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Post by monica on Dec 24, 2016 16:24:51 GMT
You're none of those things. There are loads of bugs about atm so it could well be that. Coupled with stress it can make you feel pants. Sure it's nothing serious.
It does sound like your friend is on the war path. Clearly the issue is hers especially if other friends are saying it's not you . Have confidence in yourself and try to banish it from your mind over Xmas (easier said than done I know) and perhaps when you're feeling better physically and emotionally confront her?
Big hugs QR - you're truly a wonderful lady and will get through this x
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Post by brach24 on Dec 24, 2016 16:55:03 GMT
She sounds like a right bitch! If she's done this before reassure yourself it's her rather than you... especially with your friends backing you. I think generally you are super careful about not being difficult for other people - I think your pnd makes you more sensitive to others rather than less!!! Time to look after you and your babies and you can challenge her in a week or so if it still feels that would be helpful. Sorry you're feeling physically rubbish. You're maybe fighting something off - hope it doesn't make you too anxious to enjoy the kiddos and the fun of the next few days. A very happy Christmas to you qr - praying peace and joy for you xxx
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Post by quantumrose on Dec 24, 2016 18:00:34 GMT
A very Happy Christmas to you too Brach and Monica. Thank you for your replies, I'm doing an alright job at rationalizing things. I took some immodium for the journey to my hubbys family's house and one of the possible side effects is hives. So it could be that. Or just a virus. I do feel pants... But I've just put some more decorations on the tree with the kids and that cheered me up :-) Have a wonderful Christmas, big love to you both xxx
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Post by monica on Dec 26, 2016 9:57:12 GMT
So pleased you picked up. How was Xmas? How are you feeling?x
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Post by quantumrose on Dec 26, 2016 13:18:10 GMT
Yesterday was lovely. I visualised my day as id like it to go and it was pretty much how it went. Today I'm exhausted. So relieved that the nasty virus I had seems to have passed but I'm so, so tired. This is a bit of a blip tbh but I've noticed a change in them. It use to be that a blip was a week or so of bad feelings and a then a week or so of good. But now it's a few days of bad and a week or so of good. How cool is that?! The bad days are hard though and today I find myself overwhelmed having had no time for myself and dealing with children and three other adults desires. My own desires are falling by the wayside. Hubby is pretty awful at helping when were at his parents house. Yesterday he did nothing. No cooking, no washing up, no changing of nappies....this feeling of us not be a team is starting to bother me often. But how can I change the way he sees his role in the family? I can't, it's up to him and that's the hardest part. Having spoken to him regularly about it I know this. The feelings are always worse during a blip though. I am grateful for the help of the grandparents :-) I've taken myself off to have a quiet moment as I realised I was getting more and more grumpy. Tired, self critical, down on myself but trying to enjoy myself as much as possible and succeeding in the most part. Hope youre having a fab time xxx
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Post by monica on Dec 26, 2016 17:31:37 GMT
Hi do pleased you're managing to get in s bit of R&R for yourself. It's great that you had such a wonderful Christmas and that it was everything you wanted it to be. Possibly you did too much. How long are you at the in laws ? Exploit them fully and get in some more rest. Re B, I think his behaviour at his parents is common. He automatically regresses back to his childhood doing bugger all! Being tired can make a these niggles so much worse so rest rest and more rest! X
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frogface
Private Board (R) Member
Posts: 938
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Post by frogface on Dec 26, 2016 19:13:37 GMT
Can you leave the baby with him for a day and have a day to yourself? I am glad the good spells are getting longer for you.
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Post by quantumrose on Dec 30, 2016 15:48:54 GMT
Bad health anxiety today. Totally fed up with myself, utterly unable to show myself any compassion. Physical symptoms are bad and that's making health anxiety worse. On edge, angry with myself, unable to relax, really tense.... Fed up. Feel like a terrible mother and partner. Wish I was better. Wish I was a normal rational human being. Hate myself today, for letting this happen, for not having the strength to get out of this hole. Recover is a wonderful thing but the hard days are so difficult in contrast. Don't know what to do. Just realized I was up a lot with baby last night. She woke at 2.30am and never went back to sleep properly.
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Post by quantumrose on Dec 31, 2016 6:50:55 GMT
I have woken up feeling positive. I had a great talk with B yesterday (who studied psychology) and I got to the bottom of a good few things. One of which is that I have totally believed and thought I was justified in giving myself a hard time about everything. I genuinely thought I was harbouring this awful secret that I'm a bad mum, bad person....Whats really broken all this open for me is my friend writing such bad things about me. Hearing someone else say that I am bitter and hard to talk to and a bad friend and a slave to my PND made me realise how thats not right. Its not ok for her to say those things, so why should I say them to myself? At least I have her to thank for that! I have been so held, so supported throughout this time, my friends have made it all bearable. I have come out of PND a better person before and I will do it again. The key is to be nice to myself, be kind as I would to anyone else I know and love. I also believe that feeling this way is my fault, that I somehow must want to feel this way. And that is something I've never told anyone, that sometimes I believe that I must want to feel this way. It feels like a guilty secret. But our default mode is happiness and when I'm happy I worry that I might not be tomorrow! So, things to work with, I feel like I've made another positive breakthrough :-) I honestly couldnt do any of this without this site and especially you Monica xxxx
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Post by brach24 on Dec 31, 2016 8:34:09 GMT
That sounds like a real breakthrough qr! So pleased for you. It's a shame it took for your friend to be nasty for you to challenge those thoughts you were having inside ... but great it's happened!! The bad mum belief is one of mine too and I struggled with challenging it in cbt but facing it head on was def the key! Being kind and true with yourself is so important. You're doing an amazing job in your recovery. As for wanting to feel this way... we may be more comfortable in the familiarity of feeling crap, we may be tired of fighting, the thought of being well and it's responsibilities may feel overwhelming, but those are all a long way away from wanting to feel bad. Hope you find a way of challenging that thought too. This place, Monica and you were the game changers for me ... Hope today has a lightness xx
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Post by quantumrose on Dec 31, 2016 9:59:30 GMT
Your insight, kindness and all round awesomeness has been a ray of light for me Brach. Thank you fabulous woman xxx
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Post by monica on Dec 31, 2016 22:15:11 GMT
Hey so glad you had the breakthrough. I think the self doubt, self critism is common to the vast majority of the ladies on here. Once you get past that and become easier on yourself it strips away the unreasonable expectations we have of being this misnomer of the perfect wife/mother/ person. I have no doubt that this was the main factor in my PNI and I literally drove myself into the ground trying to achieve this.
QR you really are an amazingly kind, intelligent, hardworking and insightful lady who so desperately needs to give herself a break and focus on her achievements. Probably a little selfishness would help you too as you put everyone's needs before your own.
Thank you for your kind words QR and Brach - I'm so glad I can help support you marvellous ladies - it really is a privilege. Happy New Year - I hope 2017 is truly amazing for us allxxx
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Post by quantumrose on Jan 5, 2017 16:29:20 GMT
Yesterday was amazing. Proper 'back to normal stuff' and barely any racing thoughts, low thoughts, anxious thoughts or physical symptoms. I even thought "This is how most people feel, most of the time. Life is so easy without PND!" I am dwelling on what my friend said today though. She's laid bear a hugely vulnerable side of myself that I keep hidden. It's intensely uncomfortable and has made me doubt all my other friendships, however much I tell myself its just her problem. She criticised and picked apart literally every part of my life :-( Still, im determined to concentrate on how good the last few days have been. Most definitely onwards and upwards :-) xxx
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Post by monica on Jan 6, 2017 14:43:33 GMT
Hey
So pleased the PNI fog is lifting! It's brilliant!
It's hard when someone close says hurtful things - I think most would feel as you do. Can u talk to her? Sadly sometimes it is unforgivable and you have to move on and nurture other friendships with people who value youx
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Post by quantumrose on Jan 8, 2017 13:49:27 GMT
Things are really good! As I feel better, things start changing on their own, without me having to put loads of effort into it. My appetite is back and I feel I could eat forever. This might be because I'm feeding babe a lot but maybe its because I'm not so flippin anxious?! I'm able to rest, without guilt. My muscles are still really tense but I'm working on that. I have moments of feeling genuinely safe and content. The hardest thing at the moment is the fear that it will all come flooding back. But I haven't felt this emotionally and mentally well in years. Its like I'm looking back at how I've felt and there's a window between then and now but I can see clearly how I felt and how hard I've been on myself. This state still feels delicate, like a cobweb. But it's been a week of almost all ok or even good! Love you lots ladies xxx
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