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Post by winegirl on Sept 4, 2008 20:33:15 GMT
Hi Guest
I think that was a great way of telling your husband about things! That really is very good advice. Its important for us to get all the support we can at this time, and sometimes spelling it out to our partners is just too awful, but the way you dealt with it was brilliant.
I hope other people going through this read your post so they are able to take your advice.
Take Care
WG x
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Post by twinmummy on Sept 4, 2008 20:48:48 GMT
Aaaaaw thanks winegirl ;D Sometimes i feel nervous to post in case i give the wrong advise or something, so thanks for that.
Oh yeah, totally off the subject but just wanted to ask how can i go back to using my original name which im sure was 'twinmummy' .....cos i cant remember what password i used before...and am fed up of being 'guest'! Thanks xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Post by winegirl on Sept 4, 2008 20:54:14 GMT
Hmmmm, good point! I will ask Vee and get back to you if thats ok (im a bit of a technophobe - ask me somethin on PNI, fine, but computers.....).
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Post by jemima on Sept 5, 2008 9:58:03 GMT
Thankyou Twinmummy guest, your posts and advice have been some of the best. We had a long talk last night , didnt really want to at first because I had had a ten hour day at work and also didnt really know whether I wanted to share the illness and what I was going to say etc.The thing is ,hes had plenty of opportunities before and chosen not to and now because hes feeling upset ,neglected,unsure etc, he wants to help.I let him know a little but not the true nature of it.Dont really know what to do or say next,need some time to think.Thankyou for your posts. Hi WG, how are you doing?
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Post by winegirl on Sept 5, 2008 10:08:38 GMT
Hi Jemima
Well done on starting the ball rolling with your OH with talking to him about this. It is not an easy thing to do, but you have certainly made a good start.
The more you guys share together, the easier it will be to get through this together. And you know we are here in the meantime too. xx
WG x
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Post by jemima on Sept 6, 2008 10:36:25 GMT
Thankyou.We talked again last night and I have decided that because I am on the road to recovery and just coming out the other side, there is no need to tell him the exact nature of the illness,thoughts etc.Maybe I should have shared it with him when it all first started happening but its hard isnt it and I am a great one for soldiering on alone!Have found incredible support and help through you guys and am happy that finding this forum has been such a key to my recovery.Thankyou so much XX
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Post by twinmummy on Sept 6, 2008 21:29:16 GMT
Hi Jemima,
Great to hear that you are on the road to recovery.
This website is so great isn't it? I never found it until way after my recovery but I know it would have helped me so much if I'd have found it while I was ill.
There is always someone on here who knows exactly what you're going through and that is so reassuring.
Take care hun,
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Post by phild09 on Sept 7, 2008 15:36:27 GMT
Hi everyone, I'm glad you are feeling a bit better Jemima lets hope you are fully recovered soon ;D
I have told my OH about the thoughts - in a "round a bout" way - but it's only because I can't lie at all and have terrible guilt feelings if I do. There is no need though to tell him, as someone said, thoughts arent actions. xxx
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Post by jemima on Sept 7, 2008 19:07:00 GMT
Thophats right,and sometimes if you can deal with them yourself maybe it is better to not tell anyone the true nature of them.Mine are there still in their horrible twisted way but I am getting better at not reacting so strongly to them in the hope that eventually they will stop or mean nothing at all. I hope you are ok XX
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neve
New Member
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Post by neve on Nov 7, 2008 21:26:58 GMT
Can I just say that this thread is fantastic and if it had been in black and white when I first had pni I am sure my illness would not have taken over me to the scale that it did.
My illness got worse and worse due to these thoughts and having no one to tell them to in the medical profession. I wanted to tell my gp so that she could re assure me social services would not take my child away because I have told her about the disgusting thoughts. Even now I am a bit terrified to say they were sexual as I still worry a bit I will be tracked down and my child taken away. HOW SILLY IS THAT!!!
I always felt my story was sooooovery far fetched that telling anyone would make them think I was off my head and I would end up losing my son.
I was feeding my baby one very early morning. I had very little sleep for months and was really struggling. I happened to switch on the tv and a consultant psychiatrist was discussing thoughts that people who are ill have. To be honest I really do not know exactly what was said. I just grabbed on to the words I wanted to hear. I though he said people who have ocd have 30 or 40 sexual thoughts about their kids a day and they can not stop them. I was feeding baby and tried to turn over the tv asap. I started dwelling on that clip. I got myself into an absolute state about it and decided I was having sexual thoughts about my child. I wasn't but after that clip sewing the seed I was convinced my husand, grandparents and myself were going to sexually abuse my new baby. I found it impossible to watch tv, read newspaper or look at my friends changing their child and lived in fear I may be asked to change a friends babies nappy. I used to think that if my fiends knew my thoughts they would avoid me and not trust me with their kids.
I try to think back to how it all started. One day I remember changing my sons nappy. i put on the nappy, buttoned his vest and put on his babygrow. The BACK of my hand brushed over his penis area (he was fully dressed) and I thought "Oh my god I touched his genitals" I had a wave of panic and for the next few days any time I dressed him or looked at his penis I was a bit anxious. The tv program was all I needed to escalate my thoughts to an uncontrolable level. I can see it for what it is now. it was pni waiting to happen. If it had not been the tv program it would have been something else. I could never admit that before, always blaming the program and saying "If i had not watched it this would never have happened"
I hope this story helps others. I am so very happy to read other mums have had the same thoughts. GPs and hv need to speak about this openly and I am sure this would reassure women nothing bad is going to happen to their child and social services will n ot get involved.
neve
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Post by jemima on Nov 8, 2008 14:19:15 GMT
Hi Neve, what a horrible illness this is.It strikes at the heart of motherhood and couldnt be more cruel.I think we must be strong ladies to cope with it . As I have said in previous posts, these were and still are when they occur my worst and most distressing thoughts; they have taken me to the brink with worry and despair. Wouldnt it just be nice to change your baby without being so aware all the time and worried that what you are doing/thinking/feeling is inappropriate? Of course we are not going to do anything!!My eldest is nearly four for Gods sake, if I was going to then I would have done so by now! The illness just makes you think you are going to all the time and it is hard to get your head around. I still have these thoughts though not so often now and occasionally they get the better of me but largely I have learnt to not take any notice and be tricked again.It is hard but you can do it! Coming on here has I think contributed to 75% of my recovery, I would have a much harder time without it. Sending you strength from a fellow sufferer,Jemima X
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Post by Veritee on Nov 13, 2008 7:53:09 GMT
Hi Twinmummy
Changed your display name to Twinmummy - but can not change your logon or rescue your old account so you will still have to log on as 'guest' with your current password.
But at least your name is now twinmummy again
Love Veritee
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Post by railway on Jan 22, 2009 22:08:56 GMT
Hi i have just found this website and was so relieved to see my symptoms on here and to see other people have felt the same as me. i had read that people with pnd could have fears about hurting their childrend but not this. i have been to the dr and she said i had pnd and sent me to a mental health specialist who then said i didn't have pnd but extreme anxiety. i had told him some of my thoughts but since then they have become worse. for some reason i thought my brother would sexually abuse my brother and he called round today and i was really panicky and anxious - i of couse know this would not happen - i am so upset by these thoughts. but i also had a thought when my son was a couple of months old that i might abuse him (he's now 15 months old) but i haven't had that thought since. but why am i thinking this about my brother? i am not on any anti-d's as i didn't want to take them but my head feels so fuzzy and confused it is untrue. i have had a couple of drinks now so that is why i can write on here. i am too ashamed to tell my hv or anyone where i live incase my son gets taken off me and i love him more than anything and would never do anything to hurt him. how can i feel like this? i am due to see an occupational therapist next friday but that is to deal with my anxiety and i am unsure of what to do about my feelings and whether this will deal with my pnd (if i have it (or am just plain crazy)) - any advice would be gratefully recieved, thanks,
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Post by jemima on Feb 5, 2009 21:57:47 GMT
Sounds like post natal illness to me. I have had these thoughts, though more or less in some sort of control of them now for about 4 years.Am on medication which has helped considerably and have been to hell and back with them!Please know that you are not alone and to feel like this is all part of this weird and terribly hard and isolating illness.I still struggle with it at times but feel no where near as bad and as messed up as I did even one year ago,Please know that you are not alone with these thoughts and are not the only person to have had them. Wishing you strength and friendship throughout this testing time, Jemima X
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elle
New Member
Posts: 5
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Post by elle on Feb 6, 2009 19:34:51 GMT
Hi, I'm new to the forum and am a bit unsure how things work. I have a 6 month old baby girl that I adore. I have been having awful intrusive thoughts that are really distressing me. Some are thoughts and some are images, it's the nature of the thoughts that really upsets me and the questioning in my mind and fearing that I may actually want to do these things. When I have one of these thoughts it is like I am terrified that it means I want to. I know I would rather die than do this but it's like I can't think rationally and can't forget it as it upsets me so much. I find myself analying my thoughts and one minute convincing myself there is nothing to worry about and then the doubt comes in again and I start analysing the thought in another way. It gets to the piont I can't remember the exact nature of the thought, i am so confused and scared by this. Does anyone have any advice. i am scared this is just me instead of post natal illness. I suppose the worst thing is when you get a thought, in the split second it appears its like the concious mind hasn't had a chance to say how awful it is and by the time you realise you had it it's like you didn't see anything wrong with it for a tiny period of time. Then when you realise the panic and terror comes over you, then the obsessing and analysing start. Does anyone ealse get this. I am frightened.
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