|
Post by scared mum on Aug 13, 2015 8:02:09 GMT
I'm so thankful I have found this group. My horrible thoughts started about a month ago. I was laying in bed and I thought about my daughter being kidnapped and abused then I thought what if it was me that hurts her. This is really getting me down. I just want to be the fun loving mother I once was. I don't dare speak to anyone about it. The thoughts get me so low and terrified. Please help and point me in the right direction.
|
|
|
Post by monica on Aug 13, 2015 22:14:30 GMT
Hello and welcome
I'm sorry you're suffeting from these intrusive thoughts . How old is ur daughter ?
Many women suffer from these type of thoughts. Someone described them to me as the mothering instinct going into overdrive where you imagine the worst scenario possible and harm coming even from urself . These thoughts tend to spiral as they are very distressing and can become obsessive .
The first thing is that these are thoughts only and absolutely no reflection on you as a mum. In fact you tend to get them because you love ur child so much . Motherhood can really make u see the vulnerability of ur child.
As tough as it feels now you can and will recover . It would be really good to see ur Dr / these are a common symptom of pni and I'm sure ur Dr will have seen it many times before. There are many treatments available . Cognitive behavioural therapy can help u retrain ur thought processes so u learn to bat away these intrusive thoughts. Anti depressants can help too.
At home if one of these thoughts pop into ur head say ' stop' aloud or clap or flick an elastic band on ur wrist . The idea is to distract urself away from the thought,
Exercise can help hugely too.
Pls come back and talk to us. You'll get support and understanding from usx
|
|
|
Post by blipblop on Aug 14, 2015 8:20:24 GMT
I have tears in my eyes ready this. It's so nice to finally see and hear some answers. My daughter is 6. I used to have thoughts when she was younger about her drowning or falling. These were easy to shrug of though. They did bother me but didn't haunt me day in day out like these thoughts do. I will try the things you have said because these thoughts are pretty much constant throughout the day. I so want to see my Dr but I'm petrified he will judge me. How do I approach it? What do i say when I walk in the room? My doctor isn't back until the 27th of this month. Would you recommend seeing someone else? Also I have researched St John's wort. I was going to get some from a health shop but I am on the contraceptive pill. Any advice please. I got into bed last night and promised myself and my daughter (she was alseep) that I am going to get through this. This isn't going to be me forever.
|
|
|
Post by monica on Aug 15, 2015 19:00:51 GMT
Hi
Honestly ur Dr won't judge you. They will have heard it all before! Perhaps if u can wait until end of Aug and you have a good relationship with ur Dr perhaps wait? If u feel ur really struggling make an appt with another Dr. It can be hard admitting how u feel but it will be worth it. Perhaps confide in someone close and get them to accompany you to drs so they can help you. Alternatively print off what u have written in the post and give it to the dr.
I'm sorry I have limited knowledge of St johns wort - perhaps speak to the pharmacist.
How is the weekend going? X
|
|
|
Post by blipblop on Aug 17, 2015 17:18:41 GMT
Hello. The thoughts have been there all weekend. I feel better when im keeping busy or when my partner is over so I'm not alone and over thinking. I've been doctors today. She made me do a question air.she said I have severe anxiety and what's going on is depressing me and has put me on fluoxetine. I took my first one today. She has also booked me in for counselling. She said I should receive info through the post and it will start soon. Speaking to someone and getting it off my chest had made me feel better. I'm looking forward to seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm still trying to pluck up the courage to speak to a family member about it. I spoke to the doctor and she said no one will judge me, I think I'm going to go to the counselling first and get an insight as to why these thoughts appear and then speak to someone close. I'm so happy this group is here for support and advice. I'll continue to stay on here for a chat to people who understand what I'm going through. Thank you so much.
|
|
|
Post by monica on Aug 18, 2015 21:59:16 GMT
Well done on going to drs- I'm sure that wasn't eady but you did it. Good luck with meds - they were the turning point for me. Some ladies feel worse initially (couple of weeks ) but that passes.
Offloading on here is great. If u like you can start a thread of it own in the diary section ? Up to you. Do consider telling someone close about what ur going through then you won't have to pretend when u feel low or anxious. Fonu have a partner family member or close friend u could talk to? X
|
|
|
Post by Weeble on Aug 19, 2015 7:21:53 GMT
Hi and welcome
Intrusive thoughts are a feature of pni for many of us. They were explained to me as punishment thoughts,. Healthy tminds generate random thoughts all the time, they are just batted away. However when we have pni the thoughts aren't just brushed away, they worry us because they are our worst fears.
I hope you are doing better today
Kat
|
|
|
Post by blipblop on Aug 19, 2015 7:55:40 GMT
Day 3 and I feel a bit better already. I don't want to jinx myself though. The thoughts are still there but I'm able to ignore them a little. I'm not letting them get me all worked up. I'll never understand how I went from being me one day to this. It's the hardest thing I've ever been through. I've got to book a Dr's appointment for 2 weeks time so she can see how im doing. I'm worried about counseling as I no I'm gonna have to talk about it all. Also I'm gonna have to find child care for my daughter and people will question where I'm going. I'm gonna have to have a think about telling someone. I have a really close family. Me and my partner only got together in October though so I don't want to scare him off. Thanks for all you support ladies.
|
|
|
Post by blipblop on Aug 19, 2015 21:11:13 GMT
Night times are the worst. I'm not feeling great. I can't get my head around all this. I really wish i had someone here to talk to. My sister rang me not long ago and said she was coming up. I thought this is it, I'm gonna talk to her about it. It was on the tip of my tongue but I just couldn't do it. I really didn't want her to leave me. I just want to enjoy being a mum again. It's always been me and my daughter. We have always been complimented on our relationship. Now I just feel like a monster and that i shouldn't be allowed to be a mum. I so want this all to go away. I want to wake up and it's all just been a bad dream.
|
|
|
Post by monica on Aug 20, 2015 9:25:17 GMT
One step at a time. It might take a bit of time to pluck up courage to tell someone close to you. That's normal but you'll do it. Maybe text ur sister? That might be easier.
You still have a brill relationship with your daughter. Nothing's changed. Pni can knock ur confidence in all levels and that's what's happened here.
Re meds maybe see how u get on . This just might be teething pribs as they get into ur system . It can take a few weeks to feel better and u can feel worse initially . If u continue to feel worse perhaps change the time u take ur meds but is wait a bit.
Remember youve taken that all important first step- that's a huge achievement x
|
|
|
Post by blipblop on Aug 20, 2015 10:17:32 GMT
Last night and this morning are proving so hard. I didn't get to sleep until about 1.45am. My body just kept getting so hot and I could feel my skin pulsing. I woke up to my princess laying next to me and I'd usually just lay next to her for ages but I couldn't. I feel so guilty when I look at her. I don't want to go through this anymore. I'm sat here crying whilst she is upstairs playing with her dolls. She is so innocent and precious to me. I want to be me again. I keep looking at myself thinking is this really what you have turned into. I'd never hurt my daughter but that doesn't make these thoughts any easier to deal with. Why am I'm having them? Why is day in day out such a struggle? Do the meds make the thoughts dissappear eventually? I feel so lost and so down. I hate me!
|
|
|
Post by monica on Aug 20, 2015 10:46:31 GMT
Hugs. Don't hate yourself! The thoughts are tough to deal with . Give meds a couple of weeks . The meds will give you a lift which will make the thoughts easier to bat away and you'll be able to recover more effectively. My thoughts revolved around illness and dying and I must admit they went quite quickly. Everyone is different though. If u had someone close to speak to it'd make this transition eadier x
|
|
|
Post by blipblop on Aug 20, 2015 10:54:10 GMT
Thanks for replying. It's nice to speak to someone. You mentioned taking the meds at a different time. Do they wear off then? It's usually at night I'm the worst. I've set myself up for a bad day today though. I do want to speak to my sister about it but how do I go about doing it? What do I say to her? I really honestly feel people will judge me. I did feel ok and that I was dealing with them better the last few days but last night just knocked me.
|
|
|
Post by monica on Aug 21, 2015 2:05:30 GMT
Do you think ur sister will react positively and be supportive ? Perhaps tell her you've not been feeling too well recently and mention the anxiety and take it from there. Judge her reaction and if she is understanding perhaps tell her more bout how ur feelung.
Re feeling worse evenings it could be initial side effects which will wear off after a little while - maybe talk Dr nnext time u go? From memory initially I used to feel weird evenings (I think that s when I took my meds) and so switched taking them in morning.
Also could u do some exercise in the evening or late afternoon- there R all sorts of things on YouTube or various apps . My nephew had this 7 min exercise app on his phone. That can give u s huge boost x
|
|
|
Post by blipblop on Aug 21, 2015 8:24:10 GMT
So last night I plucked up the courage to speak to my best friend about it. She was so understanding and just threw her arms around me. It felt good to finally speak to someone. It was hard to tell her but I needed someone to know what I'm going through. She said that she is gonna stay with me for a few nights and assured me it's not for my daughters benefit and that it's for mine. I'm a little scared she is going to see me differently now. Night times are the worst, I feel myself really anxious and panicking. I'm having little sleep. I keep waiting for my pack to come through the post so I can see a councillor. I just want this nightmare to be over.
|
|