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Post by monica on Mar 21, 2015 17:41:48 GMT
There are meds deemed v low risk in pregnancy.
You talked about ur therapy . Do u feel it's helping? Possibly the abuse of your sisters by your father maybe triggered these type of symptoms . Im not a professional in anyway but can only think that all these issues have to be tackled especially if they have impacted on you and potentially caused or contributed to pni. Perhaps discuss this with the therapist ?x
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Post by NewMum2014 on Mar 25, 2015 18:38:40 GMT
Hi,
I came across this forum when I was searching for reasons why I was having the dreadful thoughts I was having towards my baby.
I became a first time mum a few months ago and only weeks after birth I began showing symptoms of PND, mainly suffering intrusive thoughts of hurting my baby, obsessing about the thoughts, and extreme anxiety. The Crisis Team quickly got involved because fortunately, I recognised that this is not normal behaviour and sought help from anyone who would listen; GP, Midwife, Health Visitor, because I was extremely distressed and quickly plummeting to "rock bottom" where I could barely touch my baby.
The thought of harming my baby shifted (for some reason) to the thoughts that I will sexually abuse my baby and these thoughts have repulsed me, made me worry I'm a paedophile and worry that I'd abuse other children, made me question every single little aspect as to why I am thinking those thoughts. I have been very honest about my thoughts to professionals, simply because I don't want them. They're not me. I have never in my life had these thoughts until a few weeks after I had a baby and was diagnosed with PND. I have been put on antidepressants and mood-stabilizers which have helped a great deal but I still get bad days where I obsess and dwell on my thoughts. I am waiting to see a Psychologist, which I think may be useful.
I guess I am just seeking some comfort that these dreadful thoughts and worries are something that you do eventually overcome despite never thinking that you will? I am SO much better than what I was at first but I still have a long way to go x
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Post by monica on Mar 25, 2015 21:33:02 GMT
Hello and welcome
I'm so glad you found us and hopefully we can reassure you that intrusive thoughts including ones about sexually abusing your child are known symproms of pni from which you will recover.
For obvious reasons this particular type of thought is very distressing - often it comes seemingly from nowhere - often women say it was something they read in the paper or saw on the news at a time when u r quite vulnerable that can trigger this. Someone explained it to me as the natural protective instinct you have for ur child going into overdrive where u see danger to ur child even from yourself.
It's brilliant you've been so open and honest to the professionals you've seen - that's a hard to do but will make a pisitive difference to your recovery .
Recovering from pni can be hard and frustratingly slow at times. With any type of intrusive thoughts which quickly can become ingrained in the thought process , it takes time to relearn your thinking. Cognitive behavioural therapy can be excellent in combatting this type of thought. But saying that you will recover . Do keep talking to us - you'll find lots of support and understanding herex
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Post by NewMum2014 on Mar 25, 2015 22:00:46 GMT
Thank you for your reply Monica.
Yes, this particular, reoccurring thought did pretty much appear out of nowhere. At first I was terrified of going near sharp objects and I did A LOT of reading on the internet about intrusive thoughts and PNI, some things were useful, and others "triggered" some of the thoughts I've had such as I read about a woman being worried she was touching her baby wrong when she was changing her baby then BAM, few days later I start thinking that! Then I read up on psychosis, which I then lead myself to believe I had, and because I read someone with psychosis saw evil in her baby's eyes, I started to think I could see evil in my baby's eyes. Just horrible, obsessive, tormenting thoughts that have crippled me with fear and anxiety.
Thankfully I don't appear to obsess as much about my thoughts however I do worry about them. The sexual abuse thought is the reoccurring thought that just won't budge - possibly because I find it so scary. Wouldn't it be nice to obsess about nice things!? Haha.
Yes I am currently awaiting CBT, I think there's a long waiting list! I am worried about relapsing but I am assured that I can speak to my GP and the Crisis Team if necessary x
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Post by monica on Mar 28, 2015 20:03:41 GMT
If only pni had pisitive symptoms - bags of energy, abundance of confidence !!!
So pleased ur waiting for cbt - perhaps call the dept in question - sometimes theire R cancellations . Do use the resources available to you if u need them.
I don't know if ur able to but exercise and its release of endorphins helped me hugely. somehow the feel good feeling goes s long way to lifting spirits x
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Post by Luxy on May 30, 2015 5:54:34 GMT
Hi, it all started for me back in 2009, im thinking it happened after a read something dreadful in the paper but didn't trigger anything in my mind straight away, bout maybe one month later a started to get images popping into my head and it startled me, but didn't think anything of it, then i remember falling ill and just started having low moods, it was from that time i started getting horrible images in my head, and it was even worse cause at that time i had 3 kids, a now have 4. I never slept, a never ate, a would panic when my husband went to work incase a hurt my daughter, and i would struggle with this, started having a panic attack, as the more a panicked the more the thoughts came into my mind of abusing my little girl, a wanted to kill myself and was too scared to say anything in case my kids got taken off me, a had to move in with my husband's mother inlaw cause a couldn't cope and found it difficult to be in the same room alone with my kids, this would go on for another 2 months and it got that bad a had to talk to someone and a chose my mother inlaw and she was amazing, never judged me but i felt everytime I had a thought I had to explain it to her as a was scared of having it alone in my mind, a kept seeking reassurance. I get them back and forward more so when something happens in my life, like being ill with an illness, something happening to me at work, it's like when something stresses me am prone to getting these images, and it's hard because in these images am the one doing it and it gets that hard a just wanna bang my head off a wall. I finally got control of it, seem to get it when I'm vulnrable and it's horrible, a just wished it wasn't about my kids, anything else a could maybe handle more but not this, literally when i was at my worst a was making myself sick and lost weight, never ate, hardly slept, had thoughts of not wanting to be here.
Put it this way, it's the hardest thing ive ever experienced and wished i never got it, but I've noticed am not the only one now reading others, and for a while that was hard thinking i was going mad.
Lucy
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Post by monica on May 30, 2015 13:19:16 GMT
Hi Lucy
This particular obsessive thougt is one of the most distressing for obvious reasons . But remember if u really wanted to hurt ur children you woukdnt be torturing urself with worry the way ur.
These distressing thoughts very quickly become ingrained in ur thought processes and become an automatic reaction. You can overcome this I primise . Cognitive behavioural therapy is great way for relearning these negative thought processes . It's tough but can be overcome. Distraction techniques and relaxation helps too.
Do have hope as things will improvex
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Post by laus1987 on May 31, 2015 8:09:58 GMT
Hi everyone. I have created my own post about just wanting to feel myself again and had a couple of replies. Just read through a lot of stuff on here and I could of written it myself! It's like everytime you see a symptom you have had that has scared you and someone else talks about it you breathe a sigh of relief! To cut a long story short after a traumatic pregnancy and birth (hyperemesis for 4 weeks until the end and an emergency c section)I was diagnosed with PND. I felt ok and just a bit teary at times and was in denial anything was wrong so CBT didn't work for me as I didn't listen. I had never experienced anxiety or anything so why would it? Well it has been just over 2 years now and I have coped well just getting on with things with just the odd low day. We went on a day trip out and visited a museum and was reading something about a man and there had been allegations of horrible stuff or something and I remember thinking in my mind "yeah he is strange" I didn't think anything of it and then came home and spoke to my mum about it. I think I saw something on the news too. And then that night I got a really bad thought about my son whilst getting him ready and I was thinking how could anyone do that? Well the next day it stuck a bit but I could shake it off at times. I was having a low day that day too. I think in all honestly it was just my mind being a bit irrational but I panicked and phoned my doctor for an appointment. I couldn't get one so had a phone consultation whereby the doctor didn't ask me much apart from did I have low mood? I said yes and she suggested some tablets. I've never taken anything like that before and was dubious but she assured me it would work so I just trusted her. She prescribed me Prozac and once I started taking them I went completely depressed! The small horrible thoughts became horrific, I wasn't sleeping and was waking if I did trembling so I then feared sleeping! I still managed the everyday stuff but became numb to my little boy and could eat a thing because of the sickness. My mum took care of me whilst my husband was at work but it was the scariest time of my life, I didn't want to be alive and felt like a monster. I only lasted 11days on the Prozac and had to come off them. I couldn't physically eat! That was about 3 months ago now, but I'm still left with the scars of it all and the thoughts aren't as bad but are still there. It's like mental torture at times, the way I describe it is like Tourette's of the mind! Sorry for the long post but just thought there would be more people to talk to on this thread who have been through this. X
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Post by laus1987 on Jun 2, 2015 6:47:33 GMT
Do people still reply on this thread? Looking for advice. Feel like I've taken two steps back these past few days. Been away for a little family break and I've been consumed with horrible thoughts at times. I'm scared of going back to the doctors as I know they will prescribe anti d's and after my last experience with these I never want to be back in that really dark place again. I'm starting to think I have no choice because I'm so tired and don't have the energy to fight my mind anymore. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.
L x
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Post by monica on Jun 2, 2015 12:24:42 GMT
Hi
Sorry for the lack of prompt replies - it can get a bit quiet at times. It's really a good idea to see ur Dr for advice as you're really struggling. Whilst I compketely understand why ur reluctant to take meds again it's common to have to give it a couple of goes before you find one that agrees with you. Again talk this over with Dr . With support life will feel easier.
Counselling cbt can be really good as ur thoughts have become ingrained in ur daily thought patterns and u need to relearn how to think without the thoughts intruding and master the ability to bat them away. This can be done so pls don't lose hope .
Also when a though pops into ur head clap to break the thought and stop you dwelling on it. Alternatively say stop aloud. Distraction techniques can take a bit of time to master so don't be crestfallen if it doesn't work straight away.
Exercise helped me hugely so even if it's a brisk walk round the block try to build it into ur routine.
Above remember you're a fantastic mum and the thoughts are a horrible symptom of pni and absolutely no reflection on u. On the contrary it's because u love ur chikd so much that tgese thoughts are plaguing you x
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Post by laus1987 on Jun 2, 2015 16:50:58 GMT
Hi Monica, thanks so much for your reply. It's such a difficult illness! The worst part for me is the thoughts and that's what causes my depression more than anything. So combatting them would be a big thing for me. I'm going to make an appointment for my doctor tomorrow and try and open up to the doctor as much as possible. It's difficult trusting someone enough to discuss it though isn't it? Especially since I have just changed doctors so this will be my first appointment at the new practice. I struggle to see light at the end of the tunnel at the moment but I live in hope that I will get back to my normal self again. I am at group CBT at the moment but deffinately think I need one to one and I'm coming to terms with the fact that I may need meds for a short time to help me beat this.
L x
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Post by monica on Jun 2, 2015 20:53:25 GMT
Good luck for tomoz - of course it's tough opening up but hopefully the Dr can support you and offer one to one help. You will get better I promise - it can be a rocky road at times but you will get to a point when you'll be free of these thoughts . Let us know how u get onx
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Post by laus1987 on Jun 12, 2015 6:24:30 GMT
Hi all, I was wondering if anyone has tried St Johns Wort as a mood uplifter? It's meant to be a herbal antidepressant so thought I may give it a go to give me the energy to really practice some of the CBT techniques. As I've said before unless I get really bad I want to steer clear of anti d's as it is them that made me worse initially. I haven't been to my doctor yet for one reason and another and I suppose I just think I can beat this without them throwing pills at me. I may be wrong but it's worth a try as I have come a fair way already. I just wish these impulsive 'Tourette's like' tgoughts would disappear completely as they make me feel sick to the pit of my stomach and are taking my enjoyment out of life! I finished the group CBT course but I phoned the self referral place yesterday for them to get me on the waiting list for one to one as that's what I think pni sufferers need. I'm just sick and tired of these horrible thoughts and the anxiety that comes alongside them! So... What herbal remedies have you all tried?
Thanks
L x
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Post by monica on Jun 12, 2015 8:24:34 GMT
Hi
II've heard good things about St johns wort but no personal experience . I know u shouldn't take it with certain other drugs but not sure which also if u have certain medical conditions it should be avoided . Maybe ask pharmacist for advice - they tend to be very knowledgable .
I've found vitamin B v good - with pni I got pmt and it seems to lessen that .
Keep practising cbt techniques. It might feel at times they r not doing anything but it can take a bit for them to start working.
Exercise especially anything that gets u breathless helped me hugely.
You will be rid of this - it might take some time and be tough but u willx
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Post by Brittany on Jun 18, 2015 4:47:12 GMT
Thankyou to all of you for being so brave and sharing your stories. We are all in this together - and what an amazing group of loving Mums xxx
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