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Post by Bookwormprincess on Jan 15, 2010 21:27:02 GMT
Hi everyone, Can't believe I haven't written to you guys for over a month. It's just been crazy busy with Ellis's 2nd birthday and then Christmas etc.
I am almost 20 weeks now and cannot believe I am half way through already, since those first few weeks were so slow. I can feel baby move now which is lovely and very reassuring, but brings with it yet more worry when I don't feel him/her for a while because they are sleeping or something. Nearly went into the birthing centre to get baby checked because he/she was inactive for so long, but then just before I left work they woke up, thank goodness.
The sickness is easing slightly, it's now once or twice a week (rather than daily) but if I don't eat often enough I feel really nauseous so that's still a problem, especially becasue my appetite is still not great.
I had a Care Plan Review with my new pysche doctor and social worker, and for the 1st time the midwife came along. Bit of a nightmare trying to have a meeting with a lively toddler who was expecting lunch (they didn't check the time was ok with me first annoyingly) so I was having to concentrate on two things at once. Plus, as an aside, don't you hate it when your child plays up in front of people who have not met you or your little one before - I find myself doing anything to placate Ellis to get him to be quiet, whereas usually I'd be more strict and do my normal thing. I feel so self conscious in situations like that. Why did he have to be a monkey today when yesterday by ourselves he was an angel?
Anyway, in this meeting, I got a little upset about something which I probably shouldn't have. We were talking about the dose of medication I will be on after the birth (quetiapine 400mg is what they think at the moment) when my midwife said to my social worker that she'd need to let Children and Families know about that. She mentioned to me at my booking in appointment that they would have to be informed, but I kind of let it slip by without asking why in depth - she just said it's becasue I became ill last time after the birth. But now I feel really annoyed that today it was mentioned without really pausing to reassure me it was just a formality or procedure or something. It made my stomach churn. I still don't understand to this day why they were involved last time when there was no danger to my baby who was cared for by my husband when I was in hospital. When I was ill, all I could think of was that they would take my baby away, and that thought was reinforced when Children and Families were involved. Now hearing that they will be informed about me brings back those same irrational thoughts, even though I am completely well (albeit a little hormonal with being pregnant!). Next time I see my midwife and my social worker (separatley) I will ask them why Children and Families need to be involved and get them to explain explicitly, but does anyone here understand it? I've tried looking it up on the net but I can't find anything or the correct department. It has just upset me and made me so cross that it's mentioned so casually infront of me. They talk about me not getting stressed and keeping my stress levels down but hearing that today hasn't helped! Grrrr.
More and more couples at my church keep annoucing that they are pregnant - I think there are about 4 or 5 babies going to be born in June and July. It'll be nice for them to all grow up together, but I can't help feel jealous of these Mums, most of them 1st time Mums, who don't have the threat of psychosis looming over the birth or the bad memories of last time. I don't wish that on any of them, but I do wish I could be "normal" like them.
I had another tearful "breakdown" moment the other night when talking to my husband and I realised how scared I was of what might happen after the birth. I also admitted that instead of feeling all broody at the prospect of a new baby, I actually feel a bit scared of him or her. Is that crazy or what? If they came to me aged 18 months or above I'd be fine, but it's as though a baby is something to be afraid of. I wouldn't admit that to anyone else but if anyone can understand I think you ladies will. Think I might have to deal with that anxiety before baby arrives though, don't you?! Nicola, I really hope I can agree with your assesment that the 2nd baby is really easy to deal with. I just can't imagine it at the moment.
Well, on a more cheerful note, we have our 20wk scan on Tuesday afternoon and we hope to find out whether it is a boy or girl. I will come online and let you all know.
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Post by nicola1712 on Jan 17, 2010 20:05:08 GMT
Hi hon - honestly you sound just like I did at 20 weeks (well throughout most of my pregnancy actually!) I really couldn't bond with baby cos I was so anxious the whole time - plus when we found out iot was a boy I just could not imagine having a boy, what to do with boys, would I love him as much, would I 'understand' him as much....... but it kinda just falls into place when they are born.
I understand the jealousy of the new mums too - the unknown is sometimes better! Plus they don't have a toddler to deal with while they are pregnant. However, when baby is here and you are in hospital you will be glad you are on number two cos you know more what to do and are less scared of all the procedures they do on you and the baby (hearing tests, pin prick heel tests, vitamin k injections etc) Stephen went into NNU when he was born for 24 hours and I was so composed about it, had it been Hannah I would have just fallen apart. Even the nurses said to me that he can't be my first cos I was so matter of fact about it.
As for the involvement of Social Services - I can't comment on why but can empathise cos they got them involved with us this time because of my PNI and it scared the crap out of me too. However, they came to see me, saw how much support I had from family, and how I was well able to recognise the symptoms and I haven't heard from them since.
Good luck for Tuesday and yes do come back and tell us, am excited to know if it is pink or blue!!
xx
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Post by Bookwormprincess on Jan 19, 2010 20:23:31 GMT
Thanks Nicola. Glad I am not the only one then. I am also really sensitive and tearful if hubbie and I have the slightest disagreement or he is grumpy with me. It's terrible!
I'm kind of relieved that Social Services were involved with you too and it's not just me. I just wish it was addressed more sensitively. It was the same last time, after they actually visited me once at my parents where we were staying they didn't come again because I had lots of support, so hopefully it will be the same again or even better, they won't need to visit at all!
Well, scan went well and baby is normal and healthy. It's another boy! If I am honest, I am actually disappointed and I feel so guilty about that since everything is well with baby and that is what matters 100%. It's just that I had really hoped for a girl. 3 reasons really. The first being pretty normal, in that I have always wanted a daughter since I was little and would dress my dolls in girls clothes and give them girls names, which is pretty standard for a little girl growing up I guess. And I wanted that Mother-Daughter friendship when they are older. But the other reasons are not so heathly in that I really wanted everything to be as far removed from last time as possible, so I wanted a baby girl so it would be different. I just can't imagine getting exctied about baby boy clothes because it brings back memories from the difficult time when Ellis was born. And secondly, because both Myles and I want a daughter, I wanted a girl as my second baby so we wouldn't end up feeling in a few years time that we wanted to have another baby. Risking PP a second time is enough for me.
I'm glad we have found out though because now at least I won't be dealing with these feelings when baby arrives but can sort them out now in plenty of time. I'm sure everything will be ok. I just never imagined being a mother of 2 boys! I hope the next one is calmer than Ellis.
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Post by nicola1712 on Jan 20, 2010 21:08:25 GMT
Well congratulations!!! Another boy is lovely cos you will know exactly what you are doing this time! And perhaps you will be able to enjoy him while he is tiny this time. Well as enjoyable as the sleepless nights are!
Plus it is cheaper - cos you don't have to buy as much stuff! I have a friend who has two boys and they found out what number 2 was early so she wasn't 'disappointed' on his birth day and was prepared - which is also why we found out early with number 2.
By the time I went to my scan for number 2 I was so worried whether it would be healthy and normal with me being on meds I didn't care what colour it was! So well done you on making a healthy happy baby.
This friend of mine is now trying for number 3 and using all sorts of methods to ensure a girl cos she is like you and wants someone to dress up and have that relationship with. I know it is easy for me to say but honestly girls are harder work at 2, less loving, more stroppy and independent - I am so looking forward to Stephen giving me cuddles and kisses which Hannah rarely does!
Don't feel guilty about how you are feeling, you are just anxious - think my hubby would have felt the same if we had another girl to be honest and when I was pregnant with Hannah I had one crying session where I talked to my bump and wished hard for a girl - then I felt terrible in case it was a boy.
Yes they could deal with these issues more sensitively - the first I knew about Social Services being involved was when they rang me and said they were coming round for a visit - ??!! They said they had had a refferal from my doctor but I knew nothing about that. Was not impressed.
So now you can get looking at boys names, not have to change the nursery decor and start digging out all those teeny tiny babygros and marvelling at how Ellis was ever that small!
xx
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sazzythom
Full member
Sufferer and Mummy to Kezia and Micah
Posts: 84
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Post by sazzythom on Jan 20, 2010 22:54:01 GMT
Hi natasha
yeah another boy. it will be so much cheaper for you and at least you know what ur going to expect. I can understand your want for a girl though. I was sooo excited to get a girl last time and although it would be nice to have a boy i hope this little one is a girl aswell. Its just pratically more sensible for it to be a girl.
i agree about social services. they were involved quite heavily when not needed with us but when the need was actually there there was noone to be seen!! I just think smile sweetly and allow them to do what they have to do then let them leave. i went mental at them one day and they took that as i was mentally unstable and looked to remove my dd. So although its difficult just do as they say then they'll be out of your lives quicker and then you can get on with your life.
Hope your getting to feel a bit better now and your doing the whole blooming thing.
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Post by Bookwormprincess on Jan 26, 2010 21:38:17 GMT
I know it is easy for me to say but honestly girls are harder work at 2, less loving, more stroppy and independent - I am so looking forward to Stephen giving me cuddles and kisses which Hannah rarely does! I'd heard that about girls but never really believed it before, so will have to take your word for it. You're in for a treat with Stephen - Ellis is so cuddly, it's great. He asks for cuddles and kisses all the time, I love it. Just waiting for him to say "I love you" back now. I am feeling better about having another boy now (although I haven't stopped wanting a girl just yet). I am throwing myself into getting prepared and ready now I know baby is ok; it's as if I finally believe in this pregnancy if that makes sense. So I've made a list of what we need and we've ordered a double buggy in the Mothercare sale already! We've chosen his name - Samuel David. Samuel means "called by God" or "God has heard" and is also my Dad's Grandfather's name, and David is my Dad's name so he is thrilled to bits about that. Ellis has Myles's late Dad's middle name so it makes it nice we can include my Dad now. Unfortunately we don't have any of Ellis's clothes before the age of 10 months, bar a few special outfits and tiny baby vests for memory's sake, so it won't be cheaper on that front (and also the season is all wrong this time round, Ellis was a winter baby at that age so even the sleeping bags will be too hot). But at least we won't need girlie toys and books or new blankets. Oh and when they are older sharing a room won't be such an issue, which is good since we only have a 2 bed house. Can't believe how expensive 2nd baby is in a way when I added it all up, considering we have everything like a cot and car seat and baby monitor etc already. If we didn't have to get a double buggy I suppose it wouldn't be so bad. I'm hoping to apply for the Surestart grant at 29 weeks because if we qualify it's £500! Boy do we need that. Ha ha, Sarah, don't think I am blooming! I never felt I had that "glow" last time. I don't particularly do being pregnant well. Still feeling pretty darn sick all the time, but only physically sick about twice a week if that, so it is getting better. On a slightly different tangent, did or do any of you find that your husbands/partners seem to blame everything on you being pregnant - I mean like if you moan at them or have words about something? Mine really annoyed me the other day by saying "I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt for that because you're pregnant!" (this was after I got annoyed about something, can't really remember what). The cheek! I admit, I am more moody and sensitive and cry much more easily, but sometimes it's his fault not the baby's!
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Post by Bookwormprincess on Jan 26, 2010 21:43:30 GMT
Oh and one more thing, is it a bit silly or OCD of me to want to have everything ready and bought and packed (including my hospital bag) soon, considering I am only 21 and a bit weeks? ? I really want to be more relaxed about everything this time round and not get my stress levels up, so in a way being really organised takes some stress away but going too overboard can make it worse so I need to get the balance right.
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Post by nicola1712 on Jan 27, 2010 19:53:14 GMT
Sooooooo true - yes my DH constantly blamed my 'hormones' and the pregnancy every time I lost it with him over something! And then did for the first couple of months after he was born saying it was still my hormones!!
No I don't think it is OCD you packing your bag - I had mine done at about 25 weeks this time cos they had said he might be early. I just wanted to get to 30 weeks and then I was happy he would survive.
Samuel is a lovely name - I know two people who had boys when I had Hannah who called them Samuel and they are both very cute kids! Yes, am very much looking forward to my cuddles and kisses now! Hannah only does it when she is poorly or if she sees me crying.
I was surprised at how much the second one costs - all those things you forget about even when you already have a steriliser, monitor, pram, moses basket, cot etc etc - it's the little things like milk, nappies, teats, infacol.... that all add up. We were given so many 2nd hand clothes by friends and then gifts when he was born we haven't had to but Stephen anything clothes wise and I kinda am still completely lost in the boys aisles!
No, I never bloomed either - with either of mine - well actually ONE day with Hannah apparently my mum thought I looked really well but none with Stephen! I don't do pregnancy well atall - funny isn't it.
Cos Hannah was a summer baby and Stephen winter we needed new blankets and more fleecy sleepsuits than she did - he has her thin sleeping bags but then wears a fleecy sleepsuit over his babygro. Thinking about it - the gro bags we have are mostly neutral colours (incl a lovely turquoise Mamas and Papas one) so if you are interested would you like them? They are thinner ones cos we got them for Hannah. I will post them to you once Stephen has grown out of them which won't be long since he is a long baby! If interested PM me your address - don't want any money for them, just nice to know they are going to a good home.
xxx
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Post by Bookwormprincess on Jan 28, 2010 20:12:40 GMT
It's so great how I can always rely on you Nicola to make me feel like not the odd one out because your pregnancy was similar etc. - I love it, thanks for being there.
Wow, what a kind offer. I would love to borrow your thin grobags when you are done with them - neutral colours are great. Thank you so much. Very clever of you to just double up on the sleepsuits underneath - I never would have thought about that.
Glad you like the name too. It's so cute how Ellis tries to say it (sounds like out of 3rd and Bird) but of-course he doesn't really understand who we are talking about, bless him.
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Post by Bookwormprincess on Jan 29, 2010 22:55:23 GMT
Ok, so I spoke to my midwife today about this Children and Families involvement and she was almost indignant saying that she hadn't made a referral. So I asked her why she had mentioned them before now and it seems that she has, perhaps unknowingly, mentioned their name when she meant something else. What she was referring to all along (if only she'd been clear!) was that she has had to fill in a "Risk of Vulnerability" form that is held against my notes which states that I have a high risk of or am vulnerable to becoming ill either during pregnancy or in the post-natal period due to already having had one episode of PP. This is held only by the antenatal team so that they are aware of what could happen, and has nothing to do with Children and Families. She said that she doesn't see the need for their involvement and that there is no risk and if she had felt she needed to refer me she'd need my signature! At least that is cleared up, but I wish she'd stated all this clearly when she first mentioned it and not confused the two because it has caused me quite a bit of stress as you all know from my ravings on here.
It still doesn't explain why Nicola had a visit from them or why Sarah has been told they will be involved later. Maybe different NHS trusts do things differently.
For now though, I am very relieved and can get off my high horse about it for myself (still doesn't stop me being annoyed that they are involved with other ladies who have had PNI unecessarily). At least that is one major thing I don't have to worry about after the baby is born.
On a more cheeful note, it was so cute the way Ellis helped the midwife out today by holding the dopler maching to listen to baby's heartbeat (which was good and strong). He loved it! Probably because it had buttons and nothing to do with his baby brother. Maybe now he'll begin to grasp more that there is a baby in Mummy's tummy? I've ordered a little board book from Smiths called "Waiting for Baby" to read with him in the hope that it gets him used to the idea of a baby arriving in the summer.
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Post by nicola1712 on Jan 30, 2010 18:46:24 GMT
Ah bless him - that's so cute! Whne Stephen was born Hannah came in to see us in hospital and she took to him really well, just sat and held him for ages and seemed to understand he was our baby. It gets better and better, Stephen is really noticing Hannah these days and has huge smiles for her when she goes up to him which is sooo cute and makes her smile at him too. Of course she has the odd jealousy moment or takes things out on him by pulling his legs or arms but overall she quite likes him I think.
Good news bout the midwife/referral thing and bummer it stressed you out for nothing. Must just be different PCTs like you say - they even tell women different things they can and can't eat during pregnancy so there obviously isn't a national standard for these things.
Glad all going ok for you though
xxx
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larsbars
Senior Member
Mummy to Daisy 3 1/2 & Jamie 2.
Posts: 415
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Post by larsbars on Jan 30, 2010 21:39:15 GMT
Hiya....
I'm glad your 20 week scan went well....it's another milestone out of the way isn't it.
I am like you....this time I want to be Uber prepared for everything so that I can relax and enjoy the last few months of pregnancy. I am a bit of procrastinator so end up doing things frenetically but not this time.....I'm determined.
Try not to worry about the boy thing and comparing it to Ellis's birth. Both of my births were totally different and so were the months afterwards.....you may well find that you have no problems after the birth and everything is totally different from the first time. Just try and take it as it comes.
Glad all is going well for you x
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Post by Bookwormprincess on Feb 2, 2010 22:36:59 GMT
.....you may well find that you have no problems after the birth and everything is totally different from the first time. Just try and take it as it comes. I do hope you're right there. I think I might move this thread to the diary section so that I can just talk about other stuff as well (shame you can't just rename a thread?). Anyway, just coming on to have a moan and say that I am fed up of Ellis not going to sleep at a reasonable hour again, and therefore not having an evening or chance to relax and be child-free. Hubbie is with him now trying to get him to sleep, I was with him for an hour before that, and will be taking over in a minute because hubbie has work to do - it's nearly 10:30pm! This time it's because his cough his keeping him awake, but he goes through phases of whether he goes to sleep or not. I'm just fed up with it and really envy Mum's who can leave their babes, kids to themselves when they put them to bed. We're not going down the controlled crying route again, although we do use it for the odd 5 or 10 mins when he's just misbehaving and playing up and refusing to sleep. He's not yet ready to remove his daytime nap, but I try to keep it shorter than an hour and before 2pm when I am having him for the day. If he doesn't nap, he only falls asleep about dinner time, or goes to bed at 7 (bliss!) but wakes again an hour or 2 later wanting to play (not so bliss!), so he's still having a nap. Going to try and wear him out in a different way tomorrowand pray this cough doesn't wake him everytime he nods off or I put him down. I could cry for how tired I feel at the moment and how fed up I am of not being able to have my own time in the evening. I'm fed up of going to bed (late) with nursery ryhmes in my head and only having watched Peppa flippin Pig or Thomas the Tank Engine during the day. And when baby arrives it's not as if it'll get any better at first - today, I've been thinking I can't believe we are going to do this all over again with another child!!! I'm sure I'll get over this after a good night's sleep and an eveing to myself. If only there was a magic cure for tiredness or for making a child sleep.
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sazzythom
Full member
Sufferer and Mummy to Kezia and Micah
Posts: 84
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Post by sazzythom on Feb 3, 2010 22:06:52 GMT
Hi Nicola
So sorry to hear your struggling with your little one. I know mine always seems to have a sixth sense when we're desperate to put her down she knows and plays up like hell. But i am one of the lucky ones and are able to just leave her and she'll go to sleep.
To answer your question about children and families. Kezia was on a child protection order for over a year and now she's an at risk list so they automatically asume this will be the same as i've still got the problems i had 6 months ago. I am so glad for you that you won't have to have them involved. Just wished that your midwife had made her self clearer the stress it causes is not great for that little one.
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Post by nicola1712 on Feb 5, 2010 12:55:47 GMT
Sorry to hear Ellis isn't kipping well - we have just been through a phase with Hannah and her playing up at bedtime - she used to be one of those kids we could just say goodnight to and off she went but suddenly started playing up about a month ago and screaming the place down, throwing toys and crying for up to an hour. Now the only thing we did was the controlled crying I'm afraid, which we did when she was tiny too and she has finally in the last couple of days started to go back to normal. It was getting so tiring and hard work with baby here now too. We have issues with him too - he won't settle in the evenings in his cot so we still have him sleeping on and off down with us in the lounge until his 11pm feed and then he has his feed and just goes to bed in his cot no problem. I wish I had the guts to do the controlled crying with him but I am too scared he will wake Hannah up and then we are back to square one cos she will start up. Same with his 3am feed which he is still having becuase I can't do the controlled crying at that time of night with Hannah too.... Am yet to work out how people manage.....! xxx
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