|
Post by cheshire on Jan 4, 2006 18:26:13 GMT
Hi Gail
Just wanted to say Happy New Year and so glad you had a nice time on New Year's Eve
Hopefulxx
|
|
gail
Senior Member
have 1 daughter and have had this since 30 weeks of pregnancy :( my daughter is 27 months.
Posts: 373
|
Post by gail on Jan 7, 2006 19:01:35 GMT
today you feel great. youre getting better and better and there's nothing you can do about it. you realise that this is not a bad thing so you stop panicking. you continue to sip your tea calmly and with a happy glow.
remember yesterday? you applied for teachers training. you contacted your old lecturer at uni, and he has agreed to write a reference for you. you feel like your old self again - keen and enthusiastic. the promise of this new future excites you. you filled in the application forms yesterday so you're nearly there! but you're also thinking a lot of 'what - ifs' - what if you dont get on the course? what if you cant get childcare costs covered for tlws? what if you cant cope with the course's demands?
as you contemplate these annoying 'what-ifs' you come to the conclusion that these are only what ifs - not facts and resolve to ignore them.
your brain is becoming sharper - you can have a conversation and sometimes be quite sharp and (dare i be so immodest?) witty. you can remember things. you can remember how many times tlws woke up last night. you can remember the gist of a conversation you ahd last week with a friend. you have ideas - you can even remember a time when you were completely at peace and you know you will get there again.
but you're also still frightened. you still have some irrational thoughts, but now you know that they are: 'irrational'. you dont think you are going mad anymore. you dont think you are going to die soon anymore. you dont think you are living in a dream anymore. you are tangible, life is 3 dimensional and is beginning to be kind to you.
you have taken control of your illness.
you expect to become well again - in fact, you suspect you will be a better person after this!
you went outside today without fear - in fact you had a skip in your step! you enjoyed a relaxed stroll comletely on your own!
it suddenly is dawning on you that this illness does not last forever! and that very soon, you will be able to enjoy life again.
you are now going to snuggle up with your partner - who loves you unconditionally, and your beautiful daughter who, to just have her in this world, you would go through this a hundred times more..
you smile to yourself and go to your family.
|
|
gail
Senior Member
have 1 daughter and have had this since 30 weeks of pregnancy :( my daughter is 27 months.
Posts: 373
|
Post by gail on Jan 9, 2006 12:27:58 GMT
starting to get up earlier.
ive been wasting my days laying in bed til 1, then by the time i get up it's nearly dark and time for my partner to get in from work. this in itself is depressing as i havent got time to do anything because everything is rushed as were in a race against the clock to do things before it gets dark.
got up at 8:30 this morning and saw my partner off to work.
ive got really sore eyes. dont know whether im allergic to my make up or what, but theyre really bloodshot just after i wake up oh well ho hum.
|
|
|
Post by cheshire on Jan 9, 2006 12:31:57 GMT
Hi Gail
I know just what you mean - I went through a spell of wanting to lie in and lounge around doing nothing - by the time I'd opened the curtains, it was nearly time to close them again! It's been better since I've been getting up early although I HATE IT! I just tell myself - 'oh well, I can lie down later if I need it'
Sounds like things are going forwards for you? Take care, Hopefulxx
|
|
gail
Senior Member
have 1 daughter and have had this since 30 weeks of pregnancy :( my daughter is 27 months.
Posts: 373
|
Post by gail on Jan 9, 2006 15:55:15 GMT
HI hopeful.
happy new year! it's awful having no energy isnt it? i certainly am getting better! getting up at 8.30 has done me the world of good! i've got so much done! and i feel as though im getting a whole day as opposed to just a few hours of madness and then bed again.
you're recovered? well done! looks like 2006 is our year!
love gail xx
|
|
gail
Senior Member
have 1 daughter and have had this since 30 weeks of pregnancy :( my daughter is 27 months.
Posts: 373
|
Post by gail on Jan 10, 2006 18:52:25 GMT
does anyone else feel as though they're looking through mist or fog? like their head is all cloudy?
it's a new symptom i think, ive noticed it today.
other than that, all is well
|
|
gail
Senior Member
have 1 daughter and have had this since 30 weeks of pregnancy :( my daughter is 27 months.
Posts: 373
|
Post by gail on Jan 10, 2006 19:06:49 GMT
cant be that cloudy - just helped my boyf with a moths question and actually understood what i was talking about!
|
|
|
Post by monica on Jan 10, 2006 23:22:23 GMT
Hi
I felt really spaced out, as if I was deep inside myself and my head was heavy and cloudy in the sense I could think straight and it was all fuzzy. Apparently, this is a classic depression symptom. according to my CPN.
Reading through some of your entries, it really seems as if you're making progress, so well done.
Monica
|
|
gail
Senior Member
have 1 daughter and have had this since 30 weeks of pregnancy :( my daughter is 27 months.
Posts: 373
|
Post by gail on Jan 14, 2006 17:50:45 GMT
went out last night with my best friend for the first 'proper' night out. got very merry on the old vino! we had such a laugh! it feels good to slowly become part of the world again. hungover though
|
|
|
Post by cheshire on Jan 14, 2006 18:02:40 GMT
Glad you got the chance to let your hair down Costs us dearly the next day tho' hey??lol!
|
|
gail
Senior Member
have 1 daughter and have had this since 30 weeks of pregnancy :( my daughter is 27 months.
Posts: 373
|
Post by gail on Jan 14, 2006 22:31:44 GMT
yep! i feel like shit! was worth it though!
|
|
gail
Senior Member
have 1 daughter and have had this since 30 weeks of pregnancy :( my daughter is 27 months.
Posts: 373
|
Post by gail on Jan 15, 2006 13:26:56 GMT
i do feel quite paranoid though, like i did something really awful when i was drunk like shown my bum or something. ive been emailing my old professor about my references for teacher training and im paranoid i've emailed him something rude, weird or nasty! I Know i would never do anything like that but im paranoid! when i woke up the next day i had unplugged all the internet connection points! i hope i didnt. i dont think i did...
im being ridiculous! i think im thinking of the worst thing i could possibly have done and imagining that i did it - like a kind of illness.
my professor would probably laugh anyway.
i have decided that i need counselling. im having difficulties coming to terms with what has happened to me. im seeing the psychiatrist next week so ill ask then. the links centre (mental health team) have said i can drop in whenever i want to.
looking back i cant believe what ive been through. its like a nightmare.
|
|
|
Post by cheshire on Jan 15, 2006 14:10:08 GMT
Hi Gail
Paranoia was/ is something that got worse with PNI with me - strange hey?
Sometimes it's almost like you don't trust yourself. I remember the time when I couldn't remember which was real - the dream/ nightmare or my recollections of yesterday. Sometimes had to check with hubby..did I phone so and so ('no') or did I say this ('no')..etc..I had often just dreamt it...but I too had to 'check'...and always made worse if I'd drunk too much.
Anyway, don't be too hard on yourself -and let me know how your application goes for teacher training. This is a field in which I can claim to be an expert, lol!
Hopefulxxx
|
|
gail
Senior Member
have 1 daughter and have had this since 30 weeks of pregnancy :( my daughter is 27 months.
Posts: 373
|
Post by gail on Jan 15, 2006 14:39:59 GMT
ok i think im having a panic attack.
i am going to write this stream of consciousness so i can reflect on this at a later date. so this will be like a journey through my attack.
it is a mild one. the adrelaline has taken over and i feel like i am running a marathon. i am incredibly scared. i feel like something awful is going to happen, but really i know this is not true. i am trying to rationalise this. it doesnt feel as though it has anything to do with my breathing.
it feels as though it will go on forever and this makes the waves of fear more intense. i feel like emptying my bowels. i feel like crying but then i feel good. i feel as though i am in a dream but then i feel incredibly happy what a strange sensation.
you ar not going to die you are not going to die omg whats happening to me? i thought these had astopped. it was the alcohol im sure. i think i overdid it its going to pass. ive got to stare it in the face
these are just sensations. they will pass stpid bloody illnes
|
|
|
Post by cheshire on Jan 15, 2006 15:21:37 GMT
Hi gail
I gotta go now - but has it ended Remember, panic attacks always end lovexx
Let me know how you arex
|
|