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Post by susanneb1984 on Apr 4, 2006 16:02:41 GMT
Hiya Marion,
How are you feeling today? I'm glad your CPN came to see you, it's nice to find someone has good support around them. I am a recovered self harmer, although not due to my pni, but the abuse from my teens. How do you feel now?
You don't deserve any pain hunni, none of us deserve this, please don't feel stupid about anything.
I hope today is going a bit better. Susanne xxx
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Post by cheshire on Apr 4, 2006 16:12:12 GMT
Hi Marion,
I've been following your posts today and thinking of you. I do remember spells of feeling quite like this too..and it can be awful. But you will get through it, you will beat this illness..
I was also worried about my child being taken from me, and as Monica says this is a common concern.
But I did just write to let you know that I'm thinking of you and that although our experiences of PNI are probably different in many ways, there are some things you write that remind me of how I felt... Just remember it does & will get betterxxx
Lots of love HopefulXXXXX
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Post by marion on Apr 4, 2006 16:28:00 GMT
Thanks everyone. Just feel so awlful like I should just grow up. Feel down, sick and spacey - cant eat today but I know my husband is coming soon home so I'll have to. Just dont feel I've made any prgress really since I came out of hospital. Had my periods which I call good days where I've coped but still have the worst down parts ever. So sick of it. The CPN asked me when I'd felt happy - couldnt really remember. Had the odd moment where Chloe's made me laugh - my husband says it's like I;ve had a sense of humor by pass. Remember being on maternity leave before I had CHloe and I think there were times in the first few weeks after I'd had her where I'd think life is wonderful - I would look outside and feel excited about htings and the day. Not anymore. Chle makes me happy - she nearly crawled last night (the camera came out!!!!!!!) but it only lasts a few seconds and then things go bakc to how they are for me most o the time. Bearable enough to cope with but no fun. Sick of just coping. Want to live my life and enjoy my lovely daughter. Hate just coping. Crying now.
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hannah457
Senior Member
i have 4 children. brandon,angel , peter, leland .
Posts: 453
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Post by hannah457 on Apr 4, 2006 17:46:44 GMT
hi Marion. your really going through it at the moment. my heart goes out to you. i know its all hard at the moment hunni but it will get better. thinking alot about you. it you need to talk or rant then pm me
sending big hugs love Hannah xx
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Post by marion on Apr 4, 2006 19:03:15 GMT
Thanks Hannah. Alright really. Keep thinking about what the CPN said - they wouldnt ever take a child away unless things were been done infront of it. I have been so careful to not even cry infront of Chloe as it's not fair on her. I save all my tears up until Mark is home then go off on my own for a bit if I need too. Dont feel like it will get better at the moment - feel that this is normal now to feel like this all the time and I have to just struggle on like this for ever. Dont really know what normal is anymore.
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Post by marion on Apr 5, 2006 7:20:44 GMT
Selpt well last night which was good but feel bad again today. As usaul things are spcacy, I feel really down and the anxiety has started already and it's only 8.15!!!!!! Feel sick again. Moan moan moan - it's all I ever do these days. Think I will have a good cry when Chloe goes down for her nap at about 10. Want to cry now but wont infront of her.
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Post by cheshire on Apr 5, 2006 7:55:48 GMT
Hi Marion, You're not moaning - I understand what it's like to feel anxious the minute you get up and it is horrible. But the day will hopefully, slowly improve for you.. It's just my opinion, but if crying releases some frustration and it helps, then I personally don't see the harm? Maybe I am speaking out of turn, but I can tell you that I cried an awful lot in front of my children with PNI and not only that, panicked, screamed and shouted... But my daughter is a well adjusted child and my son, a very happy chappy. So don't be too hard on yourself I'm sending you a HUGE hugxx Love HopefulXX
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Post by marion on Apr 5, 2006 9:13:04 GMT
Thanks Hopeful. Had a little cry but not really helped. Cant really see properly today and everything feels like it's taking a few seconds to catch up if you know what I mean. Doing too muchthinking again but have expaded more in the other section.
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Post by marion on Apr 5, 2006 12:19:57 GMT
MArk is coming home earlier from work (about 4.30) becasue I cant do it anymore today. I cant stop crying and feel solethargic - just want to sleep.
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Post by susanneb1984 on Apr 5, 2006 12:22:00 GMT
Hiya Marion,
How are you feeling now? Have you calmed down a bit?
Susanne xxx
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Post by marion on Apr 5, 2006 12:36:46 GMT
Hi Susanne Anxiety is still lurking but it's how miserable I feel that is the problem. Bad head too and just want to sleep. This is the worst I've felt in a very long time.
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Post by susanneb1984 on Apr 5, 2006 12:39:45 GMT
Is there anyway Mark could look after Chloe for a while, while you get some sleep?
Susanne xxx
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Post by marion on Apr 5, 2006 12:43:27 GMT
He would do I know but dont think it will help. Slept loads last night. Just cant wake up. Dreading tomorrow. Seem to be getting worse each day and dont know what I will do to cope tomorrow
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Post by susanneb1984 on Apr 5, 2006 12:44:36 GMT
Do you have a good HV you could call? Or maybe go to the docs regarding meds?
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Post by marion on Apr 5, 2006 12:50:16 GMT
Am seeing my psych dr at 3 tomorrow afternoon as my CPN thinks my anti d's need upping - is also recommending chlorpromazine for my anxiety but I have had my tabs upped before and I'm still feeling just as bad as I did at the start of all this. Am thinking it will never go. As I said, each day is worse than the last one and Idont know how I can cope anymore. I'm scared to tell people how hard I'm finding it to cope this week as Idont want Chloe taken away. Mark says that would never happen as he would give upwork first or his mum would come and stay before he allowed that to happen. I thought I'd reached rock bottom in hospital but I didnt have the miserable side of it then - now I'm am siking deeper than rock bottom and it's not going. All I hear is that it's early days and it will get better but I've had sypmtoms sice last Nov and I feel I'm getting worse.
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