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Post by quantumrose on Mar 9, 2017 19:56:12 GMT
P.s The bf course is 10 weeks long and then two hours a week in the postnatal ward at the hospital. I'm nervous about being in the hospital again, it isn't my favourite place and that's an understatement! But hopefully it will be a healing experience and in the end I can be freelance and visit women in their homes.
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Post by monica on Mar 10, 2017 13:16:52 GMT
Hi
You're screaming exhaustion. Can you look at that list and drop the non urgent stuff. Maybe get the other mum to do the bulk of the gardening club etc . This isn't forever just until you pick up. You're obviously a dynamic lady with fantastic ideas also full of beans to do all these things and there's nothing wrong with that .
Great news on the BF advising - I'm sure it'll be great for you and so valuable for struggling mums. I had a nightmare BF children 1 and 3 (I thought it'd be easy with no 3!) and could have done with more support.
Sad about your friend moving away. I know it's not ideal but you can still remain close and speak through Skype etc. Hopefully you can forge a close bond with someone else locally .
Rest and more rest is needed! I hope you can get a bit this weekend x
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Post by quantumrose on Mar 12, 2017 9:03:41 GMT
You're right Monica, I am knackered! I'll try and rest when I can. I've been up since 2am. I just want to write all this down so that if I feel low tomorrow I can read and understand why. On Friday I had to leave college early because my little boy had been sick at school. When I go there he was so poorly he could barely walk so I gave him a piggy back home, the whole 15 mins walk! I was gutted to miss my lessons but felt really sorry for him, he obviously feels so poorly :-( Then yesterday the in laws arrived, it's nice to see them. My son was being sick all day, so I was soothing him, washing stuff etc. The baby slept appalingling, waking to feed every hour. My daughter wet the bed and woke the baby when she came in. And my son was being sick. Today is my husbands birthday and already I've cooked breakfast, put on two loads of washing, two dishwasher loads, a load of washing up, fed the baby three times, cleared up sick and changed the wet bed....I know this is just parenting. I know this is normal. But it's hard to keep up and it just feels like one thing after another. I'm waiting for the nurse to call back because lo is really unwell and has an unblanching rash.
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Post by brach24 on Mar 12, 2017 9:26:41 GMT
I guess that is all normal parenting stuff... but all at once!!! Wow!!! You're amazing!!! Glad you wrote it down as you really need to remember to allow yourself as much time and rest to recover from this once you're out the other side! Can you accept any help the inlaws offer... even ask them to do extra things if you can? Really feeling for you this morning. Xxx
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Post by monica on Mar 12, 2017 9:46:48 GMT
I agree with everything Brach has said! It might be parenting but it's not pleasant to be so exhausted with lack of sleep and so much work. I hope everyone is helping you! I hope your little man is okx
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Post by quantumrose on Mar 12, 2017 12:41:54 GMT
Thanks brach and monica, the in laws have gone now, they helped as much as they could. I always feel guilty after posting here, same as I always feel guilty when I talk to friends about how I feel. It means I can never really be truly honest about how I'm feeling and it just adds another layer of crap to this illness... As it happens, this is the day that keeps on giving (sarcasm, ain't it wonderful?!). My sister just phoned, she's getting married next week and is 36 weeks pregnant. She's being induced 2 days after the wedding. I really feel for her, I can tell how strong she's having to be to work through it all. Talking to her about the plans the consultants have for her is horrible. I feel totally triggered and sad for her. I'm looking forward to seeing her but tbh pregnant people scare me these days, so much to think about re birth. I don't like that I don't want another child purely because of PND and birth trauma. My little boy is ok, we thought menangitis was possible because he had a rash that didn't go away when we put a glass on it but he's perked up now and nurse said to keep an eye but probably caused by being sick xxx
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Post by quantumrose on Mar 12, 2017 18:06:20 GMT
Actually, if I feel guilty anyway, I might as well be honest. I feel rubbish. And I know it's bad because I'm googling symptoms and convincing myself that I'm seriously ill. I'm scared and it just looks like a word written down but actually it's all encompassing and so,.so intense. This is never going to end.
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Post by monica on Mar 12, 2017 19:15:33 GMT
It will end. It's because you are hugely exhausted and run down so feel ill which brings back the obsessive thoughts of illnesses and dying.
As the children get older the physical toll of children's illnesses will get easier . Really do try to rest when you can over the next week or so. The more you catch up on sleep the better you'll feel in yourself X
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Post by brach24 on Mar 12, 2017 22:17:40 GMT
Hugs to you. I really value your honesty. It takes courage to be fully honest... this is the place where you're safe to do that. Good on you. Sorry it's so tough just now. It probably doesn't feel like it but it will get easier than this. It's been a really shitty few days of exhaustion and triggers and illnesses. Try not be too hard on yourself for googling xx much love xx
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Post by monica on Mar 13, 2017 21:10:12 GMT
How's today been? X
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Post by quantumrose on Mar 14, 2017 9:24:00 GMT
Much love to you too Brach xxx And thank you for you replies Monica, like virtual hug xxx
I feel quite suicidal today. Please don't worry, I'm not going to act on it. My little boy is still poorly and I've barely left the house in 5 days. He's not being sick anymore but won't eat anything but veg soup (clever boy) so I find myself cooking at 7am just so he'll eat something. Babe is super clingy, just had to accept she is pretty high maintenance. My daughter cried her eyes out before school and my husband threatened to throw her teddy and her harry potter books away if she didn't get dressed. I found it really distressing and told her he wouldn't do it really but inside I was seething that he would say such a thing. It is purely my love for my children keeping me alive right now. So much pressure for them. I guess it won't always be this way... Hubby is being pretty uncaring towards me right now. Infact it seems to me that he's stopped giving a shit. I barely said a word to him this morning, I'm feeling so bad I could barely form a sentence. But he just left for work, knowing he couldn't contact me or I him because his phone is broken. His birthday was a flop. I feel really bad for not doing more. I did bake him a cheescake. I did my best in the circumstances. But I don't think it was enough. Yesterday he was off work and we were supposed to go out together but poorly sprogs prevented it. He just seems disappointed, or angry, or put of patience or maybe all three.
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Post by quantumrose on Mar 14, 2017 16:41:40 GMT
I can't find any relief from this today. It's just got worse. What a total pit to have fallen down.
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Post by monica on Mar 14, 2017 21:37:31 GMT
I wish I could help you with all the demands you have at the minute. You have fallen down a bit but remember tomorrow is another day and things WILL get better. I've been in dark places where it's hard to imagine life being enjoyable but it will. You'll get through this. Just take each hour at a time , try and rest (as hard as that may be, so only essential stuff.
I'm sorry is being stroppy. It's not what you need now and even a few kind words from him could go a long way. He's probably dealing with some internal demons and this is how it's all manifesting itself . If you get a chance perhaps try and have a chat. Men are really a different species! X
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Post by Kirsty on Mar 15, 2017 0:15:42 GMT
You poor thing, very hard time but like Monica said tomorrow is another day. Here's hoping it's better for you. Big hug x
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Post by brach24 on Mar 15, 2017 7:44:29 GMT
Hope you're ok lovely. Remember this is your safe place - you can say it how it is here. Hoping and praying that the school drop off is somehow a bit easier today and that your little man starts to feel stronger. You must still be physically very exhausted from the weekend, not least from the mental anguish of the last few days. Hunker down and keep safe, the storm will pass, just keep safe. Every minute is a step closer to being out the other side.
As for hubby sounds like, as your 4th child (hehe!) he's missing the attention as 1 has her school difficulties, 2 is ill and 3 is clinging on no 4 feels left out?? Not something to blame yourself for.. he's a grown man and should be stepping up. Could you say to him "sorry your birthday was a bit of a flop. I tried really hard but I'd hoped to make it more special. Let's do a rerun when all the sickness etc and this blip that I'm in have passed" - then he'd know you care but you don't need to do anything just now. Just a thought. Hugs xxx
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