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Post by stevensmummy on Sept 21, 2007 7:15:13 GMT
H carlie, I'm really glad it went well for you. And I think your positive attitdue towards the theraphy and the past is brilliant. I think half the problem with pni, and other forma of depression is accepting you have a problem. I know once I did I began to get better. So welcome to the road to recovery!
Sarah x
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Post by winegirl on Sept 21, 2007 7:24:18 GMT
Hi Carlie
Glad all went well yesterday and you are so determined to face this and kick it up the bum! Good for you x
I hope the other sessions go well for you and you get alot of benefit from them. You are definately on the road now hun x
Winegirl x
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Post by carlie on Sept 21, 2007 18:13:48 GMT
sarah and winegirl thank you so much. to hear u say u think im on the road to recovery makes me feel really good and smile inside, i hope ur both right! I had an ok day today. I took alysia to mothers and toddlers this mornin then went to this play centre in the afternoon. she had a good day i think. now she is crawling she can explore things a bit better. Im really tired this evenin and have a headach but i think thts cos iv had a busy day and been up since 8, usually my partner lets me lay in. But this mornin i treated him to a lay in! im meant to be goin out for a few drinks tonite, my dad has got lo for the nite, my oh is at work. but actually all i want is a nice hot bath and my bed lol im 23 and a nite on the town jus does not appeal to me! how sad is tht! i guess things jus change when u become a mum. mite start decoratin the house this weekend, something to keep my mind occupied and it could do with brightenin up. all for now xx
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Post by Jay on Sept 21, 2007 18:20:43 GMT
Hi Carlie
I have just read through your diary, and can visualise what the sessions with your therapist were like.
I went through sessions like this. I understand what you say about sorting your head out, and working through it to try to find a closeure from itall. I know it is not easy for you. And all this extra pressure and anxiety is the reason you are not feeling well. It also had this effect on me.
As things become clearer and you do not feel so bad about things, you will find that the anxiety will not be so bad. Our bodies play some awful tricks on us, and there does not seem any sense in how we feel.
I was told that excerise was good, and makes our own endorphines kick in which will help. So if you can go to the gym or swim or something like that it will help.
Do you find that you have a therapist who is easy to talk to?
I send my love Jay xx
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Post by carlie on Sept 23, 2007 20:09:11 GMT
jay thanks for ur input. did the theropy help u in the long run? i have joined the gym i try to go three times a week as i also was told it helps. Today i have been a bit short tempered! my period is due in a matter of days so i think this is why. went to my dads for sunday lunch which was nice. on a couple of occassions i felt like i was goin to faint and i have no idea why! how can it be anxiety i wasnt even thinkin anything. i really am so sure i have somethin physically wrong with me thts causin me to feel like im goin to faint, get blurred vision and have a headache allllllll the time. why wont the doctor jus give me a brain scan cos im so sure i have a tumour. i went out friday nite on the town and i had a few occssions of feelin i was goin to faint then too. it really feels like my body is jus gonna give up on me, why? dont get it? got theropy again in two weeks, i really hope it helps me and that i am able to get over things and become strong,happy and rid of this illness x
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Post by winegirl on Sept 24, 2007 7:11:39 GMT
Hi Carlie
I just wanted to say how well you are doing! Even though yuo suffer with feeling faint (as I do, and it stinks - and yes it does just come from nowhere when you dont feel anxious too), you still manage to go to the gym, go into town etc... That shows what an amazingly strong person you are and you are doing really well.
I am not certain why we feel faint for no reason, my GP has tried to convince me that it is underlying anxiety, and i have struggled to believe it too. But I do except that it is part of PNI and it will go eventually.
I hope your next therapy session goes well and will be thinking of you x
Winegirl x
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Post by carlie on Oct 5, 2007 18:45:11 GMT
god i feel so crap, my mood is so flat and my anxiety is thro the roof. I think this is the result of the theropy im doing as its opening up things tht i cant go back on once iv started talkin. I feel so bad, i cant even be bothered to have a bath, stopped doin household chores and have lost my appetite. the thought of food makes me feel sick. im also convinced i have cancer, i constantly feel unwell, like im comin down with a bad cold or flu but it never happens i just feel ill. im sure this is cancer or something horrid like tht. Im really scared im goin back to rock bottom again. i want to go to sleep and it all go away. not sleepin very well either, wakin loads in the nite with so many thoughts and questions buzzin in my head after my theropy sessions. when will it all end, iv truely had enough, its jus one st back after another. feel like im in a big black hole and i cant get out of it.
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Post by winegirl on Oct 5, 2007 19:13:08 GMT
Hi carlie
Have been thiniking about you xx
Therapy can temporarily makes things a bit worse as you scratch a way at the surface of things, but in the long run I am certain it will help you reach the light.
It really is the pni making you think the worse about feeling ill. I spent a long time think i had something terminal that all the drs were missing, but it really is just the illness talking hun.
I know that hole seems really black at the mo, but there is light at the end of it, and we are with you on the journey x
PM anytime you need to chat, and keep talking to us and let us know how you are doing. x
Winegirl x
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Post by carlie on Oct 6, 2007 7:20:28 GMT
thankyou winegirl. Im really scared im goin back to square one. Petrified infact. I kinda feel sometimes like im not in control of my own mind, like something or someone has jumped in there and taken over. Its a really horrid scary feeling. The horrible thoughts wizzing round and worryin u mite act on them. Its as if u got a split personality this horrible one i dont like, this is what makes me think its a tumour cos i feel like im not me. does this make sense? am i the only one who feels like my mind has been hijacked or is this normal? got the pains in my head this morning which is not nice, slight blured vision and generally feel shite!!! hope this is only a short term blip cos i cant go to rock bottom again, been there and i dont wanna go back xx
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Post by winegirl on Oct 6, 2007 11:30:05 GMT
Hi Carlie
Recovery is full of blips hun. Some for a few hours, some for a few weeks, and it really does feel like taking one step forward and two back. But you will get there hun.
I get the blurred vision and headaches too. Infact I have just been diagnosed with Migraine related vertigo, which can apparantley be brought on by stress. Just about to start some meds for it so will see how it goes.
I know it stinks when you feel like cack, and worse when you have a baby to look after too! But you are not alone, we are here for you anytime x
Winegirl x
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Post by winegirl on Oct 8, 2007 13:23:47 GMT
Hi Carlie
Just wondering how you were doing? Feeling any better?
Thinking of you
Winegirl x
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Post by Jay on Oct 26, 2007 21:49:39 GMT
Hi Carlie,
Noticed you were online this evening, and wondered if you look in again how you are doing?
I send a HUG Love from Jay x
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Post by winegirl on Nov 3, 2007 20:47:44 GMT
Hi Carlie
How are you doing? Thinking about you hun and hope you are finally improving?
Winegirl x
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Post by carlie on Dec 18, 2007 22:33:56 GMT
i cant believe its been so long since i wrote in here. im gonna make a concious effort to keep on top of this diary, not only to help me but anyone else who reads to see tht there is light at the end of the tunnel. I havent reached it yet but i know its there cos iv come so far in a year. This time last year i was attendin a mental health day hospital, i didnt feel anythin for my daughter,i had major panic attacks,felt constantly dizzy,faint,nausea and convinced myself i had every severe illness going. I didnt go out, other than to the day hospital and i could not be alone with my daughter i had to have someone with me 24/7! I didnt eat and lost no end of weight! (put it all back on now!) This year has been the hardest year of my life but i finally feel proud of myself for gettin where i am today. Over this year i have given everythin i could to help myself get better, i put every bit of ebergy i had into the classes at the day hospital. Doing the taks they gave me to help get to know my daughter, takin on board everythin they taught me on how to deal with depression and anxiety. I have to say the day hospital i attended was fantastic and i wish everyone who has been or is still sufferin would get this level of help cos its truely amazing. Anyway, every day was hell! Over this year its been an upward rocky hill iv been climbing, im still climbing it but i think i can see the top altho im aware il prob take some flls before i reach it! Im still havin theropy with a physchotherapist which i think is helping, only got a few more sessions left. I think im rambling a bit but just got so much to get out, i know i wont get everythin out, its not possible to cram a hell of a year into a few words. Gradually my really bad days (i call them square 1 days) where i feel as bad as i did the day i got ill are gettin less. I would say one or two every couple of months. Wat i mean by these days is the ones where i just cant get out the house. I have normal bad days where i feel like i wanna stay in,not see anyone but they are not tht severe i manage to push myself to get out and see friends and i feel alot better. The week before my period is due is a bit pants! i feel physically and mentally drained but its gettin better each month. As for the physical symptoms, these were a major part of my pni. Now i get dizzy and faint very rarely, when i do get it its horrible ten times worse than it was before because of the contrast of how i feel when im ok (good!) I think the last time i thought i had a serious illness was about three months ago! Im hoping iv seen the end of tht! I have made some great friends on the netmums site, i get out nearly every day of the week, i look after my daughter on my own, i love her dearly. Iv taken her to baby groups etc. Its only now writing all this down i can really see jus how far i have come in a year. Dont get me wrong im not better i still have pni but am determined to beat it and think i will. Im certainly gonna try my hardest anyway! If anyboday reads this and ever wants to talk please feel free to pm me, if i can give support or advice to anyone i would be honoured to. I have had such an amazing support network (u ladies on here included) i think its so important to have. i hope some of this makes sense i really have gone on!! to anyone who reads this, i hope ur doin ok and there is light im sure we will all reach it one day soon xxx
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Post by Scarlet on Dec 19, 2007 7:35:23 GMT
Hiya Carlie, It all makes sense to me You have done so well hun and have come far. It's great that you were able to attend a day hospital for help, you are right everyone should be offered this, I think it would help enormously. I'm glad that you have made friends and built up a support network and you are at last getting yourself out and about. It takes time to get well doesn't it hun? but we will get there, and you are recovering well by the sounds of it. Love and hugs Scarlet X
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