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Post by rocker on Aug 5, 2008 8:45:48 GMT
thanks WG I appreciate all the "ears" on here :-)
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Post by rocker on Aug 5, 2008 8:52:11 GMT
sianyc - I went back and re-read your post to twindaddy, so much of it makes sense particularly the bit below - I can guarantee you that this is exactly how every weekend in our house goes >I would scream at him, call him names, swear, threaten to leave, tell him how useless he was <
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Post by winegirl on Aug 5, 2008 8:54:46 GMT
Sounds like it was at our house a year ago too....
I prmise it will get better rocker x
WG xx
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Post by monica on Aug 5, 2008 9:58:00 GMT
Hi
I'm so sorry things have continously so tough for you for the last 3 years - that's a long time for her and for you.
I relate to some of your wife's behaviour, but like siany said, I was aware that my behaviour wasn't normal and desperately wanted to get better. I too would be very confused - the simplest of tasks took on mountainous proportions. I couldnt' even boil a carrot for my son who was weaning. Now I cna hardly undertand why these things were such a problem but I could not do anything.
The mask of PNI is very common. Your wife appears quite normal at work but underneath she is not.
I'm afraid I dont' know what to suggest cos as you've p;ointed out if your wife wont' go to dr or take meds I dont' know what you can do. She sees you and anyone else who tries to point out that things are not ok, as the enemy and that is extremely common. maybe try getting in touch with healthvisitor? Again I imagine there' snot much else she could do but might be worth a try as periodically visiting the dr and tellign her how your wife is, so it's down somewhere that all is not well. Probably missed it, but why did your wife stop taking meds? Is it cos she felt better?
However, i do also worry about you. Such stress 24/7 for such a prolonged period is not good. It sounds like you dont' have any 'me' time either, which is important for your health. You are such a wonderful man - I trully hoep things get better in time. She will get over this illness, but how long is a piece of string. Does anyone know why her periods are haywire? maybe that's linked to it?
Monica
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Post by rocker on Aug 5, 2008 10:19:48 GMT
HI Monica thanks for the reply
yeah she stopped taking her meds because after about 6 weeks she felt great and thought she'd stop them dead - I had my suspicions things weren't right and then one day we were out with her parents and she went ballistic over something really trivial and thats when her parents saw it for the first time
health visitor - when I went to the docs etc he arranged for the HV to come out under the pretence of checking on our sons speech etc as she hadn't seen him in about 9 months, but when I suggested I come home from work to be there when the HV was there thats when she put 2+2 together and realised it was for her so she put on a mask said she had good and bad days etc but she was fine, HV has said until she says yes I need help they can't jump in as realistically they only have my word against hers and our son isn't in any danger..........................I am thinking of going back and seeing the doc
her periods - it seems to be a combination of her body not knowing to kick back in after the birth then with the stress under the PNI etc her body not releasing anything, building it all up then releasing every few months which does mean shes PMS ing as well for quite long times, which is loads of fun :-) so yeah it probably adds to it, they think if she can get her pni under control and be less stressed her body may start regulating itself again so they're holding off on tablets for that
as for me, when I went to the doc last year about her he asked me was I okay, I said yeah I could cope, as it transpired I couldn't, the stress of working all day, looking after our son as soon as I walked through the door until he went to bed and then starting to decorate/do dishes/hoover etc got too much and I almost lost my job - once that came out in the open that I was almost sacked I thought that may shake her into action but no it didn't, so to help myself I've imposed rules like when our son goes to bed I do nothing in the house - so I get an hour or two at night from say 9pm and I do try and go round a mates house for a couple of hours once a fortnight or so - I also finish work early on a Friday and I used to come home and clean and tidy up but I don't do that anymore as I try and use that for proper me time - I'll do the odd bit but thats the only time I get with no-one else in the house, so I'll maybe cut the grass or hoover then play xbox or watch a dvd or something
her parents take our son on a Friday afternoon, its earmarked as their day, my wife works a jobshare so she has every other friday off and generally the fridays that she is off and our son is at grannys you can guarantee she'll sleep for most of the afternoon before doing a headless chicken act of tidying up before her mum and dad bring him back - its the only time she will actually do any housework other than washing/ironing
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Post by monica on Aug 5, 2008 10:28:58 GMT
Hi
Glad you find a bit of time for yourself and your sanity!
Does your wife do any exercise? The endorphins give me a huge boost especially in a blip. That's maybe somehting you could encourage andshe wouldn't think there was an ulterior motive behind the suggestion?
Where are you from in N Ireland? My bf is from Omagh. Really like it out there apart from weather!!!
Hoep you have a fab time at legoland. I used to go there a lot as I live nearby and it's fab for kids.
Monica
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Post by rocker on Aug 5, 2008 10:37:14 GMT
not as much as she'd like to - but then part of that reason is she thinks walking is all the excersise she needs, but she has this week started coming to the swimmers with me and the wee man so hopefully she'll keep at that, but yeah I agree with you the endorphins do help!
East Belfast is where I'm from, Omagh is a nice part of the world as for the weather - thats Northern Ireland in general for you - weather sucks!
Thanks for the wishes, I really hope Legoland is a success, it really annoys me that she has no interest
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Post by winegirl on Aug 5, 2008 10:55:47 GMT
Hi Rocker
I will be at legoland Mon/Tue so hoping the wetaher holds out too!
I have found since joining the gym I feel so much better. I go to the gym twice a week and swimming twice a week and I feel llike a different person - the endorphines obviously do more than I thought they did!
Do you think she might show interest in going to an excercise class or something once a week??
WG x
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Post by rocker on Aug 5, 2008 11:09:27 GMT
Hi WG
Well if you see a ginger haired lady going ballistic at a dark haired guy on Monday you'll probably spot us lol!!
even before she was pregnant she'd no interest in gyms she thinks long walking is enough - which it probably was then, we used to do 25 miles a week after work but since the birth we don't have the time and I've tried stressing to her she needs to do something regularly say twice a week rather than trying to do walking every day the way we used to do before the birth - she did well at the swimmers and I told her that, so hopefully that'll be a kick start for her - her sister has tried getting her to go to various classes etc but she has no interest
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Post by winegirl on Aug 5, 2008 12:13:20 GMT
If she likes swimming then aqua areobics is good... works all the muscles nut not overly energetic...
Just a thought.
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Post by gizmoracer on Aug 5, 2008 12:43:11 GMT
Just wanted to say its amazing how well you have stuck by her through all this. Its good to hear how leaving is just not an option for you, many men would have run a mile by now. Its also good to hear how you manage to get some time to yourself. Its very important for you to try and hold it together. As falling into a slump yourself can be done very easily.
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Post by rocker on Aug 5, 2008 13:26:53 GMT
thanks gizmo , thanks WG I'll mention it
have to say I feel a lot more positive today having discussed it with you guys
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Post by winegirl on Aug 5, 2008 14:45:47 GMT
Hi Rocker
I am glad we could have been of help. Because we have all been where your wife is we can all say that it does get better. Its just more difficult for you guys with your wife not accepting that she needs help, but I know you will both grt through this x
WG xx
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Post by rocker on Aug 8, 2008 21:50:55 GMT
sorry to come back........its Friday night and to be honest I've been in tears for the last 10 minutes, I just don't know why I'm bothering anymore, I'm sitting here thinking do I get a beer out or do I go and drive (haven't had a beer yet!) and just keep driving?
I had her mum on the phone for about half an hour yesterday discussing how bad she has got and that she won't listen to anyone. Today is Friday, she was off work, and as usual in laws took the wee man so we had a bit oftime to do some stuff, I asked her about the tablets, she changed the subject, I asked her again about half an hour later and she admitted she wasn't taking them, but I told her that was plainly obvious to everyone, and what I was actually asking her was what was she going to do about it? no reply..........tried enquiring about some physical contact, got a maybe and then a no I'm going to bed to sleep cos I'm tried..................then of course the usual lists of stuff she wanted done while she sat and watched tv started...........I'm stuck, I've been here in this state 3 years almost, if it wasn't for the wee man I don't know what I'd do to be honest, every day watching him grow is a joy..........but I just feel part of me is dying every day............
my dad died when he was 52 from cancer, I was still in my teens, I honestly think my mum had pni but was never diagnosed because a lot of the way she was and how she treated him is close to how I feel now, I remember asking him why he stayed and he said because of me and my sister.........I just see history repeating itself...........I can't make my wife see that our lives are on hold that we should be the happiest people in the world, we have a healthy 3 year old who is easy to look after and everything else thats going on is manageable except for her.........I mean last week she made me take a womans number off my phone, this woman is one of my staff and she was on holiday last week and I was covering part of her work so I took her number incase I needed assistance finding something......and shes mid-50s I'm mid 30s, but that was another holy row...........why can she not see that none of this is reasonable?
I'm sorry I've had a hard day, to be honest I hate fridays that she is off because I know as soon as I walk through the door from work its do this do that do the other, I mean today she called me into the living room to ask me to turn the rug round that was sitting in front of her on the floor, she reckoned it was too heavy...............its a rug for goodness sake.....told her to get stuffed and left it, even our son could lift it and turn it.........
sorry ladies for hijacking your board..........I just don't see the light today.............
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Post by gizmoracer on Aug 9, 2008 9:11:58 GMT
Hi Rocker.
Don't feel bad about 'hijacking the board' its what its here for. We don't just support women suffering with PNI we know how it affects everyone around them to.
How have things been this morning? any better. I have to admit I'm still a bit stumped as to what to suggest. She has confirmed that she is'nt taking her meds so thats one thing and you have told her how obvious it is. Lets hope that sinks in a bit when she's calmed down from your talk and she starts them again. Quite how to keep her taking them is another thing. Like you have already said short of handing them to her or crushing them into food (both of which will make her feel like she is being treated like a child) there isn't much else you can do. My husband used to remind me every night when we went to bed. One of those 'have you taken your tablet today, I'm just reminding thats all'. To be honest everynight used to get on my nerves alot but perhaps every other or something like that, if it works to get them in. Maybe you going for some headache tabs and asking while your in there 'do you want me to pass your tab, ot to you?' just once evry few days. It may work. At least then she will be getting a regular top up even if she is not taking them on the other days it will be in her system.
Hope the weekend goes well for you.
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