|
Post by sianyc on Sept 9, 2006 7:36:48 GMT
I've had a couple of off days. Wednesday and Thursday were really stressful. It's not that anything was different to a normal week, but I felt like I could scream or cry at the slightest thing. At least this month I knew that it was PMT hormones though which made it slightly easier to cope with
I shouted at Caitlin a bit and she told me that shouting made her sad - talk about guilt trip and she's not even 3 yet! The positive thing is that I would have been very upset at that comment a few months ago but I said sorry to her for shouting and escaped to the bathroom to count to ten (or 1000)whenever they drove me mad for the rest of the day.
I hate that small blips feel like the end of the world when I've had such a run of good days.
Since finding this site I've opened up a lot more about how I feel, not just online but with a few friends and G. Also my sisters and mum have more of an idea how I'm feeling and have been a lot more helpful as a result. I love having this diary and somewhere to come to chat and moan and help if I can!
Me and G are off out again tonight. My cousin is babysitting and we're going for a proper night out in Cardiff with a group of friends. I'm not very good with alcohol because of the PNI (I get very down the next day) so I'll probably stick to diet coke and just a couple of vodkas ;D
Best of intentions but it probably won't last when I'm actually out and the smirnoff is beckoning
|
|
kl77
Senior Member
Posts: 343
|
Post by kl77 on Sept 10, 2006 19:57:23 GMT
Hi Sian
Sorry to hear you've had some off days bit at least they're related to pmt.
I know how you feel when you've had some good days. I always feel like if I've had good days the bad will 'get me back' ten fold. The thing is they generally do!
Hope you had a good night and didn't spend to much time with the dreaded Smirnoff!!!!
Take care
Love KL X
|
|
|
Post by sianyc on Sept 13, 2006 7:06:54 GMT
I've had 2 really busy days where I've had to travel to the tutorials. It's usually one day a week and the 2 have wiped me out. Today is not shaping up to be at all good. The one saving grace is that my sister is home from Germany with her boyfriend for a couple of weeks so at least I have someone here with me Caitlin has not closed her mouth for one second since they both got up at 6.45 (a lie-in in my house - arrggh) She's tried to pick the baby up, dragged her by her ankles across the kitchen and taken countless toys off her. About to lose the plot
|
|
|
Post by Veritee on Sept 13, 2006 7:23:51 GMT
Dear Sian
I thought I would say hello on your diary as you are new to the site since I had a break over the summer.
I am so glad you find the site and this diary section useful. When I was ill their was no Internet but I had a counselor from the APNI who rang weekly - but she also said to keep a journal of how I felt .
For me this was handwritten in a little pink notebook - that I still have - but it was still just so useful as a way of offloading.
When I read it now so much it is just a good moan and negative but thats what it was for - being able to moan was what it was all about and it did help me work out a pattern to how I was feeling.
but being someone who often need to talk things over with others to get a perspective on things what I found really useful was to send my support volunteer bits of the dairy a=or read them out to her on the phone
Sometimes she would give me feedback, but quite often it was the very act of just knowing it had been heard and not judged as at the time I felt like no one was hearing me at all and if I was heard I was unhelpfully judged
that was the helpful bit and I suppose thats what I wanted to cerate with this diary section.
Not just a personal dairy hidden in a draw but a place where you know that it is read and understood by others - and especially others who know what you are talking about - and you are not judged.
From your feedback I think that at least some of this works for you currently and it really helps us to carry this site and forum on to hear this - that women who use the forum find it useful
Thank you
Veritee
your feedbak helps us too
|
|
|
Post by chica on Sept 13, 2006 9:30:49 GMT
Hi Siany, So sorry to hear your day has not been good so far, mine to has been a nightmare, maybe it has something to do with being the 13th of the month . Caitlin sounds just like my little boy, from the moment he opens his eyes, it is hit the ground running, he just does not stop. But who knows this afternoon things may all calm down a little bit, (fingers crossed) or else we will be both loosing the plot together. Never mind only another about another 10 hours till bedtime. Chica
|
|
kl77
Senior Member
Posts: 343
|
Post by kl77 on Sept 14, 2006 12:34:34 GMT
Hi Sian
Just wondering how the rest of yesterday went for you and if today is any better?
It must be lovely having your sister around, does it make Caitlin show off though?
Take care x
|
|
|
Post by sianyc on Sept 17, 2006 8:54:11 GMT
I've missed this site over the last few days. We've all been busy as my sister is here and I haven't had much time to do what I usually do. Caitlin has been showing off terribly. As I've said in other posts, she's generally a bit of a nutter anyway but having people stay in the house makes her a real attention seeker. She's had about 6 tantrums since Tuesday - proper screaming and shouting and crying where she can't remember what she's angry about As a result I've been stressed out and barely holding it together. I hid in the back yard for 20 minutes one evening as I thought I was going to explode at her. It seems when she's good and sweet and a pleasure to spend time with then I'm fine. When she's naughty my head goes and my mood plummets. We've had a day or so to ourselves as my sister was spending some time with our Dad. Caitlin has been so much better behaved since then and I've been ok because of that. As well as badly behaved little monsters, I have an exam in 3 weeks - eek. Rather not think about that right now though
|
|
kl77
Senior Member
Posts: 343
|
Post by kl77 on Sept 17, 2006 18:50:54 GMT
Hi Sian
You've been missed on here too x
Well done for holding things together in a really stressful time, even if it was 'barely' together.
I think we are very much governed by their moods, which I suppose makes sense. We spend so much time with them and feel so much that they feel.
Take care and happy studying
KL X
|
|
|
Post by sianyc on Sept 17, 2006 19:00:05 GMT
We went to G's brother and wife for Sunday lunch today. It was really nice - just lazing this morning and then having a gorgeous lunch with no cooking and no washing up. We then went to buy Caitlin's party things and a food shop in Tesco. Spent a fortune cos there were loads of cute clothes and Disney Princess plates and cups etc cost loads! My eldest will be 3 next Sunday and I've booked a soft play party. I've delegated the cooking to everyone else and I'm in charge of party bags ;D I cannot believe she's that old. I can remember her as a baby like it yesterday and now she answers me back The little one will be 1 next month too. Scary scary Had a generally good day, busy but satisfying. I feel like I've achieved something.
|
|
|
Post by sianyc on Sept 20, 2006 8:44:11 GMT
I had a mock exam yesterday and had 30% - oops. That'll teach me not to do any revision. Still I've got 3 weeks until the real thing. I have to go away on a residential course next week. I'm away Monday to Friday. I can't decide if I'm dreading it or looking forward to it. I'm scared of missing the girld and G loads but then also looking forward to 4 whole nights of sleep mmmmmmmmm
I've been a bit flat this week, not really down but not up either. Sort of a boring middle ground between the 2. A vast improvement of mood swings but not me. Going to go and lie in a bubble bath and let my sister entertain the monsters. My mother tells me it's revenge for what my sister was like as a small child
|
|
kl77
Senior Member
Posts: 343
|
Post by kl77 on Sept 20, 2006 18:53:16 GMT
Hi Sian
4 full night's sleep - lucky lucky you!
Hope you enjoyed the bubble bath and enjoy the cinema tonight x
Is the residential course far away? I bet it will be very intense, at least it gives you chance to do some revision too x
Hope to speak soon, take good care
KL X
|
|
|
Post by sianyc on Sept 23, 2006 16:58:18 GMT
I had an argument with my sister on Thursday cos she hadn't done anything in the house during her stay. I was on the verge of a meltdown and she got the brunt of it basically. She has helped out - mainly with the kids but not with the cleaning. I should have seen it coming really. So far my meltdowns have all been preceded by an obsession with cleaning and I go off on one when it all gets on top of me. I marched out of the house with the 2 kids as my mum was also there and started having a go at me for making my sister cry. I opened up to her when I got back and explained how I have good and bad days and meltdowns! She has been amazing since, encouraging me to talk to her and even having a chat with my mother about how I was and how I needed more help from her. Mum is now in Greece for 2 weeks though so I feel a bit like I've put a dampener on their holiday. It's Caitlin's party tomorrow. I have become the Queen of delegation and ready cooked party food. I have all the biscuits and cakes which need opening and arranging on a plate. My other sister has all the cooking and jellies - he he he he he. Caitlin is massively excited and is telling random people in the street that she's three tomorrow and is having a party with a bouncy castle. I'm a bit stressed today. It's all my own fault which is annoying. I have to go away tomorrow evening until Friday evening. I feel guilty about leaving the girls and Gary to cope without me. Because of this, I've made meals for the freezer for the girls and scrubbed the house. I was knackered by 11 o clock. The good thing was that my sister had the girls while I cleaned so that wasn't so bad and then she did my ironing. I don't think I'm going to let her go home on Monday I did sit on my bum all afternoon at my dad's and let everyone else run around though . I couldn't bear the thought of being in the house for hours before Gary came home from work so I went through the car wash and them let Caitlin loose with the duster and hoover nozzle on the inside. She's now wrecked and barely awake while glued to Madagascar. Child labour - clearly the way forward ;D I probably won't get chance to come on here before I get back from my course I rely on this site a fair bit and will really miss 'seeing' everyone. God I'm not looking forward to being away for that long.
|
|
kl77
Senior Member
Posts: 343
|
Post by kl77 on Sept 23, 2006 19:53:19 GMT
Hi Sian
Good luck with the party and your course.
Make the most of it and get some uninterrupted rest!
Your mini meltdown may have helped your situation, allowing your family more insight and resulting in you getting more support.
Will miss you - looking forward to hearing about your week, take care
KL X
|
|
|
Post by chica on Sept 24, 2006 14:23:12 GMT
Just wishing you all the very best, for next week, I will be thinking of you. Hope your party goes with a swing, bouncy castles I have to admit work wonders for my two, they end up completely exhausted, mind you so do mum and dad but it is worth it when you see their faces, mind you when it is time for the big deflate get ready for loads of tears . We always make a thing of daddy bouncing on it just at the last minute and because he is so big he must have popped it ;D. I have been offline for a while myself now as we lost the internet connection again, so I know what you mean when you say you will miss it, you never know maybe where you are staying will have internet access. I will keep my fingers crossed. Take care Chica
|
|
|
Post by sianyc on Oct 1, 2006 19:34:58 GMT
Caitlin's birthday party was a huge success. She had a blast and I had loads of helpers! There were no arguments or tears and everyone seemed to have a great time. It was also the day that my sister travelled back to Germany though I really miss her. I confided in her a lot while she was home and she was fab at getting me to open up. I can obviously still telk to her loads on the phone but It's not quite the same. My course was surprisingly ok. I feel like I learned things every day and I had a real break from being Mummy. I missed the girls but not really as much as I thought I should. I quite enjoyed being away and having time to myself. I feel a bit guilty about this especially as my coming home has coincided with a bit of PMT. I had a lovely day with them yesterday though and enjoyed the whole day. Is it bad that I liked the break? It was mine and Gary's 4th wedding anniversary yesterday. My middle sister babysat and we went out for a gorgeous meal. Loads of fresh fish for me and Gary stuck to chicken as usual! We were having a drink before the meal and we were chatting about how he proposed to me by taking my ring off ( I had always worn a pretty silver ring on that fingercos I like the ring!) and putting on the engagement one he had chosen. Out of nowhere he priduced an eternity ring - stunning by the way and without any help ;D I've been smiley all day just thinking about it. It's a size too small so we have to go to the jewellers tomorrow to get the next size up gonna catch up with the rest of the forum now ;D ;D ;D
|
|