Everything feels so bleak. Maybe you need to get out and about when you can ? I now physically that's hard - I often find talking to someone else gives me that much needed distraction x
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Post by brach24 on Dec 8, 2016 21:44:43 GMT
Sleep deprivation is such a strong trigger for most of us. You know yourself so well Qr and you can see a blip for what it is. It's just so horrible at the time. I wish it would bog off and leave you alone too. I hope the next few days are a good rest from the battle!! Wish I'd done art therapy!! Xx
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Post by quantumrose on Dec 14, 2016 12:13:46 GMT
Just checking in quickly to get something off my chest.
I've fallen out with a friend. Which seems weird at 35! I was curt with her about some advice she gave me, I'm starting a campaign to stop some trees being felled and I posted on FB about it. Her response was "Don't just post it on here, thats useless" and I replied that I wasn't going to just sit on my arse and post on FB about it. She then private messaged me and proceeded to tear strips off me. Really nasty stuff. Depression is making me bitter apparently and I'm like my mother who lets bitterness corrode her. I was more acerbic than usual in my original post and maybe thats what offended her but to honest I was offended that she was so condescending! So we're at an impasse. It's forced me to really look at myself which has been uncomfortable but my conclusion is that I'm not a bad person. And I don't feel bitter, so I don't know how I can be. Maybe she thought of her post as a kind of intervention. If that is the case then it's a totally ruthless one and I thought people generally started gently with these things and worked up to being utterly harsh.
Hope your all well, I've actually had a pretty good few days, seeing the light despite all this.
xxxx
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Post by quantumrose on Dec 15, 2016 15:10:25 GMT
Ugh. Crappy day on what should be a good day :-( Hubbys got the day off but I'm just too tired to enjoy it fully. Such a bad night with babe, up most of the night I think in what felt like a haze of feeding and crawling around on me. She, of course has had naps. So I feel so anxious and I know it's caused by the lack of sleep but I'm just a bit gutted because I was feeling better than I have in ages before this. I'll have to keep that in mind.
Also my sinuses hurt. They just feel really sore and achey which of course has set off the old health anxiety. Hello old friend!
What my friend said has been preying on my mind. She tried calling yesterday (at 3 o clock! She knows I'm picking up the kids then so I'm guessing she didn't want to speak to me that badly) and I feel really bad about it. I just can't shake the words she used to describe me. I don't know why she would be saying this unless she really thinks it and why would she think it?! I still don't feel like a bitter person. The only way I'm going to solve this is if I speak to her and I just don't feel like I've got the energy to do that.
Feeling low about feeling low I guess. After such a good few days.
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frogface
Private Board (R) Member
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Post by frogface on Dec 15, 2016 16:11:33 GMT
Your friend might have spent 3 seconds coming up with those words - unfortunately it's a lot harder to take them back. It is difficult dealing with depressed friends and family - but not as difficult as being the person who is depressed and that is who you must put first. You don't come across here as being at all bitter. It's hard falling out with people but you can only control your side of things and keep yourself in the right as much as you can then continue with your life and getting well.
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Post by monica on Dec 15, 2016 21:55:06 GMT
FF is my wise friend and I can't really add anything to what she's said. You're truly a wonderful person and I suspect the issue may lie with her more than you . Wait until you feel better to talk things through. It always hurts when someone close is nasty to you especially when you're not in a great place yourself. But have confidence in how you feel.
Hugs - lack of sleep is the root of all evil! I hope you get Mee tonight and feel brighter tomozx
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Post by quantumrose on Dec 20, 2016 10:10:25 GMT
Thank you for your lovely replies, BOTH of you are my wise friends :-)
I've had a really good few days. Seriously back to 'normal' wellbeing and contented levels. How amazing is that?! When I feel like that it's a reminder of how things can be and that is serious light at the end of the tunnel stuff.
I'm feeling a bit low today so I thought I'd check in. Had a busy day or so with extended family (including my mum) which always leaves me feeling low and anxious.
I've got a terrible headache today-probably lack of sleep and tension. Hubby is totally stepping up and that is awesome.
I haven't spoken to my friend yet, I just don't know what to say and I am really hurt by what she said.
Big hugs to you, hope you're all having a good lead up to Christmas and get some time to rest xxxxxxx Hows the sleeping Monica?
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Post by monica on Dec 23, 2016 12:12:56 GMT
Hi QR
So good you've 'seen the light ' and life is looking rosy again! So pleased . PNI is bloody tough but you can and will recover .
Leave your friend until after Christmas. I'm sure you'll talk at some point and clear the air x
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Post by quantumrose on Dec 24, 2016 15:13:36 GMT
I've had a good few days but this thing with my friend has totally messed me up. It got worse. With her contacting my friends and family to ask them to join her in telling me that I am being difficult and that nobody can talk to me for fear of my reaction. I'm utterly mortified. I have spoken to most of ny friends and none of them agree but it's made me doubt all my friendships and my own behaviour totally. I don't know why she's so on the war path. She has done this before though unfortunately, when she gets a bee in her bonnet she doesn't let go. Anyway, I feel ill. Maybe I have a tummy bug but I feel like I've got a cold, a tummy bug and now hives too. Do you think it's anxiety? I'm freaking out because health anxiety is telling me I'm seriously ill even tho its only been 24 hrs. What do you think? I just feel terrible. And it's Christmas eve and I should be focusing on the children. I am terribly selfish. Oh ladies, this is rubbish :-(
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