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Post by winegirl on Nov 17, 2006 12:32:47 GMT
Hi KL
Just a quick post to say I am really happy for you that your counselling went well. I hope it continues this way! I too find i feel pretty crap when i analyse things to much so try sometimes to just `go with the flow' a bit.
Hope today has been good for you so far
Winegirl x
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Post by chica on Nov 17, 2006 20:00:59 GMT
Hi KL, Just wanted to say hello, I have managed to grab another crafty half hour, ma in law is watching corrie and the kids have gone to bed. Well done on your counselling session, I so know how you feel when you said about worrying about telling people you love how you are really feeling in case it upsets them. I am forever walking on eternal egg shells for just the same reason. Then all of a sudden I will have a blow up over something and they look at me as if to say "why didnt you tell me before" so then I feel guilty for not saying anything in the first place! One day I will win the battle.
As for little ones routine, believe you me I swore by mine, it was one of my only true godsends. None of my familly could understand how rigid I was on keeping to it, but I knew what hell I would go through if I didn't. So if whatever you are doing is working for you and the little one, to hell with everyone else.
So hang on in there!!!
Love and Hugs Chica
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kl77
Senior Member
Posts: 343
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Post by kl77 on Nov 19, 2006 8:33:59 GMT
Thanks LA, Winegirl and Chica
I'm quite looking forward to my next counselling session on Tuesday but after that I don't know if I'll be able to go due to child care issues.
Had a good few days, done more Christmas shopping and only a couple left to get!
Me and P went out for a meal last night for the first time in ages which was lovely. Went with my brother and sister in law so it was really nice to spend time with them. Grandma and Grandad babysat, I love the way the little man reacts to my mum and dad. Normal routine is bedtime bottle at about half 6 and down for 7. Last night he was downstairs at 6.45 on grandad's knee, laughing his head off! An absolutely gorgeous sound!
Going to Grandma and Grandad's this am because my dad works away and is setting off at lunch time. P is going for a cuppa at his mum's - lucky lucky P!!!
Hope everyone is ok x
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Post by winegirl on Nov 19, 2006 10:18:21 GMT
Hi KL
Glad you had a nice time last night! Wish I could feel like going out for a meal! Hope you have a nice morning at Grandparents.
Winegirl x
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Post by sianyc on Nov 20, 2006 22:30:35 GMT
Hey you Glad counselling is going well for you. Been without the internet for a couple of weeks so have hd to catch up a bit tonight.
Back on tomorrow if you're around
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Post by chica on Nov 22, 2006 17:45:52 GMT
Hi KL, Crikey I havent even started to think about Christmas shopping yet, you are good. I will probably be tearing around at the last minute again as per usual. I always have the best of intentions, to get things all sorted, but somehow time always seems to run away from me. Glad you enjoyed your meal out, it is great to get out and recharge your batteries. Hope you are having a good day today. Love and Hugs Chica
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Post by sianyc on Nov 24, 2006 20:21:12 GMT
I've just caught up on your diary. I can't believe that group you went to. I love love love my bedtime routine. It's the only thing that keeps me going after 5pm ;D
I'm one of the first to admit that mine do get some junk. Caitlin is a chocoholic like her mummy and definately knows what Mcdonalds is. On the other hand, apart from these occasional treats, they both get nice healthy meals and snacks mostly cooked from scratch cos I quite like cooking. I do keep smiley faces spaghetti and fish cakes at the ready!
So many mums shove their ideas down other mums throats. Best to ignore them and do what you feel is right for your little one x
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kl77
Senior Member
Posts: 343
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Post by kl77 on Nov 28, 2006 7:54:47 GMT
I'm feeling a bit stange at the minute - if that's the right word. Or maybe I mean low - it's been so bloody long! Went for my counselling last Tuesday and had to make it my last session because I have no one to look after the little man and they can't offer me another time slot. I feel so frustrated about it - not only do I have to pay for it I also can't chose a time convenient for me so I lose out. It's all bloody wrong, it's the only thing I've asked for! I feel like a little girl who is stamping her feet and having a tantrum! Last week was ok until Friday then I had quite a bad day. Little man teething and wouldn't settle anywhere. I was close to tears again, feeling a failure etc etc. His first tooth came through on Saturday!!!!!! I also came on my period on Saturday so hormones could be a explanation for feeling low? Weekend was ok but yesterday I hit a low again. Saw my best friend in the afternoon because she was on holiday last week and felt the old familiar feeling of not 'belonging' anywhere. I didn't want to be there but didn't really want to be anywhere else either. Little man was in a 'cross' mood where he arches and go rigid etc etc and said his temper was nasty, her reply was that he's to litle to be nasty. I think she misinterpreted what I meant but I left shortly afterwards because I felt judged and like a bad mm and bad person. I'm so fed up of this. Every little thing becomes something to beat myself with. I'm sick of feelin guilt and feeling like I'm incompetent and a failure at whatever I do. I'm a crap mum, crap wife, crap daughter, can't keep a tidy house, can't stick to a diet, the list is endless. Really hoping this is hormonal x
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Post by beverley on Nov 28, 2006 9:18:21 GMT
Hi KL,
It's so wrong that they can't offer you a counselling session at a convenient time. People seem to constantly overlook how difficult it can be to get childcare.
Sorry your afternoon with your friend didn't go well. I'm sure she didn't mean to cause you upset - I assume she's childless? My best friend is single and doesn't have a child and she has absolutely no idea of what I've been going through and it does cause a rift between us. She simply doesn't understand the guilt and torment we put ourselves through - and that's before PNI gets in the way of it all.
I'm a crap mum, crap wife, crap daughter, can't keep a tidy house, can't stick to a diet, the list is endless.
I TOTALLY relate to this, and also use everything to beat myself up with. I've been trying to think of one thing that I do well or have achieved that day and focus on that for the day. The next day I try to think of something else - sometimes that helps a bit but on a bad day I can't think of anything good at all and it makes everything worse!
I hope your day gets a bit better xxx
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Post by winegirl on Nov 28, 2006 15:04:04 GMT
Hi KL
i too can relate to feeling like a crap mum, crap partner and just a crap person in general. I am not sure if it is the Illness as when you get talking to other mum's many also feel like this.
However, you are not crap at everything. You are a good mum who is running around keeping life in order and it is bloody hard!
Hope today turns out ok for you x
Winegirl x
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kl77
Senior Member
Posts: 343
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Post by kl77 on Nov 29, 2006 8:32:07 GMT
Hi La I'm glad someone else thinks the counselling issue is unfair! My friend actually has a 2 year old, I think it was more me taking things to heart!
Hi Winegirl Thanks for the lovely words x
Feeling brighter this morning - think I have definatley been on a hormonal trip! P should find out today whats happening re his job so feeling a little anxious, he has worked so hard to get to a management position and feels it is the first thing he has been a success at, just hope he stays there.
Finding it really hard to talk to him at the moment, find it easier texting but you can't do that when they're sat in the room!
Will try nip on later to add some more but little mister looking like it's mearing nap time!
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Post by chica on Nov 29, 2006 9:37:35 GMT
Hi KL, I am so sorry you are having a hard time at the minute, I can so relate to you, about your feelings of being a crap everything and a failure, but one thing I know for sure is that you are not any of these things, its this bloody illness. The other day I was talking with my hubby and apologising for being just the same as you are feeling, he was gob smacked, he said, but you are not any of those things, I guess what we see in ourselves other people do not. (Hope that makes sense). Congratulations on the new tooth by the way, I still remember like it was yesterday watching my little ones pop up, the little girl, popped them like peas, but the little boy, was a nightmare, must be a boy and girl thing. We fairer sex definately have a higher pain tolerance. Any way enough for now, Sending you big hugs Chica
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kl77
Senior Member
Posts: 343
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Post by kl77 on Nov 29, 2006 19:59:00 GMT
Hi Chica, glad you're back and thanks for the lovely words.
Would have liked to ave commented in people's diaries but don't have the energy tonight - sorry ladies x
P had his meeting and is being made redundant. 4 weeks before xmas and I'm not working. What else can I say
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Post by chica on Nov 29, 2006 20:25:31 GMT
Oh sweetheart, I am so sorry, but I can only say that I have truly been there and got the t shirt, when I was 5 months pregnant with the twins, my hubby too got made redundant, but in a way it was a positive thing, luckily we had a mortgage protection and the dss took care of the rest. So it meant we actually managed to have some quality time with each other before the children came along, and then when I had them he was there for me and them. I guess what I am trying to say is try not to worry (I know it is easier said than done), but it was strange from all the negative that was happening around us, something positive did happen. I know I am looking back on things, so it is different for me now, but I do remember how scared we were about how we would manage etc., all I can say is somehow you do! I am sure the path ahead of you is fine, it is just that you have not been given the map yet. Hang on in there, I am here for you if you need me, and I dare say so are the other girls. Sending you all my love and hugs Chica
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tasha
Full member
Posts: 40
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Post by tasha on Nov 29, 2006 20:32:29 GMT
Hiya KL Sorry to hear last few days have been pants but I know wot you mean by you feel hormonal. I hate it when I start to feel shit, first of all I feel like a shit mum then a shit partner and it goes on till its everything!!!! but then you come back to reality and you relise your actually a fab person!! take care tashaxx
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