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Post by marion on Apr 1, 2006 9:02:57 GMT
Hi Monica - it's nice to have a veg garen - think Mark would like us to be Tom and Barbara from the Good Life!!!!!
Tired today. Chloe woke up a couple of times then I woke up at 5 and couldnt really get back to sleep after that. Had the usuaul - my mind racing and feeling panicky. Feel really crappy - got a driving lesson in a bit but really dont fancy it!
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Post by marion on Apr 1, 2006 19:39:52 GMT
Been a LONG say - felt slightly spacey all day and things have been hard. Chloe's been good though which has helped. Looking forward to bed. Having a sleeping tab tonight to help (hopefully). I always keep lorazapam by the bed too so if I wake up feeling anxious I usually take ahlf a tab which helps me relax a bit so I can sometimes get back to sleep. Still in the spare room because cannot sleep with the monitor as am constantly on edge. Dont think one of my cats is well. Mylowe normally eats like a pig but been off his food a bit today which is not like him. Wondering if he's got something up with his teeth again (he's 9 now and only has his front teeth left!!!!!!) as he's going to food, eating little then losing interest. My 3 cats were alwys v spoilt and were and still are our children. They obviously feel pushed out with Chloe here but I try and spoil them still as much as I can. They always get a fridy night treat of something nice but last night Mylowe didnt eaven eat all his chicken so I know somethings up! Will see what he's like tomorrow and may take him to the vet. He's permanently on heart tabs as he has breathng problemsn and everytime he's a little unwell (he coughs a bit) I panic that this is it! He;s been through a lot with me and I wold be devasted if anything happened. Anyway. Time for a glass of wine!
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Post by cheshire on Apr 1, 2006 21:49:50 GMT
Hi Marion,
I hope you enjoy your glass of wine and get some sleep at least. How is Mylowe? I am very much a cat person - had a siamese & tom cat before I met my hubby. They were my life! Unfortunately hubby is very allergic, so the proposal of marraige was hard - him or the cats??!!Him obviously, but I miss my lovely cats soooo much. Although they are now with friends and I still get pictures sent to my mobile, lol...!. You must think I'm bonkers, but I am when it comes to cats!
Hope little Mylowe is ok.
HopefulXX
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Post by marion on Apr 2, 2006 9:19:51 GMT
Hi Hopeful, Mylowe seems a little brighter this morning - he ate all his breakfast which is a good sign. That must have been very hard to chose like that - I must admit it would have been a tough call.......LOL! I have 3 cats, Mylowe is a big fat black moggy, Madeline who is a tabby and white and is alos 9 and Monica who is a little black and white cat who is 5 and has 6 'fingers' on each of there paws!
Feel okish today although I could cry very easily. Looked at the calender today - it's only about a week until the PMT is due - scary thoguht. KNow I've only got a little time left until I feel like complete crap again. Slept better with the sleeping tablet - woke up once at 3am hen CHloe had a stir but other than that slept through till 6ish. Nearly out of my tablets so muct make a dr's appointment this week. Hate going to the dr's. They wont give me a repeat prescription for my tablets so I have to go and see one of them each month which I hate - have seen the same one for the last couple of months who's a bit uselesss- dont think he really knows what I'm on - just asks me which ones I need and he does me a prescription. Never asks me how I'm getting on. Suppose they're very busy these days and rush people through what with all these targets and stuff. Feel a bit fidgety today - want to do someting but dont really know what. Seeing my CPN again tomorrow which makes me feel anxious - I always feel unwell after I've seen him.
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Post by marion on Apr 2, 2006 14:28:51 GMT
Dont feel well. Have had to change the date of my driving test and it's made me really upset as dont know if I will be bad when I've had to change it to. Got all anxious and tense and felt like hitting my head againt wall and hurting myself. Feel bad. Day was going so well and now it's ruined again
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Post by cheshire on Apr 2, 2006 15:34:47 GMT
Hi Marion
Hope things pick up for you. Your cats sound gorgeous by the way.. Love Hopefulx
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Post by marion on Apr 2, 2006 16:44:15 GMT
They are lovely. Altough can be very naughty too! Been good with CHloe though. Mylowe definately seems better - scoffed his tea down! Feel a bit better now. Calmed down a bit - must stop letting things upset me. Didnt need to get all worked up bout test dates but hate that I cant plan things properly as dont know when PMT will hit as not really sure of cycle dates. Want to give myself the best chance poss - Mark says it doesnt matter if I dont pass but I dont like failing at things and what's the point of paying £45 (expensive!!!!) if I dont have the same chance to start with as everyone else as I dont feel well. Rant over!
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Post by marion on Apr 3, 2006 10:27:54 GMT
Dont feel too good today - very spacey and grainy - things are hard. Found it very hard to wake this morning which I put down to the sleep tab - used herbal stuff last night (Kalms) as dont really like using proper sleep tablets. Chloe slept right through till 5.55 then woke for a sip of water and went back to sleep till 7.35 - I slept from 10:45 till 5.55 then dosed till 7.30 which was great! Perhaps it is the Kalms making me feel like this but it wont shift and I have anxiety too. CPN coming later which always makes me feel bad- know it sholdnt but it does. Feel shakey and like I'm on the edge of panic attacks today. Went to baby group and found it hard to speak to anyone - I have a slight stammer which always gets a lot worse if I'm tired or not feeling bad. I get very embarressed about it (going red just writing bout it on here!!!!!!) and if I kow I'm likeley to stammer (like today) then I find easier just not to speak - people must think I'm rude sometimes as I dont join in conversations and just stand there but I feel so silly. Anyway - things to do! Like to have the house tiday before the CPN comes but not too tidy as dont want him thinking I'm obssessed bout tidying - my dad had OCD and he keeps asking if I have any OCD symptoms.
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hannah457
Senior Member
i have 4 children. brandon,angel , peter, leland .
Posts: 453
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Post by hannah457 on Apr 3, 2006 14:11:31 GMT
hi marion. sorry not spoke to you in the last few days, not really had a good time. had a bad reation to some of my tabs so been unwell. anyway hows you? hope your feeling ok
thinking of you love hannah xx
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Post by marion on Apr 3, 2006 14:18:02 GMT
Hi Hannah I'm ok ish - read your posts - sorry you've had it rough these last few days - really hope you're feelng a little better. Seen my CPN - he thinks I need a higher dose of anit d's and some other tablets to help with my anxiety called cirtapine or something (didnt really catch what he said as was feelng too anxious!) - have put a post on this in the support for PND section called Not Feeling Good.
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hannah457
Senior Member
i have 4 children. brandon,angel , peter, leland .
Posts: 453
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Post by hannah457 on Apr 3, 2006 14:28:19 GMT
hi Marion. sorry to hear your not feeling to good today. when I'm feeling sicky i have a arrowroot biscuit there good for upset tummy or for just feeling sick. i found them useful with my morning sickness when i was pregnant and i also eat them now when i have a really sicky feeling day.
love Hannah xx
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Post by marion on Apr 3, 2006 19:49:53 GMT
Feeling a little better this eveing. Really bad stress headache after today though. Really worried bout my appointment with my psych - why does my CPN want to be there? I have been so open with him and he's seen me on some pretty bad days that I';m worried what he's going to say. He knows what I've been doing lately and I dont want him to tell dr - will think I'm getting worse again. CPN also told me that it's not a good idea to drink whilst on these tablets as the alcohol makes the sedative effect of the mirtazapine last longer into the next day. Dont know what to do as I really enjoy my glass of wine of an evening. Will think about it tomorrow when my heads less foggy.
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Post by marion on Apr 4, 2006 7:19:56 GMT
Not feeling too good today again - the anxiety is building up and I've had a lorazapam already. Last night I was stupid - cut my arm and Mark caught me - thought he would be so angry with me but he wasnt. He asked if the other cut on my arm was me too and I confessed that it was. Feel really ashamed. Dont even know why I did it - sore this morning but I feel like I deserve it. Slept quite well though. Feel that today is going to be another long one. Can take lorazapam as and when I feel like I need it soo will be doing that today to try adn get through it. Mark says I should ring my CPN but dont want to tell him I'm bad again. May ring him tomorrow if I feel I'm worse but what can he do? Wont make it go away.
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Post by marion on Apr 4, 2006 14:33:43 GMT
I phoned my CPN this morning and said what I'd done and asked if there was any way he could bring my dr app forward as thought the sooner I started on the higher dose the better. He said wold try and get me an app for thurs.
My friend came over early afternoon - didnt tell her all of what had happened and it was nice to talkabout other things other than myself. Feel I've been so self centred lately - it's all me me me.
CPN came round unannounced to see how I was doing. Showed him my arm and he asked me why I did it - dont really have any answers. Just made me feel better. Felt really uncomfortable talking - felt like I'd just made another fuss over nothing and I was stupid.. He said that he didnt think it was my anxiety that was primarily the problem, more my depression. He asked me when I'd had a good day - could remembr one last week but said that even my good days werent really good. Good for me at the moment is that I'm not really spacey and dont feel suicidal - can do things easily whereas when I'm bad I feel miserable/spacey etc. He is trying to arrange an emergency app for me with my dr on thurs where they will discuss upping my meds and getting me some chlorpromazine to hep with anxiety. Told him about my fear that he would think I was an unfit mother and try and take Chloe away and he said that if he had any concerns he would discuss them with me first and then we'd talk about what action was neccessary but that he didnt think that at the moment. So that put my mind at rest a bit.
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Post by monica on Apr 4, 2006 15:56:58 GMT
Hi Marion
Don't feel bad about contacting the CPN that's what they're there for - to support you when you need it. It's good your hubby is understanding and supporting you. The fear your child will be taken away from you is very common and glad your cpn puit your mind at ease. Hope you feel better soon.
Love
Monica
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