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Post by Jay on Jan 25, 2008 11:03:53 GMT
Oh scarlet I don't know.
The gp prescribed Temazepam, she tried me on 10mg then on 20mg and I might just as well have a glass of water for what good they do. They do absolutely nothing!
I cant think what to do about anything, I have gone too much to hell to sort things.
Thanks all for keeping me going and for being a place to come to, I so appreciate your kindness. I can't stop crying now. I am so sorry to keep on and be a nuisance when you all have your own problems.
Jay xx
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Post by Scarlet on Jan 25, 2008 12:29:49 GMT
Hi Jay,
Did you mention to the doc about the temazepam? The ones I took back in the hospital were called Flurazepam and Lorazepam. 10 mins after taking them I was out like a light and slept very well.
What are you doing with yourself today hun? Are you working? Sorry you are feeling like you are. What does your hubby say with regards to MIL?
Keep on talking to us hun, you are not a nuisance.
Scarlet xxxx
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Post by winegirl on Jan 25, 2008 21:18:01 GMT
Jay,
You are NEVER a nuisance!!! You are the most lovely, kind lady I have ever talked to and had the pleasure to call a friend, and you should know that we want nothing more to be here for you when you need us.
I have seen your pm and will reply soon x
WG x
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Post by Jay on Jan 26, 2008 7:55:02 GMT
I am not sure whats happening between me and OH. He has gone a bit funny about his parents. I think his Mum will end up at our house if she is not well enough to go home. OH is a bit hostile [don't know if thats the right word??] about his Mum needing to come. I am hurt by it really. We had a conversation at the beginning of the year about his Dad, and I got told then that his Dad will never go into a home and that he would come to ours and have carers here. It caused problems between us for a while, but I thought I had managed to settle it.
If I was well enough I would tell him to go and stay at his Mum's and for him to look after her there. But I can't say anything or have anymore problems or upset. It will just make me shut down more to block it out.
I got a bit more sleep last night. I was already konked out a bit and wobbly by bedtime then I floated a Temazepam on top of a load of wine, it put me out of it for 5 hours, but my head felt like it was going to explode this morning, so I might not do that again. Lesson learned! [Although now the painkillers have kicked in I do feel better for the sleep].
Its double dose of hospital visiting today and tomorrow!!! So just visiting MIL will take about 4-5hours with the journey there, then the more local one to his dad tonight. I will go as well [at least to see his Mum], as I can't have agro with OH. Yesterday he rang me from work and I would hardly speak to him, then I just ended up upsetting myself. I do also love his Mum and Dad, I am lucky I have always been friends with them. His Mum always says that I am her best friend and how she loves me. Its nice, but it makes problems like we have now, seem more difficult.
If only I was not poorly and could cope better with things.
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Post by winegirl on Jan 26, 2008 13:08:28 GMT
Hi Jay
I guess your OH must just be reacting to the emotions he will be feeling about both of his parents being so poorly. It must bevery frightening for him. As humans we have a habit of shutting out the people we love when our heads are sheds and perhaps this is what he is doing?
I hope you hospital visits dont take too much out of you today and you and OH get the chance to sort things out? xx
WG x
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Post by Jay on Jan 29, 2008 5:57:31 GMT
Well I've done a couple of posts to people tonight and had a proper read around. I've sort of been switched off and frightened about everything and sort of shut down and shut myself away. If I owed anyone any replies to any posts or PM's I'm sorry if I missed doing it. I can't think what I am doing most of the time and I forget things.
FIL in rehab hospital now. MIL still has some fluid around her heart and looks like she has been dead for a month, but we don't see much of her as she is shoved miles away in a hospital in a different county. It does make things difficult. I don't know if they will have to get into her chest again to get rid of the fluid, it sounded so horrible what they did to her while she was awake, with just a local aneasthetic.
K had her counselling yesterday, she had been crying when she came out.
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Post by winegirl on Jan 29, 2008 8:38:52 GMT
Hi Jay
I was going to talk to you about how K's counselling went but my PM wasnt working. You know where I am if you want to talk about it x
WG x
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Post by monica on Jan 29, 2008 18:50:11 GMT
Hello Jay
How are you doing today? You have so much on your plate - I noticed with PNI that if everything was going ok around me I'd be sort of stable but it only took the slightest bit of grief and I'd be freefalling. I too would go out my way not to upset my bf as he'd have a go at me and I just couldn't handle that.
Did you find out how K's counselling went?
Sending you huge hugs
Love
Monica
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Post by Jay on Feb 7, 2008 6:40:52 GMT
I am so wound up today. I woke at about 3.30am! I do still feel better for ignoring the medics and cutting down my antid's, its easy for the GP to say to keep taking them at that dose and if I am changing meds then I have got rid of half ready for the change.
My sister moves out today, they come here for 2 nights. I suppose I am nervous that they are going to be here, and I have to think a bit more and put the 'I'm OK mask on'. Also as they are sleeping down stairs I will have to be careful about roaming around down here in the night. I know she is only moving home and going 4-5 hours away, but it feels like she is leaving me she has only lived 20mins away so was there if I needed her. It almost feels like she is going to die and leave me for good on Saturday, so I know I will be upset. I know I am just being silly, but it hurts!
I feel sick about these apt's which are coming up. Two hospital ones next week, a GP one to fit in if I need a change of antid's, then the following week I have this other assessment. I plan to do the assessment on my own, don't feel I can ask OH to be off work, and he has not offered. I know I could get into trouble there and not know how to get home, and I know how awful I will feel while there and may pass out or be sick, but at least they will see what happens to me. But I could end up being sent to hospital, and would have all that ordeal. I feel sick thinking about it.
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Post by winegirl on Feb 7, 2008 20:53:04 GMT
Hi Jay
if I could take you to your assesmsnt I would. I know you will be fine. And even if you do take ill you will be kept safe until you feel up to going home again.
I hope things ok with your sister and BIL stopping. You are not being silly about missing your sister, 4-5 hours is a long journey! But try to remember that she will always be on the end of the phone, and the time that you guys have together now will be more special than it was before.
WG x
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Post by Jay on Feb 11, 2008 6:20:23 GMT
I can't stop shaking, I know its anxiety at the thought of seeing the Psych today.
Yesterday was so difficult as I was near to passing out in Tesco's, and could not stop retching, if OH had not been there I would have been in loads of trouble. I don't know how I stayed on my feet. My head was screaming and hurting and OH had me wedged against part of an isle half holding me up. Then I started to cry. And I felt so ill and awful for the rest of the day.
I'm likely to pass out today in with this guy. Its going to lead to me getting carted off to A&E if I am really unlucky. I don't know why I get so frightened about things. And why I now can't do things. Anxiety/depression is such a cruel thing and restricts life so much.
I've written some things down for the Psych, so that I don't just sit there like an idiot not knowing what to say. I found that a week ago I had written down what it feels like on a v bad day, I can't even remember writing it in the note book. And when some of the symptoms are not there I can't remember that I have them, so its good that I had written it down. And as yesterday was a near pass out day, I could write how It felt.
I am trying to decide how to do a dentist and an opticians apt again. Its the opticians I need the most, I am feeling lost as I can hardly see to do close work with my present glasses. I did go in when there was no one about much and ask if they could cope with me, with my panics and passing out etc, but they said I had to ring the manager and gave me a phone number. Then of course I've chickened out of ringing.
I managed to cut my FIL's finger yesterday with some nail clippers. Its so stupid that I could not see what I was doing, and it was so stupid that his finger decided to bleed a lot, making me feel bad about it. I know his fingers are all bent and the parkinsons make him shake, but I should have been more careful.
I have no idea how to do a sight test and I know I would go to hell just trying to decide what to chose to have and when they do all that 'Whats clearer RED or GREEN' stuff and I have to think and decide during a test, it will put me under pressure and will make me pass out.
Has anyone any idea how I can do a sight test?
I'll let you know later how I get on today. Thanks Jay xx
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Post by winegirl on Feb 11, 2008 20:03:49 GMT
Hi Jay
I have sent you a pm about your day with the pysch today but i forgot to mention your concerns about the dentist and the opticians. There was a time i could never have done these things either, but the week before xmas i had a smear, dental appt and opticians appt within 2 days! Who would have thought! But i think that the meds had really helped me, and i think you should start on your new trycylic meds and see how they go for you before making the appts. If these meds help you mate then the appts will be a breeze!
How are you doing tonight hun after your terrible day?
WG x
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Post by Scarlet on Mar 17, 2008 12:05:31 GMT
Long time since you wrote in here Jay, just wondering how you are hun.
xxxxx
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Post by winegirl on Mar 25, 2008 21:18:02 GMT
Hey you, how you doing? Will be around tonight and tomorrow if you want to chat x
WG xxx
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Post by Jay on Jul 22, 2008 22:53:25 GMT
I've dug my diary out again. I feel I need somewhere to sort out my feelings, I'm suprised its is March since my last entry here.
I am still passing out. I don't know what to think about it.
Out cold in the Chemist last Friday, but at least there I get a medical team from the surgery come running to sort me out. They were calm and did not stress me up too much. They wanted me to book an apt to see my GP, to see if they could help, He said that I could not go on living like I do. I did not book anything I just ran away when they let me go home. I feel that if I pass out just collecting a presciption then I can't face an actual apt, well not at the moment anyway.
Out cold again in Tesco on Monday this week. That did seem like an ordeal. Paramedics on the phone and an ambulance coming for me. I begged for them to stop the ambulance, it was a nice Physiotherapist who was shopping who actually listened to me and who talked to the Paramedics on the phone beside me and who stopped all the drama. They covered me in the thickest blanket in the world which was folded double while I was laid on the floor, until I felt well enough to move and get it off of me. Don't they know its July??? Then there was an incident form to fill in.
I am all mixed up with my thoughts, and am in a Blip stage at the moment. I feel I desparately need my antid dose increased but am not sure how to get it sorted. I book to see the GP and keep cancelling, I know it won't get sorted this way.
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