Trying for another baby

[Bookwormprincess]

As a few of you may already know, my husband and I have decided to start trying again for baby no. 2. after I had a pregnancy 'scare' last month which turned out to be negative. We were both disappointed and relieved at the same time, but it seems that the disappointed was the strongest emotion because we decided to stop using contraception and just see what happens.

As you can imagine, I am terribly scared of getting PP again after a subsequent birth and have been told the risk is about 20%, with 50% of women not getting it again. But I really want my son to have a brother or sister so I am prepared to take the risk. My GP wants me to remain on anti-depressants throughout the pregnancy just in case this will help ward off PP, even though last time I didn't have antenatal depression. I am a little dubious about taking drugs while pregnant but I know it is probably for the best and that many women take anti-ds while pregnant with no problems for the baby.

Last time I was trying to conceive I became a bit obsessive and I am hoping that this time round I will be more relaxed. Although I am surprised at the strength of my desire for another baby - it is just as strong as for my first. I thought that once I already had a child I wouldn't crave another one as much, but it seems that I do. I have decided to chart my temperature each day to determine when I ovulate as I'm worried that my cycle is not back to normal after coming off the anti-pyschotics which stopped my periods alltogether. I know this isn't taking a relaxed approach but I feel better if I am pro-active.

I am worried about how I will cope with a newborn again, especially with a toddler as well. It's the night feeds that are worrying me and I'm planning to only breastfeed for a very short while (maybe a day or two just so baby gets the collustrum) so that my husband can help with feeding. Due to the PP I didn't look after my son till he was a month old, so dealing with a newborn will be new to me.

On Thursday I am writing an Advanced Directive with my care team to put down my wishes on how I would want to be treated if I get PP again. At least if it does happen again it won't be as traumatic as last time when we had no idea what was happening to me. The thing is I really don't want to have to go to a pyschiatric ward again, but my husband thinks I should as it is for my own saftey if I do get ill again. I am just praying that PP doesn't return - it is such a nightmare illness, literally.

Anyway, I will return next month to let you know whether I get pregnant or not. I really hope we don't have to wait too long.

[winegirl]

Oooh yes do keep us informed.. You are right about trying to relax about it. I have PCOS and after trying for 2 years was told i couldnt conceive. I became almost obsessed with trying to conceive and it was only when i stepped off the gas and stopped seeing sex as a means to an end that i actually did! My gp did tell me that, but its east to chill about it when you want it so much!

Best of luck with it hun - and have fun!! LOL x

[Bookwormprincess]

Wow, WG that must have been hard trying for so long only to be told it couldn't happen. You must have been so excited and surprised when it did. I know what you mean about trying not to see sex purely about making babies.

I know I need to be relaxed about it. My husband is very laid back and doesn't want to know if I work out when I am ovulating - he just wants to let things happen naturally if you know what I mean. So I'm going to try and take his example whilst still being aware of my cycle - it's easier for the man as he doesn't have to live with the ins and outs of a woman's monthly cycle each day.

It will happen when it is meant to happen (but it would be nice if it didn't take too long!).

[monica]

Hi

I too became obsessed about trying to conceive - it's so easy to! so you're doing the right thing by trying to remain relaxed. Sounds as if your care team will be keeping a very close eye on you which is brilliant. You know you won't be alone.

Monica

[Bookwormprincess]

Thanks Monica, glad I'm not the only one who got obssevie about it last time. I'm sure I'll end up the same way this time if it starts taking a long time.

Yes, my care team are very supportive about me wanting another baby. I am pleased that they haven't warned me off and seem positive that I'll be ok. Also my GP is supportive too. I'm glad I haven't had anyone say we are daft to try again after what happened last time, although the thought has crossed my mind on the odd occasion when memories of PP come flooding back.

[tabbysmum]

Hi Natasha

I think you're very brave trying for another baby - as are all the women on here who've had PNI and PP and gone on to have more children. I'm far too afraid to even consider it - although I do have health issues as well and my age is not favourable! My need to have a child and the love I feel for her are still blighted by my anxiety. So pleased you're able to move on and be proactive - go girl!

Love L x

[Bookwormprincess]

Thanks Tabbysmum. I can't pretend I'm not still anxious and scared (I still get butterflies in my tummy thinking about it sometime) but I guess the desire for a big family is greater or I'm just plain crazy! Even though the chance of it reoccuring is 20% I am kind of expecting it to happen again, and that way, perhaps I will be more prepared and PP will be less traumatic next time round. My husband is the other way round, he doesn't expect it to happen again as he'd hoping the circumstances around the next birth will be different and less stressful.

Anyway, I will keep you all posted. I've now drafted the treatment plan for next time, our 'just in case' plan. And thankfully my care worker said that they were all for me being treated at home if PP does reoccur. However if I am so ill that I do need hospital treatment she said I could go to a Mother and Baby unit rather than the general psychiatric ward and she assured me I would have a better experience there. She also said that when I get pregnant she'd be happy to show me round the nearest MBU (1hr1/2 away) so I could be prepared for what to expect if worst came to the worst. Sounds like a good idea to me.

[bam02]

Sounds like you have a good care worker. Also you are feeling so positive and prepared. Well done.

[Bookwormprincess]

Well I've realised that it's going to take a miracle to get me pregnanct again, lol! Even though my sex-drive has returned (albeit a very small and intermittant one) DH and I just can't seem to muster up much energy or time to do baby-making. And last night when I thought it would be a good time to try since I'm sure I'm about to ovulate, DS wouldn't settle in his cot and was in our bed all night. I know that he rarely does this anymore but it couldn't have been worse timing.

So it may be a long time before baby no. 2 gets conceived! It beats me how people have more than one child. I don't feel too abnormal though as a friend of mine with a toddler of a similar age to mine says she'd like another baby but doesn't think it will happen anytime soon as there hasn't been much bedroom action since her first child was born, and she didn't even have PNI. What a relief!

[monica]

Hi

You're not alone by any means re: finding time/occasion for sex! My lo is 8 mths old and we've had sex 6 times since having lo. There's never the time/energy or desire! Saying that things have defo improved on the libido front cos there was a time I couldn't imagine having a sex drive again.

I'm sure things will also pick up for you - lo will sesttle more the older he gets

Good luck!

Monica

[Bookwormprincess]

Thanks Monica. Wow, I am amazed you've had sex that much already, because we only started again last month when LO was 18months! Basically my libido only returned in small portions once I came off meds. My poor hubby is very patient.

[sazzythom]

Hi Bookwormprincess

I didn't have pp but have had depressive disorder that has sommetimes caused psycotics symptoms. We too are trying for a second baby but i too am terrified. I had a scare last month and it made me realise how terrified i am of being pregnant again. I had major complications and ended up having a prem baby and 2 major surgeries in 8 weeks. All of which i think didn't help.
I have been told that these complications are 80% likely to happen again with subsequent pregnacies. I really don't want my daughter to be an only child but i'm not sure.
What i wanted to say really was that there are other people going through the tug of war as well as you so don't feel alone. I'm not out of my first depression yet but i am much beter than i was. I kinda thinking if i'm going to get depression again then i'd rather not be really well when it happens. What the hell like!!!
If you want PM me just a sound board helps. As i said before i know how your feeling

[sazzythom]

Can i also say that i ended up in a MBU and it was great so much better than my experiance in the local psyciatric hospital.

[Bookwormprincess]

Hi Sazzy,
Thanks for sharing your fears too. It is good to know I am not alone. It sounds like you had a really rough time being pregnant too and 80% is ever so high a risk, but I hope you are in the 20% that it doesn't happen to again.

I'm glad you didn't get PP, because you know how scary psychosis is. I have never experienced it before, so it was such a shock and so very frightening. I really don't want it to happen again. I have an appointment with an expert in the field called Dr Ian Jones in Cardiff in a couple of weeks to discuss my experience and if anything can be done to prevent it happening again. I am looking forward to getting some expert advice.

I can see what you mean about rather not being well if it happens again, because it's more of a blow if you've got further to fall I suppose.

I am like you - not wanting my son to be an only child and at least PNI is treatable and when the children are older we will be well over it and so pleased that we went ahead with a second child. That's my reasoning anyway. But I do understand that for a lot of people the risk of getting ill again and the danger that poses to your life is just not acceptable.

I held a 10 week old baby today and felt very unconfident, it worried me about having a tiny baby again. And the Mum seemed so confident, I really envied her. Both her children have been easy babies and slept through the night from 8 weeks old, she just seems a pro. I wonder why she didn't get PNI when I did, it just seems so unfair sometimes.

I'm glad the MBU was so much better than the psyche ward. Wish I had never gone to one of them, but initially I was too ill for an MBU or so I was told.

Well I wish you all the best in your efforts to try for baby no. 2. Keep us posted if you get pregnant.

[nicola1712]

Hi bookworm princess

I think you have posted in my diary a few times but I have only just noticed this thread and wanted to share my experiences with you too.

I am seven months pregnant with number 2 and my LO is about 6 months older than yours. I too had massive anxieties about having a second baby and the tiredness, sleepless nights, breastfeeding and of course return of PNI. I went through a stage of deciding that I would only have one child in the end. However, we came to the decision that we wanted more than one and that we should stop putting it off or the age gap would be too big.

The first three months of pregnancy were tough cos I was soooooo tired and sick but it eased off. Now I am just tired and can't do as much as I used to. It breaks my heart some days that I can't get on the floor with my LO and chase her around, I can't lift her as much as I used to and I have had a spell in hospital too and missed her so much. However, I keep telling myself it is just for a few months now and she won't remember this time anyway - and hopefully she will enjoy having a little brother in years to come (!)

I have also come down with antenatal depression but am only on a low dosage of a safe drug which I was quite strong about. They are also going to watch me closely once baby is here for PNI again cos I am high risk.

I am only going to breastfeed for the first day or so too, so he gets those first feeds and then I will bottle feed - I struggled with LO anyway so don't want to have to cope with all that again and a toddler.

I do have days when it all gets too much and I panic and wonder how the hell I am going to do this but I am lucky I have a good support network around me - parents, in laws and LO has lots of playgroups and pre school as well to keep her busy.

Will keep checking in on your progress and hope you are staying relaxed about conceiving still.

xx