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Post by winegirl on Nov 12, 2007 18:53:53 GMT
Hi Syn
I thinking leaving your baby upstairs where she is safe and you can have a few mins to calm down is exactly the right thing to do hun! When they just don't calm down it really can become too much, and as long as she is safe in her cot or something then I think it is exactly the right thing to do!
I am glad you feel a bit better after having the weekend and hope this week goes ok for you x
Winegirl x
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Post by monica on Nov 15, 2007 6:34:10 GMT
hi
Hope you are feeling a bit better. You mentioned that neither you nor your partner are patient - well even Mother Teresa would be struggling if she had to listening to a baby screaming constantly. There is no one on this planet who would remain compassionate and detached.
If you can putting baby safely out of earshot sounds alike a good idea. Even 15 mins would give you a bit of breathing space.
My nephew was the same due to reflux and colic and it was awful.He is so placid by nature but used to scream all the time. Luckily for my sister my parents live nearby so used to help alot, but it is so hard going .
Love
Monica
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Post by sianyc on Nov 15, 2007 9:39:58 GMT
How are you Syn?
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nishka
Senior Member
Posts: 207
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Post by nishka on Nov 16, 2007 15:13:38 GMT
Hiya
Hope you don't mind me sticking me two pennies in...
Wow. I have just been reading through your diary and honest to God it could have been me writing that 4 years ago.
Babies cry all the time and some cry more than others. My daughter did nothing but cry (for no reason I could work out) most of the first 6 months. I think maybe they are just bored or fed up and don't know how to express it.. Or maybe they are just whingy buggers. Either way you have to find some way to cope with it that is not going to cause harm to you or the baby.
For me personally I found that the only way I could cope was to put her down in a safe room and go off and have a bath / cup of tea whatever with some music on so I couldn't hear her crying for half an hour. It is not going to kill them - if you are worried you can plug in a monitor but to be honest I wanted to forget I had a baby, I didn't want to hear it crying all the time. If you make sure there is nothing dangerous in the room or the cot doing this is fine in my book - if you are realllllllllly lucky when you go back in you might find babby is actually ASLEEP!! YAY!
I am making light of this but only because I know how exasperating it is. I remember the first few months feeling dreadful, doing everything (my OH - who incidentally is now my ex and we have been ex's since she was 9 months old) and feeling like crap. I was so depressed I constantly thought of killing myself and I felt like having a baby was the end of my life and had taken my life away from me. I had no reason for living. All I could see ahead of me was stress and depression and crying and the horrible feeling that I would never have my life back.
But you know what - you WILL. It may not feel like that now but things will get better- as your baby gets older and learns to interact more you will find things improve. Get one of those baby gyms if you don't have one already and lie your baby under it and encourage babbie to kick the toys about. The challenge as they get a bit older keeps them amused for ages... well mine anyway.
I know how hard it is BELIEVE me but when you feel like you are going to lose it and scream at your baby you MUST simply put the baby down somewhere safe, walk to another room and calm down. If you are shouting at the baby it is no wonder that the baby is feeling insecure and therefore this could actually be making the crying problem worse (vicious cycle). Its a hard thing to do I know but its something you must do for your own sanity and your babys happiness. Babies don't understand what you are saying but they do know the tone of your voice.. Please don't feel guilty because you are going through PNI and this makes everyone react in different ways but I think if you can make yourself stop and take a breath and get yourself away from the situation you may find everyone is calmer.
I don't know what to say about your OH - Been there done that got the T shirt. Its up to you at the end of the day but I can't feel any real 'love' for him coming through what you have said. If he is not supporting you and helping you care for the baby despite knowing what you are going through I would find that pretty hard to get over or live with - which is exactly what happened to me and my ex. So I left. And never looked back. However my ex was completely shocked when I left and said I never gave him a chance - I said I felt I gave him lots of chances but he said he didn't know I was! I guess the lesson there is to make sure you really tell it how it is. If you are feeling at the end of your tether and you want to put the kid in foster care - MAKE SURE you tell your OH!! Men are particularly bad at recognising problems, sometimes you really have to spell it out to them. Duh!
Me now? Well I have got married to a lovely man this year - I met him not long after I split from my ex, or around the same time. He was one of the things that got me through my darkest hours of the PNI - he would make sure I got out of the house with my little one and DO things rather than sit there crying and whinging at each other.
I still have down days and I keep my own diary on here but I have built a sort of love for my little girl and I am coping. I don't want to commit suicide that often (!!) and I feel I have something to live for. Thats something.
You are going to get through this. We are all here to help you.
Sending you huge huggles xxxxxxx
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Syn
New Member
I have a 6month old daughter and can`t imagine anything worse than having another child!
Posts: 20
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Post by Syn on Jan 4, 2008 10:16:08 GMT
I haven`t been on here for a long time but thanks for the helpful advice which I have just read. She is 6months now, on solids and things were getting slighlty better but now its worse than having a newborn baby! I could f**king kill her. I havn`t bonded with her infact its safe to say i hate her. It sounds hurrendous but thats how bad she is. I actually took her to the doctors the other day and i quote we were 'unfortunate' in getting such a miserable unhappy mardy nothing will entertain clingy child. She gets up on average 10 times a night, id rather have a newborn baby. Im back at work now and i have to look after her all day then when he gets back from work i go then when i get home at half 10 im up all night looking after her, its a pathetic existance. Shes that hurrendous ive had to sell my horse as my partner wont look after her for an hour/half an hour so i can feed her and clean the field let alone ride. I thought at least when she is on solids she would chill out and be abit happier but no. She is entertained, played with all the time, held it lasts about half a minute before she crys. Her activity centre will entertain her for about 5 then thats your crack shes fed up and thinks whittering all day is much better. She spends alot of time in her cot because we are sick to death of trying to make her happy but shes not interested and we are sick of hearing her. Im past the point of putting her into care im at the point of signing over my parental rights. Its not getting better its getting worse. Syn xxxx
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Post by Scarlet on Jan 4, 2008 10:38:43 GMT
Hi Syn,
I am so sorry you are feeling this way hun. I can remember when my LO was 6 months old and it was extremely difficult as well. The first year is always the hardest. I didn't bond with my son for a long time, and thought of him as a duty most of the time, and like you I didn't think I was actually living, but existing from day to day. But I can honestly say now, that I wouldn't give him up for the world. He is almost 16 months old and has turned into the most happy cheeky little thing running around all day and he's into everything. He lights up my life and I can't imagine life without him. When he was 6 months old, I couldn't envisage ever feeling like this. Nowadays I still don't get much sleep (he also wakes up about 10 times during the night), but it doesn't bother me much these days.
I guess what I'm saying Syn is that another 6 months or so can make all the difference, so please don't make any rash decisions that you may regret. It sounds like your partner is less than supportive, which is aggrevating you, as well as you having to give up your horse. Do you have any family that can support or help you? Have you been in touch with anyone, are you getting any support from anywhere?
Please keep talking hun, know that you are not alone in feeling this way and that things will get better.
Love and hugs
Scarlet X
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nishka
Senior Member
Posts: 207
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Post by nishka on Jan 4, 2008 10:55:32 GMT
I think you need to go back to the GP and lay it on the line to them.
You MUST tell them how bad you are feeling (to the point of signing over your rights) and that you NEED help.
I think it is not only that you have a needy baby (and she does sound very needy which must be VERY hard work!) but I think you are also severely depressed from what you have said - and who could blame you? You seem to have an unsupportive partner, a clingy demanding baby and you don't get a chance to do the things that you enjoy. I think you need to talk to your GP about how YOU are feeling, and not just the demands of the baby.
Is there anyone that could look after the baby for you for a few days (or even a few hours) to give you a break? Sometimes that chance to get away can make all the difference. I had terrible bonding and depression issues (and relationship issues!) with my daughter and I remember thinking that having a few hours off would be pointless because I would have to go back to the house and do it all again - I know it seems neverending! When you are involved in it all it is suffocating, you must make time for you - what about enrolling her in a nursey a couple of afternoons a week? Some take babies from very young. You can get tax credits to help if you are on a low income.
Its worth a thought. You need a break and you deserve it. Your life is more than being a mum! And you will enjoy being a mum more if you have a bit of time off once in a while.
Thinking of you xx
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Syn
New Member
I have a 6month old daughter and can`t imagine anything worse than having another child!
Posts: 20
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Post by Syn on Jan 4, 2008 11:18:06 GMT
Thanks guys for your support. She is staying at his mothers tonight, at least when i get home from work i can go to bed and get an unbroken nights sleep. I think im going to go to the doctors and explain my situation from how im feeling because i honestly don`t think im going to last much longer im going to end up doing something hurrendous or she is going to live in her cot until she is 5. She gets put in the kitchen in her moses basket in the early hours of the morning because she wont sleep and we need sleep. I panic when i think about going to bed because i know im going to be up all night. I wish i could quit work but we can`t afford to so i have to further exhaust myself by going. She is sat on my knee now whittering, whinging, never happy. I actually think she might have mental issues which makes her constanly miserable. I have the odd 5 minutes when she is smiling and happy but never last longer than that. Ive been on tablets before but they did nothing for me. Syn xxxx
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Post by Scarlet on Jan 4, 2008 11:26:53 GMT
Hi Syn, I'm glad to hear your LO is staying with your OHs mum while you get some sleep tonight, will she look after her more often or at least for the time being do you think, whilst you have a break hun? Would that be possible? I think it would be a good idea to go to your doctors and explain how you are feeling, maybe he could send you for some counselling, just to talk to someone can help enormously. How long were you on the ADs before Syn? Having to work when you are feeling so low must be difficult and like Nishka said you could perhaps apply for some benefits, and enrol your daughter into a nursery. Did you ever contact homestart?, I think it was mentioned before. www.home-start.org.uk/Please know that you can come here anytime you are feeling low, so please talk and let it all out hun, especially if you have no other outlet. I'll be checking in on and off today, you are not alone. Love and hugs Scarlet X
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Post by samantha77 on Jan 4, 2008 11:58:38 GMT
Hi there,
I hope you don't mind me putting my thoughts on your thread!!
Firstly- i would like to say that i think we all get to the point where we feel like we cant cope and want to give it all up!! ( motherhood, cleaning, housework, cooking etc)
When babies get to about 6 months old they start getting frustrated as they cant verbally communicate to tell you what they want- hence the crying all the time.
I found this age with both my children hard, once you start getting back a little from them, it seems to make the whole ordeal worthwhile.
Adjusting to motherhood is such a shook especially if it's your first child, but even harder if you don't get any support or help from your partner! From what you have said it seems to me that you are extremely frustrated with doing everything- and quite rightly too!! Plus we all need to have somethings in life that we enjoy (looking after your horse)or we become resentful.
My first child Dylan was a very easy baby really and it was not till i had my daughter- 2 years ago that i experienced full on temper tantrums and defiance! I found talking to my health visitor really helped for tips on keeping her entertained, as she was a very active and into everything child- who needed constant attention. Still is sometimes but it gets easier!
Might be an idea to talk to your health visitor or contact your local clinic for a home visit to discuss these problems. The health visitor should be able to offer you some ideas and also its someone to talk to.
I think if you are not sleeping as baby is waking constantly throughout the night- this will have a terrible effect on your mood and judgment. Without enough sleep we don't function properly and become very irritable!
Do you have your family near? Anyone that can help with looking after your little one while you get some rest?
I am sure with a few nights rest under your belt you would feel so much better!
Also if you are feeling as strongly as you do about giving up your rights- then i think a trip to your doctor to discuss these feelings would be a positive move, plus talking it through with your health visitor, they are there to help you and they may help you see things differently.
As scarlet said "don't make and major decisions" as you may find that things change for the better when seeking the right help.
I hope things get a little easier for you and i am sure as baby starts really responding to you, you will feel a bit of happiness.
Take Care, and please try and get some rest.
Sam x
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Post by winegirl on Jan 4, 2008 18:51:11 GMT
Hi Syn
I really hope you have a restful evening tonight hun, you deserve it! I am glad that you have decided to go to the dr about how you are feeling. I know they will offer you the right help and support, just be honest with them about how you are feeling, dont bottle anything up, that way they can give you exactly the right help you need.
I have told you before that my LO did nothing but cry for the first few months of her life, but it honestly does get so much better, you have to believe me on that one!
Have a lovely restful night and let us know how you get on when you go to see your GP.
Take Care
WG x
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nishka
Senior Member
Posts: 207
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Post by nishka on Jan 5, 2008 17:01:22 GMT
Hiya
Hows things going? Hope you are ok xx
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Post by gizmoracer on Jan 6, 2008 9:25:12 GMT
Syn, shes 6 mths hun you are over half way there trust me. My son who is now 5 yrs screamed blue murder 24/7 from the second he was born, he didn't sleep, he didn't feed well, he got bored the second I put him down and within 2 seconds of picking him up, the list goes on as you well know. I truely believe that the 'difficult' ones are the fustraited ones. He shows this now when he has trouble doing something he thinks he should be able to do. But believe me he is so much better and I can honestly say I have bonded with him, which took time for me to. I now feel sorry for him alot of the time coz I see myself hiding in there. OK so lets think, I said over half way there. I wished Jasons first 3 mths away thinking that colic dissappeared at 3mths (it doesn't) so I held on, somehow, basically just being alive coz I was too tired to do anything else, hoping and praying that when he hit 6 mths and was on food and able to sit up it would all be so much better. Sorry but it wasn't, however, it didn't take much longer til it slowly started to subside a little and I noticed the crying would calm down for longer periods and then all of a sudden he learnt to amuse himself, just for a short while, but it was happening. I think most of Jasons frustration was down to not being able to move. He had severe colic which started to ease once he was moving and he was able to explore all the areas he couldn't get to before. What is LO upto now? movement wise? I'm guessing just sitting up? I have a couple of suggestions although I would imagine you have probably tried these already its always worth anther go every so often. Anything shiny, kids love shiney colourful things, anything from a small piece of shiny material, to bottles filled with water and glitter, a homemade mobile that sort of thing. Do you have the baby channel on your TV? in the evenings and at night they have these sort of kalidescope patterns and those twisty glass things, its all very hypnotic and even now it helps get mine off to sleep. What about a door bouncer? do you have one of these? Unfortunatly I have got rid of mine now but I did find Jason used to love hanging around in this, made him feel part of the family more coz he was standing up. So I think I've taken up enough space in your diary, just hope some of it helps. But definatly back to the GP, tell them what ever you had before doesn't work. I spent years fighting this sodding illness partly because I gave up on the docs and Anti-Ds far too quickly (party because of having 3 pregnancys in a short time and other circumstances so don't let me scare you). And to be blunt, have it out with OH, men are as thick as s**t when it comes to these sort of things. Mine knew I was ill but thought anti-Ds were like antibiotics, I took them for a few weeks and it all got better I wish. Once he relized just how desperate I was, and that was through doing something stupid not talking to him like I should have, he has been so much more supportive and believe me with OH support you can get through this so much easier. Talk about De Ja Vue I remember all the ladies on here telling me this.
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Post by monica on Jan 6, 2008 18:46:16 GMT
Hi
Good to hear from you but obviously I am sorry things are worse for you now. I hope your night minus little one did you the world of good. Is there any chance of making this a weekly thing so you know that there is a breather coming even if your week is exhausting?
Please please go back to your dr for yoruself and yoru baby. Firstly with your babe, can she be referred to a paediatrician? Maybe there is something up eg reflux which is horrendously painful for them and can make them hard to settle. If it is a medical condition then maybe there is something that can be done or at the veryleast you will have a reason for all the crying.
Secondly for yourself. you sound so desperate to me - please make this clear to dr. I think Ive said this before, but sleep depravation is a form of torture and that is whats happening to you. anyone having to go through what you are is going to be so drained . please try and get help for yourself.
keep talking to us - were here to listen.
monica
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Post by winegirl on Jan 6, 2008 20:13:40 GMT
Hi Syn
Was wondering how you were doing today hun? You know we are always here for you mate x
Look after yourself
WG x
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