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Post by quantumrose on Mar 15, 2017 9:18:36 GMT
Thank you, I feel so held here and it really, really helps. Brach I think I'll copy your words to hubby exactly. Perfect and so how I feel, a rerun is a great idea xx
The baby woke me up being sick. I suspected it would happen. yet another day covered in child sick, clearing up sick, washing and cleaning little bottoms. I'm wearing a horrible pair of tracky bottoms and a t-shirt thats too short becasue its the only thing I left to wear. Next I'll be in my pyjamas and that really will wreck my headspace.
I can see spring outside, I want to be in it.
I have so much to do tomorrow and friday. Important stuff that I want to do. Thats important to me. But I don't see how I can do it all with babe being so sick and that makes me feel utterly rotten. I think I will have to give up my breastfeeding course. As I write this I feel like crying but I've already missed last week becasue I had to pick up my son from school an hour after he got in. This friday the baby is ill and nobody can look after her whilst she's being sick. And the week after is my sisters wedding. So thats 3 out of 10 sessions missed.
This is SO HARD! I have to do this but I don't feel like I can. And there's a very strong voice telling me to stop whinging and get on with it.
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Post by quantumrose on Mar 15, 2017 9:23:08 GMT
Maybe this is important to add. I feel like it's my fault the kids are ill. Maybe I haven't washed their hands enough, fed them the right food, done the right things for them.....
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Post by monica on Mar 15, 2017 9:45:42 GMT
Hi you can't stop the kids getting these bugs. It actually helps build up their immune system.....don't blame yourself .
Great advice, Brach on the hubby front - clearly he's got the hump . Last year I threw all my toys out the pram as I had a crap day got zero attention. It's was v childish of me and I guess he's behaving in s similar way.
It's so hard for you atm. I don't blame you for feeling so utterly fed up. I know how much the BF course means to you. Talk to the tutor. Maybe missing 3 sessions isn't the end of the world and you can catch up - or defer entry until there's another course - it isn't the end of your dreams not by a long shot.
Why don't you take 10 mins , go outside alone and enjoy the sun on your face - it'll perk you upx
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Post by quantumrose on Mar 15, 2017 11:22:03 GMT
I'm going to sit on the stoop and sun myself! I had a shower but the baby was sick on the bathroom floor so she ended up in the shower with me. Along with a bucket of sicky clothes. I felt real glamorous x
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Post by quantumrose on Mar 15, 2017 13:56:36 GMT
I'm embarrassed to say that I've got another cold. I've only just got over the last one :-( I did sit in the garden for half an hr. It was bliss xxx
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Post by Kirsty on Mar 15, 2017 20:32:51 GMT
Glad you got a chance to sit in the garden. Be good to yourself and rest as much as you can x
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Post by brach24 on Mar 15, 2017 21:00:43 GMT
Oh boy - I hate when a sickness bug hits - you just know you're going to lose a week or two to pukey clothes, cabin fever, mutiple dettol purchases and the impending doom of who will get it next. Hopefully your cold will put up a good snotty barrier to prevent your infection!! I always feel guilty - it's my fault for not cleaning and for not enough vitamins and for having three kids!! We all get run down at the same time. I'm beginning to think it just goes with the territory of having 3 kids who love to cuddle and tickle. Hopefully it also means when our babies make it to preschool (sniff sniff!) they'll have the immune system of a 10 year old Anyway... glad you made it out to catch some sunshine. So precious! Hope your chat with hubby goes well and he understand that you do care and want to treat him - you just have your limits (which I for one think are pretty super human as it is!) Much much love - here's to easier days xx
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Post by monica on Mar 16, 2017 10:09:28 GMT
How the baby today? How are you? So pleased you found a little bit of time for yourself - you deserve it! X
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Post by brach24 on Mar 16, 2017 20:55:23 GMT
Thinking of you - hope the kids and you are feeling stronger. Sorry if my comment yesterday was discouraging - was just empathising but maybe not helpful in hindsight. Much love to you xx
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Post by quantumrose on Mar 17, 2017 16:51:30 GMT
Brach! Don't be daft! Not discouraging at all, your support is soooo appreciated and hearing it's the same for others is reassuring! Xxx
Where to start?! Wednesday night I totally lost it. Hub got home and was really unsupportive and uncaring. Id had a total pig of a day and was covered in baby sick and exhausted. Not to mention the fact that the babe had been puking blood and had burst a capilary in her stomach. It freaked me out. I had been looking forward to him coming home and I was deeply hurt. I took myself off for a long walk in the dark. When I got home my bf was at the house and bundled me into a massive hug and I bawled my eyes out for ages. Hub could see I was beside myself and said he'd take the rest of the week off work to look after me. Yesterday he slept all day. I couldn't wrap my head around what was happening and I didn't trust myself to not say something Id regret if I confronted him about it. I went into town to get some immune boosting things for myself and spent too much money but was feeling so sorry for myself I didn't care. On the way home the baby was sick in the sling on the bus. It was horrible. Last night was more of the same. Sick children, no sleep. This morning I got up, tidyed the house, git myself ready took my son to school and went on ny course. My daughter and baby stayed with hubby. I really wanted to go. Although I felt bad leaving the babe as all she's eating is boobies milk. The course today was all about support. All about listening and being listened to. Oh my god it touched a nerve like I didn't know was possible. About after birth, how badly I was treated in hospital,.lack of care and support as a child, lack of support as an adult. My having to be always strong no matter what, never feeling held.... Woah it was really intense but I stayed because something about it felt healing. When I got home hub had been asleep the whole time, with baby in direct sunlight and my older daughter cold and just not being cared for. I know he feels ill but ffs, honestly. You pull yourself together for your children. The baby had a massive feed and immediately sicked up all over me and herself. My sister called and was really distressed about how unsupportive and uncaring our mother is being towards her, even though she's 9 months pregnant. Such an intense day. I am having to be strong again when I desperately need to be cared for. Just for a day, an afternoon,.an hour,.a minute..... I feel like I should provide that care for myself, always. So much to think about. Needless to say 'support' and lack of, is coming up a lot. And it really hurts.
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Post by quantumrose on Mar 17, 2017 16:55:59 GMT
Added to the mix my best friend moves from our road today. I'm going to miss her so much.
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Post by monica on Mar 17, 2017 19:04:47 GMT
Oh goodness QR this sickness bug just isn't ending for you. The way you're feeling on all fronts is completely understandable - exhausted , run ragged and essentially dealing with all if this alone. No wonder you just want someone to care and support you. Sadly we can only do that virtually. I hope you can kick start hubby into giving you some comfort and help. I really hope the weekend is easier. The illnesses have to stop sometime soon!
So pleased you got to your course. I know how much it means to you and even though the topics today hit a chord it sounds as if it was a positive experience .
Big hugs QR- you're really doing an amazing g job x
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Post by Kirsty on Mar 17, 2017 21:48:25 GMT
You are really amazing, all of this going on and you still Keep it together and look after everyone. You're a hero. Sorry your not getting support from hubby it's so frustrating when all you want and need is some time space and to have some tlc. Here's hoping you get some QR god knows you deserve it. Big hugs xx
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Post by brach24 on Mar 20, 2017 7:39:26 GMT
Hey Qr, thinking of you. Hope the sickness has stopped and the weekend afforded a bit of extra help from the man. Glad you got to course and wow - sounds like it was helpful in giving voice to a lot of your emotions. Did they talk at all about what to do when you just don't have the support? Hope the school run goes well this morning x
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Post by quantumrose on Mar 23, 2017 17:55:08 GMT
Thank you for your replies xxx
I feel like THAT person. It's still not good. I've got a sinus and ear infection and the baby had an allergic reaction to my medicine through my milk. Is absolutely covered in hives, poor bubba.
I'm dropping jobs and responsibilities left right and centre. I feel like a terrible mum, really bad. I honestly have no positivity left, I'm empty. I feel like this run of crap is never going to end. I need a long and very heartfelt cry. I am extremely depressed. I'm thinking about suicide more than a little although not thinking about going through with it. I feel like I was on my way up. Things were getting better. And the last few months of illness in the family has really knocked me back. For now I've got a stinking headache and my sisters wedding to fetch ready for. I wish I could say I was looking forward to it, I was. But I feel so ill I'm just hoping I make it through the day without keeling over.
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