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Post by cheshire on Apr 27, 2007 21:26:22 GMT
Clarey,
I can honestly say that sometimes with PMT, I sometimes (not always) feel that I am back to square one. I must admit, I had a very pressured week (another story) + PMT - and my eyes started to hurt again/ foul headaches - and the slightest ache or pain got me thinking negative things.
But it will go again, I do follow your posts and keep up with you. I identify with many of your symptoms.
Take care, we'll get therex Hopefulx
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clarey
Senior Member
Posts: 327
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Post by clarey on Apr 29, 2007 20:23:34 GMT
Thank you Hopeful, I have had such a horrid day and your post really touched me.
I am having such problems with my back at the moment but I am convincing myself it must be some neurodegenerative condition. I keep thinking my muscles are going to waste away.
I have had such a stressful day and to top it all off I walked in my back gate and someone must have shot dead a seagull and it was on my outside table. Clearing that up kind of topped it all off really.
Earlier on I just thought sod this I want to run away. I do think you are right Hopeful PMT is playing a large part in this.
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Post by claire99991 on Apr 29, 2007 21:21:33 GMT
Hiya clarey just wanted to let you know i read your posts often to see how you are so sorry you have had a crappy day! Hope tomorow is better
*huuuuuuge hugz* claire xx
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clarey
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Posts: 327
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Post by clarey on Apr 30, 2007 20:09:26 GMT
Thank you Claire...that means so much to me, bless you.
Yesterday I felt terribly hormonal but today it has calmed a little bit. I must say that I came very close to self-harming yesterday which isn't something I have done for some time. I just wanted to sink my teeth into my arm or hit my head against something really hard so that the physical pain would relieve some of the tension I was feeling inside. I didn't though..I fought these urges.
I have kept really busy today which has helped I'm sure. My back is still bad but I am not getting afraid about it today. There was something on the news this morning about PND and that it is probably hugely under-diagnosed. I can so understand this and it got me thinking about myself and how all the signs were there from the beginning but I just went on and on until my breakdown as I am now terming it. All I can think about is that when my son was 3 months old and I was feeling really down a doctor offered me meds and said "this won't go away you know". I just shrugged it off but now I know for me he was right.. it didn't go away it just got a lot worse.
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Post by sianyc on May 1, 2007 13:52:23 GMT
How you feeling today?
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clarey
Senior Member
Posts: 327
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Post by clarey on May 1, 2007 20:07:42 GMT
Hi Sianyc,
This morning was a bit bleak but I seem to have picked up as the day has gone on. I made myself go out and take my son to a mum and toddler group. I really didn't want to go but once I was there for a while I seemed to relax.
I haven't had any more thoughts of self-harming which is a relief. I seem to swing between a few different states of mind.
I did a lot of housework this afternoon but to be honest I just felt like going back to bed. I felt exhausted in my mind and body. I'll be glad to get my period and end this hormonal nightmare this month.
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Post by claire99991 on May 1, 2007 21:07:49 GMT
Well i just want to say you are braver than me going to a toddler group so wish i could drag myself to one.
Glad your day was ok..ish lol
*hugz* claire x
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clarey
Senior Member
Posts: 327
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Post by clarey on May 2, 2007 19:47:17 GMT
Thanks Claire,
It took me a long time to build up the courage to go to be honest. I think the thought of it can be worse that the reality sometimes if you know what I mean? Is there someone who could go with you? I made my OH go to the first one with me just to get me there really.
My period started today and I could feel the hormones start to stabilise. My mood has improved drastically already. I just feel very tired. Probably in part due to the fact my son hasn't slept through the night since the beginning of March. He is a nightmare at the moment and I can't even blame teeth for this now.
Hopefully I will have a few days reprieve now my period has started....
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clarey
Senior Member
Posts: 327
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Post by clarey on May 3, 2007 20:17:31 GMT
I had an awful night plus I had one of my hallucinations when I woke. It was just an arm I could see but when I reached out to touch it, it vaporised almost cartoon-style like they all do. A CPN has said they may not go until all the stress has gone I felt a bit down again earlier and intolerant of everything. I've just watched that panorama program about the crisis with midwives and it has made me feel a bit uneasy. It brought back a lot of bad thoughts concerning my sons birth which was horrendous. Plus I am having a couple of family problems at the minute and feel really stressed about it. I could cry really. Sometimes everything feels such a mess.
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Post by cheshire on May 3, 2007 21:17:29 GMT
Dear Clarey,
I do hope tomorrow is better for youx
I too 'saw' things/ hallucinated - always at night, but it didn't last for a long period. As you say, I think extreme anxiety can cause this & I also had a bereavement to deal with and wonder if this was linked too?
Fingers crossed for you that tomorrow is betterx
Love and thoughts Hopefulx
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clarey
Senior Member
Posts: 327
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Post by clarey on May 4, 2007 20:16:06 GMT
Thanks Hopeful,
My hallucinating got really bad around 8 months ago and I would get them several times a night. Now I seem to get them now and again. It is comforting to know someone else has had them as well.
I took my son to the toddler group this morning which was ok. He really enjoys it so I make myself go even when I'd rather not. I went for a long walk this afternoon and bumped into a lot of people I know on the way. A lot ask when am I going to have the next one as my son is my first. I just don't know what to say to people. Before my son was born I wanted 2 or 3 children now this illness has robbed me of my future almost. Those close to me assume I won't have anymore because of my illness. I don't ever want to go through what I have been through but I don't want the PNI to win and cost my son a sibling or me another child when I always wanted more than 1.
I don't know.
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Post by claire99991 on May 4, 2007 20:21:35 GMT
Hiya clarey, well done on the toddler group. I feel similar i wanted 2/3 children now im thinking ill stick with 1 or i will think about it in a few years time, maybe you should think about another child when your better dont worry about it to much at the min.
Love and hugz claire x
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Post by helenr on May 4, 2007 20:22:44 GMT
Hi hun,
well done for going to the toddler group today. Try not to put extra pressure on yourself worrying about future family. One day at a time!!! love and hugs x
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Post by marion on May 4, 2007 20:56:24 GMT
Hi Clarey Thought I would have a flick through your diary. You are doing so well despite all the awlful things you've had to contend with this year - a shot seagull in your garden takes the biscuit!
I strongly identify with your ahllucinations. When I'm not on an anti psychotic I see people with red eyes (like red eye on a photo) - this can happen at any time even when I'm relaxed (well, relaxed as I ever get!). Am not on any anti d's right now as my depression part has lifted and I am very sensitive to meds so they want me on as little as possible as I get very bad side effects. I am on an anti psychotic called risperadone which is keeping my anxiety at bay and making the red eye thing less. I dont feel I need an anti dep at the mo.
What meds are you on? Do you have a cpn (community psychiatric nurse) who could give you a bit more support. Have you mentioned the hallucinations to your dr? It may be worth asking about anti psychotics to control the constant anxiety and hallucinations - just an idea - it's upto your dr of course.
I feel so sorry for you with the lack of sleep too. I havent been at home really much for the last 11 mths due to being in hosp as you probably know but my husband has been reletively lucky with Chloe's sleep. She stirs a little in the night but hasnt been too bad (so I've been told).
Fancy us both having babies the same age! If you ever want to email me for a chat please do at marionhawker1@hotmail.com.
Take care Love Marion.
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clarey
Senior Member
Posts: 327
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Post by clarey on May 7, 2007 20:33:51 GMT
Thanks Helen, Claire and Marion for your posts. Thankyou for giving me your e-mail Marion I told me gp about the hallucinations months ago but he said he didn't think I was psychotic and in his opinion he thought it was chronic insomnia I asked a CPN and she said it happens in cases of severe anxiety. I went out last night and had a few drinks..haven't felt so good today. I kept waking up with terrible anxiety and so I practised my breathing and this did bring it under control. I had a few moments last night as I went out for a meal with the girls. When I first sat down the noise was making me really anxious..everyone talking and I felt a bit disorientated. It improved as the evening went on though.
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