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Post by sianyc on Aug 14, 2006 21:20:02 GMT
I've been thinking of starting this diary for a few weeks now and finally got the motivation to try it out today. We're on holiday in Scotland, staying with Gary's sister, brother in law and the brood. Today my mother in law and sister in law looked after my two and Gary and I got the whole day out together. It was lush. 8 whole hours. Lunch and then walk around Loch Lomond and then a drive up towards Oban. It was a bit awkward at first - getting used to it just being us again and not having to go around feeding and toilet trips I could actually feel myself relaxing. I haven't felt this normal in ages We chatted and joked about, taking photos and just sitting looking at the scenery. It reminded me how we used to be before all this started and that was good for both of us I think. I need to read this on my next bad day!!! ;D ;D ;D
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Post by sianyc on Aug 15, 2006 9:26:48 GMT
my nephews ARE SERIOUSLY DOING MY HEAD IN.
I could bloody scream and probably will before too long. Thank god they go back to school tomorrow and i get some peace and quiet
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Post by sianyc on Aug 15, 2006 9:36:40 GMT
currently trying breathing exercises to calm myself down and block out the annoyance. I've always had a bit of a temper but it used to take so much for me to lose it. Now I can just snap and shout and scream depending on how my head is that morning. does anyone just feel themselves getting more and more wound up. It feels like my insides are getting tighter and I'm boiling over with rage.
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Post by chica on Aug 15, 2006 9:42:48 GMT
Hi Siany, It sounds like yesterday was bliss, I know what you mean when you say it felt awkward just the two of you again, it feels like you have lost something. It takes me ages for me to realise that I can just relax and not have to have my eyes and ears going all the time. Not that it happens a lot, but when it does it is wonderful. I miss being me instead of mum all the time. Mind you saying that I am not sure if I have got my old self back again yet, but I live in hope. Anyway I just wanted to say hello, and as you say look back at yesterday, when you have a bad day, it really does help. Hope today calms down a bit. You can always scream on here. Thinking of you Chica
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Post by chica on Aug 15, 2006 9:50:28 GMT
Just read your latest post, yes I feel like that a lot of the time, I refer it to feeling like a coiled up spring!! I too try the breathing and or walk away, locking the bathroom door is a good one too. It gives you a few minutes to try and get your head back together. Sometimes I just need a few minutes space. Not easy I know with little ones, but it is important. How old is your little one? I have twins who will be 6 in October, it is getting easier in some senses as they are more independent, but maybe in another way more demanding as they can now tell me they are bored, rather than me having to guess what is wrong with them. Mine have been on their summer holidays since 20th June and they do not go back until 11th September and believe you me they are really getting bored now. Anyway enough of me, dont want to hog your diary. Good luck today, keep breathing ;D Chica
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Post by sianyc on Aug 15, 2006 19:49:25 GMT
much calmer now - stuffing myself with a mint magnum - yum
Bloody mother in law driving me insane also. having a pop because of my mood today and because I told my nephew off for throwing rubbish on the grass in the park. Apparently he is now terrified of me. Load of rubbish really but she knows just how to get under my skin. For someone who has had PNI herself she seems to have no problem about ignoring mine.
God I'm ranting on today. This diary idea is fab for me. It's letting me 'scream' instead of holding it all in and then exploding at someone who doesn't even deserve it
Thank you Chica for your replies this morning. The bathroom thingy will definately come in handy when I want to hide from the little ones. I've got 2 girls, 1 is nearly 3 and the other is 10 months.
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Post by chica on Aug 15, 2006 20:44:31 GMT
Glad to be of help. You have made my tummy rumble talking of mint magnums. I live abroad, and occassionally I get hold of cadburys dairy milk. OOh now I have the munchies coming on. Hang on in there, I quite often have my mother in law come to stay, and although we get on really well, she is now in her 80's and definately in the generation of "you just had to get on with it in my days". So I know how you feel. I love having her here as she is company but I do tend to have to wear a mask of everything is fine. So when she goes home I do tend to breathe a little sigh of relief. Anyway hope you are having a better evening and who knows what tomorrow may hold for all of us. Take care of yourself. Keep talking as that is also a great help. The girls on here are terrific. I no longer feel like I am on my own, and there are people who understand. Hope you have a great day tomorrow. Go for a nice long walk for me. Chica
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Post by sianyc on Aug 17, 2006 10:14:55 GMT
Had a big argument with Gary yesterday. I got up with the kids in the morning and was so wrecked that I went back to bed at 9 with the baby. G had a real strop about it and it just all escalated from there. I stormed off and bought cigarettes at the shop I gave up smoking ages ago We talked when i got back from stomping around. What my mother in law said about me has really been playing on my mind and G always gets the backlash. She never thinks about anyone else's feelings. It's always about her and what she wants/thinks/feels. I can't say this to G of course. I did tell him she focuses and anything I do that she doesn't like and ignores nice things I do (mother in laws for you I suppose!) I hate being this over sensitive and obsessive. It's just not me. Things used to go right over my head or I'd just tell someone if I was offended by what they had said/done. Right - that's enough of another rant. My sister in law babysat last night and me and G went to the cinema. I don't think we've spent this much time alone togther since baby was born 10 months ago, That's probably why we argued I feel more up today. A little shaky and detached but actually looking forward to going out. We're going shopping for some new shoes for my almost 3 three year old. She loves shoes so it's very entertaining going shoe shopping with her. Hope everyone is ok
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Post by chica on Aug 18, 2006 7:58:17 GMT
Hi there, How did the shopping trip go? When I take mine for new shoes it takes forever, they want to try every shoe in the shop on. I will be having to do the same soon. They are growing so fast. My kids love my shoes!! They are always grabbing them from the shoe box, they call them my clippy clops because they make a noise. Bit worried about the boy thoughLOL. He looks quite good in stilletoes, caught him in my make up bag the other day as well, OOPs, daddy is getting quite concerned but I told him its normal (I hope). Have a good day today, Chica
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Post by sianyc on Aug 18, 2006 9:37:27 GMT
Had quite a good afternoon shopping. We just shoe and toy shopped for 3 hours. Had to bribe Caitlin with a lollipop when it came to having the shoes I wanted for her - she wanted purple trainers and I wanted cute little blue shoes. Aah bribery it's a wonderful thing.
Lol about the heels Chica. My cousin used to do that and put his mother's underwear and make up on. My uncle had some concerns to say the least ;D He is now a 16 year old gym freak with a girlfriend so I wouldn't worry ;D
Soft play this afternoon and a safari park tomorrow so I should have a good few days with the kids exhausted by the end of it.
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Post by chica on Aug 18, 2006 19:23:11 GMT
I too love bribery, terrible isn't it but it sure does work, especially around birthday and Christmas time. I never have such well behaved kids until then. LOL Glad to hear about your nephew, I will pass it on to hubby, I am sure he will be relieved. Good luck at the safari park, we took ours to one of those last year and they loved it. Mind you I did threaten to leave them with the monkeys. There was one section that we could go into and feed these pigmy goats, they thought it was hysterical how they were all jumping up at us. Mummy and Daddy had the food luckily as they were greedy little devils, one even kept head butting me as if to say hello I am down here. I nearly lost my shorts as well, where they were climbing up my leg to get at the pot. The kids were wetting themselves so I guess the bruises were worth it. So I hope you have a great time, and I quite agree with you about wearing the little darlings out, it leads to hope that you may even get a lie in, or a peaceful night. Ha Ha. Love and hugs Chica
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Post by sianyc on Aug 19, 2006 19:39:32 GMT
Had another good day today. The safari park was fab and my 2 had a great time. This morning was a bit touch and go but as soon as we left the house I started to relax and look forward to the day The mob are fast asleep now and our big fat curry is just arriving mmmmmmmm Last night of our holiday
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Post by chica on Aug 19, 2006 19:45:18 GMT
Really glad you had a great day. It certainly makes things seem brighter. I know it is chaos before you go, making sure you have got everything including the kitchen sink LOL. But I agree once you are out the effort seems worth it. My kids have just got back out of bed again I can hear them, but blow it let daddy cope for once!!! Chica
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kl77
Senior Member
Posts: 343
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Post by kl77 on Aug 19, 2006 20:03:31 GMT
Hope you enjoy you're well deserved curry Happy that you had a, mostly, smiley day! Bring on the X factor! LOL KL x
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Post by sianyc on Aug 21, 2006 20:09:51 GMT
I can't figure out whether the increase in my anti-d's is working or not. I feel more level mood wise but other things are getting worse. I'm tense and anxious and my mind is racing for quite a lot of the day. I am still having mood swings but they are not as often or as severe as they were. My appetite has been going again too. It feels strange to be more 'up' than I have been for a while but yet not even close to being myself. I have to go back to the doctor this week though so I guess I'll talk it over with her. I find it hard to open up to her (to anyone if I'm honest) and although I think counselling could help, I can't bring myself to ask for it. It's on the tip of my tongue and I chicken out cos I can't wait to get out of there I had work today. Not a very productive day but it was fairly relaxing and I didn't have to think as a mother for 9 hours so at least that was good
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