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Post by francoise on Dec 21, 2004 14:42:22 GMT
oh jennie , i wasnt drunk , but then again i have been in the chat room rat arsed,yes wasnt that day MAD, i couldnt help thinking that it had an element of humour in it , especially when i read your post , u know the one , god did i laugh, i know i shouldnt but it just tickled me , god am i sick or what , yeah i have been waiting for someone to give me an opinion so seeing as you have and you a moderator il blame you eh did u read what anna said about your curtains , that was so funny , i think it was anna , anyway i would like to be try to make people laugh or smile sometimes and i know you lot make me laugh loads and sometimes im crying laughing especially when its out of the blue, ah thanks jennie , you know what for , your ace to me ,love fran
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jennie
Full member
2 bubs,9 and 4,better though still struggle.
Posts: 59
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Post by jennie on Dec 21, 2004 17:11:04 GMT
I feel a bit ashamed about that actually ,though I'm laughing now,was it the swearword or the throwing of stones.....? I haven't forgotten everything from when I thought the evangalist church was the answer to all my problem.Should have got my bible and quoted properly. I do actually feel for her and hope she's ok. These last two days feel like a bit of a hangover...recovery time...... or was it we need to talk about hairy legs and sex???!!!I've already plucked my tash and want to shave legs and armpits for xmas! Haven't given Andrew his unoffical pressie yet....do you remember the days of outdoors?No nor me..... (think that's my fav face.....)
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jennie
Full member
2 bubs,9 and 4,better though still struggle.
Posts: 59
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Post by jennie on Dec 21, 2004 17:14:35 GMT
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Post by francoise on Dec 21, 2004 21:33:45 GMT
hey jen you bounced back alot better this time than last time ,just look at it as though you meant it literally and you know its good for you , well its one way i suppose , as for tashes hairy legs and hairy pits , what im looking for is really long socks , you know the ones that were in nfashion years ago , im going to wear those and kep my arms down by my sides and turn my head away and let him get on with it , that way no maintenance needed eh , as for outdoors , well i must of i suppose but i might have another go when its not so cold ,where tho thats the question , those security lights keep going on in the garden so thats out .....love fran
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jennie
Full member
2 bubs,9 and 4,better though still struggle.
Posts: 59
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Post by jennie on Dec 21, 2004 22:42:43 GMT
hey Fran you've got a big square and a red cross in it under your name,what's that about?
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Post by francoise on Dec 21, 2004 23:07:30 GMT
ah now look at my baby boy
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Post by francoise on Dec 21, 2004 23:28:32 GMT
god im on my iffth can of lager now , oops oh dear
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jennie
Full member
2 bubs,9 and 4,better though still struggle.
Posts: 59
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Post by jennie on Dec 22, 2004 1:01:25 GMT
I know what you mean about going on about your husbund.It wasn't a joke about the frying pan!Yes it wasn't over my head.I know it stopped there!
He was bloody awful about the abortion.... Just finished college,lots of sex,cheep wine,cheep meals,sun through the attic flat window,walks on the beach,more sex........
what a start to a relationship!He finished his masters,got trains to cities and the coutryside...and I look for work....,couldn't afford a studio with friends...,needed to sort out my overdraft...couldn't even afford paint......
My period was late...it was november...and the flat was freezing...Andrew finished his course and couldn't find a job There was nothing to apply for the odd shop job ,or waitressing...couldn't even get them .....though I could as a student........
I was pregnant.... I'd never agreed with abortion..... I'd been careless lots of times....We'd been together 4months and couldn't even keep the flat warm! He'd met my parents once briefly I'd not met his... (though we were living together....) though had just sort of drifted into it..... We had a massive row one night when claire and dave came over from newcastle....the whole top of my arms was bruised ..... I know I pushed,pushed, pushed,and he exploded.....butwhy did I have to do the pushing..... why didn't he talk to me...? and know we were scared... what did we have to offer a baby? I was thinking materialistically...... I aborted this baby...as I was coming round I was saying no I don't want to do it..... someone said it's too late!!!!!
A week later we went to Andrew's nephew's christianing,his mum had a bad cough and you had to take your shoes off in ther house and my socks had wholes in....god I felt like a grub!
We went there for christmas as I never wanted to see my family again.
His mother was diagnosed with cancer that christmas .
This all should have been on my own thread...... could I have a few hugs sent whenb you read this.... I've an emty space for this child....I've said how sorry I am to her(yes, she would have been a girl...she says it's fine mum....your loss hey...there was no molice,just a scared little girl,your lose mum......but it's fine ,I'm smiling on you...... thAT'S WHEN i'M REALLY BELIEVEING IN gOD......
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Post by susie on Dec 22, 2004 8:52:39 GMT
Jennie, I am sending you a thousand hugs, I know this is something that you need to work through for yourself, there is nothing I can say that is going to make you feel any better but I felt for you this morning when I read your thread you do still have grieving to do for your lost baby, maybe you need to look at ways of doing that, I know you have had counselling and stuff before. maybe even let more out here, just dont keep it in, thats when it does the damage, I truly wish I could wave a wand for you and take away the hurt, I know saying it wasnt meant to be doesnt help and maybe even trivialises it all, I dont mean to do that at all but as we have said before on here, things do happen for a reason, you are a wonderful caring loving mother with two children who by all accounts are a credit to you, try not to beat yourself up about desicions made so long ago, I'm not sure if you are into symbolic stuff but I once heard of someone who released a balloon into the sky for the person who had died and released a lot of the feelings with the ballon just by saying them out loud. Anyway thats all for now, better get these kids dressed, take care of yourself and we will send you hugs whenever you need them Susie x
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Post by wendabell on Dec 22, 2004 12:44:59 GMT
Jennie, of course you shall get loads of hugs from me girl.Im soo sad for your pain hunny. I had a misscaridge at four months,I felt this was my fault as i didnt tell work and carried on lifting people etc. When i lost him it was at work down a toilet.I thought it was a sign,telling me it was my fault.I couldnt stop him from being flushed away,i sat there numb.It wasnt a planned pregnancy,shouldnt have caught but i did. I still feel empty now,no councilling offered( but he had arms and legs i saw them.No one to talk too.It hurts so bad i cannot imagine the emotionall pain you must have gone through in a termination.i can only empathise and say if its anything like a misscaridge then it hurts. Do you have a place to remember him.a tree a shrub or place in the garden.Its what i plan to do for mine as if i dont remember him some how it would be as if he never existed and that would be sad. its not your fault,it is a difficult decission to make and i cant imagine how you must have felt at the time. Sending more hugs to you sweety.x.x.x
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Post by wendabell on Dec 22, 2004 12:47:30 GMT
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scrumpy
Senior Member
I'm 34 and have a 3 year old daughter
Posts: 297
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Post by scrumpy on Dec 22, 2004 13:30:05 GMT
Jennie, just wanted to send you lots and lots of hugs. Can't add anything that the others haven't said. You had to make a really difficult decision back then, and it must have been so hard for you. Like Wendy, I also lost a child through miscarriage. Losing a child is the most difficult thing you can go through I think, regardless of the circumstances. You do need time to grieve. I never greived properly for my child, as I got pregnant again too soon, and I always regret that. Not the getting pregnant bit but not allowing myself time to get over the loss. I had spent so many years trying to get pregnant the first time, that i was obssessed. I really thought that if I got pregnant again everything would be ok. How wrong i was! Sorry I am rambling on about myself. Take care hunny love Toni
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Post by lisa1234 on Dec 22, 2004 13:35:34 GMT
Just wanted to send big hugs out to Jennie, Wendy & Toni,
It must have been so hard what you have all been through and your stories really touched my heart.
Sending you so many virtual hugs that they are surrounding you all & squeezing you tight
Lisa xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Post by francoise on Dec 22, 2004 13:52:01 GMT
oh jennie
this comes up with you sometimes and its so unfair that you have to suffer this tremendous loss , as you know i had a termination to , actually twice but the once i lost it before i got there to the clinic and the other time it was a real termination , i felt the guilt to hun loads , its something that is very hard to come to terms with but you must put it behind you , like we said before , it might not have come to being a full term baby , things happen sometimes for a reason and how unfair for us to have to make decisions when our hormones are everywhere , its a sad situation for those who have lost babies in whatever circumstance but you should forgive yourself and know that it was a decision made at the time which you felt was the right one , you really cant say that it would have been rosy to carry on with the pregnancy , it might have been a disaster for you in some way , i think its right to grieve for what you have lost hun but i dont think you should feel guilt atall, at the time you were going through alot of stress hun , andrew shouldnt of hit you no matter how hard you pushed him , he cant ever do that to you , what do people expect of you when you are under that kind of trauma , its a wonder you didnt end up somewhere far far away from him , im sorry but i get so angry when i hear that , i dont care who it is i just hate it so much , no excuses , and if you ask me jennie i can understand your dissilusion at the time with the thought of having a baby , it must have been the obvious thing to do at the time, you are the victim in this jen , your a lovely wonderful mother and a lovely person , im so sorry you went through this , im so sorry he hit you and im so sorry you havent been able to understand that decision and accept it was the right thing for how the situation was at the time and for every thing we do or dont believe in there are exceptions hun and depending at whats going on at the time its inevitable that sometimes we make these decisions because there doesnt seem to be any hope for a happy family life at the time , learn to forgive yourself jen even though you are innocent , you have forgiven andrew and now give yourself a break and like yourself and then you will start to understand why we all love you so much , if you were a bad person we wouldnt would we , your a strong lady and you regret something you really didnt have any choice over , im sure talking about it helps you and if you want to im sure we could carry on on the site and talk with you ....love fran
just my opinion , i know some will disagree but i have to write what i think myself , xxxxxxxx ps , a big massivehug
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scrumpy
Senior Member
I'm 34 and have a 3 year old daughter
Posts: 297
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Post by scrumpy on Dec 22, 2004 14:42:25 GMT
Fran, you are so good with words, I wish I could offer the same advice that you do. I really agree with what you have said to Jennie here, but I would have never been able to express it like you do. I always feel like I say the wrong things when i am trying to help someone on here. Anyway Jennie, Fran is right you have nothing to feel guilty for. We all love you on here and think you are an amazing woman. Love Toni
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