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Post by susanneb1984 on Oct 9, 2005 17:36:19 GMT
Thanks hopeful n yoyo. Oooooo Alan suprised me today by saying I deserved a night out, and he'll babysit!!! So 22nd oct, watch out Liverpool, Susanne's been let out!!!!
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Post by susanneb1984 on Oct 10, 2005 10:56:56 GMT
Well, I've just placed my first order as a rep! YAY! So that should arrive on Thursday, and I have got my training party tomorrow night, I am so excited. I'm also trying to sort out my night out on the 22nd! I've got so much to look forward too, Thea's birthday, Christmas, my Grandma's 60th, New year, so so much that I couldn't have dreamt of dealing with at the start of this year.
And of course, I've got lots to keep my busy in the meantime, I'm having to organise my days rather than just going with the flow because I have so much to do and so much I want to do, I could do with some extra hours in the day! It probably sounds really cheesy, but I feel so blessed and lucky to be here! Finally, after many years of depression and PNI, I feel that my life is worth living again!
Oh well, I have to go, Thea wants to make pictures! I bought her a load of paper and glue and stuff, so we are off to have fun! YAY!
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Post by yoyo on Oct 10, 2005 11:49:31 GMT
"It probably sounds really cheesy, but I feel so blessed and lucky to be here! Finally, after many years of depression and PNI, I feel that my life is worth living again!"
No at all - it really does feel like then when you begin to feel like your old self - the world seems a much brighter place than you ever noticed!
Well done!
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Post by susanneb1984 on Oct 10, 2005 12:22:21 GMT
Thanks YoYo, I'm busy trying to get my Ann Summers business up and running at the moment, so keep your fingers crossed that it goes well for me!
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Post by cheshire on Oct 10, 2005 17:24:59 GMT
Hi Susanne and YoYo, I remember sharing something like this (with you YoYo actually) recently too. There is something more beautiful about the world when you have had this horrible illness - just starting to appreciate things more..my senses are alive again, I think I actually feel much more a part of the world and people than I ever did before, and the main thing I am feeling is a strength I never had even before the children were born. My sister is a CPN and she suffered PTSD (not PNI - no kids) last year and she always maintains now that if you've been that poorly in that way for a long time, then you look at things differently once you're recovered, it's better. So we have that to look forward to....do you think? Hopefulx
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Post by yoyo on Oct 10, 2005 19:08:46 GMT
Definitely! I experience it now and then at the moment - can't wait for it to be more sustained :-)
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Post by susanneb1984 on Oct 10, 2005 19:15:43 GMT
Yeah I agree with you hopeful. And YoYo, it will become more and more soon hunni. I think once you have got through the other side, you appreciate things as well, the small things, you can see the positive in the small things that happen instead of looking for the negative all the time. You don't need the positive to be so obvious. Well, keep those fingers crossed, I've had around 38 emails about becoming a rep or holding a party today, if this carries on, I'll have to be passing some of them onto other reps! lol You get 2 parties for each person that signs up to be a rep, so if 38 people sign up, thats a lot of parties, not including any others I get, so whatever was happening, lets hope it keeps up.
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Post by susanneb1984 on Oct 11, 2005 9:19:23 GMT
Well, it's tuesday. Hopefully, it's my training party tonight! I'm a bit worried about how Alan will cope with GJ to be honest, but I know he wouldn't hurt her or anything like that, and he has to learn I suppose! I'm finding it quite hard to fit everything into my day! Looking after 2 small children is not an easy task, along with the housework and now my AS stuff! I could do with another 10 hours in the day! But I just keep telling myself that it will get easier, as the girls get older, and my AS thing picks up and becomes a bit more regular, things will get easier....or is that I'll just get used to getting up at 9am and not stopping until 1 or 2 the next morning! lol I'm having to get over quite a few obstacles to do this AS thing, no matter how hard I try, things always get put in my way, but I'm slowly learning how to deal with that, without giving myself a great, big headache! lol
I have to admit, now GJ's coming up to 6 weeks old, I am starting to worry a little bit about PNI showing up again. I feel ok, very tired, but I think my body is now on autopilot! lol I so desperately don't want to miss out on as much of GJ as I did with Thea. I suppose I've won half the battle by been aware of it, that way I can keep an eye on whats happening and know what to expect as well. We have the 6 week check up next week, am dreading if they do an internal, so to be on the safe side, I'm going to book it with a female GP! Although, I'm still not jumping for joy at the thought of her doing an internal either! lol
Well, I'd better go, Thea wants to make cards! Oh what have I started with this art set! lol Alan's rung in sick, so he's moping around like he's got the plague or something! lol and just for a change, I've got washing to do, and cleaning, and admin work for AS and ironing, and the bathroom needs cleaning, and I've got tea to make, and the girls will at some point want my attention.....the list is endless! lol oh the joys of been a lil housewife whose family are allergic to cleaning and seem to think the fairies come and do it all once they are asleep! lol
PS if anyone knows of any cleaning fairies, can you pass me their number!?!? lol
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Post by bam02 on Oct 11, 2005 9:41:18 GMT
I wish I had them too. I have a 10 year old and a 3 year old and I think things are a little easier as she can amuse herself slightly and and can be left in room for very short intervals - but the chaos of her play is incredible. ! I think things change and you adjust and unfortunatley forget the past and how hard it was then-just think how hard it is now!! However, not to be too negative to you. I think its also my depression talking - and three is still a small child isn't it. Have you have another one you will know. At least my 10 year old even with his aspergers syndrome (mild autism) hides in his room. !!!lol
A-M
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Post by susanneb1984 on Oct 11, 2005 10:34:19 GMT
Hiya AM, How are you feeling today?
Yeah, three is still quite small. We tend to forget with Thea, because she's borderline gifted, and so clever, we tend to forget she's only two. She will play quite happily on her own (very independant child) but does want my attention every now and then, I think it's more for praise than anything else, but she does want it. She is fantastic with GJ though. We were talking the other day and we were saying, if we went back in time, we'd either have had GJ before Thea could walk or once she was at school because a borderline gifted child, and a new baby is quite exhausting! lol but we love them and to be honest, can't remember what life was like before GJ, I must have had a lot of time on my hands! lol
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Post by susanneb1984 on Oct 12, 2005 9:54:44 GMT
Well, I went to my training party last night! What a laugh! lol It lasted about two and a half hours, and I think I enjoyed the time and space to be Susanne again as much as the party! I am going on another training one next week, because I'd never even been to an AS party before last night, never mind held my own! lol ;D Alan did ok, he said GJ cried a lot, and he said it was a heartbroken cry because she didn't know where I was! lol bless him. Then he realised he hadn't talked to her the whole time, and I talk to her all the time! Poor thing! Well, I'm not sure what today will hold, it's yukky weather, so we can't go out anywhere and I'm skint! My order is coming tomorrow, I'm so excited! I want to clean the kitchen and put some washing on, and then I'm hoping to spend the day playing with the girls, but not sure how it will work out yet. I have to learn to go with the flow I think.
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Post by bam02 on Oct 12, 2005 20:08:10 GMT
Well done Susanne,
You sound more happier long may it last. I am still wobbling but with some success.
I went to a meeting last night of the Hurdles committee, a local charity for disabled children as my son has Aspergers syndrome. I had been very involved and wanted to be Treasurer as I was an accounting Technician, but it seemed like too much and I stepped back and told them I was officaliy sick(on incapacity benefit) and the thought of the responsibilty sent me in to panic, so some one else is doing it.
But I feel a spare part as a ordinary committee member !!! I hope to go to next monthly meetings , but as some things clash I think it will look like I am avoiding them!! Well never mind. At least they can't ask me to do too much. But I feel a bit paranoid now they will never trust me.
Sorry to high jack Susanne turned into a diary entry for me. But think you will understand...
Love A-M
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Post by susanneb1984 on Oct 13, 2005 9:09:49 GMT
Of course I don't mind AM. It's not a problem at all, it's nice you could open up no matter where it was. Do the comitee know you have been ill? I'm sure in time you will feel the strength to take on more responsibility again, don't push yourself hunni. You must take your time or you might put too much on yourself, and then you might get stressed out again...please try to keep going to the meetings unless you really can't, don't feel bad about having to pass the responsibility of treasurer onto someone else, you did the right thing for you and ultimately it's you that matters here. It's not your fault you got ill, nobody asks for PNI. You must think of yourself, and whats best for you hunni. I hope your feeling a little better today?
We gave GJ her first proper bath (not in a baby one) last night, she was ok for about 4-5 minutes, then I think she started getting cold, so we got her out. She's asleep at the moment, but I'm waiting for a delivery, so am up. It's Alan's day off today and I am hoping my delivery doesn't come too late because it would be nice to do something. It's Thursday so we are skint, but I'm sure we can find something. We took Thea to an indoor play area on tuesday. She had me crawling through tunnels, playing in ball pools, walking across wobbly bridges! I was knackered. She made some friends, and even went down the big slide all on her own, she was so clever and didn't want to leave! So I think it might become a regular place for us! lol I want to get cleaned up today, it's been a bit neglected lately as I've been concentrating on playing with Thea and doing my AS stuff. But am hoping with Alan been off we might get some good stuff done today. Oh, before I forget, I've got my first party booking, YAY, it's in about 5 weeks and I'm so excited! It's for an old school friend, I haven't seen her since I left school, so it should be a lot of fun!
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Post by susanneb1984 on Oct 13, 2005 9:15:57 GMT
One Flaw In Women By the time the Lord made woman, He was into his sixth day of working overtime. An angel appeared and said, "Why are you spending so much time on this one?" And the Lord answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable and able to run on diet coke and leftovers, have a lap that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart -and she will do everything with only two hands."
The angel was astounded at the requirements.
"Only two hands!? No way! And that's just on the standard model? That's too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish."
But I won't," the Lord protested. "I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart.
She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18 hour days." The angel moved closer and touched the woman. "But you have made her so soft, Lord."
"She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."
"Will she be able to think?", asked the angel.
The Lord replied,
"Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason and negotiate."
The angel then noticed something, and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek. "Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one."
"That's not a leak," the Lord corrected,
"that's a tear!" "What's the tear for?" the angel asked.
The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love, her loneliness, her grief and her pride." The angel was impressed. "You are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything! Woman is truly amazing."
And she is! Women have strengths that amaze men. They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up to injustice. They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. They go without so their family can have. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards. They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart. Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors. They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning. They bring joy, hope and love. They have compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends. Women have vital things to say and everything to give. HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.
How true is this?! Please feel free to copy and paste to send it to your friends if you want.
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Post by bam02 on Oct 13, 2005 20:56:40 GMT
Blimey what a good message!
I have to say although I have said I have been ill and still in therapy (group therapy) I don't think they understand. I appear OK to them and my son is not as severe as there's ,hence no sympathy and i am married, not a single parent even though my marriage has problems!
Hence I cannot win. Probably just a whinning parent! I find this silent depression really hard so its good to come here. My daughter is three, but I never recovered from my son totally and he is nearly 11!! I am better but not well and my physical health undermines any improvement. But I am here and I am talking and people like you Susanne make it worthwhile!!
A-M (Anne-Marie)
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