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Post by cheshire on Mar 23, 2006 17:21:31 GMT
Know the feeling.... xx
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gail
Senior Member
have 1 daughter and have had this since 30 weeks of pregnancy :( my daughter is 27 months.
Posts: 373
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Post by gail on Mar 24, 2006 15:48:38 GMT
bad headache owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
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Post by cheshire on Mar 24, 2006 18:50:09 GMT
Me too - always do get a corker of a headache now with my period - do you find that too?! Hope it eases soon XXX
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gail
Senior Member
have 1 daughter and have had this since 30 weeks of pregnancy :( my daughter is 27 months.
Posts: 373
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Post by gail on Mar 24, 2006 19:40:15 GMT
yes, hopeful, i do find that!
and i never used to suffer with headaches!
hope yours goes soon too
xx
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hannah457
Senior Member
i have 4 children. brandon,angel , peter, leland .
Posts: 453
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Post by hannah457 on Mar 26, 2006 10:52:37 GMT
hi gail happy mmothers day love hannah xx
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gail
Senior Member
have 1 daughter and have had this since 30 weeks of pregnancy :( my daughter is 27 months.
Posts: 373
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Post by gail on Mar 27, 2006 15:33:38 GMT
well
i think you can tell im recovering by the fact that my diary has slipped to another page! just been to the doctors for a progress check up and i saw the same one as the beginning. we were talking for a bit and she was talking about me as if she didnt know who i was! ... i explained then that id seen her in the beginning and she couldnt believe me! she said i look like such a different person! i really was a wreck back then and she said she was really really worried about me, i wasnt making any eye contact, hyperventilating, crying , agitated etc back then (she was the one who got mental health team involved) she really was shocked that i am the same person. it was a real boost as she was able to compare now to how i was then if that makes any sense. she really praised my progress and i must say that i do feel that im nearly there.
she admitted to me that she thought i needed hospital treatment -this confused me - if i needed it why wasnt i given it?! i agreed with her, i think especially for me in the early days.
yesterday, mothers day i had a 'lift' if that makes sense - i call them 'lifts' when you can just be sitting there and your recovery all of a sudden 'moves up a notch' and then you stay on that notch for a while and then maybe a fewweeks/months later you'll get another one.
im enjoying being me again. i can even read, i was such a nervous wreck before that i couldnt read a thing - ive read 2 books in the past few days which definately means im getting to be me again. (the da vinci code and the wrong boy).
im also much more relaxed, the adrenaline has stopped being produced in vast amounts i think, so im so realaxed i get bored!! its such a wonderful feeling - being able to amke eye contact with people, going outside (even in the rain) being alive, actually being proud as im pushng my beautiful daughter down the street! being proud no matter what im doing.
i really have faith that im getting there!!!! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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gail
Senior Member
have 1 daughter and have had this since 30 weeks of pregnancy :( my daughter is 27 months.
Posts: 373
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Post by gail on Mar 27, 2006 20:40:43 GMT
hi guys
just wanted to say
theres nothing wrong, i feel ok, im having a good day., i feel like me.
ive waited so long to write those words...
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Post by yoyo on Mar 27, 2006 21:19:10 GMT
Well done
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Post by cheshire on Mar 27, 2006 22:03:38 GMT
That is great news x
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gail
Senior Member
have 1 daughter and have had this since 30 weeks of pregnancy :( my daughter is 27 months.
Posts: 373
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Post by gail on Apr 1, 2006 18:46:33 GMT
im starting to feel angry again like i did when i was pregnant - i would obsess over something someone had said or done, whether it was yesterday or weeks ago and the more i thought about it the more angry i got. i think im back to that level of 'ante natal' depression if you catch my drift.
my particular anger always seems to be directed.felt towards my stepdad - i dont like him very much anyway and its usually a real struggle to get on with him, i dont like him fundementally because of the way him and my mother got together (an affair which was remarkable and disturbingly soon after his then wife's death from breast cancer, and my mum was still married to my dad. they used to meet up when his wife was still alive too but they promise me that it was 'innocent.
they then ran away for 6 weeks and completely cut themselves offf from everyone including me, leaving me to deal with my dad who was undrestandbly devastated.
anyway my problem is basically this. he (my stepfather - demands my respect of him, when i personallyt think he doesnt deserve any respect from me. calls himself tlws' grandfather - which i did not give him permission t d0 - my own father is her true grandfather as he has earned it and has never behaved in such a deceitful and sly manner, not tp mention the fact that he brought me up.
besides the fact that stpefather has never made it a secret that he doesnt like me, all of a sudden - since tlws has come along hes been as nice as pie to me - i wonder why....
lately he makes me so angry because he simply does not listen to my wishes regarding my daughter, for example, i stress that under no circuymstances should their dog be able to lick thhe babies face - what do i see when i come into the room but the dog by the babies face with my stepfather saying 'aww look he only wants to protect her' when hes nipping at her bloody feet and hands and barking at her non stop. protective behaviour, i think not.
yesterday he walked mud all through the house, i said can you respect my house please? he replied ill respect dylans half but not yours and then touched the baby's face with muddy hands as if to deliberately provoke me. god i CANNOT STAND the man. and my mum treats him like a baby if i say something she 'shushes' me.
this deliberate ignorance of my wishes is making me fed up. im going to have to say something.
the reason i havent before is because ive been so ill - thats when he slipped the grandfather thing in - whn i was too ill to refute it.
he is fundamentally deceitful, sly and arrogant and i do not trust him as far as i could throw him.
any advice?
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gail
Senior Member
have 1 daughter and have had this since 30 weeks of pregnancy :( my daughter is 27 months.
Posts: 373
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Post by gail on Apr 1, 2006 19:35:29 GMT
i must sound so bitter- i am, i remember feeling like this during the last weeks of pregnancy and would get het up about things -particularly him i dont know why as i just used to 'shrug him off' and 'ignore him' the problem is though, whenever i want to see my mum hes always there, lurking around like a bad smell, chipping into our converations (even on the phone ) phoning up while where in town to try to get my mum to 'buy him a pressie' . i gte so angry and my mum does too to be fair -so much that she left her phone home last time we went to town (haha). i just put up with him because if i say anythin i obviously hurt my mums feelings as if i go a long time without moaning about him she assumes i like him and stuff. thats why im letting him think that he can be tlws' grandad, and that tlws can call him grandad, when really i was planning for her just to call him by his first name, or uncle. i feel really strongly that he doesnt deserve to be her grandad, especially when compared to my own father. its like he's swanned in and taken the crown straight away without earning it - and to top it off he doesnt even like me!! but what can i do? i cant retract the 'grandfather' statement, it'd be like giving someone a present and then taking it back -just not right, so i might just leave things to 'keep the peace' for the time being. i dont like trouble and dont think i could handle it at the moment# plus it might just be me being all 'angry' and bitter and twisted as some days i dont mind him being called 'grandad' its just that i get these rages and theyre usually directed towards him and i go over everything hes done or said to me over the years and get soooo angry thinking i should have said that, but i never think to say anything until its too late, or realise that he's said somethiing rude or detrimental when hes gone and think you cheeky 'b*****d, like yesterday is a good example when he said ive only got respect for dyls side of the house, i didnt think about it until it was too late and now i cant stop bloody thinking about the cheek of him. its like hes got no respect for me whatsoever argggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i wish he would develop a rare growth of the mouth which causes the skin to grow rapidly until it covers the mouth and renders the sufferer dumb....yes, that would be great.hmmmmmm ***fantasises about this for a sec****** sorry for the rant i dont usually have so much venom in me. love gail# xx
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Post by francoise on Apr 1, 2006 19:36:45 GMT
hi gail
i can sympathise with the dog thing , and some of the rest actually , but anyway yeah my hubs dad and his gf have a dog , quite a little shitty dog and he nips and licks and hes gross , well when we take leon down there they did let the dog near him and i was getting into such a state over it , so anyway it was mentioned that what if the dog bit him proper u know and they said well it wouldnt be the dogs fault its only a puppy , daz didnt like that so everytime after from then we make sure the dog is put in another room or outside , you have to say something , its your right to , it might be awkward but its the right thing to do everytime hunny , dont worry coz its ure baby and thats the bottom line, i would pick the bab up and not let the guy near her while the dog is there atall , he sounds pretty arrogant , and use his name to the baby , not grandad ,she will listen to u at the end of the day hunny ,you can do this babe and you have ultimate control ill or not
fran xx
fran xxxx
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gail
Senior Member
have 1 daughter and have had this since 30 weeks of pregnancy :( my daughter is 27 months.
Posts: 373
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Post by gail on Apr 3, 2006 20:05:36 GMT
thanks fran - yes i agree this is something i need to build towards doing. i have no confidence in myself and just cant seem to stick up for myself.
anyway, the past couple of days have been good, i think the sun's helped a lot. starting to feel a bit 'off' tonight though but i think that was because i was hungry. had a lovely day out wlking today with d and tlws. for the first time i actually feel feelings of being proud of my baby- instead of being too anxious to even think about anything,
am feeling quite fed up of PNI now. its been nearly six months, i think of the acute stage, where every day has been almost unbearable, but somehow ive managed to get through. - god knows how. ive actually forgotton that its possible to sit quietly and to feel peaceful with everything and content. ive had soem glimmers of that over the past few days.
im just tired of it.
im also sleeping loads and loads at the moment. i could sleep all day if allowed. is it just the body's way of repairing?
i dunno, dont reaaly know how i feel at the moment, just feel as though m in limbo.
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Post by cheshire on Apr 4, 2006 16:48:37 GMT
Hi Gail
I remember having the discussion about sleeping lots after not at all etc. (with YoY0?) I went from complete insomnia and breathlessness to gradually being able to settle for short periods. This eventually changed to sleeping at every opportunity - I barely heard my baby waking at night and hubby had to take over the feeds at night for quite a while. I'd sleep very heavily during the day, given the chance .. I agree with you, I think it was about the body recovering?? How's things? Love HopefulXX
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gail
Senior Member
have 1 daughter and have had this since 30 weeks of pregnancy :( my daughter is 27 months.
Posts: 373
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Post by gail on Apr 4, 2006 20:06:53 GMT
feeling absolutely fine.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
nothing wrong with me, happy finally i know what it feels like to be a mother, completely long may it last xxxx
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