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Post by claire99991 on May 1, 2007 20:04:56 GMT
Well got my results from the hospital eventually 18 days later and everything was ok there was no signs of anything malignant and he will see me in 6 weeks to discuss results and to make sure im recovering and my periods have come back since i had 1 ovary removed so that is a huge relief and im really pleased. I was in such a good mood after i got my letter i decided to take hollie to town to the soft play in the leisure centre which is huge for me as i havent taken her to anything like this on my owne unfortunaltly i hated it i was very overprotective as the other children were older 5/6ish and running around my hollie was like a little dot wabbling around bless her and she loved it but i was scared for her and worried also the other mums were all together laughing and i felt like a prat going on my owne. We only stayed 20 min and i came home crying because i really wanted to have a good day and i felt so lost and lonely in there. Having a glass of wine now all my family and phil are thrilled about my results so i suppose it has been a great day just a shame about the soft play. Thank you to all that have been wishing me well. xxxxxx
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Post by gizmoracer on May 2, 2007 12:37:27 GMT
So glad you've had good results, I have been keeping an eye on here for them myself.
Don't beat yourself up about what happened yesterday when you took Hollie out, the main thing is you did it and as we all know thats quite a step. I had loads of occasions when the same thing happened to me and I eventually just gave up going, which I regret. The problem I found was when everyone knows each other you automatically feel that they are being clicky or get paranoid, when in reality they probably haven't noticed you there at all. Have you made any friends yet where you are? with young children. It helps if you have someone to go with. Obviously Hollie is a bit too small for pre-school, which doesn't help. It may be a case of perservering with toddler groups and likewise, look for someone else who is hiding in a corner and be the brave one. (OK, easier said than done, but one day it won't be). Also do your HV run little courses like first aid and that sort of thing? this can be a good way to get to know a few people with children of the same age.
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Post by claire99991 on May 2, 2007 15:39:09 GMT
Well went to ikea was my idea or living hell i hated it but at least i went havent met any other mums in the area yet have started speaking to one on msn that i met from netmums she said i should meet her next week and go to a toddler gropu with her. I really want to go im gonna have to force myself for hollies sake rather than anyone else. I also really want to learn to drive so im gonna pick up a form for a driving licence and send it of it will be huge for me if i can actually go and do some lessons thats my goal now to learn to drive and maybe get a little part time job in a couple of months when i have recovered fully from operation. It sounds like nothing even last year i was working and would have learnt to drive now its seems like thats my goal for this year. I need to get my panic attacks under control and learn how to deal with them. I dont take anit depressants i often think i should but when i tried the side effects sounded awful and i took one and felt weird couldnt stop shivering and felt spaced out. I think its to late now to ask for them i feel daft hollie is 15 months old and although i know i have pni and i have seen 5 gp's and they do as well, now i have moved to a new surgery maybe they think it should be dealt with by now and the fact i havent been to see gp for 6 months for the depression maybe they think im ok now. The sad thing is i was relally looking forward to my appointment for the relaxation classes there was other people like me who suffer anxiety and they learnt ways to control it but now ive moved i have to get back in the wait list. I mean i carnt even go to the gp without hollie and wouldnt want to take her OH GOD I MISS MY NORMAL LIFE WHERE THE BIGGEST PROBLEM I HAD WAS DECIDING WHICH OUTFIT TO WEAR ON FRIDAY NIGHT!
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Post by yoyo on May 2, 2007 16:01:14 GMT
Well done for going out even though it sounds like it was hard work for you. Somewhere deep down this will have done you some good even though you probably can't connect with it now.
WEll done too on branching out to others - this too will help you I'm sure.
Take care and go steady
YOYO
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clarey
Senior Member
Posts: 327
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Post by clarey on May 2, 2007 20:01:39 GMT
Hi Claire,
I am so pleased that your results came back ok. That's great news.
It is so hard going to places on your own for the first time with a little one. I made my OH go with me for the first time to a toddler group. I have had lots of failed attempts though.
If you feel you want to speak to a gp about where you're at with your PNI and what help/options you have it might be an idea?
Take care Claire, Love Clareyxx
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Post by caterina on May 2, 2007 20:12:23 GMT
Hi Claire Well done you for taking Hollie out, that was very brave and you should feel proud of yourself. Every week I say I'm going to take DD to mums n tots and every week I chicken out so I know it takes a lot to go to these places. Take care xx
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Post by claire99991 on May 3, 2007 18:44:23 GMT
well today we havent done much i took hollie for a walk at the bottom of my street there is a community centre and i noticed there was a toddler group thursday afternoon so thought i would go to it today but it was being used as a polling station today so it wasnt on, dunno weather i would have gone in or not. Managed to get registered with a nhs dentist which is the 1st time ever so thats good and also walked to the doctors for more painkillers for my stomach they said i shouldnt be needing them since its been 3 weeks since operation but i explained i still had a 15 month old to look after they said i shouldnt be looking after her i tried to explain i havent any help so no choice and they gave me number for social services but im not ringing them ill be fine. And i bought a sofa bed 400 pounds half price although i bet that it was never 800 pounds but i like it and having it delievered on saterday, i bought it so family and friends can come and visit and have somehwere to stay, phils dad and girlfriend are coming up saterday for the day. There is a programme on at 8 im gonna watch panorama undercover midwives to show how bad the nhs maternity has got think it will be quite intresting. Hopefully the programme will make things change.
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Post by claire99991 on May 3, 2007 20:47:34 GMT
well just watched the panorama programme on midwives it was shocking and so upsetting the woman answering the questions about the hospital was annoying me she had no decnet answers it was all bulls***! It has put me of having another baby! I think it goes past the birth and aftercare when you get home it carries on the health visitors are under staffed and the gp's carnt treat post natal depression properlly because the wait list for anything is so big. Its disgusting.
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Post by Jay on May 4, 2007 18:57:17 GMT
Hi claire, I seem to have missed reading your diary for a bit.
Do try again next week to go to the toddler group, it would be good if it turned out to be ok, and both you an hollie enjoyed yourselves. and you might make a friend.
I think your goal for this year about learning to drive is wonderful. And to get a job. If you need a push to do it then we are good at that.
If you feel you need help from the gp's it does not matter that it has been 15 months since you had your daughter. I have only just been diagnosed after 15yrs. Not all meds have side effects, and they are not all to be frightened of.
You may need to get the panic atks sorted before launching off out with a driving instructor!!! I tell you what I could teach you to drive. If I took a large dose of diazepam to stop me panicking, and you do your breathing or relaxation exersizes, then we could both freak each other out together while driving up a lamp post!!!!! We could both do a 'out of comfort zone' thing together then!
By the way I was not telling you off for saying sorry in my diary, I was just having a laugh.
Take care Jay xx
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Post by helenr on May 4, 2007 20:05:55 GMT
Hi hun,
just catching up. Good for you for being out and about so much over the past few days. Thanks also for your message, love and hugs x
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Post by claire99991 on May 4, 2007 20:27:51 GMT
well went and got hollies feet measured today at clarks and got a telling of from the woman because her shoes were to small (by half a size ) she actually wasnt going to give me them back can you beleive it. So i felt bullied and bought the ones she recommended now im angry with myself for not standing up to her I havent done a lot else was planning on cleaning the house tonight as we have family coming tomorow for the day but had stabbing pains in my shoulder (probs just nerve or summat ) but convinced i was having a heart attack and had panic attack so didnt get any cleaning done, will get up in the morning and do it. I can still feel my hear beating funny but i think its in my head.
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Post by helenr on May 4, 2007 20:31:05 GMT
Hi hun,
can't beleive the nerve of that woman! Of course her shoes were too small, isn't that the whole point of getting her feet measured in order to buy new ones? love and hugs x
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Post by bam02 on May 4, 2007 21:05:52 GMT
Some people are aweful in shops!
I went to BHs today the staff were fine -but I took a bit too long at the till had 4 items one a pull along suitcase that might have had a security tag - so the cashier went looking for it. the man behind me was huffing and puffing( couldn't have been very long) his partner(wife??? ) came back and said 2are you still here?"-he shouted "yes"" blloddiy hell in the past i would have burst into tears !! " be honest not sure why i didn't or punched him!! But I did dawdle and waste as much time as possible... Some people just are so impatient and down right rude!!
A-M
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Post by winegirl on May 5, 2007 9:41:21 GMT
Hi Claire
I think its bad enough getting out of the house with this damn illness, but people like that woman in the shoe shop are the sort of people that make it all harder! You did well not to tell her where to go. How rude?!
Anyway, I hope Hollie likes her new shoes, and have a lovely bank holiday weekend.
Winegirl x
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Post by Jay on May 5, 2007 19:59:28 GMT
Hope today has been alright for you Claire. And that you enjoy the weekend with OH and family.
Lots of love Jay xx
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