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Post by stevensmummy on Sept 19, 2007 21:23:58 GMT
Today was hell. Poor stuart is obviously still in pain with his abcess and has done nothin but scream. There has been a constant buzz in my head, when he actually stops screaming I still hear it lol. The actual day hasnt been so bad, mum was here but we spent the whole day being late and rushing about. I was even late for my doc app, again!
Steven was a little shit, terrible twos, try horrific twos! I've started taking toys awa when he misbehaves, god soon he'll be playing with nothin. I have to admit he does know how to appologise and does have manners but needs to be reminded aout them. I reckon he also thinks sorry is a way of getting off with murder. Hes very full on just now, I'm trying to achieve the goal of patience next. When he wants something he wants it NOW. I have almost overcome the please obstacle and he now will say it. He even says thankyou without prompting sometimes and for that I praise him. Every little helps, or so I'm told.
I called michael alomst as soon as mum left to see when he would be home, I felt just a downer thie pm, I couldnt overcome it. I was dreading mum going, possible coz they were so bad all day, I reckon I may have worried myself into a state at the thought of her going b4 ahe was even away. I think sometimes she sees me needing constant help a pest. Ifeel guilty about it and I cant help it, but I just cant manage alone. Its like being locked in a cell.
Gran was coing to help 2morow bu my aunt has broken her toe and needs her to help her instead. Poor gran needs to run about after her. I think that put a downer on me as soon as I heard. I have already begun to worry about the prospect of being alone all day 2morow, 14hrs is a long time on your own with them. I hope he manages to get home early. I really do count the hrs, its pathetic really. But thanks sianyc its nice to see I'm not alone feeling like this.
Think I'll just head to bed, I'm knackered and I have a headache. My epilepsy lady was round yest and she says exhaustion can bring on seizures. One more thing to worry about! But I cant do that either coz stress does it too, lol.
Finding it difficult to keep my chin up 2day, I hope 2morow is better
Thanks girls for all the support, its great to have it, I really appreciate it, esp on days like this. Goodnight x
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Post by winegirl on Sept 20, 2007 7:58:29 GMT
Hi Sarah
Sorry yesterday was so pants for you and I hope today is better x I know its tough all day on your own with little ones. I really hope its easier for you today x
Will be thinking of you
Winegirl x
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Post by stevensmummy on Sept 20, 2007 20:59:52 GMT
I'm not going to write much, I'm knackered. I've not had a great day again today. Stuart screamed constantly from about 6 and I managed to get myself all stressed out and in a state. I asked when mum would be finnished work and she said late so there was no chance she could make it to help. So I called michael to see if his mum could come down but the spparent response was oh she didnt know what she was going they might go a run. For f**ks sake I was in a state and I had a screaming, sore child and a hyperactive toddler. I was having a crisis! When e asked again she said oh I guess we could take the dog! I mean HELLO, what use is that!!! I called my gran who was due to come over but my aunt broke her foot so she had to be at hers to take her kids to school, one is autistic. I told her what was going on and was she def needed over there. Aftre a bit of stress, confusion and a few tears on both parts she said get ready I'll come get you. I called the MIL to tell her I was going and if should could come for the dog. She said oh we were going to take steven with us, I didnt bother going any further into a convo for fear of causin a war. I really think she doesnt care!
Stuart is a little better, I didnt give him any anitbiotics 2day it had about a day left and he was severly sore in the tummy and was constantly screaming, so its not worth it. For the sake of making a fractional diff to the abcess which come back in a few weeks what the point?
Gran took me back to mums and they took me home later on 2nite. I reckon dad wasnt overly impressed but had the discression not to say anything. But I just got that impression. I may b ebing oversensitive so I didnt bring it up. I just cant cope just now, my epilepsy meds r slowing me down, thats the point, but I cant get everything done and i'm exhausted as a result. They say I'll get used to them but I'm beginning to wonder when. In the mean time i feel like sleeping the whole time and when I do get the chance I cant! Typical lol.
Anyway off to bed b4 I fall asleep here, thanks again for the support girls, dont know what I'd do without you xx
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Post by winegirl on Sept 21, 2007 7:22:24 GMT
Hi Sarah
I am so sorry your little one is still poorly. Is he due back to the dr's soon? I am sorry that yesterday was so stressful for you, but you really are doing a great job coping with your new meds, a baby and a toddler.
I hope you managed to get a good nights sleep last night and hope you have a better day today x
Winegirl x
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Post by stevensmummy on Sept 21, 2007 7:39:09 GMT
Cheers winegirl,
I did a little but I think sometimes I stress so much about him I cant sleep. When I do I have the strangest dreams and wake up quickly, thus disturbing me again lol.
I'm hopin the Hv on monday will have a bit of advice. I put in a new thread on the baby bit about my worried to see if anyone has any advice so heres hoping
thanks x
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Post by winegirl on Sept 21, 2007 9:10:39 GMT
I will check that thread out Sarah. Hope today is good for you x
Winegirl x
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Post by stevensmummy on Sept 22, 2007 7:11:41 GMT
In general yesterady was better. Stuart is a not very much different but my mum was here with me, taking a little of the constant pressure off. Last night he fed twice then at bedtime feed I decided to express and i only got 2.5 oz. I then god some I had previously frozen and he then took all 3 oz, so I have come to the conclusion that I've not got enough milk. I think the problem could be that I dont drink enough. i can go the whole day and suddenly think god when was the last time I had a drink. Today I'm going to make a concious effort to drink more and once he has fed I will express the leftover to see whats left. He is tired since the antibiotics and hasnt been taking much so I guess that would be enough to shorten the supply. If I express the leftover I can stimulate it again, hopefully this will help. And it will also show me how much he is taking.
I opened a dispute with ebay with regard to the double buggy and the condition I recieved it in. The seller seemed to reckon it was in good condition and worth the money. I cant say broken and covered in sickness is worth the money so I'm going to persevere. I can apparently take it further thro ebay if i get no joy so I think its worth a try.
Mum round today, helping to get the tank out for the guy to collect, after this hopefully we can get round to starting to get organised for the new house. A house move will take a long time with 2 young kids! Need to see to the horses today too, hopefully the farrier will call soon and get furbees feet sorted. Might drop and oz or two with the rugs too it sems to have warmed up a bit. Hopefully get a bit of a rest 2day too.
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Post by winegirl on Sept 22, 2007 10:33:59 GMT
Hi sarah
Good luck with the breastfeeding! Yes, you are probably right you do need to drink more, and make sure you are getting plenty to eat too!
Hope you enjoy your rest today x
Winegirl x
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Post by stevensmummy on Sept 23, 2007 7:28:25 GMT
All considered yest wasnt bad. The guy was collecting the fish tank so I had to get it looked out and organised. Its amazing how much dust it collected. Turned out the guy was a bit crazy. His little polish friend had to take it home on his knee in the passengers seat. He took a landrover but its was full of stuff, imagine taking heaps of stuff with you to collect a fish tank and stand!
Mum and I got rather alot of stuff organised, in the hope that we can be semi organised when word of the house comes thro. I'm told it shouldnt be long and i'm somewhat bothered by the prospect of moving house in a few days with 2 little kids. However I'll just have to enlist the family for help.
With regard to the feeding he seemed a little more settled yesterday. he seemed to sleep a little more which I think helps. Most of his grumpiness comes from not sleeping properly. I expresed off what was left after each feed and in the morning I did get over an oz but the next 2 I got practically nothin. I decided to express for his late evening feed to see what I got and I got 4.5oz, which I have to admit I was surprised about. Lately I have been getting about 3oz. He took almost all of it and I put 2 spoon of baby rice in it. He slep till 4.30 whch is much longer than usual. So I think this expressing whats left is def worth it. It seemed to help. I will do this 2day agan I think.
Looks like I might be having a day alone agian. Michael is working and it seems to be drying up so I reckon they'll get going in the combine. Not much chance of seeing him b4 8 if thats the case. What a lovely sunday!! I'll just have to try to be positive and not get too stressed out. This blip seems to be lifting so hopefully I'll make it thro without too much stress.
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Post by winegirl on Sept 23, 2007 7:34:11 GMT
Hi Sarah
You sound much more positive, guess you are coming out of your blip! I hope today goes relatively smoothly for you, I am on my own all day with bambino too and know how difficult it is, well done you on remaining so positive!
Winegirl x
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Post by stevensmummy on Sept 24, 2007 7:24:25 GMT
The day wasnt bad at all, Michael actually got home for a little while as it was too wet but he had to return at about 3 ish. When he was leaving I felt a wave of dispair, I wanted to cry and tell him not to go. He obviously realised I was upset as kept saying I'm sorry but I have to go. I tried to tell him, no its ok, i'll be fine but he knew I was lying. It was only a few hrs but the thought of being alone again was horrible. My FIL was round sawing sticks, so when he had left, I got little stuart to sleep and steven and I went out to pile up the sticks. I'm not sure that was a good idea, we ended having a shavings fight, even managed to get shavings in my knickers! He however was mostly clean, I think coz he was upwind from me and when I threw at him it blew back to me. Who says 2 yr olds are stupid!!
In general we coped. I cant say I enjoyed the day very much but I also cant say I was in a state of dispair as I so often was. I think this blip really is passing, and I have to admit it had been one of the shortest yet. I really do think the key is realiseing it is just a blip and not letting your feelings consume you, coz they can.
Steven is being a monster 2 yr old requiring constant attention nd distraction to prevent a tantrum. Stuart is a lot better. something still bothering him but the abcess appears to have benefited from the antibiotic. I cant imagine it will be completely gone but it will maybe help for a month.
heres hoping 2day is better. Mum is over as we have the baby clinic. Lets hope stuart puts on a decent amount of weight this time.
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Post by Scarlet on Sept 24, 2007 7:36:29 GMT
You are doing great Sarah, following the pattern to a tee.. Hang in there and ride this blip hun... and it'll soon be gone.
Here's wishing you a pink Monday and let us know about litle one's weight when you take him to the clinic.
Hugs
Scarlet X
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Post by stevensmummy on Sept 24, 2007 7:37:27 GMT
Will do, cheers for the support xx
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Post by winegirl on Sept 24, 2007 7:49:03 GMT
Good luck with Stuart's weigh-in x
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Post by stevensmummy on Sept 25, 2007 7:15:57 GMT
It started ok, but from lunchtime onwards it began to go wrong. mum was due round but she was running late so I was getting anxious and paranoid. I dont even know why. She arrived about 11 and I'd been worried since 9. I went a walk coz I wasnt sure what else to do, I needed something to take away the twitches.
The boys had their nap and I lay down on the sofa while mum was on the computer. I was starting ok feel anxious about going to the clinic, I think it must have been the thought of getting him weighed. We eventually got ourself organise to get there and it was closed for the monday holiday! Noone said that when they said I'll see you next monday. I was pretty disppointed. I now feel a little worried about it. Mum said not to worry and we can go next week, but I'm not sure I can wait that long, I'll try and get her to take me friday instead. i have to admit tho, not knowing if hes actually put much on is starting to worry me. I am almost thinking of givin up feeding myself. I really really dont want to, I sometimes think its the only thing keeping me from hating stuart like I did steven, but him not gaining much makes me feel inadequate.
Michae was home early, infact I wasnt back from the horses. His abcess is bothering him, I got antibiotics from the doc, but he looked a little faint kind and just not right last nite. So that meant he didnt really help me. Since we had a chat, he has been helping and he saw himself how much it helped me and was helping more. But last night was a disaster. Steven was high as a kite, MIL had given him some lucozade!! I was getting very anxious, tea wasnt cooking properly, I had stuff all ready at diff times. Stuart was doing his persistant screaming routine and stressing me out. I was planning to express to give him baby rice in the bottle as he was to fretful i didnt even dare try it from the spoon. I ended up giving him formula just to keep him from this constant screaming. I stuted at steven rather alot and it wasnt really for any reason other than him annoying me. I felt guitly afterwards. I had been really cruel and just wanted to shut myself in a room and cry. I didnt realise stuarts weight gain was bothering me quite so much but it obviously is.
The prospect of being alone all day after a day like yest is bothering me. I might even get a taxi to my MILs or I could ask her to come here for a ehile. I have headache already. I think its from stressing about being alone. I really didnt want micheal to go to work, but he was to and I understand that. I was just being selfish again. Days like this remind you that its not easy and just when u start to feel better you fall again.
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