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Post by Scarlet on Sept 25, 2007 7:28:58 GMT
Awww hun, I hope you have a better day today. We all have days like this, to tell you the truth, I had days like this with my first even when i didn't have PNI....it's just that everything is so exaggerated with PNI.
I should get an appt with the clinic this week Sarah, perhaps just to put your mind at rest, don't wait until next week. Can you borrow some baby scales from the chemist. Over here we can loan scales from the clinic/chemist and with my eldest I did that for a while.
You are definitely NOT inadequate, it's not your fault hun if he's not putting on weight, this happens to many many mums, so don't think you are a failure if you have to resort to supplementing him with bottles. Maybe you could just give him the odd bottle here and there and still continue the breast feeding.
I think also you had a bit of a crappy day yesterday because your OH wasn't well enought to help you out and you got stressed out doing everything alone by the sounds of it.... Today's a new day though so put yesterday in a little box in the back of your mind if you can and start today on a clean slate.
Anyways you are not alone, you've got us. I'll be on here on and off this morning. See how you feel and maybe if you don't feel up to it then get over to your MILs.
Thinking of you
Scarlet X
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Post by winegirl on Sept 25, 2007 7:34:45 GMT
Hi sarah
Scarlet is right, you don't even need the PNI to have such a crap day. You have a lot on your plate at the mo and its bound to take it's toll!
I hope today is a bit easier for you hun. Will be around on and off all day if you need to chat x
Winegirl x
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Post by stevensmummy on Sept 25, 2007 7:54:14 GMT
Thanks girls.
I think I really am worrying about his weight gain. I might give them a call and get an app this week. I'll try and see if someone can come 2morow. If I can surpass that issue I will feel such alot better. The idea of having to stop feeding is really upsetting me.
I do reckon michael being not well isnt helping, I feel guilty for expecting help when hes sore. I have a headache today from the stress. I'm going to try and put it behind me now and move on with today.
Thanks for the support, i really appreciate it xx
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Post by stevensmummy on Sept 25, 2007 9:55:16 GMT
Hv phoned, shes going to come on thur afternoon to weigh stuart for me. Been seing another hv as shess been on holiday so she just wants to check we're ok. Shes really nice and understanding which helps alot.
So much for going to the MILs, as usual shes got other plans! Everytime I need her shes got something else planned or too busy to help. I'm getting sick of it. She knows I need help, yet she still seems to make it difficult for me. I'm so tempted to lose it with her and tell her shes not getting to see the kids. It takes all my patience not to.
Steven keeps being sick too, I have no idea what wrong with him. I gave him some calopl hopefully that will help, if not it amight at least make him fall asleep and that might help.
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Post by Scarlet on Sept 25, 2007 14:33:47 GMT
Glad that you spoke to your HV hun. Hope that put your mind at rest, and that your nipper has put on loads of weight this week.. My baby has been ill as well, he has a cold and has been cranky for 4 days or so now. It's going around here because of the change in weather. Speak to you tomorrow hun, hope you have a relaxing evening as much as you can. Love and hugs wrinkly Scarlet
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Post by stevensmummy on Sept 25, 2007 16:33:52 GMT
Thanks Scarlet (wrinkles and all)
Its just nice to know theres support there when ure feeling low xx
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Post by stevensmummy on Sept 26, 2007 8:12:12 GMT
A bit of a disaster again! So much for the clearing of this blip, I think its returned with a vengance.
Both the boys are now ill and I was alone yesterday. Well all morning. I was nevrr coping all that well, steven had been sick a few times already and Stuart was cranky. Then it came the breaking point. Stuart was screaming, the dog had seen someone going about and went into protection mode, barking and going crazy coz steven was outside with her. Then steven came in and shouted mummy, seconds later there was sick everywhere. He was screaming, they all were. I panicked and started crying. I couldnt cope with the noise. I hurried to clean the floor and steven so I could get thro to stuart, he had gotten him self in a state and he too had been sick. Another change of clothes! I eventually got them boh changed then laid stuart down safely somewhere to scream. I wasnt coping with the noise. Steven started going mad, jumping on me and screaming and laughing. I went to my room and called michael, in floods of tears, not knowing what to say or do. I was screaming at him, telling him I needed help and there was noone to help me. I called him things I now regret and he hung up the phone. I called and called back untill he finally answered by this time I was a nervous wreck, panicking at the thought of anyone coming in. I screamed at him he had to come home now! Eventually he said yes. Lucky for me it was nearly lunch hour so he could. When he came home I was sitting on the sofa feeding stuart, with steven lying next to me, tears streaming down my face. I couldnt look at him when he came in. I'm not sure it was from shame or embarrassment or what. I felt terrible. But we talked, and I cried some more and he did too. I asked him if he was going to leave me, I was petrified of the answer and he hugged me and said no, he loved me. I responed with, I dont know why and he laughed. That lightened the atmosphere and I smiled and we began to talk normally. He then convinced me to get a taxi up to his mums when he went back to work, and I did.
AT his mums it was aquward, I think he may have called to say I was in a bit of a state. She was overly nice and to my lucky steven had fallen asleep in the taxi. Alice took stuart off me and told me to have a steat and something to eat I looked tired and in need of a rest. I did and I admit I felt such a lot better. I came home and he wasnt long behind me. I had survived the horrendus day, only just.
We went out in the car, I needed milk and the boys slept. I gave stuart formula and expressed my own milk. I was too exhausted to try. I felt disappointed and ashamed at giving him formula but I was so tired. I want him to get breast milk and I want to feed him more than anything. I dont want this expressing routine, I want to feel better so I can do it myself. I'm going to try very hard to drink more and eat better. Stress cant be helping either so I'm going to try to relax and make an effort to drink plenty.
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Post by winegirl on Sept 26, 2007 15:33:33 GMT
Oh hun, what a day! I dont think yuo need a blip to feel crap about a day like that! Kids screaming and throwing up would send anyone into a state with or withuot PNI!
You are doing a fab job, I have had my little one on my own again all day, and I find it hard with just the one, and shes been behaving!
How has today been for you? Hope it has been a bit easier for you x
Winegirl x
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Post by Scarlet on Sept 26, 2007 15:51:27 GMT
I agree Winegirl, two sick toddlers would make anyone crumble. You are doing fab hun (even if you don't think you are yourself) and this blip will go...just ride it out and see what your HV says tomorrow.
I asked him if he was going to leave me, I was petrified of the answer and he hugged me and said no, he loved me. I responed with, I dont know why and he laughed. That lightened the atmosphere and I smiled and we began to talk normally
Awwwww Sounds like you've got a good un Sarah. Great that you were able to talk. Here's wishing you a nice evening with your OH.
Hugs
Scarlet X
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Post by stevensmummy on Sept 26, 2007 21:14:07 GMT
Thanks girls, and yeah Scarlet I think I have got a good one, I love him dearly.
Today was better, stressful but better. I'm heading for the bed, Its freezing 2nite and I'm knackered. I'll tell all 2morow.
Night girls, and thankyou again xx
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Post by stevensmummy on Sept 27, 2007 7:21:57 GMT
As I said yesterday was better. I think that could have been clouded by the fact that my mum was round. However, she was stressing me out somewhat. At times I think she understands, then u get the odd comment which upsets and angers me. Like yesterday Stuart was screaming, he was getting hiself in a real state so I shouted thro to him, hang on mummy is coming, somtimes that calms him own a bit. Than she says oh stop pandering to him, its just an attitude hes got, theres nothin coming over him. She was right it is just an attitude hes got but none the less as I said I cant cope with the stress it gives me when he screams constantly. Hes a mummys boy and just wants attention. She retorts, well you just need to learn to stand back and breathe deeply. As I snapped at her thats easy for her to say, shes not feeling like I am. I get a sarcastic look and I have to hold all my patience to keep me from blowing it. Some days she can be sp supportive then the next shes acts like that. I know we all have bad days but I cant cope with that. Not right now anyway.
The HV phoned the other day to say she is coming 2day. She'll be at 2 so he'll be weighed and that will take a whole lot off my mind. I think such alot of my worries are from this whole weight gain and breast feeding problems. My grandmother is coming today so I wont be alone. I wonder if she knows about m pni. I had meant to ask mum or dad but I never quite ot the opportunity. One night she was round dad went to the door to see her away and i heard hushed voices. So I wonder if he said somethin. That was the night of my horific day and gran collecting me and taking me to my aunts with her. I would prefer if she knew, but then again, we all know how it feels to have it out in the open. The stress of people discussing you and not knowing what to say etc etc.
Heres hoping today is well and stuart gains plenty and i can put my mind at rest.
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Post by winegirl on Sept 27, 2007 7:37:21 GMT
Hi Sarah
Good luck with the HV appt - I hope he has put some more weight on hun x
Hope you have a realtively stress free day today x
Winegirl x
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Post by Scarlet on Sept 27, 2007 7:42:35 GMT
I think such alot of my worries are from this whole weight gain and breast feeding problems. I think so too hun.
I would prefer if she knew, but then again, we all know how it feels to have it out in the open. The stress of people discussing you and not knowing what to say etc etc. Hmm a difficult one. With me I was sooo ill at the beginning that I just couldn't hide it. I remember folks at the treating me with kid gloves (and I'm sure I was prolly a topic of gossip at the time ~ but I was too ill to care), but as time has moved on and I"ve recovered it's been suprising the actual no. of women who have now come up to me and said they had it too.... You never know, maybe your gran had it in the past..is she approachable and someone you can chat to about it hun!
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Post by stevensmummy on Sept 27, 2007 10:24:04 GMT
Cheers I'll let you know re the weight gain
As for Gran, well I reckon I might drop some hints today see if it brings up a discussion. Shes not the quickest on the uptake but we'll see if she catches on. Keep you posted. x
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Post by stevensmummy on Sept 27, 2007 13:51:09 GMT
9oz in 11 days, so I'm feeling much happier about it
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