|
Post by sianyc on Aug 8, 2007 10:51:05 GMT
Sorry, read that back and it sounds like I'm dismissing you a bit. Didn't mean it that way at all. What I meant was that I was sacred of going back to work for so many reasons. I was scared I wouldn't be able to cope with the work anymore, that I would meltdown in the office, that the little one would hate nursery, that she would like the nursery nurses more than me and so on.
The reality was that work was hard and it took a couple of months to adjust, but it helped me to feel more like myself again
|
|
|
Post by sunflower2007 on Aug 8, 2007 14:19:09 GMT
Thanks Sianyc. Feel better today, dunno what it is. Hubby was getting stressed about his work but I was unfazed by it.Said his work wasn't going to dictate when I could move house and if I had to move house myself when he was working then I would. Mum has offered to take baby for the day. Still feel stressed about going back to work myself. The childminding thing is complicated cos the childminder I have organised is close to my work, but mum wants to come and stay at ours for a couple of days to help out childminding so it keeps costs down and baby doesn't have to travel 40miles to and from my work with me each day. Hubby also wants a childminder/nursery closer to home so he can pick the baby up occasionally when he comes off shift. So it is all change again and I don't know what to decide. Need to go back to work soon to see what it is like taking baby in the car so far each day. It might be ok, or it might not work out. The countdown in my head continues...
|
|
|
Post by sunflower2007 on Aug 10, 2007 21:48:50 GMT
Another good day. Baby a wee star.Then came home and hubby had dumped a whole load of stuff in the kitchen and gone straight to the pub. Set me right off, anger came out of nowhere. Felt what is the point of being a drudge, trying to make a good home if he chooses his pub boozing buddies over his family every chance he gets. Soooo pissed off. Will take a while to wind down. Hubby came home (late) and I went through him. Says I made him feel like nothing, really small. Bad thing is I don't feel ashamed or sorry that I said those nasty things about the pub. Exhasted now with the whole repetitive nature of the scenario. I really love him and appreciate how hard he works and the stress he's under, but choosing to be drunk over quality leisure time with me and the baby makes me feel like I am being sliced in half. And its making me crazy. Never ever thought I'd turn into a nagging harridan. How depressing.
|
|
|
Post by sianyc on Aug 13, 2007 14:43:15 GMT
It's not the case that you're a nagging harridan, it's that your priorities have changed. The baby being cared for has to come first and as sexist as this may sound, 'the men' just don't seem to get that.
What we wouldn't give to be able to come home, dump our stuff and sod off to the pub to unwind. What we actually get is to work all day, bring the baby home, feed them, bath them, put them to bed and then sort out some food for ourselves. If we haven't been to work then it's wait for them to come home to give us a break (finally) so we can have a wee in peace and it's then soul destroying not to get that break and to feel your company has been rejected.
Gary used to leave to go to the gym and I could be in bits, begging him not to go and he would still go. He doesn't do it now but it still p****s me off thinking back
|
|
tasha
Full member
Posts: 40
|
Post by tasha on Aug 13, 2007 21:21:20 GMT
Hi there sunflower just to let u know that my son is nearly 2 and I still have the baby monitor on downstairs and then take it up stairs (when we go up it sits next to my head) and still check on him about 10 times before going to sleep and hes in the next room!!. your not alone hun moving house is stressful enough without pni aswell Is there anyone who might be able to have little one for a bit to let u catch up on your sleep or just to have a relax? big hugs tashaxxxx
|
|
|
Post by sunflower2007 on Aug 14, 2007 20:43:58 GMT
Thanks everybody for your support. Had another panic about going back to work yesterday, and another argument with hubby about childcare and involving my mum with helping helping out with the childcare. If mum helps put she will have to travel 50 miles and stay with us. We don't have any family close by, and my neighbours are all too elderly to look after baby.Maybe am just expecting too much from hubby? I am used to the baby monitor now. Funny how it is always me that gets up when the baby wakes up. Hubby just snores on! Had a good visit with the health visitor today, baby got weighed and he has put on loads of weight so she is not concerned about him anymore. Am sort of discharged from her now since the next time he is due to get weighed we will have moved house. Then went to friends house for a cuppa. Was really good to talk about things. She felt the same as me about going back to work and gave me lots of reassurance. Her work mucked her about badly at the start, sort of the same as my work not really being supportive of me. Her wee girl is 18months now and is so sweet! Will have to give it a try, especially going full time. I might not be able to manage it. My friend said that when she was full time she couldn't keep on top of the household stuff. That has crossed my mind as well. I'll need to be so focussed and organised. Feel a bit crap just now cos I got cystitis again, uncomfortable and shivery. Not good news if I still have this next week when I go back to work. Not quite ready to reduce the sertraline yet though the doc mentioned it when I was last in to see her.
|
|
|
Post by sianyc on Aug 15, 2007 10:04:08 GMT
Full time is difficult and when I was full time with my first, me and G spilt all the household stuff. It was the only way to cope.
Can you afford part time if it is too much?
|
|
|
Post by sunflower2007 on Aug 17, 2007 22:02:17 GMT
Not sure if we could afford for me to go part-time, especially since we have just bought a bigger house. Once I am back at work I will see how it goes. They haven't been hugely supportive , I have had to do all the running with regard to contacting them and working out what I will do when I go back. We all need to get into a routine. Hubby's work has no set routine at all. When the doctor asked me today if he was pulling his weight with the baby I said how could he? He's either driving for hours to get to and from his work, working long shifts, sleeping , fishing or in the pub. If he is alone with baby for longer than an hour , when I come back, the baby is in his cot and needing a change of nappy while hubby is on the computer or watching tv.. Oh well soon it will be me driving for ages to commute to work and we will both be knackered. I can now see why married women have a shorter life expectancy than unmarried women. Baby is cutting his first tooth, his nappies have been stinking for nearly two weeks and it only reduced yesterday. This morning I felt a little hard thing on his bottom gum at the front. He wants to bite everything! The little darling has been getting me up at 0500 the past few days as well. And yet I still feel like the time is going past so fast and I should treasure this special time beacuse it is over so soon. His colicky time seems like a distant dream already. Is our third wedding anniversary tomorrow. Dunno if hubby has got me a card, he didn't get me a birthday card earlier this month. Said there was no point cos he was working and wouldn't see me that day. Sometimes that upsets me and sometimes I just feel pity and sad for him that he feels like that inside. I don't know why but I wish my Grannies were still alive. They died before I was born and I seem to be thinking about them a lot recently.
|
|
|
Post by winegirl on Aug 18, 2007 7:29:29 GMT
Hi Sunflower
I went back to work full time when my baby was 7 months old, and yes it is tough but it gets easier! The first couple of weekes are the hardest, but you are right, the routine is very helpful.
Perhaps your OH could do with a kick up the bum for not getting you a birthday card! How very sad. I would have been so upset by this. Perhaps you should tal to him about how sad this makes you feel?
Hope you have a good day today x
Winegirl x
|
|
|
Post by sunflower2007 on Aug 20, 2007 21:16:38 GMT
Got an anniversary card and a lovely bunch of flowers. Had a nice meal at home once hubby got home from work. I got dressed up. We actually sat at the table together rather than hubby sitting on the couch in front of the tv and me at the table on my own. Felt nice. Still feel a bit yucky and feverish. Baby has settled down quite a lot since we can feel the tooth through the gum and his bowels have settled down as well. He has such a lovely personality, smiles all the time and is giving me cuddles when I pick him up. He is interested in everything and shouts and laughs when he sees our cats walk past him in his chair. Had a lovely day today, just me and the baby. Weather smashing, really sunny but with a bit of wind. We went for a country walk and came home on the train. Hubby had another long day and his shift has been changed for tomorrow. He is too knackered to help bathe and put the baby to bed. Sleeping on the couch as I write this. Probably will sleep there all night till its time for work tomorrow. Yet another thing that used to upset me but I don't bother now about him always sleeping on the couch. We have had all those arguments so many times. Life could be much worse.
|
|
|
Post by sianyc on Aug 22, 2007 11:43:46 GMT
Glad you had a nice day with the bubs. (and that OH remembered the anniversary :-) )
|
|
|
Post by sunflower2007 on Aug 23, 2007 15:40:12 GMT
baby got another tooth coming in! that means two front teeth on the bottom gum!Another lovely day wish i could afford not to work when the weather's like this and enjoying baby so much. Still arguing with OH but not letting it get to me. We both can be quite grumpy. Bought a baby signing book which came today, not sure i believe it all but will give it a go. Wonder if this means I am turning into a yummy mummy?
|
|
|
Post by sianyc on Aug 24, 2007 14:11:13 GMT
I always thought that baby signing sounded good. Never got around to it though. have fun x
|
|
|
Post by sunflower2007 on Aug 28, 2007 20:47:08 GMT
Had a good weekend at my mum's. Got back and hubby had spent a good weekend too, drinking in pub and talking to his own mum. I'm still feeling a bit knackered, my back is really sore. Went to mother and toddler group today. Felt nice to relax and chat about general stuff. Still wish I didn't have to go back to work. Got an email from my boss today saying that the hours I had requested to go back as initially they can't give me any support those days and they want me to base myself 15 miles from where my base is at the moment. Seems like a management tactic to say yes we understand your pain and want to support you but we can't help you with your idea. plus she won't get me a laptop. Typical.
|
|
|
Post by sunflower2007 on Sept 3, 2007 15:54:52 GMT
Well, have been to work to arrange what days and hours I'll be doing. What I wanted they are going to accomodate. Feels a bit strange to be actually finalising stuff. Mum was waiting for me when I got out of the meeting. She had kindly brought me lunch cos I was starving. She said a few hurtful things though. Mainly negative comments about how long he was going to be in nursery (days are very long 0800 to 1645) and she would never have been able to hand any of us over to total strangers. She also said what was the point in having babies if you are going to miss out on all their babyhood. I just wish she could be more understanding and supportive of decisions I make. I need her to tell me that she understands how hard it is for me(and the thought of giving him to the nursery kills me and makes me feel really upset) to give him to a childminder or put him in nursery but that it is for the best as we need my wage to keep the house going. Plus he will probably be going to primary school with some of the children in the nursery. Times have changed since I was a child and more households need both parents wages. She still can't say a good word about my husband either. She didn't like the fact that he was looking after the baby while I was at my meeting for work. Said did he know how to sterilise bottles and use good hygiene. I know I am being too sensitive. I need to live my own life and maybe she will eventually come to terms with it. She wanted me to move closer to her so she could do childcare but there are no jobs for me or my husband where she lives. She lives on the opposite side of the country. Maybe that is why she is saying such tough things. She wants to feel useful and feels rejected instead. Hubby is frustrated saying that he has to come first and not Mum. I wonder when I lost my voice. Neither my Mum or my OH believe that what comes out of my mouth is my opinion. Mum thinks everything I say is his opinion and he thinks everything I say is Mum's opinion. I can't win. It just seems to get worse as the years go on. I don't know what I am doing wrong or how I can change this. I have tried telling them both that it is me talking but they dont listen. I feel really caught in the middle and that it is my fault they don't get on but I don't know what I can say or do to keep everybody happy. I am hoping that once we move, we have a routine and I am eventually back at work full time these feelings of grief over giving my baby to the nursery will get less. Although the thought of it at the moment just makes me cry and cry. I want to be a better person, feel settled and at peace with myself the way I used to when I was single and living away from home. I didn't used to feel so trapped and unhappy with my life. Although looking back maybe I never let myself get too much involved in other people's lives. My son needs me to be strong and responsible as well as caring making him feel safe. My husband needs me too to bolster him up and show him a good path to live his life so we can be a good example for our child. It can be done, we can work as a team. For example yesterday he changed the baby's nappy while I got ready for church which meant I was less rushed getting me and the baby out the door to church. It just doesn't happen regularly when we work together like that. And I wish it did.
|
|