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Post by monica on Mar 23, 2017 18:38:51 GMT
Lovely lovely QR!
I wish I could wrap you up in a blanket put you to bed give you warm soothing drinks and let you sleep for 24 hrs as that's what you need. This has been a horrendous few months for you - it's non stop challenges in every direction with absolutely no respite.
Please don't feel bad - you are so unwell - it might not be serious but an infection like that makes you feel so utterly shit it's unreal, yet I imagine you have no choice but to push through. It's good you're cutting back where you can - that's a wise decision as you run the risk of collapsing . Maybe it wouldn't be a bad thing as at least in hospital you would get some rest!!
Please keep talking to us. I'm confident you wouldn't act on your suicidal thoughts but it shows how low, ill and desperate you're feeling.
Hang on in there Spring is on its way so hopefully an end to all the illnesses you've been plagued with x
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Post by monica on Mar 23, 2017 18:39:25 GMT
Hope tomoz goes well - get your family to look after kids! X
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Post by quantumrose on Mar 24, 2017 18:14:48 GMT
Tomorrow really is another day.... We spent last night in the children's hospital with the baby. She had an allergic reaction. It was scary but I'm so grateful she's ok. This morning I got everyone ready, met my sister and her partner at the train station and went to my other sisters wedding! I'm so glad I did. So so glad. I could see how much it meant to her and it meant a lot to me too. What a turn around from last night. It was just what we all needed. Babe is fine. I wore her in the sling all dat, fed her, gave her medicine....she was happy with the distraction. I am now officially exhausted but not in a run down way, in a way that feels I've achieved something today. Aaaaand breath a sigh of relief.....xxx
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Post by monica on Mar 24, 2017 18:18:14 GMT
Omg QR! One extreme to the other! So pleased baby is ok and that you really enjoyed today. Really happy for youx
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Post by brach24 on Mar 24, 2017 21:03:28 GMT
You are A-MAZING!!! Xxx
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Post by Kirsty on Mar 24, 2017 22:22:23 GMT
Really pleased for you. That's great. Well done lovely xx
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Post by brach24 on Mar 29, 2017 21:48:21 GMT
How's things Qr? Babe any better? Hope you had a lovely Mother's Day. Have you managed any rest? Xx
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Post by quantumrose on Apr 2, 2017 14:58:01 GMT
Hi brach :-)
Babe is better, thank you. We all seem to be coming out of this horrible period of illness. My sinuses are still sore but getting better.
I've been so busy....it's with mostly good things (volunteering, study etc) but my mental health has suffered from not having any time to gather my thoughts. I'm pretty anxious, it's crept up on me but health anxiety is pretty full on, I really need support for it. I've got counselling starting (art therapy) on Tuesday but tbh it's just another thing to have to organise childcare for. I miss the long weeks of chipping about with the baby....
I'm not being kind to myself, I'm sooooo tense my shoulders hurt. I am trying though....I'm trying to be mindful.
I feel quite child like atm, like I need guiding through life with my hand being held. It's silly, I'm a grown woman, a mum! But I feel quiet, reflective, like I need extra reassurance and support.
Doesn't help that were moving house. It's a big change, were going to a little village, so near to woods, fields. So much freedom for the kids. But I'm worried about all the travelling we'll very doing on the bus. I'm sure it'll be worth it. But I am nervous as well as excited.
I'm going into my shell, I want to, I need to xxx
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Post by quantumrose on Apr 3, 2017 19:02:26 GMT
My sinuses have finally cleared! I HOPE this is the beginning of a new chapter of wellness. My health anxieties are really terrible. I'm trying to rationalise them, trying to find comfort. Connecting to that part of myself that feels safe. My councelling starts tomorrow, I'm really looking forward to it, I've got so much to say, so much to gather and unravel. Xxx
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Post by monica on Apr 4, 2017 13:11:41 GMT
How did the counselling go? Really hope you're coming out of the sickness season. It's been hell on earth for you . Try not to take on too much if that's possible! Just not to burn yourself out as you're the dynamic sort for sure!
Fingers crossed the counselling will be the perfect opportunity to air your thoughts and feelings and will really kick start your wellbeing x
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Post by Kirsty on Apr 4, 2017 19:53:27 GMT
How did your counselling go? Xx
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Post by quantumrose on Apr 7, 2017 18:30:40 GMT
Full on day. I am shattered! Counselling was so good-hard and difficult but in a positive way. I feel my counselor really understands me. I've got 12 weeks because they've got extra funding for maternal mental health, so I feel I've got a bit extra time to really work though stuff. We covered my not feeling safe and how I feel stuck. I feel like there's a shell around me and it's uncomfortable and restrictive but I'm afraid to break out of it. Infact I'm afraid a lot of the time....
I had my breastfeeding peer support course today, it was induction day. I hated it, it was all about infection control, medical procedures, medical professionals and their code of conduct....
I hated it because of health anxiety and medical phobia but also because it made me realise again how terrible my care was. I wish I has at least complained. Also there was a large section on child protection and recognising abuse. It was so distressing. But that also reminded me of how emotionally abusive my parents had been when I was 16/17. They were manipulative and they utterly shamed me and ignored me for days on end and for years I've blamed myself for just not doing what they wanted me to do.
And after school a little girl wanted me to help her in the school garden but I just wanted to go home!! I stayed for an hour, it was nice.
Home now. Exhausted! I've got a headache, my muscles are so tense its uncomfortable. Hubby is out tonight so early night I reckon xxx
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Post by quantumrose on Apr 11, 2017 16:29:36 GMT
Just has counselling, such a blessed release. I keep everything so close to my chest usually, I know I talk here but in real life I don't talk about how I am. I don't want to bring everyone down and it's all such a rollercoaster ride (recovery is great and awful all at once) that I wouldn't know where to start. I often find myself feeling awkward about talking about myself in counselling. The baby has a cold and was attached to me all night last night. I'm so use to being sleep deprived that I forget and wonder why everything feels so hard. Looking at two houses tomorrow. It's all a bit unsettling and I wish I could think of it as exciting. Hope you're all ok xxx
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Post by monica on Apr 12, 2017 10:27:12 GMT
Hey
Good luck with the house hunting. Yes it's exciting but a huge task also plus if you're tired....no wonder it feels overwhelming .
Talking face to face is really hard . It takes time to build up a rapport with the therapist too. I've always found pouring out my problems on here liberating - were all shrouded by anonymity and that makes spilling our souls so much easier. It sounds as if you're doing really well though and it's ha I go a positive impact on you, which is brill. How's the course going? X
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Post by brach24 on Apr 17, 2017 7:20:13 GMT
Hey lovely, so glad the counselling has been a good fit. Hope it becomes the safe place you need and that through it you feel safe in yourself. I desperately hope the easter hols have brought some rest and some new hope for you. How's house hunting? Xx
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